I'm devastated and feeling unbelievable pain (Updated)

[HurtGator]

My gf decided to break up with me after 2.5 years. I did everything for her and I tried to make her as happy as I possibly can. During the relationship she would always tell me how much she loved me and how lucky she was to have me. The relationship has been in a very serious mode for over a year. both of our parents have been visiting each other during holidays or just cause. We've had our arguing, fighting, misunderstandings, throughout the relationship.. but I think those things are normal. She is the type of person who is very bubbly, always happy, and laughing and joking around. I love everything about her. But now she just pulled the plug on me. When I ask her why she said that it had nothing to do with my actions and I did nothing wrong. It's just that her feelings have changed. What makes this even worse is that I work with her so I see her on a daily basis. I don't even know how to act around her. Some days, she will smile hard and wave to me. Some days she will just say "hey".

 

I want her back in my life. We (including our parents) have been talking so much about a life together in marriage. What do I do?

[Chi townD]

Move on dude. You need to go into NC mode as much as possible. Avoid her at work if you can. But, if you do, just act like you're busy and can't focus on being friendly. Look busy and keep busy.

 

 

Man, it's always the ones that actually work with there Ex's is the hardest to deal with. Do you think you might want to find another job? Might help save your sanity especially if you say she's bubbly and friendly and always smiling. That's going to eat at you after a while. You think, "How can she act like that while I'm dying over here?"

 

 

Food for thought, dude.

[HurtGator]

Moving on means I don't want to be with her anymore. But I really do. I really want to get the relationship together and for me to understand what happened to get it back on track. What should my actions be with that goal in mind?

[Lugoj89]

Do you really want a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with you? Think about it. She's over there smiling at you while you cry about her leaving you. You don't want that. you don't want to be with someone "who's feelings have changed" you want someone who loves you no matter what. Move on and don't think twice about it.

[Dontfindme]

Moving on means I don't want to be with her anymore. But I really do. I really want to get the relationship together and for me to understand what happened to get it back on track. What should my actions be with that goal in mind?

 

If you want to get her back, move on.

 

I worked with my ex too, I was a complete mess after he broke up with me, and could not focus on work at all. Everything and everyone would remind me of him, it was so counterproductive to me moving on, and being happy.

 

Best thing that happened to me- for my sanity, and emotional wellbeing- was to go away on vacation for 3 weeks, and then get laid off.

[HurtGator]

Do you really want a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with you? Think about it. She's over there smiling at you while you cry about her leaving you. You don't want that. you don't want to be with someone "who's feelings have changed" you want someone who loves you no matter what. Move on and don't think twice about it.

 

What if I did something that I upset her? Maybe its fixable?

[Sweetescape910]

Moving on means I don't want to be with her anymore. But I really do. I really want to get the relationship together and for me to understand what happened to get it back on track. What should my actions be with that goal in mind?

 

No love, moving on means accepting that she doesn't want a romantic relationship, respect her decision, and look foward. I know it sucks, how are you supossed to lose feelings for somebody you loved? But you also have to love yourself enough to walk away from somebody who doesn't want you. Also, closure helps.but most of all, closure comes from within.

[HurtGator]

No love, moving on means accepting that she doesn't want a romantic relationship, respect her decision, and look foward. I know it sucks, how are you supossed to lose feelings for somebody you loved? But you also have to love yourself enough to walk away from somebody who doesn't want you. Also, closure helps.but most of all, closure comes from within.

 

But don't some people change their minds? What if she changes her mind later and wants to work on whatever it is that is bothering her?

[Lugoj89]

Look we all make mistakes and by the way it sounds she's leaving you because her feelings changed not because of something you did. You are trying to find reasons to why you don't want to leave her. You are just hurting yourself

[HurtGator]

Look we all make mistakes and by the way it sounds she's leaving you because her feelings changed not because of something you did. You are trying to find reasons to why you don't want to leave her. You are just hurting yourself

 

But don't feelings change for a reason? For all two years she was totally into me. I don't get what happened.

[Chi townD]

But don't some people change their minds? What if she changes her mind later and wants to work on whatever it is that is bothering her?

 

 

 

LOL! You're talking about a girl here. Once they make up their minds about something, then that's usually it. Not even an Act of Congress will make them change their mind. (Does it happen? Sure! But, not as often as you think).

 

 

And for her to come back would mean that she was wrong. And women are NEVER wrong. They might be mistaken, but never wrong! Why do you think that 70 to 75% of all divorces are filed by women? Because, they make a choice and stick with it.

 

 

I hate to say it, but your best bet of getting her back is going away and starting NC. Sooner or later, she'll contact you to be "friendly". She might have had a bad day and want someone to talk to about it. Ignore it! Hard to read that and adhere to that....but, it's true. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, she needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it.

[HurtGator]

LOL! You're talking about a girl here. Once they make up their minds about something, then that's usually it. Not even an Act of Congress will make them change their mind. (Does it happen? Sure! But, not as often as you think).

 

 

And for her to come back would mean that she was wrong. And women are NEVER wrong. They might be mistaken, but never wrong! Why do you think that 70 to 75% of all divorces are filed by women? Because, they make a choice and stick with it.

 

 

I hate to say it, but your best bet of getting her back is going away and starting NC. Sooner or later, she'll contact you to be "friendly". She might have had a bad day and want someone to talk to about it. Ignore it! Hard to read that and adhere to that....but, it's true. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, she needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it.

 

I'm sure she already has a network of friends and family that she will go to when she has a bad day. Im hoping that whatever bad feelings she has of me and the relationship will hopefully go away with time and hopefully she will remember how passionate and awesome we are together. We were two peas in a pod. Everyone that heard we broke up was completely shocked.

 

How should I interact with her at work?

Edited December 4, 2014 by HurtGator

[Dontfindme]

I'm sure she already has a network of friends and family that she will go to when she has a bad day. Im hoping that whatever bad feelings she has of me and the relationship will hopefully go away with time and hopefully she will remember how passionate and awesome we are together. We were two peas in a pod. Everyone that heard we broke up was completely shocked.

 

How should I interact with her at work?

 

Shocked for all of 2 seconds. Listen to what everyone is suggesting here - go NC - and move on, or try to - or even want to try to for that matter.

 

You're in denial now. It happens, but don't let this carry on for too long. Don't you have friends who can be upfront and honest with you?

 

If you can't accept that she's done with you yet, at least don't continue to contact her and make things harder on yourself. The realization will hit you in time.

 

Don't interact with her at work. Don't make excuses to go by her at work. Don't look at her, don't do anything unless you absolutely must only because of work.

[Lugoj89]

My ex left me 2 weeks ago. He told me the same thing he isn't in love with me anymore. I realized it has to do with him. He has to much personal things going on in his head. you can fall out of love. nothing has to happen for that to happen. It's not meant to be

[HurtGator]

Shocked for all of 2 seconds. Listen to what everyone is suggesting here - go NC - and move on, or try to - or even want to try to for that matter.

 

You're in denial now. It happens, but don't let this carry on for too long. Don't you have friends who can be upfront and honest with you?

 

If you can't accept that she's done with you yet, at least don't continue to contact her and make things harder on yourself. The realization will hit you in time.

 

Don't interact with her at work. Don't make excuses to go by her at work. Don't look at her, don't do anything unless you absolutely must only because of work.

 

The reason why I'm asking is because she will say hi to me or wave at me at work. Should I just reciprocate? Or treat her like she doesn't even exist? I don't want to come across as a bitter person. I also don't want her to think she got the better hand.

[Dontfindme]

The reason why I'm asking is because she will say hi to me or wave at me at work. Should I just reciprocate? Or treat her like she doesn't even exist? I don't want to come across as a bitter person. I also don't want her to think she got the better hand.

 

If it were me, I'd pretend she doesn't exist, so long as it doesn't make me look bad in front of coworkers/bosses. Obviously if everyone is watching this interaction then that's a different story. But if they are not, then eventually you not reciprocating will send a clear message and she will stop saying "hi" and waving.

 

Also, I know it's hard, but you need to stop worrying about how she perceives you.

[flightplan]

My friend, you HAVE got to pull a Clint Eastwood on this one. Whatever you do, DO NOT beg her to come back. Do not show weakness. In a years time you'll look back on this and evaluate how you handled it. Make yourself proud and keep your composure around her. Do your falling apart when she's not around.

 

Man up, hug the cactus and take it day by day. It is what it is... don't beg, plead or whine to her. Don't pretend you can be friends, not right now. She made her decision, no amount of pleading with her is going to change that... just let her be and you take care of yourself.

[HurtGator]

If it were me, I'd pretend she doesn't exist, so long as it doesn't make me look bad in front of coworkers/bosses. Obviously if everyone is watching this interaction then that's a different story. But if they are not, then eventually you not reciprocating will send a clear message and she will stop saying "hi" and waving.

 

Also, I know it's hard, but you need to stop worrying about how she perceives you.

 

Yeah if she wants me out of her life, then she doesn't deserve my attention. She knows how to contact me if she changes her mind. I made sure to let her know my feelings crystal clear.

[HurtGator]

My friend, you HAVE got to pull a Clint Eastwood on this one. Whatever you do, DO NOT beg her to come back. Do not show weakness. In a years time you'll look back on this and evaluate how you handled it. Make yourself proud and keep your composure around her. Do your falling apart when she's not around.

 

Man up, hug the cactus and take it day by day. It is what it is... don't beg, plead or whine to her. Don't pretend you can be friends, not right now. She made her decision, no amount of pleading with her is going to change that... just let her be and you take care of yourself.

 

I'm definitely not going to beg for her anymore. She knows exactly how I feel. I know the more I chase her the more it will push her away. I don't want to sound conceded but It's really her loss. Love is more than just feelings. Those feelings come and go. It's normal for the love feelings to change when the honeymoon period goes away. At that point the bond and friendship we definetly had should have taken over. But she just wants to live a Disney World life style. I have been nothing but good to her and her family. She doesn't deserve me.

[HurtGator]

I just saw her walking in the hallway. I love this girl so much. She is everything I've ever dreamed about in a life-long partner. I really don't get how she can lose feelings for me like that after how we were for two years.

[flightplan]

I just saw her walking in the hallway. I love this girl so much. She is everything I've ever dreamed about in a life-long partner. I really don't get how she can lose feelings for me like that after how we were for two years.

 

This is no longer about her. Forget it... it's done. Process it. I was dumped a year ago.. and I know you don't see it now, but it was the best thing that happened. I needed to grow in certain areas of my life and being dumped taught me an invaluable lesson. I look back on my old self and wonder who I was. You can't possibly see it now, but at some point you'll realize it.

 

I'm usually not big on self help books but I highly recommend you read "The Untethered Soul". It'll show you a way you can process your thoughts and feelings in a very unique way... hence the title of the book. It'll release the anger and feelings of insecurity and helplessness. Trust me on this... read this book.

[HurtGator]

This is no longer about her. Forget it... it's done. Process it. I was dumped a year ago.. and I know you don't see it now, but it was the best thing that happened. I needed to grow in certain areas of my life and being dumped taught me an invaluable lesson. I look back on my old self and wonder who I was. You can't possibly see it now, but at some point you'll realize it.

 

I'm usually not big on self help books but I highly recommend you read "The Untethered Soul". It'll show you a way you can process your thoughts and feelings in a very unique way... hence the title of the book. It'll release the anger and feelings of insecurity and helplessness. Trust me on this... read this book.

 

I'm not insecure. You may be saying " yeah you are otherwise you won't be feeling and saying what you are feeling and saying". I feel very strong attraction to her no matter what. I can't explain how much I was madly in love with this girl. Her family was my family, my family was her family. It's so painful to deal with this to be completely honest with you. I've had other relationships before but they are just whatever. I loved everything about my exgf. I have always believed that happiness comes from with in ones self. But she really completed and complemented me in every way possible. You know when they say you have found a soul-mate? Well, she was my soul-mate. From the first day I met her, to the days until she broke up with me, we were doing everything for each other. The entire time she was telling me how much she was in love with me. It was a greatest feeling in the world. We had everything going for us with passion, love, caring, honesty, sincerity, etc. Then all of a sudden, the floor completely fell out into a stream of molten lava flowing to the gates of hell.

 

I'm a religious guy. I have been praying to God to give me someone like her for a very long time. When I met her, I felt that God answered my prayers. I thought he blessed me with an amazing person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But now I feel conned. Tricked by my exgf and tricked by God. Why would either one of them do this to me? What did I do to deserve something like this? I feel like she was a used-car saleswoman. Like I was saying, for two+ years she's been telling me everything I wanted to hear. Was she playing me? Was she using me? Was she just confused? I have no idea. All I know is that I wasted two years of my life giving everything to her... why not? She was a gf that I deeply loved and I thought deeply loved me back. Part of me says, "hey, if you give something to someone, you shouldn't expect anything back!" If that's the case, what's the point of really putting in all the effort into the next relationship? Theory is, if someone loves you, they will love you no matter you do or don't do.

Edited December 5, 2014 by HurtGator

[Ganz7]

I just saw her walking in the hallway. I love this girl so much. She is everything I've ever dreamed about in a life-long partner. I really don't get how she can lose feelings for me like that after how we were for two years.

 

Hey fella

 

My ex walked out on me two months ago and we were together for 10 years! It completely took me by surprise. I thought the same things: how could she walk away etc.

 

I know what your're going through: I still want her back, still think she is the one. Can't concentrate at work etc. The only time she has contacted me was when she wanted something. It was never because she wanted to know how I was.

 

Mine left me for another fella. They're not worth it. Get to like yourself and your own company again. It's hard though as I'm going through it.

 

Have been doing NC for a full 6 weeks now. Wouldn't dream of getting in touch.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I go to Mass every Sunday and I can tell you God didn't con you. Yeah, he may have brought her into your life but she also has free will. And she exercised that will with you. God had nothing to do with that, but if you're religious then you already know that God only gives you what he KNOWS you can handle.

 

 

Okay, so you're hurt and angry. You have every right to be. What you wrote is correct, she doesn't deserve you. She hurt you and she knows it. Everytime she smiles and waves to you and you give her the same in return, you give her an ego boost. A little "get out of jail free" card. If she see's you smiling and waving back at her, you're telling her that everything is cool between the two of you and it's obviously not. Don't give her a reason to think everything is fine. I mean, think about it. Would you smile and wave to the guy that broke into your house and robbed you blind everyday? NO!!! So, don't afford her any opportunities t ease her guilt.

 

 

You need to start to make positive changes in your life. Focus on YOU now. She's gone. Worry about YOU! Go to the gym and run on the treadmill and push weight. If you eat right and get plenty of sleep you're going to be working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are going to notice.

 

 

Then, get a new hairstyle, something people are going to notice and like. Then, buy a new wardrobe. Stylish clothes that folks are going to notice as well. Be GQ 24/7.

 

 

Then, get some new hobbies to occupy your time. There are usually clubs in your area with people that have the same shared interests in their hobbies as well. JOIN THEM! Go out there and meet new people! SO, join a running club or cycling club. Co-ed sports, dive lessons, photography classes, cooking classes, community theater...whatever sparks your interest. Go and do them! Meet new people and KEEP BUSY!!!!

 

 

Then travel! There's a big world outside your door! Go explore it!!! See something new! New cultures and people! GO BE ADVENTUROUS! If there's a place that you've always dreamed of seeing for yourself, then make a plan, save for it and GO!!!

 

 

THAT'S how you get your revenge! You lead a damn good life!

 

 

And maybe your Ex will ask a co-worker one day, "Hey, I haven't seen Gator in almost a week, is he okay?"

 

 

Co-worker, "Yeah, he's fine! He's Just on Vacation. He went on a diving trip down to the Bahamas."

 

 

Ex, "He's in the Bahamas?.......Do you know who he went with?"

 

 

See? Revenge! She might think to herself, "Damn, that could have been me! Palm tree's, margarita, surf, sun and fun. But, he's doing all these fun things and I'm not!"

 

 

Trust me, it works. We had some dude on here a while back and he took making positive changes to heart. He did what he always wanted to do and backpack through Thailand for a month. His Ex found out about it and when he got back she as him if him backbacking through Thailand was true and he said that it was. Do you know what she said next? "Why couldn't you be this interesting when we were dating?"

 

 

Time to heal and work on you!

[HurtGator]

I really don't think this feeling is going away. I am so ridiculously gravitated to her. I see her and I die. Coworker was having a birthday lunch that I went to and she went as well. I sit down and and she makes her way to the table and she sit down right next to me. She orders a beer and she offers for me to take a sip because she thought I'd like it. This is torture.