Iso789 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 So I've been seeing this girl for a while, 7 months now and we are madly I love with each other. We have spoken every single day since we've met. Our relationship is a bit complicated tho So a while ago, a month or so, I was extremely hammered and was making out with this girl at the bar, that's all I did. She gave me a hickey on both sides of my neck. A few days later I went and saw my girlfriend at work. She quickly noticed the hickeys and confronted me about them. I quickly denied and said I was playing around with my little sister and she hit me there and left a bruise. Backing up my story she dropped it but was still upset. We didn't really talk about it anymore but I was certain she knew about it. I wanted to confront her and tell her the truth because every time she'd tell me how much she trust me, it would hurt me inside knowing I lied to her face and that she knew. But I always wondered why she never brought it up again. Today we were talking and she says "I know you couldn't bare lie to me, and if you did, you're pretty good at it..." I for some reason told her I did lie to her. And told her about that day I saw her at work. She believe me that I got hit and trusted I was telling her the truth. She always told me how hard it was for her to trust someone and how I've gained that trust. Now she is broken... Absolutely broken, and it hurts me so much to see her like this. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but I felt like I owed her the truth. It wouldn't be fair to hold that from her. Now I'm scared she is going to leave me and I have no idea what to do. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and all I've been doing is drinking myself to the point of nausea. I don't want replies telling me I'm dumb for telling her. I want to know from a woman's perspective on what to do to make it all better. I know I have to work to get her trust back. I'm not going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I think it is best for her to just leave you and find a man who wont get hammered and make out with another girl. Cheating doesn't make you a terrible person. However, I would not remain with a man if he made out with another woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chemist Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I think it is best for her to just leave you and find a man who wont get hammered and make out with another girl. Cheating doesn't make you a terrible person. However, I would not remain with a man if he made out with another woman. I love the wildly differing advices given on this site. Some people will be all, maybe you have to rebuild trust, but I am with Leigh and I think it depends on the relationship, how old it was, how strong it was... at 7 months, you're better to call it off and be friends and maybe try to start it again another time after you sow your wild oats if you find you miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Whether she want to try to fix things is entirely up to her... You can't force this. Just make it known that you will do whatever it takes to fix it, and let fate decide whether you deserve another chance or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 If people get so drunk that they just can't help themselves from cheating then they have a drinking problem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Iso789. Life is full of consequences. You did something, these are the consequences you need to deal with. Learn from them and stop putting yourself into these situations. Obviously, you have learned nothing, yet, because you are still doing the "catalyst" that led you there. Also, let us learn to take responsibility for our own actions. It'll help you in your next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Molly Hooper Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) I would be devastated. Absolutely devastated. Thinking about my partner now – someone with whom I actually AM truly, madly in love… If I discovered he’d made out with another woman, drunk or not, I wouldn’t be able to take it. There is just… no way I could trust him. I would always need to be looking through his phone (and then questioning if he just deleted things) and always need to have him in my sights. Every time he wasn't around, my brain would be racing - taking inventory of ALL the possibilities. Even if you're just in bed sleeping, I would be wondering if you really were, if you were sleeping at home, and if you were sleeping alone. Unfortunately, even if you allow her full exposure of/access to your life - phones, passwords, constant supervision - that isn’t healthy and it would actually be miserable for both people. Because even if he did nothing ever again – I’d always wonder if he was and was just covering his tracks. It’s over. The damage is done. If you continue, your relationship will never be as good. It just wont. Edited December 2, 2014 by Molly Hooper Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 If my guy said he was madly in love with me yet made out with another gal and had hickeys on himself = that would be evidence that he's lying to me. A madly in love guy doesn't show up with hickeys from another gal! Stop drinking if alcohol allows you to act so stupid. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Molly Hooper Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 If my guy said he was madly in love with me yet made out with another gal and had hickeys on himself = that would be evidence that he's lying to me. A madly in love guy doesn't show up with hickeys from another gal! Stop drinking if alcohol allows you to act so stupid. Exactly. If you actually were madly in love - it just wouldn't have happened. If you were MADLY IN LOVE, you'd probably just drunk dial your girl because you wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her. It wouldn't have gotten to where it did - I just don't believe it would have. It doesn't mean that you don't feel something for your GF, but unfortunately, I think you may have caused irreparable damage. Let her go and let her heal. You've unfortunately become just another person on her list that has betrayed her. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 People cheat for various reasons. Alcohol is like a truth serum....it wasn't the alchohol that lead you to cheat, whatever you are hiding from us about your true feelings before this happened is the real reason why. IMO you are not really ready to be 100% committed to her if you fall this easily into temptation. I don't really see any way to repair your relationship. I say this because you are only 7 months invested, not 7 years. I feel at this early stage in the game....you blew it. What you did wrong? You didn't tell her the truth at first. You had the gaul to not only lie about it, but show up with the daming evidence....that's real sickening. What you shoul dhave done? Told her to her face, appologize and then breakup with her. If you had followed those steps, with some time passing, your chances of getting back together would have been higher. By lying, you did way more damage than you could ever imagine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 So I've been seeing this girl for a while, 7 months now and we are madly I love with each other. We have spoken every single day since we've met. Our relationship is a bit complicated tho So a while ago, a month or so, I was extremely hammered and was making out with this girl at the bar, that's all I did. She gave me a hickey on both sides of my neck. A few days later I went and saw my girlfriend at work. She quickly noticed the hickeys and confronted me about them. I quickly denied and said I was playing around with my little sister and she hit me there and left a bruise. Backing up my story she dropped it but was still upset. We didn't really talk about it anymore but I was certain she knew about it. I wanted to confront her and tell her the truth because every time she'd tell me how much she trust me, it would hurt me inside knowing I lied to her face and that she knew. But I always wondered why she never brought it up again. Today we were talking and she says "I know you couldn't bare lie to me, and if you did, you're pretty good at it..." I for some reason told her I did lie to her. And told her about that day I saw her at work. She believe me that I got hit and trusted I was telling her the truth. She always told me how hard it was for her to trust someone and how I've gained that trust. Now she is broken... Absolutely broken, and it hurts me so much to see her like this. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but I felt like I owed her the truth. It wouldn't be fair to hold that from her. Now I'm scared she is going to leave me and I have no idea what to do. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and all I've been doing is drinking myself to the point of nausea. I don't want replies telling me I'm dumb for telling her. I want to know from a woman's perspective on what to do to make it all better. I know I have to work to get her trust back. I'm not going anywhere. Of course what you did (in telling her the truth ) was wrong. But you did so for your own selfish reasons (unable to live with the guilt). The rule in these situations is as follows: IF there is any realistic chance in hell that the partner could/will find out through other means then and only then do you tell them first, in order to spare them the hurt that would be learning from a 3rd party. IF there is no realistic chance that the partner could find out through other means, then you STFU, suck-up your guilt, and never tell them to spare them the hurt. Any other path of thought is pure selfishness - and her pain from your initial selfishness is not assuaged by a second helping of your selfishness. Why would you think otherwise????? Now had you not felt the uncontrollable need to show her your second helping of selfishness, she wouldn't be hurting at all from your first helping of selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 but I felt like I owed her the truth. It wouldn't be fair to hold that from her. You are not a terrible human being...but you f*cked up big time. You did something very wrong: You cheated on your GF and then you lied to her to cover it up. I think right now...don't try to manipulate her in any way. Let her make her choice. Does she want to stay or leave. That's up to her now. Express your deepest regret, apologise...and then respect her decision 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soyou Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 If I were your gf, I would dump you without a second of hesitation. Cheating shows that ther person doesnt love me, have respect for me so why do I need to bother? I'd never give the cheater a second chance. No f**** way. If your gf is a push over, its likely that she will forgive you. However, if she's a strong, independent, and confident person, your exit is right in front. She's on the way kicking your ass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 You are less in love with her than you might think. Perhaps you aren't capable of grasping true love just yet, after all, she might as well be just another GF in the row. For her sake, I hope she finds the strength to leave. Being co-dependant is much worse than being on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 (edited) Not sure how you can be 'madly in love' and let another person tongue-bang your neck. Not to mention, straight up LIE about the whole thing to their face and really think that they believed you - people aren't that dumb! She let it go because you probably broke her heart and self-esteem. What you need to do is immediately come clean, apologize for lying, grow up, and let her decide if she wants to be with you. This is the road to becoming a better person. If people get so drunk that they just can't help themselves from cheating then they have a drinking problem. Alcohol, does not make you kiss someone. You kiss that person, because you want to. Edited December 10, 2014 by Javelin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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