Just want some input..

[Rosecolorlenses]

I don't know if anyone else is in the same boat, but I am assuming I can't be the only one in this situation. I cheated on my husband emotionally which over time escalated to something physical. I never slept with this other individual but either way cheating is cheating. I have take full responsibility for my actions. I know that things like that are not mistakes and that as an adult I made this conscious choice and then followed through with it. I love my husband dearly but at the time I didn't feel like I was important at all in his life, I felt neglected and sad that we no longer enjoyed one another. I came clean about the cheating and we are currently going to counseling to see if we can work through this. We are at back at square one with our relationship, learning to be friends once again, and enjoy one another's company. I would like to know from a man's perspective, what is you take on reconciling with your wife after she has cheat? Is this really possible? I would like to hear from men or women that have gotten through this situation and what do you think helped or hurt you reconciliation and how long would you say was the time span before things felt semi normal?

[J2911]

Hi, I'm sorry you both are going through this.

My now ex wife did the same to me as you did to your spouse .

I was working 48 hours a week at my job , plus going to RN school full time and with that comes clinical rotations which are more hours. I did all of that to give she and I a better life financially . She felt neglected and cheated.

I couldn't move past that even with counseling independently and jointly. The trust was no longer there and I divorced her .

I'm not everyone though . I know successful outcomes and admire people who can move on happily . For me, it's not an option bc I believe that to be capable of having an affair once will certainly be no hesitation to repeat the action.

This is just my view and outcome though.

Be understanding with your spouses emotions with you.

It's not easy to hold it together in that situation.

Best of luck to you

[lolablue17]

I think every husband and wife should not take their spouses for granted. There are couples who manage to do it with hard investments by themselves, and there are many other couples who need some shaking, (or a shock) once in a while. to realize that.

 

This shock better not be so powerful, like a vaccination of attenuated bacteria.

In your case it was not physical. Very good but you can never predict the strength of your husband immune system (I hope he believes you).

 

I think you have a lot of power and control here. If you manage to give him the feeling that you love him, not just for a short period in order to get "quick results", but for years, then you have a great chance to recover.

[I'mBatman]

Well I would say our life circumstances are a bit different as i am a 21 year old man and my first love of three years cheated on me for a month and left me then came back a few weeks later wanting me back. It never went past kissing or at least that's what ive pried out of her and her ex-bestfriend. We tried to work it out and I broke it off to take some time for myself so that's where i'm at now.

 

Words cannot describe the feeling of betrayal and i can only assume your husbands is worse than mine as you made vows to each other.

 

First things first never say anything about doing it because you were unhappy. Even if you were unhappy you chose to cheat instead of bring it up just like my ex and for me I had no idea she was unhappy. You need to say, no you need to think you did this because you wanted to not because something caused it.

 

Honestly this is on you. Only you know how you felt about the cheating. No matter how many times you tell him he will never know for sure. If YOU believe that it was a MISTAKE and that you would never do it again then tell him and that's all you can do. You also need to be absolutely truthful even if you know it hurts your chances of him staying with you. If he asks for the details tell him full fledged because it will show him your not afraid to tell him the truth even if it hurts him. My ex made this mistake. She knew telling me the truth would hurt and i would more likely leave her. But in reality i could have handled the truth the first time around alot better. Instead i had to badger her with questions making her cry and talking with her friends finally to get more and more of the truth after each of the arguments. This just further made me distance myself from her and her lies.

 

best of luck to you

[J2911]

Well I would say our life circumstances are a bit different as i am a 21 year old man and my first love of three years cheated on me for a month and left me then came back a few weeks later wanting me back. It never went past kissing or at least that's what ive pried out of her and her ex-bestfriend. We tried to work it out and I broke it off to take some time for myself so that's where i'm at now.

 

Words cannot describe the feeling of betrayal and i can only assume your husbands is worse than mine as you made vows to each other.

 

First things first never say anything about doing it because you were unhappy. Even if you were unhappy you chose to cheat instead of bring it up just like my ex and for me I had no idea she was unhappy. You need to say, no you need to think you did this because you wanted to not because something caused it.

 

Honestly this is on you. Only you know how you felt about the cheating. No matter how many times you tell him he will never know for sure. If YOU believe that it was a MISTAKE and that you would never do it again then tell him and that's all you can do. You also need to be absolutely truthful even if you know it hurts your chances of him staying with you. If he asks for the details tell him full fledged because it will show him your not afraid to tell him the truth even if it hurts him. My ex made this mistake. She knew telling me the truth would hurt and i would more likely leave her. But in reality i could have handled the truth the first time around alot better. Instead i had to badger her with questions making her cry and talking with her friends finally to get more and more of the truth after each of the arguments. This just further made me distance myself from her and her lies.

 

best of luck to you

 

Very well stated

[tobrieornottobrie]

I don't think that there's any formula for how long something like that may take. It's great that you guys are in counseling and you are trying to work through it that way. Have you been working through any resources together? Workbooks, books, resources of that nature? Best of luck to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[Rosecolorlenses]

It seemed as though we were going forward, but now came to a stand still and have agreed to start over at square one. Meaning we are back to just friends and nothing more than that. It's difficult to adjust our lives to this being as we have been married almost 12 years. I understand the severity of the situation and I want to be as accommodating as possible seeing as how I am the one who cheated. I don't feel like there is a lot of movement going on as of the moment, but I do feel like this is hurting our relationship, or that which we had left of it. I am trying to be patient and I have come clean about all of it, so there is nothing more to say other than just to reassure him.

[Rosecolorlenses]

I do not consider my cheating a mistake, As an adult I made a choice and that is what it is, a bad choice on my behalf. I have taken ownership for my choices and no that still does not by any means excuse the fact that I cheated on my husband. I know now that somethings are just going to play out a certain way and that I have no choice in the matter and I have to come to terms with that. I truly hope that one day my husband can forgive my actions and see me for me instead.