Relationship of 3.5 years, she went with best friend

[goback]

The 'heading' can be misleading. Please read the whole and say something. I'm really having a tough time. Sometimes, I feel good. Sometimes I feel like being sent to a Gulag.

 

1) wrote this on 30 Nov

 

I am 19. She is 18. Me and my girlfriend had a relationship of 3 and a half years. She has been by my side through hard struggles. We were mad for each other. She has actively made me give up all bad habits and she actually helped me a lot throughout the these years. We shared our social-network passwords, email accounts, even bank details and lot of things. We had nothing secret between us. No privacy between us.

 

Almost 3 weeks ago, she told me that she is going to tell me something after my exam that day. When I came back after exam, she told me that she has fallen in a relationship with her best friend (whom I know). It is UNBELIEVABLE. She always informed me about their relationships. I even knew their chats, messages. She shared everything. He was just a helping friend. Now, all of a sudden, how can she forget so much memories? She changed her philosophical viewpoints, being influenced by me. She was mad in love. None of our friends can believe that our break-up is EVER possible. No one, at first shot, believes that she can fall for anyone else. In fact, we both were extremely caring and possessive.

 

I begged, pleaded and sent mad messages. I reminded her of the unbelievably great experiences we had together. But she says she isn't going to come back. I still have her social-network password, which she knows and she did not change.

 

You don't know how much she loved me. She made me have a Stalin-like confidence. Now, I really can't believe. We had lot of plans and we had a cute love. No one really believes that we could separate.

 

Started NC, and it's going to be 3 days of it. No sign of contact from her.

 

I was suicidal for a few days. But I promised her once that I will never commit that.

 

 

 

2) Monday, 1st Dec -

 

She messaged me 6 hours ago, suddenly, "give your exams well". Btw, I have exams after 2 days. I didn't reply.

She told her friend that she expected my reply this morning. That's why she went online this morning. To see if I replied. (which I didn't)

 

 

 

 

3) Tuesday, 2nd Dec (today)

 

She messaged me again today. Saying,"have exams tomorrow? give your exams well". I didn't reply, I didn't read the message in fact, in FB.

 

4 hours later, she messaged me. She messaged in a social network, saying that she needed a pdf of a physics text. so, if i could help her and download it and send it. She didn't have net-balance in her phone (her computer got damaged last month, btw).

 

But she couldn't download it. She didn't. She said that the balance got finished while messaging in FB. I started sending her the pictures of the pages. But she said that it was okay and she would read that from another book.

I didn't talk much. just the contextual replies. She asked whether I had taken lunch. i didn't reply to that. she asked again after 2 more messages. i avoided and then I ended the chat after 1-2 messages. 

 

 

I didn't reply to her last message (it wasn't a question, though. but i didn't reply). She remained online for a couple of minutes and then went offline.

 

 

 

 

 

I will start NC again. I have exams tomorrow.

[lonewalker]

Just tell her all the best in her new relationship and that you need to cut off all ties from her. Ask her do not contact you again because being friends now is impossible. You need to move on.

 

 

If you still want her back，make sure she do a complete turn and say "i really regret my decision and please forgiVe me for everything I have caused you, can you give me another chance?

 

Do not ever reply her at all. Nothing. No formal replies regardless of what she wanted unless she do the complete turn around.

[goback]

She occasionally came online. Probably to see whether I replied.

 

What I fear is, if I carry on NC, will she forget me?

 

I do think she misses me.

 

 

[A few days ago, she was telling me that she still has one of our romantic photos as my contact-picture in her mobile.]

[lonewalker]

If she really wants you back, she would.

 

Now she is with another guy. DOnt give a ****. Nothing less than a conplete turn around. I know its hard. But like the no contacy guide says, you already lost her.

 

Hanging there isnt going to help bUt to prolong your pain.

 

Trust me. She will miss you like crazy when you are no longer available. People AlWAYS missed the good things when they lost it. If they dont... means they dont love you anymore.

 

It only makes it easier for you to heal.

 

NC is not going getting her back but to heal yourself and move on.

 

And you know what? Most of the time if you have been really great to her in the past, she will compare you with all other guys she met in the future. And if you are worth it, she will miss you.

 

Dont ever break contact. If she msg u. Just reply her to stop because you are trying to heal or else you block her and change your number.

 

She has to come back crawling for you. Do not fall for breadcrumbs.

[goback]

What if I just don't read her messages in fb? Why should I need to tell her not to message? Shouldn't I just stop replying her completely?

[solivervolo]

Take a look at the below posts.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/77910-best-advice-i-ve-found

 

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/my-ex-came-back-i-wanted-to-check-in-since-many-disappear...-36902932.html

[goback]

Oh yes I'm healing. But I am haping ups and downs everyday. Sometimes, I feel great. Sometimes, I feel terrible.

[goback]

So, what should I do? I broke the NC today. Started NC again. But should I keep my facebook offline?

 

I'm healing. But if I do not respond for a week, will she message me again?

[lonewalker]

Get a grip. Just tell her to leave you alone.

 

If you dont do that she will lose all respect for you.

 

I know it sounds crazy. But being the nice loyal always be there ex boyfriend will only make her use you like a doormat. Thats just how woman's brain are wired.

 

Tell her politely that the reason why you want to cut all ties with her is because she give up on you and is Now with another guy. And you need to move on. You cant be friends now and will only be able to do so in the distant future when you no longer have any feelings for her.

 

Then if she continues to text you, block her.

 

If she really loves you and cares she will come back to say sorry. Trust us. We been through it.

 

If she doesnt

 

 

Then she is not worth your time anyway.

[goback]

 

If she really loves you and cares she will come back to say sorry. Trust us. We been through it.

 

 

If that is the case, what if I just start NC? Without notifying?

 

In that case, she'll wonder what I'm doing. If she does that, then I will be sure that she cares about me.

 

Am I right?

[goback]

anyone please answer.

[goback]

When I am awake, I have ups and downs of my emotions. At least, I can control. But during sleep, I dream only about her.

 

 

EVERY NIGHT. 2-3 dreams on average. Have seen at least 50 dreams in these three weeks.

 

I know it's weird and people may think that I am crazy. But I'm not. Our relationship was unbelievably great.

 

Most people who know us got astounded to hear the thing for the first time.

[solivervolo]

I was with a girl from 17-26 and while I don't regret the time with her I now realize that women that age have no idea what they want. I realize she is your first love and how you feel (Lost everything after 9 year breakup) but you have to just move on for now, she is only 18 and most women at that age are very fickle. Just leave her alone for now and she may come back later down the line.

 

If I was you I just wouldn't initiate contact for a few weeks, if she texts you respond (not right away) and if she calls pickup but keep the conversation upbeat and act indifferent (do not talk about the split).

[MrWhite]

How can she miss you if you won't go away?

[Danda]

This is going to be blunt and kind of harsh.

 

I think she may have loved you a lot, but I don't know if she actually loved being with you.

 

She stuck with you through hard times.

She helped you give up bad habits.

She let you invade every square inch of her privacy.

She changed her philosophical viewpoints to match yours, instead of having, you know, her own.

She made you super confident.

 

You haven't mentioned one thing you brought to the table for her. Seriously not one thing. Your entire thought process seems really weird to me. Like, "She loved me so much because of all these things and then she left, it makes no sense." Your thought process does not include one single thing as far as how you made her happy.

 

Dude was she happy? Did you make her happy? Or did you just like, control her, mold her to your tastes and let her help you with stuff?

 

Just because someone cares a lot about you, doesn't mean they can feel fulfilled and happy in a relationship with you. They have to feel that you care about them, too, and appreciate them, and understand them, for who they really are and how they really feel.

 

Her friend that she fell for - the "helpful" friend - do you see it? He gave her needs and feelings attention. She was taking care of you, and he was taking care of her.

 

I agree that you need to go no contact, stay no contact and move on.

[goback]

Those things apply for me, too. I was completely dedicated. I messaged her whenever I got time. I took care of her. I gave her support when she needed. I helped her all the time like mad.

 

I was extremely dedicated.

[lolablue17]

She occasionally came online. Probably to see whether I replied.

 

What I fear is, if I carry on NC, will she forget me?

 

I do think she misses me.

 

 

[A few days ago, she was telling me that she still has one of our romantic photos as my contact-picture in her mobile.]

 

She definitely wants you as a friend. The question is if you want to be her friend on these circumstances.

 

If you don't - never reply and i suggest that you ask her to never contact you again. No explanations, don't give her any information about yourself, block her on FB ect....

[goback]

But I want her back.