Again, from a MM perspective

[Justcuzitis]

To all out there. I've posted a few times, and I wonder, do you ever experience setbacks in your healing? I mean, days where you're really sad over the end of it? I've been doing fairly well. I've accepted my AP is off with someone else and is happy. I really do wish her happiness and I won't contact her again. I've accepted that her contacting me early this year and then ending it again shortly thereafter, was just a blip for her. I've accepted that the relationship was wrong. I've accepted, and I've accepted, but notwithstanding the acceptance, do you ever have those days where you just feel down because it ended? How did you deal with those days?

[Scarlet2]

From my perspective of being the OW, I have plenty of sad days because I didn't want it to end, I cry every night. My wound is still fresh though. And each day that goes by that I don't see him or talk to him reinforces that it has indeed ended even though he hasn't said we were over, he just says give him time.

 

Then I have days where I feel like I'm healing, moving on, and that I'll be okay if he never comes back but then the sadness returns because I want him to start it up with me again and I miss the way we were before the affair.

 

As for dealing with those days, I haven't figured it out but maybe being in a different relationship is the key to dealing with it but I know I'm not ready for that. I'm heartbroken and still broken with whatever caused me to agree to the affair in the first place.

[Poppy47]

Grieving is non linear. There is no time limit .

 

As the OW and single, I do believe I was much more involved than xMM. He became my life, unfortunately.

 

When I have bad days, I think back to some particular time when I was side lined and felt mortified. Or when he went on a cruise with his wife for a month.

It helps me to remember there was a reason I left the A. It was bad for me and I didn't want it in my future.

 

Also, a bad day is just that. It can happen to anybody. Tomorrow your spirits will rise a little and soon you will be back on track. One bad day doesn't mean the end of the world.

 

Remember that every day you are one day further away from her and the A.

Surely that is all good?

Poppy.

[FusionCutter]

To all out there. I've posted a few times, and I wonder, do you ever experience setbacks in your healing? I mean, days where you're really sad over the end of it? I've been doing fairly well. I've accepted my AP is off with someone else and is happy. I really do wish her happiness and I won't contact her again. I've accepted that her contacting me early this year and then ending it again shortly thereafter, was just a blip for her. I've accepted that the relationship was wrong. I've accepted, and I've accepted, but notwithstanding the acceptance, do you ever have those days where you just feel down because it ended? How did you deal with those days?

 

I think it's best if you focus on yourself. You aren't doing yourself any favors by obsessing over the healing of your OW. Meanwhile your wife suffers. Have you considered telling your wife everything?

[jackslife]

Effectively you've come to the end of a relationship and miss it. It's not uncommon for WS's to get depressed and sometimes suicidal when an affair comes to an end.

 

The sex and emotional connection that you had with her is gone and there is now avoid. The question really is can your wife fill that void. If you can reconnect with your wife to get that missing connection and improve your sex life with her, then she will quickly fade from view.

 

If those two things are missing from your marriage, they will stay missing from your marriage unless a) you rebuild and get them, or b) look for a new AP to fill that void.

 

Unlike a 'normal' relationship, where you finish and move on and ultimately find someone new. You can't fall back on friends and family for support or start dating again.

 

My advice would be seek IC. I also think the end of the affair with NC gives you a chance to reappraise your marriage. Do you genuinely want to be with your wife? If you had an affair because you were unhappy, that unhappiness is still there and needs to be sorted.

 

I'd advise IC just to help you and decide what it is you really want...