My man either works or sleeps and that makes me feel lonely sometimes

[dariala]

Hey,

 

I don't really know if this is a problem I can ever solve, but maybe there are people in this forum who are/were in a similar situation and can share their experiences with me. Or people who just want to give me an advice.

 

Well, I've been with my fiancé for three years. I'm 27, he's 30. I have my own business and work from home, he's a pilot in a commercial airline- There we got the problem. He has very few free time and when he does, he is usually super tired and sleeps, doesn't matter if it's in the morning, afternoon or evening.

When we started dating he was already a pilot and worked a lot, but recently he started flying a new plane with different destinations, which made his flight schedule even worse.

 

Let's give an example of the last few days:

 

- Saturday: Left the house at 10.30am, came back at 9pm

- Sunday: Left the house at 5pm, had to sleep in a hotel in another city

- Monday: Didn't arrive at home until 8pm

- Tuesday: Left the house at 5am, had to sleep in another city

- Wednesday (today): Didn't arrive at home until 6pm

 

--> Now it's Wednesday 6pm and he went to bed half an hour after arriving because he had to get up at 4am this morning to go fly (from the hotel). Tomorrow and Friday he has off, but then it starts again.

 

 

I don't blame him for being tired all the time, but I just don't know what to do. I already work from home which gives us a bit more time together- If I worked in a normal office with office hours I guess we would never see each other, because he often works the weekends, comes back very late in the evening (sometimes at 1.30am) and sleeps in hotels 5-8 times per month.

 

 

For him I moved to another city more than two years ago and although I have found good friends here, I often feel lonely. I guess it would be the same though if we lived where I am from. I just feel like our whole relationship suffers from his work, I mean we almost never fight and everything is fine, but it sometimes just kills me inside. I have told him and he says he knows, but that he cannot change it because that's just his job.

 

Often they even change his flight schedule last minute- For example, the plan is that he has Sunday off and we plan a day trip somewhere, then a note arrives the evening before telling him that they actually changed his flight and he cannot go anywhere (he also has fix days off where they cannot give him anything, but not many).

So well, it's not just that he's working a lot, it's also that when he's at home he's really tired and just goes to sleep.

He gets one month vacation per year (which is good), but he has to use it in a row, which means for example he cannot just take one day or a week off or so when he wants to. He also works either Christmas or NYE and this year he even has to work both days.

 

I really love this man and I cannot imagine my future without him. I don't wanna leave him for that, really not. But I also feel so lonely because of his work and him being away or sleeping all the time. I don't know what to do. Is there anyone who's married to a pilot or to someone who has a similar work schedule and can tell me their experience and give me some advice? Highly appreciated.

 

Thank you.

[StalwartMind]

I think at some level you will always feel this loneliness, at least as long as he has such flight plans. You may be able to deal with this situation really well sometimes, but it's when the overwhelming feeling of lack of closeness, passion and being able to enjoy your partner as much as you'd like, that you start to question things.

 

There is nothing wrong with that in itself but you most certainly need to find out how you best can tackle this situation. It's for no one but you to decide regardless of end result. Some people are not meant to be in these type of relationships, others give up too soon without really trying to come up with a plan if at all possible. You at the very least do seem to have a partner whom is very understanding but he can't really go about changing things that are out of his area of influence.

 

No doubt that it's an unfortunate situation, it can and possibly already has left a mark deep within you which is why you've decided to confront it, at least to some degree. I don't know how much or how heavy this weighs on your man, but he at the very least is not unaware of it. He probably would like the circumstances to be more ideal as well, but his perspective on the situation is likely going to be a bit different than yours. Even if he sleeps most of the time when he is home, it is entirely likely he really looks forward to coming home to the most comfortable surroundings. This may be enough for him to keep going on, despite it is not ideal or optimal for either of you.

 

Life can at times have a funny way of throwing the right people at us but at the wrong time or under difficult circumstances. In the end we are all responsible of living a life that gives us the most meaning, even if that means sacrificing something we do not want to let go. Now this in no way is meant to sound depressing or demotivating, it's more a realization of the events we face during our lifetime. The only thing that really matters is how we choose to approach any given situation, especially the very difficult ones, like the one you are in.

 

We all expect different things from life and likewise we all have to choose the one that is of most benefit to ourselves. This may sound egoistic on many levels but this is where some people as well find themselves capable of living a more "giving" life, granted that is not for everyone. If you haven't already then you need to go on your journey to discover what path is right for you, whatever, whichever and wherever it may be.

[spanz1]

he travels for work all the time, and gets only one measly week off, and then they tell him WHEN he can take the 5 stinking days off??? Do they chain him to his orr and whip his back when he does not row fast enough for the captain to go waterskiing too?

 

 

Jeez, I hope he is looking around for a new job! In the mean time...Skype is your friend. Try to Skype video chat with him each night he is away...it will keep your marriage somewhat alive at least.

 

 

One thing I do sometimes when my wife is business traveling...is to take advantage of her hotel room if it is in a good city to visit, and get a cheap plane flight out there for fun! maybe you can do that every other month?