Ignoring Men Who Are Hot

[Leigh 87]

When it comes to dating, how important is it for women to date within their league?

 

I don't want to be pessimistic, however; if a guy is beautiful by societies standards, I would be taken aback if they showed interest in me as I would gather that I was only attractive enough for them to have sex with and that is all.

 

I go for men who are cute but not hot (but to ME I feel huge chemistry with them still!)

 

The other day at work a cute guy I seem to have chemistry with came to talk to me- he always comes to chat to me, he knows where I work and he comes there without fail to buy me a lemonade as I work in the heat.

 

He is "hot" though so I didn't bother acting that interested since look, I am a cute girl but I am far from beautiful.

 

Am I being cynical? I mean, do hot guys go for women who aren't beautiful or their equal?

 

Am I sensible in that I go for guys who are over weight and who don't get the beautiful girls? Guys who are hot to ME but yeah, you get what I am saying...

[PegNosePete]

When I was skiing last year there were 2 couples on the tables opposite me. A "hot" guy with a very plain woman, and a gorgeous woman with an ugly guy. I wanted to just separate them and match them up the other way around, they would have looked so much better that way. But both couples were totally happy with their partner.

 

You seem to judge people by looks a lot. If you want to be judged on your personality rather than your looks, then I'd suggest you start projecting that instead. Your views on male attraction and objectives seem very skewed and immature.

[you_can_not_see_me]

When it comes to dating, how important is it for women to date within their league?

 

I don't want to be pessimistic, however; if a guy is beautiful by societies standards, I would be taken aback if they showed interest in me as I would gather that I was only attractive enough for them to have sex with and that is all.

 

I go for men who are cute but not hot (but to ME I feel huge chemistry with them still!)

 

The other day at work a cute guy I seem to have chemistry with came to talk to me- he always comes to chat to me, he knows where I work and he comes there without fail to buy me a lemonade as I work in the heat.

 

He is "hot" though so I didn't bother acting that interested since look, I am a cute girl but I am far from beautiful.

 

Am I being cynical? I mean, do hot guys go for women who aren't beautiful or their equal?

 

Am I sensible in that I go for guys who are over weight and who don't get the beautiful girls? Guys who are hot to ME but yeah, you get what I am saying...

ha if you aren't overweight why are you going for overweight men (on purpose)? or are you overweight too?

 

This not a question that can easily be answered. on one hand its never a good idea to cross yourself off prematurely, at the same time it might be a little naive for someone to only go for the most attractive people out there if it hasn't resulted in reciprocation in the past.

 

I think the best way of going about this is to simply go for any person you are into whether they be the hottest of the hot or a guy with modest looks but who you like for some reason. In other words deal with the people you meet, if a hot guy who you like shows up try your luck, if a average looking guy you like shows up try your luck with him too.

 

There may be looks league in some form, but its always hard to be objective about this stuff since our perception of beauty is quite malleable. Have you never had days where you thought you look terrible and days where you though you looked great? everyone has those, because our mood and state of mind easily influence our perception of self and others.

[you_can_not_see_me]

When I was skiing last year there were 2 couples on the tables opposite me. A "hot" guy with a very plain woman, and a gorgeous woman with an ugly guy. I wanted to just separate them and match them up the other way around, they would have looked so much better that way. But both couples were totally happy with their partner.

 

You seem to judge people by looks a lot. If you want to be judged on your personality rather than your looks, then I'd suggest you start projecting that instead. Your views on male attraction and objectives seem very skewed and immature.

I like how you use ugly for a guy, but plain suffices for a woman.

[Leigh 87]

When I was skiing last year there were 2 couples on the tables opposite me. A "hot" guy with a very plain woman, and a gorgeous woman with an ugly guy. I wanted to just separate them and match them up the other way around, they would have looked so much better that way. But both couples were totally happy with their partner.

 

You seem to judge people by looks a lot. If you want to be judged on your personality rather than your looks, then I'd suggest you start projecting that instead. Your views on male attraction and objectives seem very skewed and immature.

 

 

I am trying to be realistic.

 

When I dated a guy with a cute face and who was tall, his friends would tell him that I wasn't good enough for him and it really impacted me.

 

I am trying to be realistic.

 

I have a banging body so I feel I can get a guy who may be fit, but he would have to be a lot older than me and/or NOT have a cute face.

 

I feel a fit guy with a cute face is out of my league, where as I can have one of those things mutually exclusive.

[Leigh 87]

ha if you aren't overweight why are you going for overweight men (on purpose)? or are you overweight too?

 

No I actually have a really good body I was a swimwear model.

 

It is my face that is plain albeit with a nice smile.

 

This not a question that can easily be answered. on one hand its never a good idea to cross yourself off prematurely, at the same time it might be a little naive for someone to only go for the most attractive people out there if it hasn't resulted in reciprocation in the past.

 

I think the best way of going about this is to simply go for any person you are into whether they be the hottest of the hot or a guy with modest looks but who you like for some reason. In other words deal with the people you meet, if a hot guy who you like shows up try your luck, if a average looking guy you like shows up try your luck with him too.

 

There may be looks league in some form, but its always hard to be objective about this stuff since our perception of beauty is quite malleable. Have you never had days where you thought you look terrible and days where you though you looked great? everyone has those, because our mood and state of mind easily influence our perception of self and others.

 

Thanks I once thought that any guy could fall for me if they were simply the right guy, and they fell for my personality and I felt well, I am cute enough, why wouldn't they want me?

 

Now I am more realistic and if a guy has a cute face AND a fit body, I know deep down that have the body but not the nice face and surely they would be more into a girl who was their equal?

[Leigh 87]

I like how you use ugly for a guy, but plain suffices for a woman.

 

I am plain with a great smile, so no, plain isn't synonymous to ugly.. my skin and teeth and eyes are nice hence I am not ugly, but my facial shape and proportions and symmetry = plain.

 

I meant plain goes both ways! Plain Jane is akin to the average joe.

 

I am a plain Jane with a great figure and a nice smile - so I feel I can get cute guys but they have to be overweight YET cute, or alternatively - be fit but average and not remotely cute.

 

This has worked for me so far as I have felt crazy chemistry for such men who were cute but overweight.

[Andy_K]

Not everybody is looking for an 'equal'. My ex was convinced she wasn't attractive enough to date me, but it was the best relationship I've had to date. On the other hand the hottest girl I've ever dated was a complete nightmare at times. Lots of times.

 

If you date down you might be more likely to find a guy who feels he's hit the jackpot by dating you, but that doesn't mean it's the only way to do it. Judge people on a case by case basis.

[Chemist]

ha if you aren't overweight why are you going for overweight men (on purpose)? .

 

Wat? I am chubby and have been with mostly smaller girls (not exclusively). Had only hot girl friends. I think it is about personality bro(sis?).

 

Some chicks like to cuddle, I am grade A at that.

[Leigh 87]

I do have pictures up so I am not lying when I say I have a great smile, albeit am still plain.

 

A great smile is always a huge plus, right?

 

And yes I want to date down in the looks department so that they feel like they have hit the jackpot with me!

 

My friends fiancé thinks he has honestly punched above his weight and his the jackpot.

 

I wont accept anything less than what she has found - intense passion that was instant, with a man who adores her and thinks he has hit jackpot.

 

She is more attractive than me/ more beautiful in the face but I have a better body than her to most men, so yeah, I figure if she can find it I can too.

 

It just wont happen for years and that is okay.

[Leigh 87]

Wat? I am chubby and have been with mostly smaller girls (not exclusively). Had only hot girl friends. I think it is about personality bro(sis?).

 

Some chicks like to cuddle, I am grade A at that.

 

I PREFER overweight men.

 

Although not obese.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Thanks I once thought that any guy could fall for me if they were simply the right guy, and they fell for my personality and I felt well, I am cute enough, why wouldn't they want me?

 

Now I am more realistic and if a guy has a cute face AND a fit body, I know deep down that have the body but not the nice face and surely they would be more into a girl who was their equal?

You let a couple of bad experiences totally dictate what you do?!

 

I think more than being realistic, its about fear of rejection. Your mindset about this whole thing is wrong and will cause you problems down the line.

 

I am almost certain you will have issues even with the more modest looking guys since you will continuously be thinking that you some how settled with them and are dating down. That doesn't generate a lot of respect in the relationship for the guy.

 

Just think of good looks as a bonus, if its there good extra, if not its fine.

[you_can_not_see_me]

I am plain with a great smile, so no, plain isn't synonymous to ugly.. my skin and teeth and eyes are nice hence I am not ugly, but my facial shape and proportions and symmetry = plain.

 

I meant plain goes both ways! Plain Jane is akin to the average joe.

 

I am a plain Jane with a great figure and a nice smile - so I feel I can get cute guys but they have to be overweight YET cute, or alternatively - be fit but average and not remotely cute.

 

This has worked for me so far as I have felt crazy chemistry for such men who were cute but overweight.

that wasn't even your quote!

[sillyanswer]

I PREFER overweight men.

 

Although not obese.

 

Fair enough, but earlier you said:

 

I feel a fit guy with a cute face is out of my league, where as I can have one of those things mutually exclusive.

 

 

so if you feel that a fit guy with a cute face is out of your league, and you actually want an overweight man, and you can get a guy with a cute face who isn't fit, then where's the problem?!

[gaius]

Most people have a level of comfort based on past experience. But it's not always based in reality Leigh. A guy you might think is too hot, too rich, too popular or too confident/not controllable for you might think he's won the jackpot with you anyway based on his own past experience.

[Leigh 87]

Fair enough, but earlier you said:

 

 

 

 

so if you feel that a fit guy with a cute face is out of your league, and you actually want an overweight man, and you can get a guy with a cute face who isn't fit, then where's the problem?!

 

 

I prefer men about 6 feet tall or there abouts who have extra weight.

 

I can see that fit guys with a cute face have options and wont likely be that blown away by me.

 

I prefer ideally, a chubby guy with a cute face.

[PegNosePete]

It seems like no matter how many times you are told, you will keep judging people by their appearance. I repeat. If you judge people based on appearance, then you will have a relationship based on appearance. Is that what you want? Or do you think personality is more important?

[yajiuma]

And yes I want to date down in the looks department so that they feel like they have hit the jackpot with me!

The statement above tells me there are probably self esteem issues you should be working on. You really do concentrate a lot on your own perceived beauty and it's value to guys you date. Does it perhaps give you a sense of control/leverage to be in a situation where you think you are the more attractive partner in a relationship- eg there's no way a chubby,balding guy would ever leave a ex-swimsuit model right? He would never feel anything but adoration and gratitude that I came into his orbit.

 

The having sex early on, the emphasis on looks, the repeated comparison's about your friend's passionate relationship makes me think you are still emotionally immature in many aspects. That's OK! I realize you had troubles in your early twenties, we all progress/mature at different rates.

 

I think you should go for a person who you are genuinely attracted to without any caveats, and as others said take things SLOW.

[ComingInHot]

When I was skiing last year there were 2 couples on the tables opposite me. A "hot" guy with a very plain woman, and a gorgeous woman with an ugly guy. I wanted to just separate them and match them up the other way around, they would have looked so much better that way. But both couples were totally happy with their partner.

 

You seem to judge people by looks a lot. If you want to be judged on your personality rather than your looks, then I'd suggest you start projecting that instead. Your views on male attraction and objectives seem very skewed and immature.

 

See? I don't even know what you look like PegNose and you had me at 'skiing'... Leigh87, as long as the 2 people (ANY 2 people) are attracted to Eachother, it shouldn't matter if society or you or joe blow at the table next to ya'll think one is 'better' looking. Can Joe Blow ski? Does he like dogs? Is he cool and kind?....... Are you? If you are many of the things he finds attractive in a female, you can go from what you think is average to Gorgeous to him in the blink of an eye*

[Leigh 87]

It seems like no matter how many times you are told, you will keep judging people by their appearance. I repeat. If you judge people based on appearance, then you will have a relationship based on appearance. Is that what you want? Or do you think personality is more important?

 

 

Of course not,

 

But I want them to think I am attractive instantly rather than have to grow to think I am.

[Leigh 87]

I just feel as though the men who date pretty girls are less inclined to find me gorgeous upon first glance without first getting to know me.

 

" oh, yeah, I though she was a nice person but it took a while for the attraction to grow"

 

No thanks.

[PegNosePete]

But I want them to think I am attractive instantly rather than have to grow to think I am.

Why? What's wrong with someone who grows to think you're attractive? Do you think that's a worse long term partner than someone who only dates you for your body?

[Leigh 87]

Why? What's wrong with someone who grows to think you're attractive? Do you think that's a worse long term partner than someone who only dates you for your body?

 

Nothing is wrong with it.

 

I personally prefer instant attraction and instant chemistry.

 

I find that long term, it helps if there is true passion, rather than passion that has to be worked on really, really hard.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I had a few dates with a very attractive guy recently....it went nowhere but I couldn't beleive the number of options he had. Women were hitting on him everywhere, always texting him etc... and he loved it.

 

I feel so much more comfortable with an average man

[elaine567]

If you are really asking whether you should encourage the lemonade guy, then, unless he is known as the company letch, then why not, if you find him attractive?

 

BUT if you are in fact turned off by that sort of man, then do not be swayed, just because he is considered "hot" by others.

 

If he has a nice personality and just happens to be fit then you cannot write him off merely because he is good looking, nor by the same token can you only date fat guys even those with horrible personalities, just because they are in what you consider the right box for you.

 

Attraction is attraction, do not try an over analyse it.