Ignoring Men Who Are Hot

[Leigh 87]

I've never been in a position where I could "turn down", or ignore a very hot guy, but if a "hot" guy did pursue me, I too would likely feel taken aback, and likely wouldn't feel comfortable and would end up passing on that opportunity.

 

 

 

Well you do live in the desert so that would explain your lack of men.

 

And yes I can see that you understand me!

 

You are a cute girl and I can see cute or even hot men approaching you IF you lived in a big city, for sure.

[RedRobin]

You are assuming a man's character is somehow attached to how he was born, which couldn't be further from the truth.

 

 

I've met plain men who had very poor character, and I've met men who were stunning and had sterling character.

 

 

If the guy is objectively super hot and has good character, you won't have to worry. A man of good character would make his intentions quite clear... whatever they were. You also wouldn't have to worry about that guy cheating.

 

 

People like to think that, just because someone has more opportunities, then they'd be more likely to cheat. I don't believe that either. If their character sucks, it really only takes ONE person to throw them off-track. They don't need tons of opportunities if they have no discretion, restraint, self-awareness, or honesty.

 

 

When it comes to certain qualities and facial characteristics, people can't really help how they were born without major surgery. Why would you hold it against a guy if he happened to be born beautiful? What about his other qualities?

 

 

I really believe that you are better served by learning how to sort out someone's character rather than rely on instant attraction and looks.

 

 

P.S. I think it is fine that you talk about your body. It is relevant to the conversation because you are using it in your personal value judgment. I tell people I'm very fit and have an award winning booty by anyone's standards. I've had men tell me I have the best body they have ever seen. (I laugh and tell them they need to get out more, lol). Even if they were just saying that to butter me up, it doesn't matter because that is not what I value.

 

There is nothing wrong with knowing our 'currency' in certain areas. However, I also think you are looking at the wrong things when it comes to men. You have to find a way to dig under the surface a bit more.

Edited December 4, 2014 by RedRobin

[Leigh 87]

You are assuming a man's character is somehow attached to how he was born, which couldn't be further from the truth.

 

 

I've met plain men who had very poor character, and I've met men who were stunning and had sterling character.

 

 

If the guy is objectively super hot and has good character, you won't have to worry. A man of good character would make his intentions quite clear... whatever they were. You also wouldn't have to worry about that guy cheating.

 

 

People like to think that, just because someone has more opportunities, then they'd be more likely to cheat. I don't believe that either. If their character sucks, it really only takes ONE person to throw them off-track. They don't need tons of opportunities if they have no discretion, restraint, self-awareness, or honesty.

 

 

When it comes to certain qualities and facial characteristics, people can't really help how they were born without major surgery. Why would you hold it against a guy if he happened to be born beautiful? What about his other qualities?

 

 

I really believe that you are better served by learning how to sort out someone's character rather than rely on instant attraction and looks.

 

 

P.S. I think it is fine that you talk about your body. It is relevant to the conversation because you are using it in your personal value judgment. I tell people I'm very fit and have an award winning booty by anyone's standards. I've had men tell me I have the best body they have ever seen. (I laugh and tell them they need to get out more, lol). Even if they were just saying that to butter me up, it doesn't matter because that is not what I value.

 

There is nothing wrong with knowing our 'currency' in certain areas. However, I also think you are looking at the wrong things when it comes to men. You have to find a way to dig under the surface a bit more.

 

 

 

 

Yes men have often told me that my body and particularly, my butt, was the best they have ever had.

 

I have turned men who were NOT ass men, into ass men.

 

The thing is, I find men attractive who are not the sorts of men that other women swoon over, which means that I enjoy more options since I don't limit myself to hotties (by other peoples standards!)

 

I am of course looking for depth beyond the chemistry.

 

I want the instant chemistry and also for it to lead to a meaningful relationship.

[xxoo]

I want the instant chemistry and also for it to lead to a meaningful relationship.

 

If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, I suggest spending less time thinking about your appearance and their appearance, and more time connecting with people on a deeper level.

[Leigh 87]

If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, I suggest spending less time thinking about your appearance and their appearance, and more time connecting with people on a deeper level.

 

 

 

I never said that I didn't focus on connecting on a deeper level.

 

I just need the immediate attraction rather than a guy who doesn't think I am attractive, suddenly liking me over time.

 

That is all it is not some grandiose idea.

 

I need two things; instant sparks and NATURAL passion, combined with a meaningful relationship long term.

[xxoo]

I never said that I didn't focus on connecting on a deeper level.

 

I just need the immediate attraction rather than a guy who doesn't think I am attractive, suddenly liking me over time.

 

That is all it is not some grandiose idea.

 

I need two things; instant sparks and NATURAL passion, combined with a meaningful relationship long term.

 

This is not complicated.

 

When you feel the first one (the spark), start evaluating for the second one (the meaningful connection). There is no reason to microanalyze the attractiveness of faces and bodies in this process.

[Leigh 87]

This is not complicated.

 

When you feel the first one (the spark), start evaluating for the second one (the meaningful connection). There is no reason to microanalyze the attractiveness of faces and bodies in this process.

 

But guys who are hot by other people's standards are far more likely to only want a plain faced girl like myself for sex since they have beautiful women to pick from.

[xxoo]

But guys who are hot by other people's standards are far more likely to only want a plain faced girl like myself for sex since they have beautiful women to pick from.

 

So get to know him as an individual and evaluate for serious interest.

 

Do this regardless of attractiveness.

[Divasu]

All your threads have one common component. An incessant need for instant gratification.

 

Immediate attraction is biological, nothing more. Some even suggest, genetic.

 

It's quite normal to form romantic opinions based on it, but are they based mainly on your own preconceived opinion as opposed to factual evidence?

 

Natural passion, or chemistry, is reactionary between personality types and emotional makeup. My aunt/uncle have been married over 40 years, are complete opposite personality wise, and there remains a natural passion between them. You can see it every time they interact.

 

I'm not sure how avoiding "hot" men is going to help you get any closer to those "instant fireworks" you so desperately seek.

[Leigh 87]

And what's wrong with only wanting to date the men that I'm actually excited about?

 

Why do people think it's that hard to find instant Chemistry with a partner ?

[Rejected Rosebud]

And what's wrong with only wanting to date the men that I'm actually excited about?

 

Why do people think it's that hard to find instant Chemistry with a partner ?

I think you have had 2 boyfriends in your life, Andrew and this latest guy, and you say you did not have instant chemistry with either of them, so why were you with them?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think that Leigh has an awesome body

[Leigh 87]

I think you have had 2 boyfriends in your life, Andrew and this latest guy, and you say you did not have instant chemistry with either of them, so why were you with them?

 

 

 

Adam for over 2 years when I was 18 - 20. We had instant chemistry and it lasted and I broke up with him in the end.

 

Andrew for over two years. We didn't have passion or sexual chemistry, but there was something about one another that made us take an interest.

Andrew was never that into me sexually but we still enjoyed sex, he just didn't feel the need to rip my clothes off.

And it was ALWAYS bothersome - that he never wanted to make out with me, he never felt the raw desire to seduce me.

 

I had Tim for ten months but I realised that I didn't think his personality was a match for me -I basically just didn't want to be with him.

AND WE DID have instant chemistry ^^^ but he turned out to be NOT a person I wanted to be with.

 

Aside from these guys, I have had flings and FWB's in my time, and I have enough experience to know that I simply don't enjoy meeting a guy that I am not excited about at all and who I feel NO chemistry or interest for, and going on dates with them. I have turned away very decent men due to not feeling any sort of excitement surrounding date with them - I didn't care about dating them I didn't care if I saw them again.

 

It may be right for YOU, but for ME it is NOT true to myself to date a man simply because he is good on paper and I find him cute enough - I need to feel chemistry for them from day one.

 

I know I enjoy life more when I date men who I feel natural and instant chemistry for, and it is NOT hard to find - so yeah, I am sure one of the guys I have chemistry with, will end up a long term partner.

 

I am sure it is not that hard to fine a man I have fire works with and who actually ends up being a good long term squeeze.

[RedRobin]

This isn't just about your need for instant attraction.

 

 

You have instant attraction for 'hot' guys, but avoid them because you don't want to go to the trouble of determining if they have good character... which requires that you either

 

 

a) have early sex with a ton of objectively 'hot' and guys who show an early interest in you... many of whom will not be compatible with you for anything other than sex

 

 

OR

 

 

b) hold off on sex until you get to know them and determine they have sincere interest OTHER THAN YOUR LOOKS.

 

 

... and reading my list above... not sure why you believe a plain guy won't be just using you for sex either. I really don't get why you think a man's intentions and character are based on his looks.

 

 

I think you've proven to yourself with at least one of your BF's that less than stellar 'hotness' and mutual early attraction doesn't mean they won't cheat or they won't lose interest in the relationship.

 

 

Here's the thing... you know very well that you aren't going to be compatible with everyone. I realize it is a lot easier to blame some disparity on looks with the reason it didn't work or won't work... but think about it... you could blame a disparity in anything on a reason why a relationship doesn't work. Differences in income, education, height... whatever.

 

 

You have insecurities about your own looks, and are focused on that... so it is natural that you believe the men you come across also have the same focus... or you assume that all men are the same, which just isn't true.

[sillyanswer]

Therefore - I should probs stick to my league, the non hot people?

 

I don't think you can tell the specific reason why someone appears to find you attractive based on whether you find them attractive. Or, to say that a different way, you can't tell if the reason the hot guys like you is because you have a hot stripper type body (as you described it earlier) just on the basis that they are hot.

 

If there are people you are attracted to who are also attracted to you then get to know them. They might not be attracted to your mind on day zero because you haven't shown them anything of it... and sometimes that's what dating is for.

 

By all means try ignoring hot men -- date whoever you like! -- but I don't think that's an automatic route to avoiding men who only want you for your porn star body (as you described it earlier).

[sillyanswer]

not sure why you believe a plain guy won't be just using you for sex either. I really don't get why you think a man's intentions and character are based on his looks.

 

Yes, this! ^

[PegNosePete]

I really don't get why you think a man's intentions and character are based on his looks.

Yeah, exactly. And in fact I could turn it around:

 

A hot guy could get any woman he wants, but he chose you. He has had hot women before, he is very picky, looks alone don't do it for him. He is looking for something more. So while he's with you, if a hot chick hits on him, he has been there, done that, not interested.

 

An ugly guy would not have so many options. He would be with you because he can't get anyone else. But if someone more attractive were to hit on him... he would suddenly see that he has options... would he stick around with you?

 

So there you go, by pure logic, hot guys are more faithful.

[Leigh 87]

Good logic pegnosepete.

 

There is actually a guy who is recently single who was a FWB last year.

 

He is stereotypically beautiful. He has a million dollar smile - looking at his picture people would say " gosh he looks arrogant". So far from the truth.

He is actually so softly spoken and so pleasant. He knows he is attractive I am sure... but he doesn't act like it.

 

We were FWB for a few reasons (we couldn't be together, he was already involved with someone SANS commitment as they lived far away and met whilst on holiday)

We both really liked one another on more levels than just the physical - we could hang out without sex and loved it. He had met a girl in Europe who was also an Aussie.. they went back to Aus after their holiday fling ended. They lived at opposite ends of the country. While they already talked via phone about their already established yet NON official relationship - he and I would hang out and fool around.

 

He is newly single so we are going to meet and be FWB again.

 

He had been thinking about me a lot while he was with his recent ex and broke it off with her because he knew it was wrong to think of me and it just wasn't working long before he factored his inappropriate thoughts about me into the equation....

 

Rather than cheat on her and be a dirtbag he reached out to me and talked through with me his struggle to want to be monogamous. He then did the right thing and broke it off with her. I have always been one to help him through his relationship struggles and just life in general whenever I can.

 

He has admitted that he only goes for women he finds very attractive and he happens to view me in that light and I have never once doubted him.

 

Any other hot guy I have not believed a word they said. He is the only hot guy I know not only found me to be very attractive, but he has also remained in contact with me because we genuinely enjoy talking without any sex involved. He did have a girlfriend for over a year.

 

 

So. ONE hot guy who has taken a liking to me on a physical and emotional level.

[Leigh 87]

Yeah, exactly. And in fact I could turn it around:

 

A hot guy could get any woman he wants, but he chose you. He has had hot women before, he is very picky, looks alone don't do it for him. He is looking for something more. So while he's with you, if a hot chick hits on him, he has been there, done that, not interested.

 

An ugly guy would not have so many options. He would be with you because he can't get anyone else. But if someone more attractive were to hit on him... he would suddenly see that he has options... would he stick around with you?

 

So there you go, by pure logic, hot guys are more faithful.

 

 

This is the best relationship orientated thing I have ever heard in a good while..

 

It has changed the way I think about this matter.

[Leigh 87]

This isn't just about your need for instant attraction.

 

 

You have instant attraction for 'hot' guys, but avoid them because you don't want to go to the trouble of determining if they have good character... which requires that you either

 

I don't have instant attraction for hot guys - I have instant attraction for all sorts of guys, sometimes hot guys and sometimes not.

 

I had the instant thing for a fat bald guy the last time I felt it, the guy I am still talking to.

 

I also have a FWB who is a genuinely good friend of mine who is recently single and he is hot as hell to most women.

 

a) have early sex with a ton of objectively 'hot' and guys who show an early interest in you... many of whom will not be compatible with you for anything other than sex

 

No thanks.

 

OR

 

 

b) hold off on sex until you get to know them and determine they have sincere interest OTHER THAN YOUR LOOKS.

 

I could feel comfortable getting to KNOW a hot guy without bedding him for a good few months.

 

That way I would feel comfortable knowing that he is sticking around me because he gets something from it - hot guys or nay guys for that matter wont just hang out with a girl for hours every week unless they get a lot out of it....

 

... and reading my list above... not sure why you believe a plain guy won't be just using you for sex either. I really don't get why you think a man's intentions and character are based on his looks.

 

Yes I have come across some nasty plain guys. Very nasty.

 

I think you've proven to yourself with at least one of your BF's that less than stellar 'hotness' and mutual early attraction doesn't mean they won't cheat or they won't lose interest in the relationship.

 

My ex ex Andrew was in my league so I thought. He was a 7/10 and so am I in my honest evaluation of both me and his appearances.

 

However, he seemed to think he was a little too good for me.

 

Even his mates told him that I wasn't pretty enough for him.

 

I was thinking.. wtf, he is not Brad Pitt, I was a former model so WTF aren't I good enough for a relatively average dude?!?!?!!

 

.......then his best friends would try to have sex with me but that is another story entirely:mad:

 

Here's the thing... you know very well that you aren't going to be compatible with everyone. I realize it is a lot easier to blame some disparity on looks with the reason it didn't work or won't work... but think about it... you could blame a disparity in anything on a reason why a relationship doesn't work. Differences in income, education, height... whatever.

 

Right. I guess ruling out hot guys will diminish my chances of finding a great long term partner.

 

It is hard enough finding a man who I have chemistry with AND who is a good long term prospect.

 

I will only be limiting myself.

 

You have insecurities about your own looks, and are focused on that... so it is natural that you believe the men you come across also have the same focus... or you assume that all men are the same, which just isn't true.

 

 

I have gone on beautiful people.com where people in the top 2% of looks vote for you and about 50% of them or slightly less voted that I was "beautiful".

 

They rate your face only. My body is my biggest asset. By far.

 

I do look better in real life hah.

 

That just made me think that, well ok, not that many beautiful people think I am also beautiful, maybe I should avoid them?

[Rejected Rosebud]

So are you honestly attracted to overweight balding guys or is it just that you want somebody to worship you and give you constant validation and attention 100% of the time which you don't think a "hot" guy would?

[MidwestUSA]

If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, I suggest spending less time thinking about your appearance and their appearance, and more time connecting with people on a deeper level.

 

I'd add one thing to this.

 

 

Drop the FWBs. I seriously doubt any guy is going to want to explore a meaningful relationship as long as you're getting those needs met on the side.

 

 

And I don't mean wait until you've found 'the one' to drop them. Drop them now.

[Anela]

If this guy likes you so much, why are you only going to be "friends with benefits"? I would want more. Was this because of your assumption that good-looking men would only want to date models?

[GemmaUK]

Why go FWB?

 

 

What value do you hold in yourself?

 

 

To any FWB you are displaying no value in yourself.

[Rejected Rosebud]

All you ever talk about is your looks, if you describe yourself as "affable" or "altruistic" those words really don't mean anything in the context of your threads all about your butt, your hot bangin stripper body, your modeling career, your teeth etc, all I get that you really honestly care about is that a guy thinks you are really hot. Good luck with that, it's pretty meaningless, It means hardly anything in the grand scheme of things!!