vivi_angel89 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) I'm 25yo and met a man online, went on 6 dates and it was great. He was very affectionate. He would look into my eyes most of the time and listen to me. He would tell me how much he's excited to see me again and would schedule our next date the night of our actual date. However, he doesn't text or call me between dates. He would only text me to schedule a date. He never asks how my day was or anything like that. Lately, he hasen't asked me out right away. So the last 2 times I was the one asking him out. It's been 5 days without any news. He told me he would be busy but I've seen him online commenting stuff on FB. Is it normal that he doesn't communicate with me between dates? Does it mean he doesnt like texting/calling or he's just not into me? What should I do next? I could add that 1) he always has his phone on him, 2) he is shy around me, 3) didn't have sex with him even though on our 6th date we were in his room, 4) he wanted to meet my bestfriend so I made it happen, 5) he wanted to present me to his parents after the 4th date but I refused because it was too early. Edited December 2, 2014 by vivi_angel89 Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 It is entirely possible that this charming man on your dates is of the opinion that it's not really needed to text between dates, and a bunch of other things too that he doesn't do which perhaps he "should". We all come from different background, upbringings and have different perceptions on what to do in specific situations. Have you actually tried talking to him about communicating between dates? On your next date you could suggest to him you'd really love to get a message from him once in awhile or whatever you can agree upon. It's so easy to jump to negative conclusion or well question things, and more often than not, our assumptions can be completely off, because no one on this planet is exactly like ourselves. Hopefully he is very open and welcoming to suggestions like I said you could do on your next date. I really wouldn't go overboard with analyzing this too much, just seems too soon. All the best, communication is key! Link to post Share on other sites
eseea Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 How often did you meet generally? No one is too busy to call or text, if they want to do it. There are some people that do not like to text, but no communication seems a little odd. You mentioned that on your last date you were in his room, did he want to have sex and you refused? If so, maybe he just wanted sex and you didn't give i,n so he is not interested anymore. If you have initiated the last 2 dates, you should let him initiate now. If he doesn't, then you will know he's not interested. In the meantime, try to date other people too. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I usually don't text in between dates much even if I like you a lot. I almost never call in between dates. Someone I am currently dating specifically asked me to text her more in between dates because she wants to hear from me. I have made an effort but I can tell she wants more but I can't be like a teenager with this so she is just going to have to accept this for now. You are not at the point where you can demand more communication. As he becomes more comfortable with you and learn more about you, he may want to communicate more in between dates. Six dates is not a whole lot of dates. Let things gradually build to more communication. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 However, he doesn't text or call me between dates. He would only text me to schedule a date. He never asks how my day was or anything like that. Lately, he hasen't asked me out right away. So the last 2 times I was the one asking him out. It's been 5 days without any news. He told me he would be busy but I've seen him online commenting stuff on FB. Majority of dating advice for men recommend that a man strictly use texts/calls for securing a date with a woman. The logic behind it is to create some mystery, so the woman is intrigued and/or confused (as you are vivi_angel89), but really wants to get to know the man. Also, discussing anything in person is far better than conveying it through text or phone call, because you see each other's body language and facial expressions. As for you asking him out the last two dates, is also another advice men receive. The men does the asking for first two or three dates, after that the responsibility is handed off to the woman, to see if she is really interested in the man. Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 To me it's weird to not have any communication between dates Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Majority of dating advice for men recommend that a man strictly use texts/calls for securing a date with a woman. The logic behind it is to create some mystery, so the woman is intrigued and/or confused (as you are vivi_angel89), but really wants to get to know the man. Also, discussing anything in person is far better than conveying it through text or phone call, because you see each other's body language and facial expressions. As for you asking him out the last two dates, is also another advice men receive. The men does the asking for first two or three dates, after that the responsibility is handed off to the woman, to see if she is really interested in the man. True, normally a woman treats a guy and ask him out on 3rd date Link to post Share on other sites
Author vivi_angel89 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 How often did you meet generally? No one is too busy to call or text, if they want to do it. There are some people that do not like to text, but no communication seems a little odd. You mentioned that on your last date you were in his room, did he want to have sex and you refused? If so, maybe he just wanted sex and you didn't give i,n so he is not interested anymore. Yes he said he will be busy this week and might go on a 5day trip but he never told me if he actually left or stayed in the city... Yes he made a move on me and said it's up to me if i want to get intimate with him, so I dont think that's the reason. I just don't want to look needy by initiating a convo with him for the 3d time in a row to see him again. I'm pretty sure he would say yes though because the last two times I've asked him out, he said something like "yes I'd love to see you". I feel like he is giving me mixed signals by disappeared like that in between dates. Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Yes he said he will be busy this week and might go on a 5day trip but he never told me if he actually left or stayed in the city... Yes he made a move on me and said it's up to me if i want to get intimate with him, so I dont think that's the reason. I just don't want to look needy by initiating a convo with him for the 3d time in a row to see him again. I'm pretty sure he would say yes though because the last two times I've asked him out, he said something like "yes I'd love to see you". I feel like he is giving me mixed signals by disappeared like that in between dates. It would be kind of hard for me to stay interested in someone who I don't chat with in between dates 1 Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 From what I'm reading, he sounds like he is just moving at a steady and comfortable pace. He seems to really like you. Maybe he's conservative or reserved, and shy like you said, and maybe he just genuinely wants to get to know you. It's ok to take it slow. I agree with Jules Dash. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 but how do you build a relationship when you are not talking in between dates? I mean you are not going to see each other every day Link to post Share on other sites
Blakely Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 In my opinion, It's a little antisocial ish not to call or text once or twice a week just to catch up with each other. How many months/days have passed since the 1st date? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GSP21 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Why don't you just text him first? Right now I'm dating this girl and I always have to text first. It'd be nice for her to initiate once in a while... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vivi_angel89 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 How many months/days have passed since the 1st date? About 4-5 weeks and we see eachother like once a week and at the beginning it was twice a week. I actually texted him tonight and once again asked him out and said yes right away. When I'll see him I'll talk to him about this matter. I don't see how I could build something serious with someone I speak to once a week (when we actually see eachother). Link to post Share on other sites
eseea Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 To me mixed signals generally mean he is not into you enough. There are no mixed signals when a guy really likes you. He told you he was busy so you wont have expectations. He was shy, but he was not too shy to initiate sex. The fact that he agreed to meet you does not necessarily mean he is into you, it may also mean he does not have better prospects. I agree with what Greg wrote in HJNTIY: Greg Behrendt Quotes (Author of He's Just Not That Into You) I once dated a guy similar to this one, he would see me once a week, always made sure to set the next date, affectionate, looked into my eyes, talked about future plans, ask to meet my parents. In between dates he would text me app every 2 days, almost never called me. I used to go crazy and wonder why, he seemed so into me when we met, how can he just forget about me the rest of the week?? Eventually we had sex and he disappeared. Not immediately, but soon after. We are speculating here, maybe nothing is wrong and he really likes you, only time will tell. All you can do is wait to see what happens. Go out, have fun, get to know him. Try to postpone sex until you define your relationship as exclusive. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I actually texted him tonight and once again asked him out and said yes right away. When I'll see him I'll talk to him about this matter. I don't see how I could build something serious with someone I speak to once a week (when we actually see eachother). You did good by asking him out. He did good by immediately accepting. He is interested in you, but he is being reserved to maintain some mystery between dates. During the date be direct with him and ask why he does it, don't be subtle about it, because he may not take your question seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I wouldn't have to talk everyday but I would have to atleast chat every 2 days up until the date Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 The guy I'm seeing now did a similar thing when we first started dating. It was confusing and frustrating at first, to the point where I had almost written him off, but over time I realized that he was showing interest in other ways—getting me flowers once a week, introducing me to his friends, etc. He's still not a great texter, we each initiate about half the time, but it's been three months now and he's consistent. I agree with whoever said to reach out to him via text. I would say, too, it doesn't have to be to set up a date, it can even just be to say hi or hope you're having a good day. See what he says. Does he reciprocate and ask in kind? Does he ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I don't like that he never asks how your day is. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts