adrian77 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I can't deal with this anymore. I'd say 75% of the time he doesn't listen to anything I say. He will even respond to me as if he is listening and then a minute later not even know what he responded to. For example we will be at the grocery store and I will say we don't need eggs and he will respond ok and then 2 minutes later we will pass the eggs and will ask if we need them. We can be driving in the car and I might tell him a story about something that happened (and I keep my stories short unlike him) and after I finish he won't respond or just kind of says huh? and I ask him if he was listening, he says yes so I tell him to repeat what I said and he can't. One night we ordered in dinner and he said he wanted a steak sandwich, I asked him if he wanted fries and he said no. Then when the sandwich didn't have fries, he got mad at me for not ordering them. I told him he said he didn't want any but he just got irritable.* At night he never listens to a word I say because he is too busy gaming, reading FB, watching tv, and drinking whiskey. If I call him out for not listening to me he just gets angry and makes an excuse saying he is in the middle of a game or he is reading something. I hate having to even take the effort to talk to him because 9 out of 10 times he isn't listening. It could be something important or maybe there is something interesting on TV I point out but he can't even look away from his game. When we do engage in conversation he always thinking of his next thought and doesn't listen to my input. It just seems to be getting worse an worse. He manages a business and doesn't have trouble there so it's just got to be that he has no interest in me. All my friends husbands love hearing stories and looking at old pics of their wives and he had no interest. I love hearing about him and pics of him as a kid but he just doesn't seem interested. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 sometimes when i am deep in thought....i can carry on an external conversation with soemoen else and have a conversation going on inside em at the same time...........when i am stressed i go internal a lot.....trying to sift through my responsibilities and worries.......prioritizing them.....then stressing out i cant handle it all by myself....... sounds like your husband has some stressors he isnt telling you about...as men tend to do ...is try and take it all on themselves...its coming up to xmas is he concerned about money........has he been drinking more......has he been absent minded more......and is he getting more aggressive or snappy..what often makes him snappy ....is it money or health...when was his last check up....do you have children are concerns there......be thorough in what you know about him and what goes on day to day with him...... .......turn the computer off one night....turn the tv off .....sit with him and really say we need to talk.....ask him if he is ok you are concerned about him and dont feel he is with you at the moment......if he asks why you feel that way tell him the examples you have listed.......ask him how the business is going.....ask him what he is worried about..tell him you care and would like to help him get through it....you want to be there you wan to listen....its what it is all about ....sharing the load.......i wish you well.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author adrian77 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 He has always drank. He cuts down sometime but then goes right back. Drinking a half bottle of whiskey a night and gets really loud and words slurry sometimes. He makes me sick when he is like that. And I've tried everything, including talking. It doesn't work. I couldn't dare touch his computer. If I ruined his rank in one of his games he would lose it. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 sounds like he has some issues and is self-medicating. He needs some counseling. Him not hearing you can be medical...like if he has adhd and his mind is racing, your words maybe can not break thru the chatter in his head. I would NOT take it as him not loving you until you have exhausted the counseling option 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 You never checked back in on your thread regarding his alcohol problem. How's that going? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/500470-my-husband-hiding-alcohol-now-should-i-tell-him-i-know 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I'm sorry you're going through this. In my opinion, he's an alcoholic. Alcohol abuse damages the central nervous system and causes poor sleep and irritability. Long term abuse causes malnutrition and brain damage. So I would educate myself, tell a professional, and prepare to leave him otherwise you will get sucked into worrying about him when he's in need of a counselor. He's the only one who can fix himself--he needs a lot of help for sure--and I'm afraid you cannot fix him for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 He might be an alcoholic, but he's definitely boring and a boor. I'm sorry you're having to put up with that. It would drive me absolutely nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I'm sorry, did you saying something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Watch - Link to post Share on other sites
Emerald_11 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I can't deal with this anymore. I'd say 75% of the time he doesn't listen to anything I say. He will even respond to me as if he is listening and then a minute later not even know what he responded to. For example we will be at the grocery store and I will say we don't need eggs and he will respond ok and then 2 minutes later we will pass the eggs and will ask if we need them. We can be driving in the car and I might tell him a story about something that happened (and I keep my stories short unlike him) and after I finish he won't respond or just kind of says huh? and I ask him if he was listening, he says yes so I tell him to repeat what I said and he can't. One night we ordered in dinner and he said he wanted a steak sandwich, I asked him if he wanted fries and he said no. Then when the sandwich didn't have fries, he got mad at me for not ordering them. I told him he said he didn't want any but he just got irritable.* At night he never listens to a word I say because he is too busy gaming, reading FB, watching tv, and drinking whiskey. If I call him out for not listening to me he just gets angry and makes an excuse saying he is in the middle of a game or he is reading something. I hate having to even take the effort to talk to him because 9 out of 10 times he isn't listening. It could be something important or maybe there is something interesting on TV I point out but he can't even look away from his game. When we do engage in conversation he always thinking of his next thought and doesn't listen to my input. It just seems to be getting worse an worse. He manages a business and doesn't have trouble there so it's just got to be that he has no interest in me. All my friends husbands love hearing stories and looking at old pics of their wives and he had no interest. I love hearing about him and pics of him as a kid but he just doesn't seem interested. Wow, we have a lot in common! My husband also manages a business, drinks a lot and seems to not listen to a word I say! The last time we went to hang out at a family event it seemed like every time I began telling a story about 3/4 of the way through he would interrupt me and change the subject in front of everyone. He has acted like that for a long time at home but I think it is getting worse lately because he is doing that a lot more often when we are out in public or social situations also. After the party was over I told him I was really frustrated about how rude he was to me by interrupting me all the time and making it hard for me to catch up & spend time with other family members. I told him it makes me feel like he is totally not interested in anything I say or any idea I have and that he feels like no one else should be interested either. He apologized but I'm not sure he really understands my point of view. Thank you for sharing that video Elaine- very informative. Link to post Share on other sites
thirtysomethingteen Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 He doesn't listen because he can't be bothered to and/or he's drunk again. I'm not sure what more you expect anyone to say. You've posted about this problem several times already and you rejected any and all advice you were given. If you're just posting to vent then fair enough, but no one on this board can wave a magic wand and fix your husband for you. He behaves this way because there are no consequences for his actions. You may complain, but so what? He's already proven he is very adept at tuning you out. The reason he holds down a job with what sounds like a fair amount of responsibility is because, unlike at home, there are consequences to his actions at work. As long as he knows you're not going anywhere because you're carrying some extra pounds or "too old to start over" he's not going to change one damn thing and you know it. I would suggest individual couselling for yourself so that maybe you can regain some of your self worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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