Scared

[Curious in Concert]

Alright I have a small problem again, and it scares me. Well... its not really a small problem. My girlfriend is going through a rough time. She is doing things that are going to hurt herself, both physically and mentally, and she doesn't seem to know she's doing them. Whenever her friends try to talk to her about it, she just tells them that its who she is, and she can do what she wants.

 

I know her better then that, and so do they, and we all know that its -not- who she is. But, I live a ways away, and own't be able to go see her for at least a week. I've b een told some stuff by some of her friends that they hesitated in telling me. I've told them that I won't tell my girlfriend about it, but as I think about it more and more, and I'm becoming increasingly worried that she needs to talk to someone about it. I want to talk to her, and I think I should despite that I told her friends that i wouldn't talk to her because she will get mad at them and they will get mad at me. I want to wait until I can see her in person, but If I can't... What should I do? Should I break the barrier and get her to tell me whats going on over the phone? Pleasehelp. I'm in a very bad bind...

[Tony T]

Your word is your bond. People who do not keep their word are basically not worth associating with. What more is a person than their word? You gave your word to your friends that you would not mention these things. If you have an ounce of integrity, morals and love of your friends, you will keep your mouth shut.

 

You are not in charge of this girl's life. If she is destroying herself, go find another girl who has her head on straight. If she is doing something life threatening, you should call a crisis line or social worker who can intervene while you remain anonymous.

 

You will have a much better quality of life if you keep your word to ALL people, no matter what. That's part of being a mature, adult human being. If you had a truly great relationship with your girlfriend, she would perhaps feel more free to disclose this information to you. The fact that all her friends know this information and you don't says a lot about how she feels about you, if indeed it is true.

 

If you have not nurtured the relationship sufficiently for her to come to you with these kinds of things, then you have not worked hard enough on the relationship. It sounds like maybe she is ashamed or maybe she is afraid you will break up with her if you have this knowledge.

 

At any rate, keep your nose out of this stuff. If she tells you...fine, otherwise butt out. Until you get it straight from her mouth, you cannot rely upon the total accuracy of people who have heard this stuff second, third and forth hand.

 

These are things you will learn later...you may as well learn them now. If you break your promise of confidence, they will consider you a scumbag forever more and your relationship with them and with your girl could be forever destroyed.