Dating a man with ED

[Ann253]

I have pretty high sex drive. Honestly it's gotten me into some bad relationships that have been more about sex than anything else. But the relationships don't usually end well. I'm trying to find a more meaningful relationship with a good man.

The good news is I've met a great man, and I know for sure the relationship isn't just about sex. The bad news is he has ED and I don't know how to react, we are both in our 30's and I've never had any experience with it before.

He told me about his condition before we were ever intimate only a few weeks into the relationship. He was in an accident when he was younger, and now has to take pills for "that special moment". I didn't really know how to respond when he told me, I'm the kind of person that doesn't think of questions right away, I have to have time to think things through first.

Well, I really like this guy, he is a great guy with good values and is the type of person I want a relationship with.

I didn't let his issue stop our relationship and we've been dating for about 3 months now. We've only had sex 4 times, and the last time he wasn't able to finish, he said he didn't take the pill soon enough.

I'm not sure what to do. Like I said before, I like sex and would really like to have more of it . But I don't know how to bring it up with him.

I was thinking about just brining it up and asking... I mean I don't know how the pills work (or even what pill he is taking). I don't know how long we have to wait after he takes a pill, or how often he can take them. I decided to read up online before we talk. Most of the articles I've found talk about understanding and not putting pressure on the guy, that the pressure can make it worse.

So now I'm not sure what to do. I want more sex, but at the same time I don't want to end a potentially good relationship over it. Do I bring it up and ask my questions, or do I just wait patiently for when he is ready?

If anyone has any experience or advise I'd be really grateful.

Thanks

[Dork Vader]

Hmm not to doubt his story but I have a few questions

 

1. How frequently does he drink?

2. Are any drugs being used (perscriotion, illegal, OTC)?

3. How frequently does he masturbate?

4. Is he stressed?

 

All of these things can and will cause ED. Even just weekly consumption of alcohol can cause it. I personally think you need to have a chat with him and just say I really like you, but I need more sex. How can we make this work for both of us?

[sm2281]

Be gentle about talking to him about it. don't hurt his pride. . .

 

But there are things you can suggest and try. Lubes, pills, viagra, etc.

 

Don't be disappointed if he cannot perform. Just try again another time.

 

Be respectful and caring and understanding.

 

He knows you have needs.

 

You can also help your self.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Unfortunately there's no magic tool to find out how high somebodies sex drive is, and whether you're just in that "honeymoon" phase, and if it's actually potent on it's own.

 

I think it's way more than about sex though...I think it's more about expression and how you satiate those feelings or needs...that yearning feeling for more than just intercourse but definitely apart of it.

 

Intimacy and physical expression through touch and feel, through chemistry and eventually through sexual behavior is a strong release of expression, and a very satiable experience for those who can relate to it.

 

Others...whether medically related, or just the average jane/joe, may not be that inclined to pursue sex often and may overall find it not too appealing in their daily lives, and not receive that great of a release out of it...a give or take kind of a thing..something you could live without happily; not a "priority".

 

But the thing I find funniest about society, is how it kind of always groans over the fact that society is overly "sexualized"...when it's the damn average sex driven people; whom make up the majority...whom are the ones making it that way the most.

 

But there's definitely a huge contrast between the average joe just trying to get in a new girls pants...compared to another guy who's got a naturally high sex drive.

 

And out of all the men and women I've met in my life, it's the ones with the average sex drive that have gotten around the most...go figure!

 

I for one, need a strong romantic, psychological, emotional and physical chemistry in order to get that big "bang"...although if I'd like to, I can always "perform" in a way that satisfy and satiate others;as they would find it a passionate and overall positive experience if I were to kind of pretend to be in that element (wouldn't be noticeable to them)...it wouldn't feel the same way for me, and that's the part that gets me, and that's in big part of why I chose to stop acting out in the way...because that's the disconnect for me.

 

Now I just put in a similar effort and satisfy a certain level or expectation they might have...depending on their view and desire for "sex", and their behavior will often tell me where their level may be; before I would go above and beyond to please, regardless of whether she had a strong drive or not...but the compliments weren't what I was seeking out...so nowadays I just take things for what is.

 

If you are with this guy, and his sex drive seems quite average or low...or he's got issues with his peepee, then that's going to be a problem or something you would have to accept.

 

But trying that myself....let's just say it's not an easy way to live, I definitely don't want to resent or become this gawking bird in the window, begging and needing the kind of attention my partner doesn't desire, nor does she understand or get the point.

 

But your situation is different than mine...you seem to have a poor history with some men, whereas I would know better than to get myself to deep into those kind of relationship or most likely not get into them at all in the first place...as strong as my sexual desire is, it doesn't make me stupid....well at least not THAT stupid.

 

Ultimately I'm looking for that ultimate romantic connection first...however trying to match that with a compatible sex drive almost feels like trying to balance a balance beam...every time you run to one side of it, the other side goes up on you, then you've got to run to the other and then you're missing the other.

 

I think what's important to understand as well....is if you know what you got, don't sell it cheap, or give it away for free. If you feel there's things about you that make you unique or special, and that you have certain things to offer in a relationship in all it's different dynamics...don't sell yourself cheap because you're too worried you won't get anything better.

 

Granted...some people will call that being "too picky", and you may need to be really realistic with yourself because it is difficult to find that perfect match, but if more people took chances instead of settling, there would probably be a lot less pointless/meaningless relationships and marriages out there, because ultimately those people wouldn't be together had they the courage or the options...which unfortunately I personally believe make up the vast majority.

 

TLDR: Choose a different man, you're still figuring out how to find the right match

[DivorcedDad123]

This may be something you need to talk to your doctor about. Ask him/her about what ED pills cause,do,etc.,, He/she may be able to help you,and in turn help your bf.That way you get answers without pressuring your bf.

Not sure why he wouldn't be able to finish,unless he has something on his mind that he can't let go of.Ask him if he's able to finish when he masturbates. Maybe you can get some insight or you might try helping him finish that way.

As far as how many pills he can take,I'd say one per day,since "having an erection lasting over 4 hours call your doctor" disclaimers exist.

[BikerAccnt]

I'd just bring up your concerns in a caring non judgemental way. If he say's he's taking a pill, and didn't take it soon enough, it's probably Viagra. There are other versions of ED pills that don't require the timing to be as strict.

 

 

I can believe the accident scenario. There are many things that can interfere with erections, anything from disease, alcohol, and accidents that may damage nerves. If the problem is really due to an earlier accident, he may be able to get the pills covered under prescription coverage. Normally ED pills aren't covered because they are considered "lifestyle drugs.", however, if the underlying cause is medical, diabetes, or say an accident, he can probably get them covered. That would be a big help, because those pills ARE OUTRAGEOULY expensive in this country (US) where they are still under patent protection.

 

 

Good luck.

[Divasu]

There are so many ways/options around this that it doesn't have to ruin your relationship. And in addition, medication is available for men.

 

No relationship is going to be perfect. I would value a strong emotional/intellectual connection, a loving sexual relationship and good friendship with a romantic partner any day over.

 

No doubt that you'll experience frustration from time to time, so will he. I think if you're both proactive with your attitude toward it, you don't have to let it ruin an otherwise good/blossoming relationship.

[slizl]

I think he would want to have an open and honest conversation about it, especially because you are in your 30s and it seems like everything else is going so well.

[Ann253]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I guess in all my ramblings my questions was if I bring it up or if I should just go with the flow. I was going to bring it up so I could ask questions, but then I was concerned about putting too much pressure on him.

I am definitely happy with our relationship so far.

I don't question the accident cause, we had talked about the accident even before he brought up the side affect.

I think I'm going to talk to him. If nothing else I want to make sure that we are able to have good communication in our relationship.

Thanks again for all the suggestions.

[FitChick]

Is he overweight? Does he smoke or drink? Getting healthy would probably solve his problem.

 

Try a penis pump.

[lovemetobits]

I agree with sm2281, be very, very considerate. Also, try researching facts about ED so you'd understand what he's going through. The Zenafil spray. It does help. Don't let his ED get in the way of the happy ending for the two of you.

[Ann253]

I agree with sm2281, be very, very considerate. Also, try researching facts about ED so you'd understand what he's going through. The Zenafil spray. It does help. Don't let his ED get in the way of the happy ending for the two of you.

 

I tried researching it a little, and the articles said that added pressure could make it worse, which is why I started questioning if I should bring it up or not.

I don't want to make it worse, but I do think it's important enough that we should talk about it. I'm just not sure how to broach the subject

[Mrin]

Cialis for daily use. Problem probably fixed.

[newmoon]

I tried researching it a little, and the articles said that added pressure could make it worse, which is why I started questioning if I should bring it up or not.

I don't want to make it worse, but I do think it's important enough that we should talk about it. I'm just not sure how to broach the subject

 

just bring it up. why does it have to be a major thing? he told you first, so obviously he has a comfort level with it. just say (in a non-intimate moment) "hey X, remember how you mentioned ED to me a few weeks ago. well, i've been trying to learn more about it, but i'd prefer to learn about it from you..." i dated an older guy once who had issues, not ED, but he has a hard time. i was (like you) wanting much more sex than he could offer, but i learned through that relationship that sex isn't nearly as important as intimacy, and a guy doesn't have to finish, or even get it going, to make it enjoyable. there are a lot of ways to enjoy sex with him with or without his pill. but ask, there is no reason you should be shy.

[mysteryscape]

Hmm not to doubt his story but I have a few questions

 

1. How frequently does he drink?

2. Are any drugs being used (perscriotion, illegal, OTC)?

3. How frequently does he masturbate?

4. Is he stressed?

 

All of these things can and will cause ED. Even just weekly consumption of alcohol can cause it. I personally think you need to have a chat with him and just say I really like you, but I need more sex. How can we make this work for both of us?

 

Vader sounds like a man who knows his business!

[PogoStick]

I vote for being forward and talking about it. That talk should be expected sooner or later if you have a serious relationship, so why not sooner?

 

As a sex lover I would consider such a problem to be a possible deal breaker. I'd be willing to try and work around it so I would want to know everything about the condition and treatments.