Guy won't stop making advances to my girlfriend [Update: Resolved and now engaged]

[Try]

My suggestion would be to let O/M spend money on his reservation(hotel or restaurant), let him sit there waiting for her but stop her as she's getting ready for her date. Can you arrange to leave your child with a family member without letting her know in advance? That way you can confront without fear of your child being involved. Cary a VAR when you confront her(voice activated recorder). I like the idea of packing her bags and having them ready at the door as suggested earlier. In fact you may want to start packing her stuff as she's getting ready, let her ask you as to what your doing with her stuff, gives you a great opening for your confrontation. Please talk to a lawyer today, understand your rights, you need to protect your children. Have your list of conditions for reconciling ready, you are at your strongest at time of confrontation, she may not agree to your terms later.

@OP: The above is the best advice to follow. Do exactly what Aliveagain says here.

[The Poster]

Man, this thread just breaks my heart. Saddest part is, once the high of what she's doing wears off, she's going to hate herself what she threw away.

 

Whatever happens OP, I wish you nothing but the best of luck and peace.

[Clay]

Have you been reading another thread?

There is no conclusive evidence - yet.

 

Hold your fire.

 

So let me get this straight. She is planning to have a dinner date with the OM. He confirmed this by snooping on her phone and her computer. She already lied about having to work this same night. What part of this is not cheating?

 

 

Maybe I am screwed up but I was sure it was not ok to go on a date with someone else when you were already in a relationship.

 

I guess I need to get with the times.

[elaine567]

He has conclusive evidence that she is lying about needing to go to work tonight so that she can go on a secret dinner date with her other man.

 

Read what Sonny has actually written here about that shift. He has not actually confirmed here that it is a bogus shift, yet.

He has mentioned a FB event posted by the OM, but there is no confirmation that she will even show up.

Yes the 4am morning home-coming is certainly suspicious, but none of these assertions would constitute real proof in any court of law.

[italianjob]

Im not sure he'd even know. This hasn't happened to him before. This is not the right advice for this situation. I may be extreme but you all know how some of these stories end up. Leave dude or pack her bags for her. The secret dinner meet alone would do it for me. Emotional affair has already begun from what he's described. No need for the rest of this unnecessary drama. It's bothering the hell out of this guy. He doesn't need this mess in his life. No one does

 

He does have a child with her and there's another one coming that should be his (until proven otherwise at least), mess and drama are gong to be in his life anyway...

[Try]

Read what Sonny has actually written here about that shift. He has not actually confirmed here that it is a bogus shift, yet.

He has mentioned a FB event posted by the OM, but there is no confirmation that she will even show up.

Yes the 4am morning home-coming is certainly suspicious, but none of these assertions would constitute real proof in any court of law.

The OP wrote the following "Well, she just received a facebook event invitation from the guy! Dinner for two on Tuesday. Nice restaurant. Only two guests, him and my girl. And the text "Here's a reminder in case you forgot babe can't wait to see you after all this time xxxxxx"". This was a "reminder" of a previously agreed upon date, between the other man and the OP's girlfriend; thus she had already accepted. With the OP confirming that there was in fact a reservation by the other man at this restaurant for "Only two guests", this is more than enough evidence. Too often the cheated on set an almost impossible standard of evidence such that they wait too long to confront.

[aliveagain]

He does have a child with her and there's another one coming that should be his (until proven otherwise at least), mess and drama are gong to be in his life anyway...

 

This is what has me concerned, what is her real level of commitment to sonny357 is as well as how much commitment has she to O/M? I think she suspects that sonny may be on to her because of his questioning regarding her whereabouts until 4 a.m. yet she is still going on her date with O/M. She is either way more emotionally involved with O/M than she is leading sonny to believe or she is shopping for sonny's replacement and this may be an exit affair.

[italianjob]

This is what has me concerned, what is her real level of commitment to sonny357 is as well as how much commitment has she to O/M? I think she suspects that sonny may be on to her because of his questioning regarding her whereabouts until 4 a.m. yet she is still going on her date with O/M. She is either way more emotionally involved with O/M than she is leading sonny to believe or she is shopping for sonny's replacement and this may be an exit affair.

 

Yeah, I'm also concerned that this affair might have began much earlier than the OP suspects...

[SawtoothMars]

I'm still alive. Haven't vanished

Yes, sad stuff indeed. But what can I do except leaving? Staying and slowly detach myself from the relationship.

Yesterday she was called last minute to do the evening shift. I know for a fact she was at work because she called me and it was her job number.

Problem is, her shift ended at midnight. Drive home is maybe half an hour.

She came home at almost 4 in the morning. I asked her Where you've been? Her answer :

I was talking with a coworker.

I said really? You stayed at work and talked for 4 hours straight to a coworker? She said YES. I don't owe you any explanation.

So full of ****

 

I've been where you are at and I'm going to tell you that 10 years down the road you will be second guessing your own actions. It really doesn't matter what you do if she has made up her mind to cheat.

 

My suggestion is to give her a very clear option. No Contact and 110% openness... or your relationship is OVER. This is clearly an emotional affair and rapidly advancing to something physical. I don't have a lot of hope that you can salvage this. You can either let her go cheating and then take her back... or be the worlds biggest controlling jerkoff and monitor her every moment.

 

You have no good options because your woman is no good.

[No Limit]

Why are you still with her?

 

And why is everyone believing that this is "just" an emotional affair? She spent 4 hours away with her OM, that's more than enough time to get a few orgasms. Seriously, does she have to let you watch them together doing it so you'll believe her?

 

Get away from her and get a lawyer for your visitation rights if she gets cocky again. By all means don't waste any more time with her.

[NJ123]

I wonder what OP is going to do since it's Tuesday night now....When she's supposed to meet up with this douchebag.

[RemainUnchanged]

Man, this thread just breaks my heart. Saddest part is, once the high of what she's doing wears off, she's going to hate herself what she threw away.

 

Whatever happens OP, I wish you nothing but the best of luck and peace.

 

 

 

unlikely.. she's got her meal ticket (OP). he's going to be up to his eyeballs in child support payments.

 

she'll be free to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants.. she might not even have to work. she could just live off the payments.

 

A lot of women do this

[Chi townD]

Depends on what coast they're on. Really doesn't matter. Right now, it's late enough that she would have been getting ready. Considering that OP hasn't posted anything, I hoping that he told her if she walks out, don't come back and she took him seriously and canceled. Hopefully, they're talking right now.

 

 

I would have banked on just an EA that they could have worked through. But, considering that she took 4 hours getting home from work, he might be dealing with and EA and PA.

[NateGrey]

Well, one aspect that's being ignored is that the OP found out about the details of this date by violating his GF's privacy and snooping through her phone. We could argue about whether that was justified or not. But it's pretty likely that once the GF puts two and two together on that it's only going to make her angrier and make this situation even more dramatic.

 

This is already a situation where emotions are running high. Why add more flames? That's just my personal opinion though.

 

It's not being ignored, it's just utterly irrelevant because the girl was acting shady so yeah he snooped and it turned out he was right. No need to mention it any further, he did the right thing, people have the right to protect their hearts. If she won't give him the truth he has the right to seek it via other means. So there is nothing at all for us to ignore, dude was just rightfully following his gut.

 

Have you been reading another thread?

There is no conclusive evidence - yet.

 

Hold your fire.

 

You apparently did not read the part of the thread where she claimed she spent 4 hours just "talking" to a co worker, and that she also said she did not "owe him an explanation" about this. So...you missed that part? Either you missed it or you just felt it didn't send up massive red flags.

[Chemist]

And so OP, how did you handle the situation? I am curious to see how you managed it.

[Clay]

You can just bet he is begging her to not leave him. I hate to say it but the fact he didn't just draw the line up front makes me think hes like so many others on these sites.

[aliveagain]

Sonny, hope your OK. One thing that has been on my mind is the fact that your wife is pregnant with your second child. The fact that she would be willing to take the affair physical is such a selfish act because she is endangering your unborn child. The child is innocent and you need to do everything you can to protect it because O/M doesn't give a sh*t about you or your child, all he wants is to ride your wife. Some POS like the idea of a pregnant woman as a partner, he can't be held responsible for her pregnancy and the risk of pregnancy is not a factor with the exchange of body fluids(which is a big part of the rush).

 

Your wife hasn't considered the affect her actions are having on you with her second pregnancy experience. She is tainting this beautiful experience by bringing O/M into it. How will you both remember this pregnancy in years to come? I hope you can both find a way to make this right again.

[Javelin]

(10 freakin' pages, and we're still on a cliff hanger! WTF!)

 

Sonny,

 

You need to gain control of this situation, because it sounds like you're being played the fool. And, by your description, your girlfriend has not only been extremely shady, but down right manipulative.

 

After you posted this,

 

Just noticed she changed her facebook password...

 

Sirens should have rang in your head.

 

In short, your girlfriend is playing games! Perhaps she's bored? Who the hell knows! But you need to stop giving her the benefit of the doubt. I will say this, if she is bored - then this may be her way to spark some excitement in her life (even at your expense.) You said, she rarely goes out and doesn't have many friends? Sounds like a pretty boring life to me!

 

Now for the big question (dun dun dun...) Is she cheating on you?

 

The only way you'll know for sure is if you can catch her in a lie about her location or situation. You'll have to James Bond her though, and this will either ruin your relationship (seems its pretty close to ruin anyway,) end your relationship (if you find that she IS cheating,) or save your relationship (if she finally confesses to her mental games and isn't cheating.)

Edited December 10, 2014 by Javelin

[NJ123]

Wondering what happened last night. I think after finding out the outcome in this thread, I'm going to stop looking on this part of the site. Too many heartbreaking stories. It's bad for the mind to always read about it.

[Chi townD]

He might be in jail if he went to the restaurant.

[NJ123]

He might be in jail if he went to the restaurant.

 

I'd say that's unfortunately possible. Hoping for once there's a good outcome to all of this, but I highly doubt it since it usually always turns out really bad.

[Keke1]

I'd say that's unfortunately possible. Hoping for once there's a good outcome to all of this, but I highly doubt it since it usually always turns out really bad.

 

I have no idea why that horrible advice was even written by anyone.

[Chi townD]

And there's a good chance that we were duped and chasing after bunnies this whole time.

[NJ123]

I have no idea why that horrible advice was even written by anyone.

 

I don't know. I'm honestly not sure what I would have done in this situation. It's like you're almost screwed either way. If you tell her you know about the restaurant meetup, than she'll likely do it another day behind his back when he least expects it anyway. And if he goes there, than it could possibly turn really bad in a violent way. Basically if she really wants to cheat, she's going to find a way no matter what.

[Keke1]

I don't know. I'm honestly not sure what I would have done in this situation. It's like you're almost screwed either way. If you tell her you know about the restaurant meetup, than she'll likely do it another day behind his back when he least expects it anyway. And if he goes there, than it could possibly turn really bad in a violent way. Basically if she really wants to cheat, she's going to find a way no matter what.

Yep and the focus should've stayed on her. She is the problem not the clown. He's going to do what she allows. The relationship is changed forever off of this i can guarantee you that.