Where do I go from here?

[StylishKidInARiot]

How's everybody doing? Some advice on this would be appreciated.

 

I went out with a girl for just under a year. About 7 weeks ago, she broke things off. The breakup was hard on me because how she went about it. Basically, she was sending me vague, cold text messages for about two weeks beforehand and didn't want to see me. When we arranged to meet she told me "it was over and she just didn't want to continue with it". She asked could we be friends and I refused saying, "it wouldn't work because I still loved her and was attracted to her".

 

She also broke it off with me two months previous, we were apart for about a week before I managed to sort things out. TBH, it wasn't difficult because she definitely regretted the breakup and was very open to seeing me again.

 

This time things are different. I sent her a text the night we broke up, telling her exactly how I felt, I was out at the time and didn't hold back The next week I sent her a long message on Facebook, I didn't beg her to come back or anything but told her exactly how I felt and I also apologised for the previous message, saying I wasn't angry with her. I also texted her the week after and all of these messages have been met with a steel wall of silence.

 

So for just over four weeks I have gone NC and have sent her nothing.

 

Just to give you all a little background on the relationship. The first few months were brilliant ( honeymoon no doubt ). In May, I was forced to take up a job with long hours and this definitely had an effect on our relationship. The hours were also in the evening, so when I was working she was off and vice versa. I was drained all the time - even when I met her on my days off. We didn't get to do things as a couple as much as we would have liked. It was tough going but I explained a million times to her that I was going to be getting another job with normal working hours in the next couple of months and things would get better for us. Anyways, low and behold I get the job and she breaks up with me that week. That's what's killing me at the moment, I just don't see the logic in it. I told her when she broke it off that it didn't make sense and it's like we got through the tough times for nothing.

 

Anyways, since then I've been working away. My sleep pattern has returned to normal. I now have my evenings and weekends free. I've hit the gym, cleaned up my diet and have even quit smoking. A lot of people are saying I've never looked better. I've already hooked up with a couple of girls but have no interest in following things up with them. I've deleted her number and unfollowed her from Facebook. I still check her profile the odd time, just can't help it.

 

The problem for me is that I can't stop thinking about her. If I'm being honest, I'd take her back tomorrow because I'm crazy about her. She's hurt me with this breakup and has absolutely melted my head in the past by playing stupid mind games or just wanting things her own way.Truth is, I still love her. We got on well together and had plenty in common. It sucks.

 

I'll keep going forward but with her not giving me ANY contact, it makes it tougher TBH and I can't reach out again, I've done it three times now. I want to heal but I want her back more. I just don't understand how she could cut me off like that? I know she feels or at least felt very strongly about me and I never wronged her eg. cheated or lost my temper.

 

Anyways, it's good to get this out. I haven't talked to anyone about this really. This forum has helped me in the last week, thanks.