JS17 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Sorry for the length but I'm trying to understand why my ex checked out of our relationship. We are both in our mid-late 20s. Our relationship moved very fast but there were incredibly deep emotional feelings involved which, for me at least, grew at a healthy pace. We've both been in love before so we know when something is right. He came on very strong when we got together and told me how great I was and how much he wanted to be with me. I was at the same time swept off my feet but grounded. After two months he told me that he had talked to his dad about taking it to the next level and later that was in love with me. I knew I was falling in love with him so I wanted to come clean about a secret that I was keeping, that I was a virgin. At this point we had already been sleeping together for a month (he wanted to wait when we first got together, a sure sign that a guy cares about you). He was always self conscious that he's only had sex with girlfriends so he's had a few sexual partners compared to his friends. He had always said he didn't want to be with someone that has slept with tons of men. He seemed to be fine with it but I blamed him for pushing me so hard that I had been lying to him about it. Both events were in the course of a week. That weekend I felt him distancing himself emotionally and while I was the cool, i want to be with you and we'll take it as it comes, girl, I all of a sudden became confused and unhinged at times. Of course he kept pulling away and I keep getting more involved. Eventually I told him that I was in love with him too. We fought maybe 5% of the time but the rest of our time together was more than I could ever ask for. He became very critical and was hurting me so I kept snapping at him. Eventually it came to a head on a weekend away and I told him in a heated argument that I couldn't do this anymore. He said "OK" and went to sleep. The next day we talked and I told him I wanted to try to work things out. He told me he needed time to think about it and he knew how much I was hurting. We spoke during that week and he was very defensive, he had some other things going on in his life that were stressful, and he got very angry at me for no reason. By the end of the week I told him that I needed a decision because I couldn't go on like this, it was too difficult. He told me he wasn't ready to decide but his life was easier that week without me. Is this a commitment phobe (p.s. he has lots of girl "friends") or was I crazy for snapping at him while we were together? Was he disappointed that I was a virgin since he had been talking about marraige as people don't generally sleep with only one person their entire lives? I thought that maybe we just wanted different things out of the relationship...he wanted someone to take to parties and show off to his friends and I was looking for a relationsip and a partner. I don't know. There were a lot of mixed signals. I know that it doesn't really matter why but I do want to know. He also wants to be friends but I know it's only because a guy who can't say yes also can't say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Sorry, how long were you two together in all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 about half a year Link to post Share on other sites
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