Guy won't stop making advances to my girlfriend [Update: Resolved and now engaged]

[sonny357]

Hello there,

 

Need some advice!

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I am 32 and she is 30. We are the proud parents of a little girl and we just found out that we will be parents again in less than 9 months! Yes, she is pregnant again!

 

We're a normal couple. Girlfriend's an introvert, doesn't really have friends and rarely goes out. She works a part time job and the rest of the time, she a stay at home mom. I am a business owner. I work normal hours while my other employees keep the ship running. I decide my work shifts. So I'm at home early and may leave the office whenever I want. I am always available for my family. I love my family, my job, our home and my life. One or two close friends come over drink a few beers maybe once or twice a month and I go out with them maybe once every two months. Before meeting her, I used to go out often but now, it's getting harder to find time to go out. But honestly, I kinda miss that time but that is not the point of this thread

 

Last month, she added a guy on facebook. Apparently a guy she used to know from college. Mr. big muscles and fugly face! He comments on everything she posts on facebook. He's totally annoying! For every status update or picture that she posts, he likes and comments them.

 

The first thing I though when I saw his picture / fb profile is that this guy doesn't seem have many friends or success with girls and compensates by training and showing off his athletic body. He doesn't even have his shirt on on his FB profile pic... He's the complete opposite of me. I am healthy but got a few extra pounds lodging in my belly area that I am willing to lose

 

So, back to my girlfriend. I never looked at her computer screen before because I never felt the need to. I walked in the living room a few times to see that his chat window was open.

 

No big deal, I said to myself. They are just talking. In the past, she rarely talked to other guys on facebook or anything. Maybe just when she's catching up with someone she haven't talked to for years. That's normal.

 

But...

 

A few other times I walked in and saw that the same chat window was open and could see heart emoticons and "xxxx". It annoyed me.

 

So I looked through their conversations. Nothing but small talk... and him hitting on her. He sends to her xxxxxxx kisses and hearts symbols everyday.

 

I think this guy is really trying to steal her from me. He insists on seeing her to catch up. Like at the restaurant of something. He also compliments her all the time, saying how she is beautiful. He even told him "I liked you when we were in college and I think you liked me too, isn't it?" She did not reply.

 

He even sent her a private message that was saying "Happy birthday my beautiful. I wish I could give you a sexy present that I am sure you would enjoy ;)"

She replied " ". He asked "So, do you want it?" She replied "No it will not happen :P" and he was like : "ohhhhh ((". I found dozens of messages like this. He's making advances all the time!

 

I know she's able to say no, but I know her and she cannot be rude to someone.

 

I talked to her about these conversations. At first she was surprised I went through her facebook messages. Surprinsingly enough she was not mad. I wanted her to stop talking to him. I told her that yes, I am jealous that she is according more attention to him than to me and I am not comfortable with the fact that they chat everyday, when I am at work or when I am sleeping.

Because she goes to bed much later than me.

 

She asked me "Are you self-confident?" I said yes. Then she told me "I am living with you, not him".

 

I told her that he is flirting with her. I asked her why she doesn't tell him to stop?

She told me "I don't care, that's his problem. This will never happen. I just find it funny"

 

I told her "Well I'll kick his ass if he doesn't stop!" And she told me "You would not be able, he is so strong" I asked her "why do you know he is strong?" She was like "uhh... I don't know, I don't remember, but he is strong"

 

I've always had fears about infidelity and stuff like that. Doing it never crossed my mind and honestly, I don't respect people who cheat on other people. I know someone who cheated on his pregnant girlfriend. This is the worst kind of person. Well, we talked and she seemed to understand my point of view.

 

However, she didn't stop talking to him. She won't engage conversation anymore, but the guy still reach to her everyday. She replies one or two days later. But she still send him "bye bye xxx" and I don't like it, because she never added "xxx" to other persons she talked to.

 

Why doesn't she delete him?

 

What can/should I do? Since he doesn't stop and she is not really doing something wrong so I just can't say "STOP TALKING TO HIM OR I'LL LEAVE!". I'm not like that. And I don't want to leave! And I know she wouldn't stop.

 

But what else I can do? Talk to this assh*le? Tell him to leave her alone?

 

Will it fade and eventually they'll stop talking? Should I be bothered?

 

I don't feel like spying on her, but I don't like this guy.

 

Thanks

Edited December 4, 2014 by sonny357

[Chemist]

Well, that is rough man.

 

She has a point though, about the being confident enough to know that he is not a threat to you. You looked a little childish about the kick his ass part. Because to me, he isn't the problem, it is your girlfriend. All you have to say is that you hope she's smart enough not to **** things up with you just because some meat whistle is giving her some childish attention.

 

Now, let's talk about her for a minute, she's your baby momma and in love with you. Yet, I find it funny that she responds with xxx... BUT, I will say that her blatent ignoring of some of the sexual comments, waiting days to respond, and never starting convos means she is not looking to progress this flirting with him at all, and maybe feels a little bad for the guy/enjoys the attention up to a point.

 

What I find really discouraging is that she doesn't ask him to stop or stop talking to him completely. If my gf asked me to stop talking to a girl, I'd tell her to get bent, but if said girl was making extremely uncomfortable sexual advances to me, then it is a different story and I would tell this other girl to cut it out or we can't be friends.

 

Did she have a history with this guy? You may want to ask her if they have dated.

 

I would simply explain to your girlfriend that if she emotionally cheats or worse, then you will lose your trust and respect for her. That you love her dearly and you don't want that to happen. That you would feel better (not that she should or has to) if she told him to cut out the blatant sexual advances or she will have to block him. (does this guy live in your town?)

 

Because the third option, which is really risky and uncomfortable but I would do because I am confident and a strong guy, have her invite him out to dinner, and both of you go. That will make him feel like a dbag most certainly.

[Molly Hooper]

Last month, she added a guy on facebook. Apparently a guy she used to know from college. He comments on everything she posts on facebook.

This is okay. Every girl has one (or more) of these. FB has just made it easier for creeps to creep. It's challenging to confront when you're trying to be nice and it's someone you actually know in person. But you can't fault her for his actions.

 

The first thing I though when I saw his picture / fb profile is that this guy doesn't seem have many friends or success with girls and compensates by training and showing off his athletic body. He doesn't even have his shirt on on his FB profile pic... He's the complete opposite of me. I am healthy but got a few extra pounds lodging in my belly area that I am willing to lose

Your gut (not literally. haha) sounds right. He sounds like a tool.

 

So I looked through their conversations. Nothing but small talk... and him hitting on her. He sends to her xxxxxxx kisses and hearts symbols everyday.

 

...

 

I think this guy is really trying to steal her from me. He insists on seeing her to catch up.

 

Uh. He is. He will most definitely "steal" her if he has the chance. And by steal, I mean... if your GF engages, he will take the opportunity.

 

He even sent her a private message that was saying "Happy birthday my beautiful. I wish I could give you a sexy present that I am sure you would enjoy ;)"

She replied " ". He asked "So, do you want it?" She replied "No it will not happen :P" and he was like : "ohhhhh ((". I found dozens of messages like this. He's making advances all the time!

 

This is weird. What he said isn't weird. I have had guys say this to me DESPITE the VERY OBVIOUS fact that I have a boyfriend. You have to ignore what he is saying and pay more attention to your GFs behavior. The smiley would be really annoying to me. But she may not have known how to respond - and apparently she is too nice to just not respond at all. The fact that she does very directly say "it will not happen" is positive.

 

I know she's able to say no, but I know her and she cannot be rude to someone.

 

I know this feeling. I am often this way. But she doesn't have to say anything to him at all. He thinks it's okay to say these things to her because she replies... and often replies with smiley faces. This makes him think his messages are received well. She is saying "no" - but she is also putting little smiley emoticons after that - that's doesn't come across as a firm "no." It's a mixed signal and he will err on the side of "she likes it." Sounds kind of rapey, but it's true.

 

I talked to her about these conversations. At first she was surprised I went through her facebook messages. Surprisingly enough she was not mad. I wanted her to stop talking to him. I told her that yes, I am jealous that she is according more attention to him than to me and I am not comfortable with the fact that they chat everyday, when I am at work or when I am sleeping.

Because she goes to bed much later than me.

 

The fact that she wasn't mad about you looking is also a positive sign. It's good that you also expressed that it DOES make you uncomfortable. It's hard to directly command someone to stop talking to someone else - even though this guy seems gross and is definitely into her... you should ask her what about him makes her feel like she either needs or wants to respond to him and see what her thoughts are.

 

She asked me "Are you self-confident?" I said yes.

 

This is dumb. She is your girlfriend. If something makes you feel uneasy, you're allowed to feel uneasy. She needs to be receptive to that, as I'm sure she'd expect you to listen to her feelings and take them seriously.

 

I told her that he is flirting with her. I asked her why she doesn't tell him to stop?

She told me "I don't care, that's his problem. This will never happen. I just find it funny"

 

No. It's everyone's problem. It's his problem that he is barking up the wrong tree and wont get anything out of it. It's your problem that your girlfriend isn't taking your feelings about him seriously and respecting your uneasiness with their communication, and it's her problem because she's not discouraging him.

 

I told her "Well I'll kick his ass if he doesn't stop!" And she told me "You would not be able, he is so strong" I asked her "why do you know he is strong?" She was like "uhh... I don't know, I don't remember, but he is strong"

 

All of this is weird. 1) Stop threatening to beat up some strange dude. It's juvenile and not the answer. There will ALWAYS be creepy dudes hitting on women, just as there will always be women who don't care about a man being taken/married. You can't focus on his behavior - only hers. And beating him up would only make her feel bad for him.... because she is sooooo nice.

 

2) "Why do you know he is strong?"

This is a weird question to begin with. Wouldn't you guess he is strong just based on what you saw on FB? You described him as very muscular/fit. She probably has eyes too.

 

3) Despite your question being pretty dumb, her answer is bizarre. "I don't remember" how I know someone is strong is... I don't even know. It's weird.

 

However, she didn't stop talking to him. She won't engage conversation anymore, but the guy still reach to her everyday. She replies one or two days later. But she still send him "bye bye xxx" and I don't like it, because she never added "xxx" to other persons she talked to.

 

This is better for the most part. The whole "bye bye xxx" thing is annoying. While she probably only says that to him because he has said it to her enough, she is saying it because she is encouraging him to message her again.

 

Why doesn't she delete him?

 

She likes the attention. I don't delete every person I know that creeps. But I don't message them back. I don't encourage it. She is encouraging it in a very, very subtle way.

 

What can/should I do? Since he doesn't stop and she is not really doing something wrong so I just can't say "STOP TALKING TO HIM OR I'LL LEAVE!". I'm not like that. And I don't want to leave! And I know she wouldn't stop.

 

This is all problematic. You don't want to give her an ultimatum because you know she wont listen (and thus, you don't want to follow through with it). While I don't think threatening to leave will help your relationship, it's sad that you already know she values talking to this lame dude more than making sure you feel good about the two of you.

 

But what else I can do? Talk to this assh*le? Tell him to leave her alone?

 

Again, he isn't the problem. She is. There will always be one of him lurking around somewhere.

 

Will it fade and eventually they'll stop talking?

 

Probably. It doesn't sound like she wants to actually do anything with this dude. It sounds like she just likes that he is noticing her.

[sonny357]

I was semi-joking when I told her about the ass kicking part I sure hope she's smart enough!

 

But I also think she enjoys the attention she gets from him. As soon as this guy comes online, he comes and talk to her.

 

It's not like he's a close friend or anything, he's just a guy she used to hang with (along with other people) in college.

 

Yes this guy lives close enough. Maybe a 20 minute drive from home.

 

However, I saw that at one point during a previous conversation, she said to him "If you wanna go out or something, call me, I don't go out very often" and they exchanged numbers. I really didn't like this part.

 

Just noticed she changed her facebook password...

[Molly Hooper]

Well - that's kind of a different story.

It still doesn't negate the fact that she said directly to him that nothing will happen. But she's not completely discouraging his advances.

[sonny357]

She may have changed her password, but I remember for the last fews days, she doesn't even try to hide her computer. I mean, she leaves it there running with facebook open while doing something else in the house. Her phone is also there. So basically nothing to hide. If I wanna take a look, i can take the laptop and phone and voila

[sonny357]

Living together for almost 7 years, she never acted like this before.

 

Even my best friend noticed that this meat-tube-tool flirted with her on facebook. He texted me "Who's that dbag hitting on your girlfriend on fb?".

 

Even my parents who are FB friends with her noticed him and asked me who he was!

 

This is ridiculous

[sonny357]

Also, she use alot of smileys/emoticons when she talks to him.

 

At one point, he said "bye bye sexy honey I gotta go xxxxxxxxxx ;)" and she replied "noooo don't go :("

 

I mean come on! What's that juvenile ****! Stop it already.

 

Even if she told that it won't happen, I still don't like how she doesn't put a stop on whatever start of a EA that is going on with this mythomaniac jock.

[Molly Hooper]

Living together for almost 7 years, she never acted like this before.

 

Even my best friend noticed that this meat-tube-tool flirted with her on facebook. He texted me "Who's that dbag hitting on your girlfriend on fb?".

 

Even my parents who are FB friends with her noticed him and asked me who he was!

 

This is ridiculous

 

Again... I wouldn't say that is a huge deal. Annoying, sure - but I can't say she necessarily needs to delete him because of that. I have a couple people on FB that do that. It's embarrassing because IT HAS come up in relationships or with family members - but I am not going to delete people I actually know just because they have no concept of normal social skills.

 

Again, it goes back to her.

The pros are what you've said. She said directly to him that nothing will happen and she leaves her stuff open and around...

 

The small flags are that she DID change her PW after finding out you looked and that you've known her this long and this is a new behavior change. Her encouraging of his behavior is inappropriate and annoying.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Molly Hooper

[Chi townD]

Yeah, those texts are a slap in the face to you and your relationship. You need to talk to her because if the shoe was on the other foot and you were sending texts like that to another girl, she would go bat sh*t crazy on you!

 

 

And don't bother trying to talk to this guy. He could give a damn about your relationship. Therefore, he could give a damn about what you have to say to him.

 

 

Personally, I think that it's going to calm down in a little bit anyway. She's going to start showing and that may be a turn off for him. Dude trying to get with a pregnant chick. Constantly reminding him that someone already planted a flag there.

[Discjockey80]

She is being disrespectful by ignoring your concerns and feelings about her being approached and spoken inappropriately to by another guy. It's not a self confidence issue in yourself so much as a confidence issue in your relationship.

[Molly Hooper]

Personally, I think that it's going to calm down in a little bit anyway. She's going to start showing and that may be a turn off for him. Dude trying to get with a pregnant chick. Constantly reminding him that someone already planted a flag there.

 

They already have a child together though. By that logic, OP is really just good for the next 7 months or so. The bigger issue is how she is responding to this situation - not the dude. The will ALWAYS be another scumbag dude.

[lolablue17]

Sit down with her and tell her that you believe her and trust her.

 

Tell her that the problem is not what she may do, but what she's doing now. Tell her that by not rejecting him, she hurts your feelings. A husband has the right to be jealous if another man is hitting on his wife. But the key is the wife response to that move. And when the wife encourages this dude by not putting a stop to it, you feel very bad.

 

Tell her that you understand that she enjoys the attention. Yes, it's nice to have some dude hitting on you, reminding you that you're still worth something in the market. Who doesn't want to feel popular and desired?

 

you also could feel good by hitting on girls, to find out if they desire you. To have an assurance that you're popular. But you don't do it. You don't do it because you're married to her and you respect her, and you want her to be happy, both of you together as a husband and a wife.

 

Can she say the same? Does she do everything it takes to make you happy and secure? It just doesn't seem like she does.

 

Don't threat, dont be angry, just tell her how insecure you feel because her response like flirting with him, change her password as if she has something to hide... (I'm not impressed by her leaving her laptop unguarded... If she changed he password she can delete only the "bad messages" and leave the innocent ones)

Edited December 4, 2014 by lolablue17

[ScreaminEagle]

Hello there,

 

Need some advice!

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I am 32 and she is 30. We are the proud parents of a little girl and we just found out that we will be parents again in less than 9 months! Yes, she is pregnant again!

 

We're a normal couple. Girlfriend's an introvert, doesn't really have friends and rarely goes out. She works a part time job and the rest of the time, she a stay at home mom. I am a business owner. I work normal hours while my other employees keep the ship running. I decide my work shifts. So I'm at home early and may leave the office whenever I want. I am always available for my family. I love my family, my job, our home and my life. One or two close friends come over drink a few beers maybe once or twice a month and I go out with them maybe once every two months. Before meeting her, I used to go out often but now, it's getting harder to find time to go out. But honestly, I kinda miss that time but that is not the point of this thread

 

Last month, she added a guy on facebook. Apparently a guy she used to know from college. Mr. big muscles and fugly face! He comments on everything she posts on facebook. He's totally annoying! For every status update or picture that she posts, he likes and comments them.

 

The first thing I though when I saw his picture / fb profile is that this guy doesn't seem have many friends or success with girls and compensates by training and showing off his athletic body. He doesn't even have his shirt on on his FB profile pic... He's the complete opposite of me. I am healthy but got a few extra pounds lodging in my belly area that I am willing to lose

 

So, back to my girlfriend. I never looked at her computer screen before because I never felt the need to. I walked in the living room a few times to see that his chat window was open.

 

No big deal, I said to myself. They are just talking. In the past, she rarely talked to other guys on facebook or anything. Maybe just when she's catching up with someone she haven't talked to for years. That's normal.

 

But...

 

A few other times I walked in and saw that the same chat window was open and could see heart emoticons and "xxxx". It annoyed me.

 

So I looked through their conversations. Nothing but small talk... and him hitting on her. He sends to her xxxxxxx kisses and hearts symbols everyday.

 

I think this guy is really trying to steal her from me. He insists on seeing her to catch up. Like at the restaurant of something. He also compliments her all the time, saying how she is beautiful. He even told him "I liked you when we were in college and I think you liked me too, isn't it?" She did not reply.

 

He even sent her a private message that was saying "Happy birthday my beautiful. I wish I could give you a sexy present that I am sure you would enjoy ;)"

She replied " ". He asked "So, do you want it?" She replied "No it will not happen :P" and he was like : "ohhhhh ((". I found dozens of messages like this. He's making advances all the time!

 

I know she's able to say no, but I know her and she cannot be rude to someone.

 

I talked to her about these conversations. At first she was surprised I went through her facebook messages. Surprinsingly enough she was not mad. I wanted her to stop talking to him. I told her that yes, I am jealous that she is according more attention to him than to me and I am not comfortable with the fact that they chat everyday, when I am at work or when I am sleeping.

Because she goes to bed much later than me.

 

She asked me "Are you self-confident?" I said yes. Then she told me "I am living with you, not him".

 

I told her that he is flirting with her. I asked her why she doesn't tell him to stop?

She told me "I don't care, that's his problem. This will never happen. I just find it funny"

 

I told her "Well I'll kick his ass if he doesn't stop!" And she told me "You would not be able, he is so strong" I asked her "why do you know he is strong?" She was like "uhh... I don't know, I don't remember, but he is strong"

 

I've always had fears about infidelity and stuff like that. Doing it never crossed my mind and honestly, I don't respect people who cheat on other people. I know someone who cheated on his pregnant girlfriend. This is the worst kind of person. Well, we talked and she seemed to understand my point of view.

 

However, she didn't stop talking to him. She won't engage conversation anymore, but the guy still reach to her everyday. She replies one or two days later. But she still send him "bye bye xxx" and I don't like it, because she never added "xxx" to other persons she talked to.

 

Why doesn't she delete him?

 

What can/should I do? Since he doesn't stop and she is not really doing something wrong so I just can't say "STOP TALKING TO HIM OR I'LL LEAVE!". I'm not like that. And I don't want to leave! And I know she wouldn't stop.

 

But what else I can do? Talk to this assh*le? Tell him to leave her alone?

 

Will it fade and eventually they'll stop talking? Should I be bothered?

 

I don't feel like spying on her, but I don't like this guy.

 

Thanks

 

Introvert my ass. Either you tell her defriend him as she clearly lacks boundaries or you send him a Facebook message telling him if he doesn't stop there are going to be problems. Whose side is she on ?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

There isn't much of a hint in the original post that this woman has any designs whatsoever of taking any inappropriate interest in this pursuer.

 

If this were online dating, and your now-wife read this post, presented as your dating profile, she should dump YOU in a minute.

 

 

Not for that guy, but because you are mostly paranoid where little or no reason has been given.

 

Males have zero interest in being mere friends with women they wouldn't rather be banging, so while it's a given that HE would rather be banging your wife, you don't have any control over him.

 

But your paranoia is far more potent as a way of eventually driving-away your wife, than this guy's advances will ever be at wooing her to him.

 

 

One last thing, when you notice that chat window open, how often does the wife rush conspicuously to close it up (with guilt oozing off of her)????

 

 

I'm guessing that the answer was "never" before you started snooping... what is it now?

 

 

Your wife simply is not behaving like a guilty party, and your pressuring her too much about it will only make YOU look bad.

 

 

In an ideal world, she and she alone would squelch the guy's advances, but in an ideal world, you wouldn't be married to someone who even has Facebook.

 

So yeah, just don't blow it for yourself over something so insignificant.

[Omei]

remember when she said "I just find it funny"

 

You know what I find funny? The amount of excuses

[Raena]

Does your wife have female friends to talk to? Is this the only person she really chats with?

 

The reason I ask is because it seems like she might be feeling pretty lonely. Yeah, you come home regularly and do what you can to be a good husband and father (kudos to you!) but that doesn't mean your wife doesn't need to have friends of her own too.

 

You mentioned that YOU have friends that you go do things with periodically. Does she?

 

It could simply be that she is looking for interactions with others.... feels, needs, wants... to have a life outside of being mommy and wife. Perhaps if she had that, she wouldn't even be entertaining this dude at all.

[Elfend]

Trust in a relationship is vital. But that doesn't mean you should be blinded by trust. The problem here is with your girlfriend and her alone. There is no need to talk to that scumbag or even confront him. He does not have enough morals but ultimately she is inviting him to do so.

 

You should talk to her calmly with confidence. Its great though that you noticed the problem initially before it escalates further. But tackle it with caution. Putting too much stress (ie - threatening or arguing) on her would only push her away). Express to her how you feel firmly with confidence that you are hurting and that this is somewhat emotionally cheating. You can ask her if you were having cybersex with another chick through the internet, would she still have that smirk in her face then?

 

I learned that the hard way myself. My girlfriend got a tad bit too close to another guy. I trusted her and let her be. She said she is just good friends with him. Weeks later, I got dumped and she is now with him. Self confidence is a very dangerous word here my friend. I have confidence in myself and our relationship. But I feel that I could had prevented the whole episode if I had been more vigilant and put an end to her talking to him if I didn't feel comfortable. I know she would had listened. We may still end up apart at the end but maybe not by her cheating on me.

 

Her breaking up with me is one thing. It hurts but I don't feel betrayed. Her cheating on me is as if those 8 years we had together were for naught. I can't even fathom how I could come to trust any other girls and give them my love wholeheartedly ever again.

[road]

Well - that's kind of a different story.

It still doesn't negate the fact that she said directly to him that nothing will happen. But she's not completely discouraging his advances.

 

 

 

Exactly this.

 

 

Many an OM worked his way into an affair this way. There is no need for your GF to keep OM in her life. Red flag that she will not block OM and go NC.

[NateGrey]

There are red flags at why she didn't take more steps to nip this in the butt. I don't care if she "finds it funny" tell her to find her comedy elsewhere. She finds it funny, but you don't. Is her experiencing humor worth your relationship? Ask her that.

 

I don't know if she is exactly into this other guy, but she has handled this all wrong and as a result? I think he needs to go. Put your foot down. This is an old friend from college so not being able to have him constantly hitting on her should be something she could live with. So I would stop with the "I will kick his ass" comments and just tell her to defriend him. Don't make it a command, but make sure you make it known there will be problems if she doesn't. Say she is free to do what she wants, but you are also free to react to her actions however you want.

 

She has a kid with you..if she fights you on this I'd say why risk things with the father of your child all to talk to some dude on FB, which is just a powder keg waiting to happen.

 

Also some of her responses concern me. Her "I'm living with you not him" makes no sense. Since, nobody living with someone has ever cheated, right? The problem is she might not have any plans to cheat, but ALL it takes for you guys is one really bad fight or something..this guy is in a position to swoop in when that happens. Just going off the messages you say he sends even though he KNOWS she has a boyfriend..he is exactly the type to take advantage of her if she is vulnerable.

 

Also, he does indeed know she is with you, right? And that you have a kid? Since if he knows all that and still hits on her that is no friend at all. So ask her why she needs him in her life? He is no friend to her, he is a chump and an opportunist it seems. Yeah, now that I think about it..if this guy knows she has a bf and still acts this way it is a red flag from both him and her. So yeah, I'm thinking this guy needs to go and you need to sit your gf down and talk about her behavior. This guy, if he knows about you, is flat out disrespecting her every time he hits on her, and she does not seem to care. Why? She finds being disrespected funny? If so, tell her to get rid of him and that you will disrespect her if she loves being disrespected so much.

 

No matter what you say to your gf, it needs to end with a "this guy being in your life will cause serious issues with us, so is it worth it?".

Edited December 5, 2014 by NateGrey

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

She has a kid with you..if she fights you on this I'd say why risk things with the father of your child all to talk to some dude on FB, which is just a powder keg waiting to happen.

 

 

 

No matter what you say to your gf, it needs to end with a "this guy being in your life will cause serious issues with us, so is it worth it?".

 

 

 

This is simply wrong-thinking.

 

The OP here has nothing to gain, and everything to lose, thus he is in no position to be risking anything on the bunch of absurd thoughts which are in his mind alone.

[Molly Hooper]

Either you tell her defriend him as she clearly lacks boundaries or you send him a Facebook message telling him if he doesn't stop there are going to be problems.

unfriend. not defriend.

[Molly Hooper]

This is simply wrong-thinking.

 

The OP here has nothing to gain, and everything to lose, thus he is in no position to be risking anything on the bunch of absurd thoughts which are in his mind alone.

 

It depends. I don't think anything is going on with this guy physically - but I feel like my boyfriend would be uncomfortable with me sending x's and o's to a guy who was calling me sexy every 10 minutes. It's feeding into his behavior. There is nothing wrong with expressing disapproval over her talking that way to him.

 

If she weren't saying anything like that, then yes - it is absolutely in his mind and this other dude is just a scummy douche.

 

When you're in a relationship, your partner should come first in these matters. ESPECIALLY if this guy is some random nobody she barely knows. It isn't like he is a good, long-time friend. He should be easy to blow off and ignore - or talk to differently. You should want to make your partner feel comfortable within reason - I would say he is within reason to take some issue with how she is responding to someone who is clearly coming on to her.

[sonny357]

Last night, I woke up to go peeing. It was past midnight and she was still in the living room on her computer.

 

I made absolutely no noise at all and could see that she was browsing through his facebook pictures - shirtless pics, selfies, name it. I watched her for a few seconds and then I threw something near our bedroom door. She quickly switched windows and opened a random page. I went to the bathroom and went back to bed.

 

This is quite a red flag.

 

And she doesn't want to get married. She said she don't get the point of being married. I wanted to marry her but she told me not to ask her. I respect her choice.

[sonny357]

When she went to bed, I was still awake. I asked her what was she doing and she told me nothing just watching TV. I told her that I saw her checking through this guy pictures and she said absolutely not. Lies.

 

The guy know that I exist. He liked pictures of our baby, saying that "she is so beautiful, like her mother" and **** like that.

 

I started commenting after him on facebook, just to let him know that I am here and that I see what he writes to my girlfriend. But he doesn't seem to care at all.

 

He started calling her "my sweetheart" on her facebook timeline. This is not appropriate.

 

So I talked to her again, told her that I am not comfortable with the fact that she doesn't put a stop on his behavior. She said that doesn't want to unfriend him or anything.

 

And no, she doesn't have any real-life friends, except her coworkers and our families. This is sad, but she seems to enjoy it that way. She likes most of my friends. I only have male friends, never had female friends, except my friends wives/girlfriends.