Locating Ex to Serve Papers

[Molly Hooper]

Did anyone have trouble locating an ex to serve with divorce papers? Despite my attempts, my ex has not spoken to me in 5 months, and so I couldn't have the court send the papers to him because I haven't an address for him. Instead, I have to hire a process server or give them to him myself. The problem is that I have no idea where he lives. I know the general area (city), but online searches yielded zero results.

 

The only thing I can think of is to hire a process server to deliver them like... the day after Christmas at his parents' house in another state. Which sounds kind of awful, but that's the only time I know where he will be.

 

Thoughts?

 

((Edit: it took this long to file papers because I moved four months ago and had to wait to establish residency in a new state before filing.))

Edited December 5, 2014 by Molly Hooper

[d0nnivain]

Do you have his last known address? If yes, write to the US Postmaster in his former town & request a forwarding address. You must explain to the post office that you need it for court or they will not give it to you.

 

 

Hiring a process server does not help you find him. Process servers only go to the address you give them.

 

 

If you need to locate him, hire a private investigator. Presumably you know his date of birth & social security #.

 

 

What about something simpler like calling his parents & asking them for his whereabouts. Be up front with them that you are trying to find him to serve the papers.

[Molly Hooper]

Hiring a process server does not help you find him. Process servers only go to the address you give them.

Yes - That's what I was referring to in my OP. I was saying I could essentially hire one to serve him at his parents' house the day before/after christmas because I know he will be there. I just feel like that's kind of a crappy thing to do.

 

 

If you need to locate him, hire a private investigator. Presumably you know his date of birth & social security #.

He never gave me his social. He was always a super cautious person. I can see if I have any paperwork which may have it on there though. I am just trying to save $$$ - which I thought he would be receptive to, but I guess not.

 

 

What about something simpler like calling his parents & asking them for his whereabouts. Be up front with them that you are trying to find him to serve the papers.

I tried. No one will answer/return calls. I obviously can keep trying from unidentified numbers, but they are going to respect his wishes and let him tell me or not, I imagine. They baby him - and I'm sure it's escalated during this whole thing.

 

Thanks for the help!

[carhill]

I've been pretty amazed at the details returned from the background and credit checks I do on tenants; perhaps that might shake loose some recent data on him, either addresses, phone numbers, interactions with government, etc. Generally, you won't get detailed credit information without passing a background check yourself but, since you have his personal information, you could easily authenticate as him and see what happens. The most detailed reports I run cost about 35 bucks and a licensed PI firm is who does them.

 

If you live in Cali, check with your court; at mine, the only method of service for the FL100 is via the sheriff or licensed process server; no mail or personal service. One thought, if you can locate the county or city he's in, see what the sheriff can do. They have access to info civilians don't and may be able to help.

 

I'd probably go to his parents first and see if they'll help, then, if no joy, do the background check. If no joy there, then it's PI time and/or sheriff.

 

More information here on your issue:

 

Service by Publication or Posting - Family Law Cases

 

You'll find the court's web site to be an excellent resource; also, check with the family law division at the courthouse to see if they have self-help. If so, those staff are an excellent resource to get things done; caution! They do not provide legal advice, only assistance on the process. They'll also file paperwork with the clerk of the court.

 

This all presumes the location you entered is where you actually live, in California. If other, disregard.

[Molly Hooper]

Thanks! I actually don't anymore. I used to- but I relocated to AZ. He still lives in CA as far as I know though.

[d0nnivain]

Service has to comply with the rules of court in effect in the state where you file.

 

 

If your only choice is serving him on a holiday, he did that not you.

[Molly Hooper]

If your only choice is serving him on a holiday, he did that not you.

 

I guess that's true. I would hate to serve him with papers over Christmas and in front of his family - it just doesn't seem like the greatest thing for a family holiday - But I have sent him one message a month asking him for a new address so I can avoid sending papers to his parents (I wouldn't just send the papers and the acceptance form without knowing he would be there - but he doesn't know that and his parents open all his mail, so it was more of a tactic to try to get him to give up his new address). I sent one recently asking him one last time for an address so I could avoid involving his parents/family in our own issues, but nothing. So I guess he shouldn't be surprised that I would try to serve him while he is in town.

[carhill]

• You understand that the law does NOT permit you (or a friend or relative) to hand-deliver the papers to the other party unless he or she (and no one else) will sign an "Acceptance of Service" form in front of a Notary or Clerk of the Superior Court, and return the form for you to file with the Court.
  

https://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/Self-ServiceCenter/Forms/FamilyCourt/fc_gn2.asp

 

 

IMO, if you're having trouble contacting him, getting him to sign an acceptance form in front of a notary or court clerk will likely be impossible.

 

 

 

In my jurisdiction, there is a concept known as 'constructive receipt' of lawsuit documents, providing a paper trail which is approved by the court. The processes to address this vary by court and your court will have the best information. If you haven't been down to the courthouse, give it a shot. I found a treasure trove of help and information there.

 

 

 

It's completely normal that divorce respondents are sometimes hard to locate and serve; happens a lot. My bet is you can find resources to assist locally. Just ask around.

[Molly Hooper]

[

IMO, if you're having trouble contacting him, getting him to sign an acceptance form in front of a notary or court clerk will likely be impossible.

 

Absolutely - that's why I'd like to get his actual home address to serve him - I don't think he will sign the acceptance form because he will consider it a way to be a pain in my ass.

 

Though, his parents are the extremely worried and cautious type - so they might panic if they saw it. I just don't know if that would be enough.

 

Ultimately, my ideal situation would be getting his LA location (work or home) and serving him there. Nothing on Linkedin though.

[Molly Hooper]

It's completely normal that divorce respondents are sometimes hard to locate and serve; happens a lot. My bet is you can find resources to assist locally. Just ask around.

 

None of his friends or family will tell for sure. I am thinking about trying the post office/forwarding mail thing though.

[carhill]

Also, check with the court about posting and publication options if your documented attempts to serve him personally fail. I see notices like this in the newspaper occasionally. The key is to provide the court with the documents they require to proceed. Courts are sticklers for everything being in the order they proscribe. Otherwise, they'll kick it back. Ask me how I know!

[Molly Hooper]

Tell me how you know!

[carhill]

I was at odds with my exW about procedure and she insisted that she was right and her paralegal knew more than my lawyer and the court's web site. So, since I was caregiving at the time and didn't have time to argue with her, I went along with her way and the filings got all munged up and our case summary looked like a war zone and I finally had to go down to the court house to straighten things out. That's when we hooked up with self-help and they had the local law school assign a mediator (for free!) and they got things filed right and boom, done. Six months turned into 18 simply because documents were either improperly filled out or improperly filed. Nothing more exciting than that. Once things were right, it took about a week. Judgment by mail, no hearing. Done. All I did was have my lawyer look over the MSA (settlement agreement) and the self-help division filed everything.

 

Divorce doesn't have to be hard. People make it hard. Like your ex making it hard to contact him to get things done. What a waste. Hope things work out!

[Molly Hooper]

Six months turned into 18 simply because documents were either improperly filled out or improperly filed. Nothing more exciting than that. Once things were right, it took about a week. Judgment by mail, no hearing. Done.

 

Divorce doesn't have to be hard. People make it hard. Like your ex making it hard to contact him to get things done. What a waste. Hope things work out!

 

Okay - so I am going to thread-jack my own thread a little because I was wondering what your thoughts are on my case...

 

I am struggling because I am trying to do this all on my own - no lawyer (though I'm not sure if he has one or intends to get one).

 

We have no kids. We separated (not "officially" with the state or anything) in late June and divvied up out assets then. We didn't share ANYTHING. No cars, no homes, no kids. So it was really easy. It seems like this should be too - just a matter of signatures. But he has completely gone NC so it's proving to be slightly more challenging.

 

Would you recommend proceeding as I am? Or do you think this whole process would be much easier with a lawyer? I just want it OVER with. 18 months sounds awful.

[carhill]

IMO, without knowing exactly where you live, the Maricopa County (Phoenix area) court web site is excellent in its assistance.

 

https://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/FamilyCourt/preDecree.asp#n2

 

I'd have no problem plowing through that web site and, armed with information and the documents they provide, taking a trip down to the courthouse to see what other help is around. All it costs is some time and parking fees.

 

Like yourselves, my exW and I settled up our businesses, real estate holdings and other assets prior to filing, so it should have been a breeze. Best laid plans I guess.

 

About the only real negative about the courthouse and not paying big bucks to a lawyer is that I ended up sitting on the floor waiting on the voluminous line at the family law clerk's window on more than one occasion. Once we got assigned a self-help clerk, that became comfortable chairs and they did the filings. Evidently, they rarely saw people like my exW and me, or so they commented, that both showed up, were amicable, and weren't poor. Self-help is generally set up for people who can't afford lawyers and get fee waivers.

 

BTW, when at the court, check into fee waivers, as filing fees aren't cheap. Depends on your income. We didn't qualify.

 

Once you gain confidence in the process, things will move along. If a roadblock springs up, that's OK. It works out. Life goes on.

[Molly Hooper]

 

BTW, when at the court, check into fee waivers, as filing fees aren't cheap. Depends on your income. We didn't qualify.

 

Once you gain confidence in the process, things will move along. If a roadblock springs up, that's OK. It works out. Life goes on.

 

Tell me about it. I paid about $350 just to sign some papers in front of a woman today! No lines though. I guess that's the beauty of going at 8:15am

 

I appreciate your insight

[carhill]

Ha, the line at the family court metal detector door usually stretched halfway to the parking garage at 7:45 (family court opened at 8). Good on ya that your family court isn't overrun. We generally didn't get out of there for a couple hours, just to get docs filed. Yep, sounds about right for a filing fee, then there was process fees, response fees, notary fees and, in my case, close to ten grand in lawyer's fees. Happy that it was an amicable divorce! Most of mine was court time protecting family assets and getting a bunch of tax and estate planning advice. It didn't have to cost that much but good legal advice is not cheap and it's worked out great now four years down the road.

 

Best advice? One day at a time. Find one success each day and let that be the deal of the day. No rush.

[Molly Hooper]

Ha, the line at the family court metal detector door usually stretched halfway to the parking garage at 7:45 (family court opened at 8). Good on ya that your family court isn't overrun. We generally didn't get out of there for a couple hours, just to get docs filed.

 

Whoa. Literally no line. Walked through security (and the guard called me a supermodel... so that brightened my visit) and no line... straight to window. Thank god.

 

Yep, sounds about right for a filing fee, then there was process fees, response fees, notary fees and, in my case, close to ten grand in lawyer's fees. Happy that it was an amicable divorce!

 

Wha wha what. Okay... well we have nothing... I can't be spending TEN GRAND ON NOTHING. I just dont understand why he wouldn't want to be cooperative. He doesn't have money - the easiest thing is to be cooperative.

[compulsivedancer]

I forget the exact amount, but I'm a notary and I'm not legally allowed to charge more than about $5. So I don't charge. It's not worth the headache - you can't make money on it, especially since most banks do it for free if you're a customer. So if you're paying more than that, you are being (illegally) ripped off.