How Important Are Words Of Affirmation To You In A Relationship?

[Under The Radar]

Actions are of great importance, but how many people need coinciding words to truly be happy, and fulfilled, with their partner?

 

For me I need both ...... My primary love language is "Words of Affirmation".

 

I'm curious ...... What say you?

[CrystalCastles]

Mine is "quality time" and I scored lowest on "receiving gifts" and "physical touch". Words of affirmation are ok, but I generally am not into words. I prefer actions, they say it all for me.

[serial muse]

"words of affirmation" is mine, too.

[todreaminblue]

i dont know......i think showing any form of appreciation is special be it words actions or time......i feel that people who are close to you know what to do anyway......i never thought i needed words but then when i have been thanked or shown encouragement it bolsters my spirit and i actually feel really light hearted...but then so does chocolate....chocolate tends to only make me feel guilty though...heavy hearted after getting it..love gettign it love eating it....dotn like to weigh myself after....i think all forms of appreciation are important and soemtimes lucky dips of appreciation never knowing what you might get a thankyou a return favor a random act of appreciation.........can be really special when you do recieve words or actions or time........deb

[Anela]

At this point, I need action that backs up the words. This goes for all relationships, not just the romantic kind.

[Giggle]

Physical touch and quality time are mine. However since my bf is long distance, and physical touch not doable, words are awesome. I've actually tried to be verbal about with family and friends. Too much distance in my life

[newmoon]

mine is gifts. words is my lowest. i think the love languages book is really great, and it's sooo hard to be with someone who doesn't speak your language. for me, it corresponds to what my parents did for me as a child; showed me love by buying me tons of stuff. so as an adult, that is what shows me i am loved, lots of gifts.

[CaliGypsy]

Your Scores

 

11 Quality Time

8 Physical Touch

8 Words of Affirmation

2 Acts of Service

1 Receiving Gifts

 

I wonder if I shared this quiz with the man I've been seeing it would scare him off . Hmm he's always telling me to be myself . I think I will and see what happens. YOLO right ?

[ComingInHot]

Words of Affirmation is my #1

Gifts #2 (by gift - it could be that while at lunch he chiken scratched 'ILY CiH' on an unused napkin and gave it to me OR texting me a song that he just heard and tell me to listen, it reminded him of me... something cheesy like that)*

Physical Touch #3

Quality Time #4 (almost tied with #3)

Acts of service #5

 

 

I wonder if these change after 'certain' experiences?.... hmmm

[serial muse]

Words of Affirmation is my #1

Gifts #2 (by gift - it could be that while at lunch he chiken scratched 'ILY CiH' on an unused napkin and gave it to me OR texting me a song that he just heard and tell me to listen, it reminded him of me... something cheesy like that)*

Physical Touch #3

Quality Time #4 (almost tied with #3)

Acts of service #5

 

 

I wonder if these change after 'certain' experiences?.... hmmm

 

I'm sure they do...although I would have expected mine to shift post-cheating ex, but Words of Affirmation still matter most to me. The truth is, although he was a champion liar, he still wasn't particularly good at affirming me. Just at being slippery.

[Phoe]

I this a quiz somewhere?

 

I've never taken it but I imagine quality time would be my #1. Words of affirmation are not necessary, only every now and then.

[serial muse]

I this a quiz somewhere?

 

I've never taken it but I imagine quality time would be my #1. Words of affirmation are not necessary, only every now and then.

 

It's actually a book, often recommended on here as a kind of quick-and-dirty way to understand some basic communication breakdowns between partners. It's called the Five Love Languages.

 

Actually quite a useful book.

[dichotomy]

I this a quiz somewhere?

 

I've never taken it but I imagine quality time would be my #1. Words of affirmation are not necessary, only every now and then.

 

 

Google five love languages quiz.

 

Acts of service is #1 fore me - and some touch and affirmation as well, but I always felt the 5 love languages tests - should has specifically had #6 "sex" which is more than touch as a love language to me. It would also help more couples understand the role of sex = love to some partners.

[me85]

Talk is cheap.

[ComingInHot]

Talk is cheap.

 

I wish that were the case for me Me85! Thing is, the same works in reverse for me too. Meaning that the X was not only showing me love with any words of affirmation but he ripped me apart for years with his words.

 

I remember in an argument or rather one of his tirades, I actually tried to get him to hit me instead of yell at me... (just so you know, I would have hit me*) but he was always too smart to do that.

 

I could say ANYTHING to him and it just rolled off, kind of like you (only I am sure you aren't a jerk or anything) just different on how You feel you are loved.

 

So Me85, how is it that you FEEL loved by the people in your life?

[xxoo]

11 Physical Touch

8 Acts of Service

8 Quality Time

2 Words of Affirmation

1 Receiving Gifts

 

Touch, touch, touch.

 

Ironically (or maybe not?) I've got an aversion to touch by strangers. I don't go to hair salons, for example, because that much touching is uncomfortable for me. Touch is extremely intimate for me.

[me85]

I wish that were the case for me Me85! Thing is, the same works in reverse for me too. Meaning that the X was not only showing me love with any words of affirmation but he ripped me apart for years with his words.

 

I remember in an argument or rather one of his tirades, I actually tried to get him to hit me instead of yell at me... (just so you know, I would have hit me*) but he was always too smart to do that.

 

I could say ANYTHING to him and it just rolled off, kind of like you (only I am sure you aren't a jerk or anything) just different on how You feel you are loved.

 

So Me85, how is it that you FEEL loved by the people in your life?

 

No, I meant that the point in my life I'm at now, "I love you" and long "sincere talks" aren't going to cut it anymore. I simply have to SEE actions. Actions speak louder. If you love me, then be there for me. Through the good AND the bad. Just be there. When you don't know what to say, just listen and embrace me. That's how I feel loved by people.

 

As far as how my ex caused the MOST damage to me...yes, it was by the horrible things he said to me. The verbal abuse was much worse than the physical abuse, for me. I'd rather have the **** kicked out of me than to be told I'm a worthless pos and whatever else.

[Under The Radar]

For most people actions are enough, but for someone whose primary love language is "words of affirmations" ...... well ...... they need both.

 

For many people words carry significant power with them ...... to harm or nourish ...... to affirm or demonize.

 

I think everybody's love languages should be respected despite the order related to yours.

 

As the book saliently points out: We tend to love others in the way we prefer to receive it.

 

Knowing what makes you feel loved is no less important than understanding what emotional needs/actions are valued by those we care for.

 

Communication and selflessness are definitely at the nucleus of that concept.

[CrystalCastles]

I think everybody's love languages should be respected despite the order related to yours.

 

Of course! People are all different and value different things. My main languages may be quality time and acts of service but it doesn't mean that a person whose languages are mainly the other three deserves less respect.

 

Its good to know which language best represents your SO. I've read threads on here of how a person complains that their SO never buys them anything and they feel very loved when given gifts. So that means their SO doesn't understand that giving gifts is their love language. If you are familiar with love languages and with your SO's love language, it can actually help you out in performing actions that make your SO happy.

[GemmaUK]

I this a quiz somewhere?

 

I've never taken it but I imagine quality time would be my #1. Words of affirmation are not necessary, only every now and then.

 

I wanna find the quiz for it too.

 

 

Me?

 

 

Touch is #1

Actions #2

 

 

 

 

I think.....

[xxoo]

I think everybody's love languages should be respected despite the order related to yours.

 

While words are low on my needs, they are easy for me to demonstrate. I do enjoy showing love that way, but don't crave it in return. Is that odd?

 

The one I'd struggle to demonstrate is "gifts".

 

I think my husband would struggle to demonstrate "words".

[GemmaUK]

No, I meant that the point in my life I'm at now, "I love you" and long "sincere talks" aren't going to cut it anymore. I simply have to SEE actions. Actions speak louder. If you love me, then be there for me. Through the good AND the bad. Just be there. When you don't know what to say, just listen and embrace me. That's how I feel loved by people.

 

As far as how my ex caused the MOST damage to me...yes, it was by the horrible things he said to me. The verbal abuse was much worse than the physical abuse, for me. I'd rather have the **** kicked out of me than to be told I'm a worthless pos and whatever else.

 

 

 

I get ya!

 

 

My ex was demanding of my time to the point where I could not look after myself - or I had to validate what I was doing.

He actually said 'I am not considerate of any time you need to look after a house as I have never had to look after a house nor do housework'

He was 42 and a year younger than me.

Actions also = being considerate.

 

 

Everyone has a life and everyone needs time to do stuff.

If a RS stops that - something is way wrong!

[ComingInHot]

No, I meant that the point in my life I'm at now, "I love you" and long "sincere talks" aren't going to cut it anymore. I simply have to SEE actions. Actions speak louder. If you love me, then be there for me. Through the good AND the bad. Just be there. When you don't know what to say, just listen and embrace me. That's how I feel loved by people.

 

As far as how my ex caused the MOST damage to me...yes, it was by the horrible things he said to me. The verbal abuse was much worse than the physical abuse, for me. I'd rather have the **** kicked out of me than to be told I'm a worthless pos and whatever else.

 

 

Oh God Me85 :( I didn't know you went through that as well. I am so sorry... Does a virtual Hug count as 'action'??

 

And that supports what another poster wrote about the languages sometimes changing based on experiences.

You are now #1 with Acts of Service and Quality Time maybe?

Hugs darlin'

CiH*

[Anela]

I took the test before I got in the shower, and have been thinking about my results, and wondering what the results would be for family members.

 

 

Touch, touch, touch.

 

Ironically (or maybe not?) I've got an aversion to touch by strangers. I don't go to hair salons, for example, because that much touching is uncomfortable for me. Touch is extremely intimate for me.

 

I used to be very cuddly with family, but have always been wary of touch, even from doctors who are just trying to do their job. I can deal with a hug, as long as it's just a hug, and nobody is trying to feel me up. I don't have much experience in romantic relationships, so touch would probably rank higher if I had a boyfriend.

 

I wish I could find my test results from a few years ago. I think they were similar, though. (I have mine copied into another post, but I'm trying to edit it down, because I rambled.)

[Anela]

I wanna find the quiz for it too.

 

 

Me?

 

 

Touch is #1

Actions #2

 

 

 

 

I think.....

 

Here you go: Home | The 5 Love Languages®