BobbyS95 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Ok, so here’s a bit of backstory; I’ve been talking to this girl I like for almost 4 months now, and we’ve gotten close, but neither of us have made our feelings for each other clear. For the past few weeks, whenever I would ask her to hang out she’s been “too busy” with homework or something else, so we haven’t seen each other in over a month now. Wednesday night she was too busy to see me, so I was asking her if she knew when she’d be free. She says she doesn’t know, and I’ve been getting tired of asking and getting shot down so many times, that I basically told her I just wasn’t going to ask her to hang out anymore. She obviously didn’t like that, because she went to bed right after. These are our texts for the next 2 days: Thursday night: ME: Hey, happy thanksgiving. Sorry I was kind of a jerk last night, but I miss hanging out with you and I feel like you're avoiding seeing me sometimes HER: Hey. Happy Thanksgiving to you too! And no, it's fine, I get it. I miss hanging out with you also, but I've been insanely busy and stressed and haven't really wanted to hang out with anyone really. Like I hangout with Ally [her bestfriend who went away to college but comes home weekends] every other Friday and sometimes Saturday, but then that's it ME: Alright, I get that. But idk, I thought us hanging out was helping with your stress because it would take your mind off of it :/ And even though I believe they have all been real reasons that you were busy, you should have just said that you weren't in the mood or whatever to hang out HER: I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say ME: Yeah, I know :/ ME: So is this where things end for us, or do we try and make it work? HER: I don't know. I really don't. HER: I'm sorry, I know you want to talk about this right now probably and figure whatever this is out, but I’m sorry. I can't do this right now. I can't even think. I'm sorry. I'll text you tomorrow night or something but I can't do this right now. I'm sorry. I need to sleep or something. I'm sorry ME: Alright, I'm sorry. Goodnight :/ Friday afternoon: HER: Hey, I’m sorry about last night. I’m not a fan of holidays so it really wasn't a good day. I reread your texts, and I’m not even really sure what to say…I don't know what you expect and want me to say…and it would help distress hanging out and stuff, but I don't know, this is different, I can't really distress ever. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you feel the way I do, I don't mean to ME: Yeah I've been thinking, and yesterday probably wasn't the best day to add all this additional stress onto you. But that's fine, you can distress by yourself if you want to, you always have my number if you need someone. But idk, I don't know if I can keep going on thinking there's something when there's not HER: It's ok. And ok, thanks. I'm really sorry After I got that last message, I figured that basically confirmed she has no feelings for me, so I didn’t respond. But now that I’m thinking, what if it didn’t and I just misunderstood it? Either way, it's been 12 hours since she sent that message, so idk if I should even respond at this point. So should I try and contact her, or should I leave it alone and see if she'll ever contact me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BobbyS95 Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 Ok, so here’s a bit of backstory; I’ve been talking to this girl I like for almost 4 months now, and we’ve gotten close, but neither of us have made our feelings for each other clear. For the past few weeks, whenever I would ask her to hang out she’s been “too busy” with homework or something else, so we haven’t seen each other in over a month now. Wednesday night she was too busy to see me, so I was asking her if she knew when she’d be free. She says she doesn’t know, and I’ve been getting tired of asking and getting shot down so many times, that I basically told her I just wasn’t going to ask her to hang out anymore. She obviously didn’t like that, because she went to bed right after. These are our texts for the next 2 days: Thursday night: ME: Hey, happy thanksgiving. Sorry I was kind of a jerk last night, but I miss hanging out with you and I feel like you're avoiding seeing me sometimes HER: Hey. Happy Thanksgiving to you too! And no, it's fine, I get it. I miss hanging out with you also, but I've been insanely busy and stressed and haven't really wanted to hang out with anyone really. Like I hangout with Ally [her bestfriend who went away to college but comes home weekends] every other Friday and sometimes Saturday, but then that's it ME: Alright, I get that. But idk, I thought us hanging out was helping with your stress because it would take your mind off of it :/ And even though I believe they have all been real reasons that you were busy, you should have just said that you weren't in the mood or whatever to hang out HER: I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say ME: Yeah, I know :/ ME: So is this where things end for us, or do we try and make it work? HER: I don't know. I really don't. HER: I'm sorry, I know you want to talk about this right now probably and figure whatever this is out, but I’m sorry. I can't do this right now. I can't even think. I'm sorry. I'll text you tomorrow night or something but I can't do this right now. I'm sorry. I need to sleep or something. I'm sorry ME: Alright, I'm sorry. Goodnight :/ Friday afternoon: HER: Hey, I’m sorry about last night. I’m not a fan of holidays so it really wasn't a good day. I reread your texts, and I’m not even really sure what to say…I don't know what you expect and want me to say…and it would help distress hanging out and stuff, but I don't know, this is different, I can't really distress ever. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you feel the way I do, I don't mean to ME: Yeah I've been thinking, and yesterday probably wasn't the best day to add all this additional stress onto you. But that's fine, you can distress by yourself if you want to, you always have my number if you need someone. But idk, I don't know if I can keep going on thinking there's something when there's not HER: It's ok. And ok, thanks. I'm really sorry After I got that last message, I figured that basically confirmed she has no feelings for me, so I didn’t respond. But now that I’m thinking, what if it didn’t and I just misunderstood it? Either way, it's been 12 hours since she sent that message, so idk if I should even respond at this point. So should I try and contact her, or should I leave it alone and see if she'll ever contact me? Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 "We find a way for what's important and find excuses for what's not" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 She's not in a good place right now. Life is changing around her & she doesn't know where she fits. She also doesn't like holidays. Be friendly to her when you do see her & leave the door open for her to come to you but don't expect that to happen any time soon if at all. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 ^^^^^^ What she said. In the future you should at least sleep with a woman first before even thinking about a relationship with them. for the most part no healthy woman I know would unload her crap on a guy she wanted to sleep with because she knows he doesn't want to hear that crap & will disappear. The unhealthy women I know who do this end up sleeping with the guy asap when he tells her he doesn't want to hear that crap. they also go stage 5 clinger on the guy right after. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 She's one of those people who doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying she's not interested. Hence she's too busy and stressed to even discuss meeting up with you. The idea is that if she dodges you long enough, eventually you'll get bored or give up and try elsewhere without her ever having to say something that might be hurtful. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 She's one of those people who doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying she's not interested. Hence she's too busy and stressed to even discuss meeting up with you. The idea is that if she dodges you long enough, eventually you'll get bored or give up and try elsewhere without her ever having to say something that might be hurtful. This is also a possibility. OP should just stop contacting her. If she comes looking for him he needs to tell her her attitude was bringing him down. I once told a woman "i'd ask how your day is going but it seems every day sucks for you" she got the message and stopped with the drama chit right away. Link to post Share on other sites
BuckleShuffle Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Not to be harsh, but either there's something really screwed up going on with her life, or she's really really not into you. It's as if she's pleading for you to understand because she doesn't want to actually say it. Let this one go bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BobbyS95 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 I really like this girl and we used to text everyday and hang out every weekend, but lately she was too busy to see me. Friday I flat out told her I miss seeing her and feel like she's avoiding me. She said she misses me too, but has just been insanely stressed and didn't wanna hang out with anyone. We started talking about what that meant for us, and I could tell she was alluding to that she doesn't want/have time for a relationship right now, so I ended up not texting her back. It's Wednesday now, so we've had almost a full week of no communication. She's under a lot of stress with final exams coming up, and I just wanna send a quick text to her to let her know I'm still here/care about her. Any ideas? I was going to send a good morning text today, but I didn't wake up until noon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BobbyS95 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 I really like this girl and we used to text everyday and hang out every weekend, but lately she was too busy to see me. Friday I flat out told her I miss seeing her and feel like she's avoiding me. She said she misses me too, but has just been insanely stressed and didn't wanna hang out with anyone. We started talking about what that meant for us, and I could tell she was alluding to that she doesn't want/have time for a relationship right now, so I ended up not texting her back. It's Wednesday now, so we've had almost a full week of no communication. She's under a lot of stress with final exams coming up, and I just wanna send a quick text to her to let her know I'm still here/care about her. Any ideas? I was going to send a good morning text today, but I didn't wake up until noon. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I really like this girl and we used to text everyday and hang out every weekend, but lately she was too busy to see me. Friday I flat out told her I miss seeing her and feel like she's avoiding me. She said she misses me too, but has just been insanely stressed and didn't wanna hang out with anyone. We started talking about what that meant for us, and I could tell she was alluding to that she doesn't want/have time for a relationship right now, so I ended up not texting her back. It's Wednesday now, so we've had almost a full week of no communication. She's under a lot of stress with final exams coming up, and I just wanna send a quick text to her to let her know I'm still here/care about her. Any ideas? I was going to send a good morning text today, but I didn't wake up until noon. You send her a light text and wish her luck on her exams and that you've been thinking about her. Send one text only. If she responds, great. If not, you leave it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Send her a text wishing her well on her exams & offering to take her out to celebrate the fact that her exams are over. Then wait. She should contact you when her exams are over. If she does not you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 relax and let her reach out and find you ... i know its easier said than done, but wait it out ... if its meant to be, its meant to be ... plus as you have mentioned she has a bit on her plate ( like finals ) and just text her saying " if you need me, im here for you " IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) It really does sound from what you have said that she is not interested. I do not think you should text. Even if she is extremely busy with her exams and does not want a relationship trust me it would not matter if she really liked you because nothing will stop a girl from getting with a guy if she really wants him. A week of silence says to me this: - She is not thinking about you - The message telling her you missed her made her uncomfortable and had a reverse effect - You are coming across too clingy/needy and not showing your value or have lowered your value We all do the above because we are human but if she is not playing games she is flat out not interested. Best to move on and not text. The more you text and she does not reply the lower your value becomes and more it punishes you waiting for a reply and over-thinking/dwelling on if you should have sent the text at all. If she wants you she will contact you. Edited December 3, 2014 by Dallers Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 explain what you mean that sending a i miss you text had a reverse effect Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 explain what you mean that sending a i miss you text had a reverse effect I miss you sounds stalkerish & weak. It turns women off in the beginning. Say something positive & upbeat about how much you are looking forward to seeing her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Wait till finals are over and see what happens between now and then. Give her some space. After finals, reach out and ask her how they went and how she's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Nothing at all. She knows how to get a hold of you. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Any ideas? I was going to send a good morning text today, but I didn't wake up until noon. Lucky for you. It's her mess, she has to clean it up. Link to post Share on other sites
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