I have no idea what his motives are ... help!

[smile]

He has been on tour for a week now. He has called me about 20 times. I want to be happy about it , but I am afraid of being too happy about it. Does that make sense?

 

He has long talks with me about being ready for this( the touring) to be over. How he cant do this for the rest of his life and he has such a good job waiting for him at home. Yeah you can say that sounds promising... but that is how the last trip started... I mean not the good job waiting but him wanting to be home with me and just have a job and a family and live his life.

 

Someone suggested to me that if he really wanted to be with me he wouldnt have gone on tour. I still think thats unfair... I mean its his job and his passion and I would NEVER ask him to stop. It means too much to him, its who he is. But I cant figure out why, when he does go away for long peroids of time, he calls me a zillion times just to talk. He has the band, a bunch of new ppl to meet and beer and stuff and he calls me. Especially because when we were together it was like such a hassle for him to have to call me when he was hanging out and stuff. Like he was fitting me in... but the good talks would happen during the day when the fun level was low.

 

Now he doesnt call just in the morning but at night. A lot at night. Almost like sometimes he is calling to see what I am doing. I dunno why else would he call me at night while hanging out?

 

So I guess I just want to know, what do you think I should do? Should I take this time and go out and get used to him not being around? Should I just wait it out even more and if he comes home and doesnt want me THEN move on? I cant ignore his calls , I tried on Friday night. He called at 4:25, 5:10, 5:35, 6:30, 7:15 on my cell , he called my apt 2 times in between. Nothing pressing, he just wanted to know how I was doing. He keeps asking me that too, as if I am having a tough time or something, or I should be .. just "hey how are you doing.. are you ok?" I have no idea what that means.

 

He keeps telling me how miserable he is. And he says things to me like "no one could ever forget you" or "I cant wait till I get home and I can see my puppy and watch my favorite tv show with you" .....

 

I guess after the 6 months apart and the halfway back togethers I am a bit gunshy. What do you guys think?

[Universe]

I guess after the 6 months apart and the halfway back togethers I am a bit gunshy.

Of course you're gunshy. You've been jerked around so much. He just can't leave you alone. And I think you need to be alone for a bit. It seems like he just hasn't given you any real time to just be alone and think about what you want without him dropping in to distract you.

As a musician, I know that being on the road is lonely. Yeah, there may be new girls in every town. But if you're not into doing one night stands, it doesn't really do anything for you. In fact, it makes you miss your old girl more. As much as I would love for my ex to call me 20 times a week, I think I should recommend that you not put too much stock in it. Only you know enough about the situation to decide what to do. So if you feel ok with him calling all the time and you enjoy it, then maybe you should just let that keep happening. But you're obviously confused, so something probably needs to change. But be patient with yourself. Let your body tell you what it wants and then evaluate whether or not it makes any sense.

Should I take this time and go out and get used to him not being around? Should I just wait it out even more and if he comes home and doesnt want me THEN move on?

If you think you're going to get back together when he gets back, then these next weeks are your only chance to find out for sure that it's still what you want. I say definitely take this time to get used to him not being around. The problem is that he's not giving you that chance because he calls constantly. He seems like a really needy dude. He needs to get over that before you guys can get back together. I don't think you should ignore his calls, but it definitely doesn't sound healthy to be in contact so frequently. I think he's calling you compulsively out of loneliness and you bring him comfort. But he only brings you anxiety. In a way I think you guys are like exact opposites: You guys talk, then you gradually get stronger and start getting on with your life while he gradually gets more and more lonely until he has to call again. Meanwhile, you've gained enough strength to not talk to him, but he calls and takes both of you back to where you started. So his problems end when he calls you, but your problems begin when he calls you. It's pretty unfair.

I say take his calls when you really want to talk to him. Otherwise, just ignore it and call him back when YOU feel like it. But don't wait for him. There's no guarentee in it. You're not obligated to him. The two of you have made no agreement as to what will happen when he comes back or while he's gone. He's been stringing you along for 6 months. How much longer are you going to let him.

 

I know I'm one to talk. I'm the exact same. She's still stringing me along and I can't let go. It's so messed up.

 

I hope you at least figure it out. God knows I can't.

[strange love]

Smile, I been reading your posts since the begining of december. What I can deduct from that time is this. Your ex isnt going anywhere. I hes really making an effort. Like guys dont just call ok..

I read your posts im so jealous, I wish for my ex back every day. You have your ex.. and still your unhappy. Its almost if you look for reasons to be unhappy.

So he doesnt do everything that you would like.. big deal at least he is trying if in fact hes really trying...

I dont know what else you expect?

[smile]

I know how you feel strangelove. I mean I do. But its not about me expecting more, its about me being unsure what to expect. Does that make sense?

 

I am happy he is around. I do feel like he is getting closer. I do feel like he may be realizing all that time we were together he thought the time we spent together and his calls weren't out of obligation as he so often thought. He is realizing that even if I dont expect it, he calls because he wants to.

 

I know it seems like I am being ungreatful. Trust me its not true. I am just too afraid to let myself believe in something that may not be happening. It feels so right and so much like we are getting on track and it may just slide right into us being back together... but I guess I am afraid of it not doing that.

 

It took me this long to be able to be ok either way. Not happy either way.. just ok either way. And now I feel like I am being danced into this place where I am comfortable and I guess I am scared.

 

I appreciate him , I do. He can see it and he seems appreciative that I dont seem needy when he calls and I dont call him all the time. I am hoping he does come home and want me back. Most people seem to think we are back together. But there has been no official "I love you" or anything.

 

We seem to be more rational and honest with eachother. We have both grown so much and it shows in our interaction with eachother. I just don't know what he wants. I dont think he knows. I guess his brakdown came out of nowhere ya know.. so I am expecting to be sideswiped again. I know I cant expect that but I dont have any security that it wont happen. Altho last time I thought I did and he left anyway.

 

I am just scared.

 

Universe... if I dont answer his calls he just calls and calls until I do. He even calls my home phone. I dont want him to feel like I dont want to be here. I want to.. so much. I cant explain but you know what I mean...you're right I dont feel like he is truly gone. I dont feel like he ever really was. I stayed away more than he did.. and he broke up with me.

 

Its just odd to me.

And again I am scared.

[smile]

Okay so I am finally letting myself believe that things are going in the right direction. Firstly he wants me to watch his puppy, so I am. Yesterday he said he was happy that I was taking care of him and that he knew he was in good hands. He said he good knowing that I was there with him now.

 

I think its a big thing for a guy to want you to watch his pup yeah? Its weird because I drop him off at his dad's when I go to work in the morning. One of my friends joked it was like dropping the baby off at grandpas before work. It kinda feels that way.Weird.

 

Then tonight he called and asked how the puppy was doing and ever since he has been gone he has been mentioning how much he misses him. Well today he said he was homesick and he missed all his friends. Then he seemed to get more specific.. then he said I really miss hanging out with you. I wish I was hanging out with you right now.

 

For some weird reason even tho we were together for 3 years and he was sweet and wonderful hearing that he missed hanging out with me just was so touching. I dont want to make it mean too much but thinking about it makes me smile.

 

He does call every day.. I miss him too. I was dumb tho and I said thanks and then I said that he could keep his pup from biting me. I didnt mean to brush it off but ya know? He always seem to want to say more when he says goodbye. Is that crazy of me to think?

 

So guys the fact that me mentioned really missing me and wishing he could hang out with me is a good thing right? Guys do you say that to anyone? Guys am I jumping the gun in letting that make me smile?