I've cheated on my bf and am not sure if I should tell him.

[Cecelius]

Your post says you were broken up, so its not cheating.

 

Your b/f may ask if you're still a virgin; you can't lie. He may have been up to stuff himself too.

[Firesqueak]

Yeah, I had a very nice boyfriend that I messed around on, too.

 

Really...it's affected our whole relationship. He's so jealous, possessive and needy now that it's totally smothering. He has to know where I am all the time. If he doesn't know where I am, he gets pissed.

 

If you feel like you want to punish youself, then tell him, and expect the punishment to last for a long time. Mine has lasted for well over a year.

 

You're probably wondering why I've put up with it for so long- Maybe I just like pain? I have no idea.

[billybadass36]

Originally posted by Firesqueak

You're probably wondering why I've put up with it for so long- Maybe I just like pain? I have no idea.

 

I'm wondering why he didn't drop your a$$ the second he found out. YOU did the cheating. He's somehow decided that your relationship is worth working through the cheating. He's entitled to know where you are and what you're doing. Trust once broken is a bitch to regain. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

[Faith77]

Well thaks for the various advice guys.

 

But about the virgin part. It is posible for him/a man to definately know whether or not i'm still a virgin. Will my virgina tell on it self. Will it feel the same? Or will he know that someone has been there before?

[Moose]

Faith,

 

Of course he'll know that you're no longer a virgin. You'll then have to explain how that happened. To tell you the truth......it seems to me that if you really loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't of even thought twice as to who you lost your virginity to........it's obvious to me that you didn't think that was important though......I can almost see how the rest of your relationships are going to play out.

 

"Yes, I love my husband, but I also crave sex with different men......who's it hurtin' if he doesn't know?"

[Faith77]

Moose,

 

I do love him......beleive it are not. Maybe i should have given my virginity to him, but we weren't together when i slept with this other guy (who i gave it to). We were together for two years, so if he wanted it he would have gotten it. There were serveral opportunities where we could have made love, which he always turn down/stopped it from going all the way. I guess he was being a gentleman. I'm not trying to make excuses though. Thank you for your advice.

[Moose]

We were together for two years, so if he wanted it he would have gotten it.

I guess he was being a gentleman.

Have you stopped to think that maybe he wasn't only being a gentleman, he was also showing you the up-most respect for you.......poor guy. People like him are one in a million. I really hope things work out for him.....I mean in his favor. And I hope that you re consider what sex means to you. It shouldn't be given freely like you did. It's to be shared between 2 people who love each other and preferably in marriage.

[Faith77]

Thanks for making me feel a lot worst. I guess i deserve it. But we are all humans and prone to make mistakes at times.

[Cecelius]

1) Moose, I think you just proved to any dude who was in doubt that there is NO upside in sitting on your hands. Even the girl you treated nicely will call you out on it.

 

2) Faith wasn't cheating as far as she reasonably feels. Of course the b/f won't like it, but he'll either deal with it or find someone else.

[Moose]

Originally posted by Faith77

Thanks for making me feel a lot worst. I guess i deserve it. But we are all humans and prone to make mistakes at times.

Yes, this is true. And I apologize for making you feel worse. I'm just trying to let you look through his glass clearly. I know that you realize your mistake, and what's done is done. I sincerely hope that he doesn't find out, (Although the chances are good that he will), whatever you do, if he finds out, let him know it wasn't his fault. The blame is really all on you, and if you lose him, that will be payment for what you've done and you can move on. If he stays, then great! Realize what you have in him.

1) Moose, I think you just proved to any dude who was in doubt that there is NO upside in sitting on your hands. Even the girl you treated nicely will call you out on it.

Where do you see that there's no upside? There's a huge upside! The one who is patient and sits on his hands is the one who's honor remains intact. Even if he fails, and doesn't win that special moment from the one he loves, his honor won't fail him, or sleep with someone else.

[Cecelius]

Originally posted by Moose

Where do you see that there's no upside? There's a huge upside! The one who is patient and sits on his hands is the one who's honor remains intact. Even if he fails, and doesn't win that special moment from the one he loves, his honor won't fail him, or sleep with someone else.

 

Self respect is fine, and actually critical to a man being a man. But a woman wants a man to be a man sexually and put some moves on her, instead of sitting around like a eunuch.

[Bunnylove]

I just wana thank and congradulate that last member for saying it like it is. So your a cheater and now you wana be a lier too? DON'T!!!!!!!!

 

It is NOT fair on the guy no matter what!!!! If you keep this to yourself you ARE going to make it worse. You think he won't be able to tell that something it up? I have just ended a relationship with the first person i ever considered marrying...we had ALLOT going for us. But I didnt trust him completally and the last time I was visiting him I found a letter from another women. He initially lied about it because IDIOTS like his friends and even his mum led him to belive it was all gona be ok and just to put it down to a silly mistake. Well i didnt care whetehr it was a mistake or not at that point. Eventually he caved and told me they had made out. In MY book that was cheating but I might have cut him slack as we were in a long distance relationship. The BIG problem was his lieing. He had kept it to himself for 6 months. I found out of my own accord and he STILL lied utill I asked him calmly about the girl. He couldnt deal with the guilt any longer and told me the whole storey. i will NEVER get over the fact that he had kept it a secret. It's like he chose to keep me out of his life and the secret was between him and HER!!!!Grrr. It became a dirty little secret between the two of them. i never have got over the fact that he lied to me. We gave it another go but unfortunetly the trust was gone. NOT just because he cheated ...because he LIED!! If you WANT your relationship to work you MUST be honest and NOW. The longer you leave it the more he will hurt for you having kept this from him. HE has a RIGHT to chose.....trust him....if your relationship is tight..apart from this issue...he may find a way to get his head around it. Excluding him from your life is NOT the way for a relationship to be. Its a RELATINSHIP so friking RELATE and SHAME on all the other members for encouraging her to lie!!!! If you can't be honest with him than your not letting him know who you really are! On the other hand you don't really seem to want him that much anyway...maybe you just not ready for a monogamos relationship? Maybe you not ready for him? Maybe your too scared to lose his love for you. Just remember it's not just about YOU though.....if you care at all about this man than be honest...at least with yourself!

[Ty]

Don't tell him, break up with him..

[Faith77]

Thank you for your advice Cecelius, Ty and Bunnylove.

 

I must say that some of the advice I’ve received have been very helpful….others were well…..Bottom line I now know what I need to do.

 

You know it is so funny the way a woman can find it in her heart to forgive a man for cheating, but when the table is turned, all hell breaks loose. It is so funny the way a man can cheat on his wife or girlfriend and literally begs her for forgiveness…….but if she ever makes that mistake, forgiveness is impossible.

 

Many of you may (like myself) have heard, experience or have seen situations where a man not only cheats on his wife or g/f, but moves out of the house to live with this other person and when things do not work out he comes running back. And she takes him back knowing fully well that she’ll be the laughing stock and topic of discussion for all the neighbors, co-workers, people at church etc. But she takes him back.

 

The man on the other hand if he’s placed in the situation…..He condemns the women, kicks her out of the house, (her and the children if there’s any), he stops spending time with his children, stop support them financially and the list goes on. All because to him it is impossible to forgive her for making the same mistake they themselves make soooooo often. Funny isn’t it?

 

Well the good thing about all of this is that I can learn from my mistake. It’s all in the game of life for us to fall and stumble at times. The important thing is how we learn from them, and usually our mistakes make us a better and stronger person, once we have recovered. Any thanks all.

 

Rgds,

Faith

[Babylonia Beaune]

Never tell him. You will make him hurt inside forever. It will help nothing. If you have issues over things, discuss the issues, but don't give him this pain. Would you like the pain yourself? Spare him the pain. To tell him is like you're bragging or you think it makes you look good or you're the sexual athlete... Don't be vain...

[VnusMars]

Never tell him. You will make him hurt inside forever. It will help nothing. If you have issues over things, discuss the issues, but don't give him this pain. Would you like the pain yourself? Spare him the pain. To tell him is like you're bragging or you think it makes you look good or you're the sexual athlete... Don't be vain...

 

 

The enemy of committment is secrecy.

 

She should tell him and let HIM decide what he wants to do about it.

He's going to hurt alot worse if he finds out by himself.

She screwed up by cheating in the first place - not telling isn't saving HIM, it's to save HER. And she doesn't deserve to be saved now, she owes him the truth.

 

And the idea that admitting an affair is bragging??? Wow. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Tell that to my wife and ask her if that's what she thought when I told her about my affairs, and she'll punch you in the mouth.

[Babylonia Beaune]

Yes, telling your partner can be a kind of bragging: "Look how sexy I am. Someone loves my body." Or, "Not everyone thinks I'm as bad a lover as you do." Sorry this thought never occurred to you, but several people have described their affairs to me so that I reached that conclusion. Besides, not all people are the same or have the same motivations, as your ridicule of my post seems to suggest. Thanks for laughing at me. As far as "secrecy being the enemy of commitment," thanks again. I guess for you it is, but privacy boundaries are certainly not the one-size fits all that you think they are. There are just some things I don't tell my hubby. Would you like an example? He's physically not much of a turn on for me anymore and what can he do about that, I'd sure like to know! Should I tell him... Break his heart . . .?

[Spectre]

*sighs*

 

Ok...listen up you silly dames. I'm only going to say this once.

 

STOP. WITH. THE. "SPARING FEELINGS". BULL****.

 

It is bull**** and you know it. Just stop it. Please. You just don't want to own up to your mistakes. You don't want to deal with the consequences of what you've done. Sparing feelings my ass. If you really believe that lying to someone is going to save them from any pain, you are an idiot and I'd appreciate it if you stayed far away from me and *spare me* the wasted time. What is with you ladies? Can any of you tell me how in the hell that idea seems LOGICAL to you? If you lie to someone about ANYTHING in a relationship, be it cheating or any other smaller issue in that relationship it will only make things WORSE.

 

How are so MANY of you so very, very STUPID to believe that keeping things to yourselves will make the situation allll better? Who taught you that? They were obviously stone-drunk when they told you.

 

If you cheat on someone and you hide it:

 

- When we DO find out (and we often do) we hate you for being such a lying whore.

- If we don't find out, we NEVER get any closure on the relationship if it ends.

- You effectively torpedo any chances of us ever trusting you again or wanting to take you back if that's your aim.

- You s-t-r-a-n-g-l-e to death any possibilty of us ever being on friendly terms with you. You will be lucky if we don't flip you off and yell "cum guzzling whore" on sight afterwards

 

If you have a gripe in the relationship and you hide it:

 

- Nothing ever gets better because we don't know anything's wrong.

- You just get more and more pissed off and wonder why things don't get better (stupidstupidstupid)

- The relationship likely ends terribly over crap that we weren't even aware of.

 

I wish you chicks would stop being so stupid when it comes to things like this. There is NOTHING more pathetic and ironic than a society of women rahh-rahhing over being equal to men but being such COMPLETE COWARDS that they're afraid of opening their frigging mouths. You've got to be joking...

 

Whatever. Good luck in your next delusion, I mean, relationship.

 

 

 

every single girl on this board needs to read this reply(and some even from this thread itself) and not just read it, but read it over and over and over again. Maybe it will sink in, cuz I'm about ready to claw my eyes out at the next genius who says lying to someone you care for will help things

[Grinning Maniac]

Privacy is not the same as secrecy. Privacy is expecting that you won't be videotaped while you take a piss. Secrecy is expecting that you can treat people badly as long as they don't know about it.

 

One of these is based on mutual respect for boundaries and personal feelings. The other is based on lying about something you've done so that you won't get in trouble.

 

One of these is basic human decency. The other is disrespect and deception.

 

G'night.

 

PS: Yes, Babs...depending on what the issue is, you should let you husband know how you feel. If it's just a case of "the olds", then that's life. But if it's a case of him needing to hit the gym...what's the problem? Yay..you've spared his feelings at the expense of your desires...which more likely than not...will hurt his feelings badly in the long run (coughwhenyoushagthepoolboycough)

[Starling2003]

If you want to stay with him then I would tell him. If you don't want to stay with him then why are you dating him????? If you want to stay with him then you need to tell him or else there will be problems later. Even if he doesn't know you will know...and that will get to you. However, if you don't want to stay with him...then break up.