Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 If your friend had won the lottery, would you quit your job and play the lottery? You are essentially doing the same thing in your relationships. Right. So it is skin to a lotto win: having fire works and natural instant chemistry, and actually being excited about someone, and having it last? I wasn't aware that is was that rare to actually be excited about a partner form day one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Why? Why does it matter what happens in the beginning? When you're together for many years, the few months at the beginning won't seem all that important compared to all the memories you make over the time you're together. Memories better and more valuable than some fairy tale beginning. And sorry, but you do sound jealous. You're "not settling for less than she found"? You do realize that you might just end up alone if you keep thinking that. Why should I date men who I feel no excitement for? I do not need a relationship and so why would I go against what my heart wants? Why is what she had so rare? They were instantly attracted and they ended up together. I don't see how I will be single forever simply because I feel I am good enough to find what she has? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 I actually find it perplexing and alarming that people think that I wont find a man I am actually excited about and who I go on to date long term? It is baffling that everyone seems to think that I should date men I feel no excitement or sexual attraction for and have a slow burning relationship, simply because all of YOU prefer it? Really, I am sort of shocked that people think it is so impossible to actually feel instant chemistry with a partner rather than having to date folks you're not actually excited about initially? I am sure a woman like myself can find a man where we share instant chemistry and happen to be a good long term match. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Right. So it is skin to a lotto win: having fire works and natural instant chemistry, and actually being excited about someone, and having it last? That's exactly what most here are saying. The blaze that starts the brightest usually burns out the fastest. Exactly what is all that initial excitement based on? Lust. What else would someone base that intense excitement to see you on? They don't even know you. You admit to wanting someone beneath your league physically; of course he's going to stoked over that bangin' hot body. What do you fall back on when it wears off? A fire has to be built so the embers are there for the rekindling forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 And why are you all desperate for relationships? Using terms like " you may end up alone" So WHAT? You don't need a partner or to be in a relationship to be at your optimal level of happiness? Not everyone needs someone. My parents moved overseas when I was a child, I was looked after my family friend before I moved over there myself later on... Therefore I am not the type of person to NEED to have a "partner", I am very fulfilled alone, I would rather have short term flings with people I am actually passionate about, than to settle for someone simply because they are my "best friend" To me, no passion = a friend. I feel no inclination to get to know a guy I view as platonic. I don't see what is so bad with having a full life that doesn't happen to include a partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 That's exactly what most here are saying. The blaze that starts the brightest usually burns out the fastest. Exactly what is all that initial excitement based on? Lust. What else would someone base that intense excitement to see you on? They don't even know you. You admit to wanting someone beneath your league physically; of course he's going to stoked over that bangin' hot body. What do you fall back on when it wears off? A fire has to be built so the embers are there for the rekindling forever. Well obviously I want to meet someone I have fireworks with and GOOD natural chemistry with, who also turns out to be compatible. Just because you weren't able to find it, doesn't mean plenty of other couples didn't experience fire works and with a partner who worked out long term. I will have to wait longer yes but I wont have to wait forever in order to find instant chemistry with a partner who is also a good long term prospect. Women like me who are relatively attractive will probably have no problem finding a man who I share fire works with, who also happens to be a good long term mate. Especially women like me who don't care a mans profession, their pay check (so long as they can support themselves), or their appearance. I have felt fire works with men who weren't hot or desirable to the opposite sex and so yeah, I don't think I have too strict a list of criteria. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Well obviously I want to meet someone I have fireworks with and GOOD natural chemistry with, who also turns out to be compatible. Just because you weren't able to find it, doesn't mean plenty of other couples didn't experience fire works and with a partner who worked out long term. I will have to wait longer yes but I wont have to wait forever in order to find instant chemistry with a partner who is also a good long term prospect. For the record, I did find it. You can find some of my stories here if you wish. The reason I don't help others pin hope on it is that it's rare. Very rare. But if you wait long enough, you never know. I was 50. Just hang in there and wait for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 riiiiight. So having chemistry with a person means it wont last. And so you have to date people you aren't even excited about because they are a good person. I have friends who I love being around for that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Well, since I can see this thread is probably going nowhere fast, I will just answer your initial question and leave it at that. Yes they has. Having instant chemistry isn't that rare and it often lasts long term. Instant chemistry is when you have instant sexual attraction. It is not rare at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 For the record, I did find it. You can find some of my stories here if you wish. The reason I don't help others pin hope on it is that it's rare. Very rare. But if you wait long enough, you never know. I was 50. Just hang in there and wait for it. What is so rare about finding a man, feeling chemistry and an interest in them instantly, and having it last? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Having instant chemistry isn't that rare and it often lasts long term. Instant chemistry is when you have instant sexual attraction. It is not rare at all. And isn't instant sexual attraction what you need to stay away from? Unless you can learn to resist it? It's not rare at all, no. The foundation can't be laid upon that, however. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Again, I am asking how I determine a guys interest level. ... Her fiancé made it more blatant. It doesn't matter what her fiance did. You shouldn't look at other people's relationships to decide what's best for you. Men express their interest in different ways. Some men aren't "wordy" so they don't talk about their feelings all that much, but it doesn't mean they're not there. When I started dating my boyfriend, he wasn't overly wordy either. But the passion between us was so intense that we could just be having a normal conversation, and other people in the same room would know we have feelings for each other based on body language. He wouldn't have to say "I'm into you immensely" for me to know he was. Different people express interest in different ways. You can't just go by what your friend has as if it's some relationships Bible. If you want to figure out if a guy is interested or not, go on dates. A guy doesn't have to faint and fall at your feet to have feelings for you. Body language and conversation are an easy thing to look for. Generally, people who are interested ask questions, they invite you somewhere, they express interest in going on more dates and they follow through. Words don't really mean much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 And isn't instant sexual attraction what you need to stay away from? Unless you can learn to resist it? It's not rare at all, no. The foundation can't be laid upon that, however. I don't think it will be hard for me to find a man who... feel attracted to me instantly, and where I also feel likewise. Why can't two people get to know one another, when they feel instant sparks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 It doesn't matter what her fiance did. You shouldn't look at other people's relationships to decide what's best for you. Men express their interest in different ways. Some men aren't "wordy" so they don't talk about their feelings all that much, but it doesn't mean they're not there. When I started dating my boyfriend, he wasn't overly wordy either. But the passion between us was so intense that we could just be having a normal conversation, and other people in the same room would know we have feelings for each other based on body language. He wouldn't have to say "I'm into you immensely" for me to know he was. Different people express interest in different ways. You can't just go by what your friend has as if it's some relationships Bible. If you want to figure out if a guy is interested or not, go on dates. A guy doesn't have to faint and fall at your feet to have feelings for you. Body language and conversation are an easy thing to look for. Generally, people who are interested ask questions, they invite you somewhere, they express interest in going on more dates and they follow through. Words don't really mean much. Right so you and your boyfriend felt instant chemistry, opposed to meeting and thinking " they are OKAY, they seem nice so I would like to talk continue talking to them" You say for me to avoid intense chemistry and yet you found it yourself? riiight... And I don't like men who are too expressive it is too effeminate. I prefer men who show me through their actions that they are into me and not words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 At the moment, The guy I met at the concert 2 weeks ago, and whom I had intense and immediate sexual chemistry with... We live long distance. He texts me every day but you know, we are not instigating any sort of relationship, we are not even dating as we can physical not see each other for the time being. I think I am learning how to play it cool. Despite how natural and instant fire works, we are sticking to texting daily about non sexual things. He is not like my friends fiancé; he is not making grand declarations that he is into me and that he really, really likes me. So this is new for me - men who are into me either blow up my phone with 100 texts and declare how into me they are, or they disappear and ignore me once they get sex! This guy got sex but still texts me daily wanting to chat about non sex related matters. I think guys like the above are the men I am aiming for - men I DO feel instant fire works for, and who I get to know first before dating them or having any type of romance. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 HOW do I move slowly and determine whether or not they are into me and interested in taking things further? STOP F*CKING THEM IMMEDIATELY!!!! How many times does it have to be spelled out to you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 STOP F*CKING THEM IMMEDIATELY!!!! How many times does it have to be spelled out to you? Yes I have established that this is the quickest way to figure out if a guy is seeking more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 I'm interested in the follow up. How a guy expresses that he's interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Right so you and your boyfriend felt instant chemistry, opposed to meeting and thinking " they are OKAY, they seem nice so I would like to talk continue talking to them" You say for me to avoid intense chemistry and yet you found it yourself? riiight... And I don't like men who are too expressive it is too effeminate. I prefer men who show me through their actions that they are into me and not words. Golly. Nobody is saying to you to avoid chemistry. Least of all, me. I have never actually written anywhere to avoid chemistry. So I have no idea what you're blaming me for. Chemistry is great, but its not the only thing that matters. You may have had 5 years worth of relationships but you don't act like it. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I'm interested in the follow up. How a guy expresses that he's interested in you. He asks you out on dates. He makes sure to see you. He calls when he says he's going to call. He stays in touch and doesn't disappear for days. He doesn't pressure you for sex before you are ready. He stops dating other women. Probably other things... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golly. Nobody is saying to you to avoid chemistry. Least of all, me. I have never actually written anywhere to avoid chemistry. So I have no idea what you're blaming me for. Chemistry is great, but its not the only thing that matters. You may have had 5 years worth of relationships but you don't act like it. I am experienced in relationships and I do know that it takes a lot more than chemistry. However, due to my experience, I also know that NO chemistry or passion doesn't lead to anything lasting, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 People are telling me to date men whom I meet and I feel no excitement or will to date - simply because I should "want" a partner and they may be really nice men. People have said that if I feel fire works and that instant chemistry, whereby two people meet and you are both instantly sexually attracted - that it will never ever last, and therefore I have to find men I feel no chemistry for immediately and generate chemistry over a long period of time. I just don't see why I cannot find a guy who I share mutual chemistry with, that is instant and where we are BOTH excited about one another from day one. And who happens to last and be compatible. I have also NEVER stated that I want chemistry at the cost of all else - I have said multiple times that I want instant sparks, passion AND a lasting relationship to come from it....that is obviously built on more than the initial lust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 He asks you out on dates. He makes sure to see you. He calls when he says he's going to call. He stays in touch and doesn't disappear for days. He doesn't pressure you for sex before you are ready. He stops dating other women. Probably other things... What if I meet another guy who lives a few hours away? I am not inferring to current guy - I already sense he just isn't into me, and he just enjoys texting for a text buddy and someone to text. If he were into me based on what he had seen and based on our texting conversations, then he would think in advance the first free day he has to himself - and he would talk about it and mention that he was excited to next see me. Which he hasn't. And how soon after meeting someone who lives hours away can you expect them to stop dating others? I once thought that when a guy was smitten and into a girl, they knew from the get go and they wouldn't want to date others since other women wouldn't offer them the same degree of natural chemistry and excitement. I do not believe that a man who meets a girl and then thinks " meh we are not serious I will date others" is truly into the girl and never will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 I met a guy who lives 2 hours away and who keeps finding ways to come and see me to talk to me while I am working. I just want to know what a man who is into me would act like, in spite of the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I met a guy who lives 2 hours away and who keeps finding ways to come and see me to talk to me while I am working. I just want to know what a man who is into me would act like, in spite of the distance. normally when a guy who lives 2 hrs away does this it's because he thinks you're a sure thing and he is going to get lucky before long.... On the flip side.. if a guy is in to you he would move mountains..meaning he will do anything to spend time with you and it not be about the sex.. Link to post Share on other sites
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