Whatisupthesedays Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I just started out as a lawyer this year and I am starting to lose all of my friends. I used to be the life of every party and now I only socialise with them if I am guaranteed an excellent time. Otherwise, I have such an intense job, and am so tired all the time, that I just can't be bothered. They also have jobs that involve long hours and high pressure, but I guess their social lives take priority because they are still out and about organising things every weekend. The last straw for them, I think, came on Friday night. I was working back late and cancelled out on dinner, which was for a friends' birthday. I probably could have shown up later but I just wanted to go home. I have since apologised to everyone and asked how it was blab la, and no one has responded to my messages. I was no doubt central bitch fodder around the table. They have also caught me a couple of times now out with work colleagues when I have said I was too busy to meet up with them, so they also probably suspect that this was again the case. I feel like absolute CRAP. I am not a good friend, but my lifestyle has changed dramatically. I just don't want to wake up in 5 years and realise I have nothing left but my career. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Hmmm...another lawyer posted a thread on this forum because she lost all her friends due to stealing from them.....but that should come as no surprise to anyone. But your problem has nothing to do with your profession. This happens to many of us. I have a demanding job also, work long hours, and go in on weekends too. This leaves little time or energy to socialize with friends. It's about finding a balance between personal and work life....I'll admit it can be a bit of a challenge. Link to post Share on other sites
life loser Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by Whatisupthesedays I just don't want to wake up in 5 years and realise I have nothing left but my career. most people in high-pressure jobs do. I had one once and quit to save my marraige maybe you can see a 'life-coach' or seomthing to help you handle it all good luck Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Don't let it get to you. I've been going through what you are going through, my entire adult life. First while a student - I chose to study instead of attending weddings, birthdays and the such. Later, my work demanded a lot of my time, and I have put that as a priority. I could've chosen to instead make friends and family happy - but I wouldn't have graduated with honors or been as successful. Only professioinals can relate to you. It is hard at first, but then you get used to it and even get annoyed at people who make you feel like s*** for looking after yourself. It's not like they're going to be paying your bills. I am better off than 99% of the people I know. And by the way, I am studying for my LSAT so I too will be a lawyer soon - from being a stock broker, to a real estate/mortgage broker to now a lawyer. I would NEVER have gotten this far if I went to - yeah I'll admit - all those nice weddings, birthday parties and get togethers... You're not alone. There are a lot of other successful people out there. At least now my family can see/understand through witnessing my accomplishments, that I'm not just flaking, but when I've said I've had to study or work, they can now really really believe/see for themselves with all of my gains... Hang in there! Be tough and don't let their selfish and/or ignorant (and of course hurtful) silent treatment get to you. Don't give in to people who are not going through what you are.... PS Ideally you could find balance - my relationships have failed, family have been hurt and the list goes on - but I've wanted the nice car, the nice house and the best in life so see it as an invest for your future. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl PS Ideally you could find balance - my relationships have failed, family have been hurt and the list goes on - but I've wanted the nice car, the nice house and the best in life so see it as an invest for your future. Hope this helps. I'm sure Whatisupthesedays is well aware of the materialist gains his career will bring. But maybe he also wants to find time to still have a little fun with the people in his life....his concerns are valid. YOU may want the cars and houses, but some hard-working individuals acknowledge the importance of having fullfilling relationships...and maintaining a balance is for them 'the best in life'. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Really, I don't expect you to be able to relate to my posting - I am talking to the top 1% professionals who have to sacrifice - not balance. Maybe he's not at that level, only then does my post not apply to him, but I don't think it applies to you either jellybean. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Have fun cuddling your nice car at night. I'm sure your fine house will be there to comfort you when you're sick, too. Just the sort of life I envy. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Don't worry - family and the true friends are still in my life, plus I have the nice houseS and carS. I don't expect you to relate to what I posted either moimeme Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I'm crushed. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Please don't be!! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by Whatisupthesedays I feel like absolute CRAP. I am not a good friend, but my lifestyle has changed dramatically. I just don't want to wake up in 5 years and realise I have nothing left but my career. Hey, I've been there. Don't let work take over your life. Life Loser's suggestion of a life-coach sounds good. Or at the very least some time management books. You know, my career has not suffered at all from me setting boundaries - in fact, the fixed deadline of going home at a reasonable hour can really concentrate the mind. Thanks for nothing, toi-même. Now I can't get the image out of my mind of HotCaliGirl cuddling her car. Does he know though that she's two-timing him by running a second car elsewhere? Link to post Share on other sites
sunlight Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Why did you not just tell you friends the truth, or at least invite them out with your co workers. You lied to them, ya I would consider that low on the friend poll. I have lost contact with friends from working too much, but you always make time to be honest with them. Also, "I only socialise with them if I am guaranteed an excellent time" Who do you really think you are? Heck if everyone decided Im only going out if the red carpet is pulled out, no one would go out. Friendship comes with good times, and not so good times thats what makes it excellent. Think for a minute what you will have yes if you work hard, but think of the type of person moral wise you will lose. Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 It just looks like your career is more important than keeping up with your personal relationships. That's all. People are different. I've been a practicing litigation attorney for 5 years now. I'm as successful as any of my contemporaries, and I've actually flown solo on half a dozen jury trials, one of which netted a semi-big-time verdict. I've never been accused of lacking in the social life department. For one reason or another I've managed to reconcile my personal life with my professional life...mostly because I'm actually truly friends with the other attorneys in my office. All of my college and law school friends live on the other side of the state so it actually requires some planning and foresight in getting together, but we all make it a point to do so. I'd give up that little diploma on the wall and my license to practice law in a heartbeat, though, if it in any way adversely affected my ability to be a good friend, husband or father. But, again, those are MY priorities, not yours. Different? Maybe. So what? Bottom line is that if you want to keep your friends (which you might not be able to do at this late date), you have to sacrifice a little on the other end. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Thanks for nothing, toi-même. Now I can't get the image out of my mind of HotCaliGirl cuddling her car. Does he know though that she's two-timing him by running a second car elsewhere? Sorry to burst your bubble, RR, but she doesn't care. She just rides him when it pleases her and, when she's tired of him, she'll trade him in for a shinier model. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme She just rides him when it pleases her and, when she's tired of him, she'll trade him in for a shinier model. With a bigger engine and more horsepower, I suppose? Too many Freudian references to cars pop into mind... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Too many Freudian references to cars pop into mind... Really? (bats eyelashes innocently) I can't imagine how! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Really? (bats eyelashes innocently) I can't imagine how! Shhhhh... I'll tell you later (conspiratorial wink) Right now I'm off to the garage - my big end has gone Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Is HotCaliGirl serious with what she wrote or is this some kind of reverse psychology? I actually don't think that anybody who is roaming this message board is so independent not to need the interaction with other human beings and is able to discard them so easily without seemingly regret. In the end there's always a certain loneliness behind it, it's the lack of anybody to share your success and happiness with because you're so consumed with your work and it's also the lack of support and understanding from family and friends. And let's not forget, no one can enjoy his success alone, success without having anyone to look up to you or who is jealous of what you have achieved is not real success. It's probably also nice to look down on other people who would like to have achieved the same, but failed. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Right now I'm off to the garage - my big end has gone Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by Whatisupthesedays I feel like absolute CRAP. I am not a good friend, but my lifestyle has changed dramatically. I just don't want to wake up in 5 years and realise I have nothing left but my career. What do u want WHATISUPTHESEDAYS? You are a lawyer, they don't pay you $250K per year to do nothing! If u wanted a social life u should have gone into teaching or social work. Your large salary is your payment for having no time or friends. And, in addition, let me point out that one does not need friends to practice law. Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Believe it or not, you can be a lawyer and have friends. I have like 2. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by billybadass36 Believe it or not, you can be a lawyer and have friends. I have like 2. I thought lawyers are one of the most hated groups in the USA? Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Guess I'm the exception to the rule, then. Link to post Share on other sites
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