OLD: Paying Attention to "Requirements"

[Shining One]

I've seen this come up in quite a few threads and I felt it deserved a thread of it's own. When I'm using OLD, the first thing I look at (after the main profile picture) is the "What she is looking for" section. If I don't meet her specifications, I move on to the next profile. I'm a statistically undesirable ethnicity, so this eliminates the majority of profiles for me.

 

 

I've seen posts from people complaining that they are flooded by messages from people who don't read their profile and thus ignore their specifications. I've also seen posts encouraging people to not let specifications keep them from sending a message to someone they find interesting.

 

 

I'd like to get feedback on what everyone thinks about this. Should we look at specifications as ironclad rules or just soft guidelines? I've refrained from messaging women for being one inch short of their requirements (I'm 5'11").

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've seen this come up in quite a few threads and I felt it deserved a thread of it's own. When I'm using OLD, the first thing I look at (after the main profile picture) is the "What she is looking for" section. If I don't meet her specifications, I move on to the next profile. I'm a statistically undesirable ethnicity, so this eliminates the majority of profiles for me.

 

 

I've seen posts from people complaining that they are flooded by messages from people who don't read their profile and thus ignore their specifications. I've also seen posts encouraging people to not let specifications keep them from sending a message to someone they find interesting.

 

 

I'd like to get feedback on what everyone thinks about this. Should we look at specifications as ironclad rules or just soft guidelines? I've refrained from messaging women for being one inch short of their requirements (I'm 5'11").

 

I would say that if you were within an inch or two of their height requirement, then go for it. That's what I do. Anyway, it's not as big of a deal for you. At 5'11", you fulfill a lot of women's height requirements.

 

I wouldn't message women who don't want your race. That's one of those ugly, ugly animals.

 

Think about it. If you don't list black women, it means you are attracted to zero black women on the face of the Earth. Because there are some very beautiful black women. Do you want to try and mess with that?

[normal person]

A lot of peoples' "requirements" aren't necessarily steadfast, they're just idealizations. It's not going to hurt anyone to search for the ideal partner, but odds are they're willing to accept something different that's just as appealing. I'd like a 5'4" beautiful blonde girl who's a doctor. They're pretty hard to come by, so I'm not going to disregard every other girl who crosses my path, y'know? Something else might be just as good so I'll keep an open mind.

 

I've gotten a good amount of messages from girls who have stated requirements that I don't meet. That should go to show you that most of it isn't written in stone.

[d0nnivain]

Race and religion two of the requirements I would treat as gospel. Height, weight, hair color, . . .eh if you otherwise feel there's a connection, send the message.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's all subjective.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Race and religion two of the requirements I would treat as gospel. Height, weight, hair color, . . .eh if you otherwise feel there's a connection, send the message.

 

It's pretty shocking to me exactly how many people screen for race.

 

It's easily the vast majority.

 

I mean, I knew people cared about race, but I didn't think THAT many people cared. Kind of sad if you think about it. But, it is what it is.

[salparadise]

It's pretty shocking to me exactly how many people screen for race. It's easily the vast majority. I mean, I knew people cared about race, but I didn't think THAT many people cared. Kind of sad if you think about it. But, it is what it is.

 

I don't think it's all that surprising. Different race usually means different cultures for one thing. Many people still have subconscious stereotypical and discriminatory notions that they would never dare verbalize or allow into conscious thought. And for others the ideals of equality are thoroughly integrated in the social realm, but that simply doesn't extend to mating and reproduction... the one area where everyone can discriminate freely by any criteria. People tend to choose mates based on an imago of their parents, and want their children to look like themselves, so not only do they prefer the same race, but often similar coloring and physical characteristics. It's deeply ingrained.

[preraph]

Iron-clad rules. Why would you contact someone who just basically said they aren't attracted to or interested in your type??

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't think it's all that surprising. Different race usually means different cultures for one thing. Many people still have subconscious stereotypical and discriminatory notions that they would never dare verbalize or allow into conscious thought. And for others the ideals of equality are thoroughly integrated in the social realm, but that simply doesn't extend to mating and reproduction... the one area where everyone can discriminate freely by any criteria. People tend to choose mates based on an imago of their parents, and want their children to look like themselves, so not only do they prefer the same race, but often similar coloring and physical characteristics. It's deeply ingrained.

 

Ah yes.

 

The well known, rich and historic culture of those 'white/caucasians'

 

I want blue eyed, blonde haired children like mein fuhrer would have liked it?

 

I mean, like I said, it's whatever. The funny thing about it is that it is almost all based on looks.

Edited December 6, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[FitChick]

The well known, rich and historic culture of those 'white/caucasians'. I want blue eyed, blonde haired children like mein fuhrer would have liked it?

Interesting how you assume only white people want to date their own race.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Interesting how you assume only white people want to date their own race.

 

I didn't assume that.

 

He said people of similar culture want to pair up, which I understand, but white/caucasian is not a culture. Neither is black or asian, I understand.

 

Anyway, most people I have seen screen on race. Like 90%. Think of it what you want.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I would see these silly "email me only if..." statements. One said, "If you're cute, contact me."

 

Okay, I guess I have to know if I'm "cute" in her eyes in order for me to contact her? LOL

 

They take something that's subjective in nature and use it as a dating requirement.

[d0nnivain]

It's pretty shocking to me exactly how many people screen for race.

 

It's easily the vast majority.

 

I mean, I knew people cared about race, but I didn't think THAT many people cared. Kind of sad if you think about it. But, it is what it is.

 

 

 

Just so we're clear -- my advice was that if someone is screening for race & another person on OLD doesn't fit that criteria, my advice is not to force the issue. OLD is not the forum to address other people's racism.

 

 

To that end, my preference has always been classic tall dark & handsome. I don't particular like blondes but I do have a type. I think most people do. But, OLD is not the place many people expand their horizons. I have dated off type & out of my race but it was always men who were extraordinary people who I clicked with: I doubt I (or most people) would have figured that out from a profile alone.

[gaius]

If I only had a nickel for every woman who's minimum age requirement was 35-40 but was interested anyway when I messaged her.

[Phoe]

I personally would not pay TOO much attention to "requirements" because, IMO, people will go against that for the right person.

 

I personally did not put any requirements on OLD except no drugs and no smoking, because anything else is just limiting myself from what are surely awesome men.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Just so we're clear -- my advice was that if someone is screening for race & another person on OLD doesn't fit that criteria, my advice is not to force the issue. OLD is not the forum to address other people's racism.

 

 

To that end, my preference has always been classic tall dark & handsome. I don't particular like blondes but I do have a type. I think most people do. But, OLD is not the place many people expand their horizons. I have dated off type & out of my race but it was always men who were extraordinary people who I clicked with: I doubt I (or most people) would have figured that out from a profile alone.

 

I didn't say you screened for race, and you didn't imply that you did.

 

And it doesn't matter if you did, because EVERYBODY does.

 

Off topic, but why would women bother to say they like 'tall, dark, and handsome."

 

It's like me saying I like pretty, fit, fair skinned women.

Edited December 6, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[EngnimaticResponse]

I would see these silly "email me only if..." statements. One said, "If you're cute, contact me."

 

Okay, I guess I have to know if I'm "cute" in her eyes in order for me to contact her? LOL

 

They take something that's subjective in nature and use it as a dating requirement.

If she viewed your profile first, she probably thinks you are cute. Whether she liked what she read there....

[Phoe]

I didn't say you screened for race, and you didn't imply that you did.

 

And it doesn't matter if you did, because EVERYBODY does.

 

Simply not true! I don't screen for race. I'm open to all races and ethnicities.

[EngnimaticResponse]

I've seen this come up in quite a few threads and I felt it deserved a thread of it's own. When I'm using OLD, the first thing I look at (after the main profile picture) is the "What she is looking for" section. If I don't meet her specifications, I move on to the next profile. I'm a statistically undesirable ethnicity, so this eliminates the majority of profiles for me.

 

 

I've seen posts from people complaining that they are flooded by messages from people who don't read their profile and thus ignore their specifications. I've also seen posts encouraging people to not let specifications keep them from sending a message to someone they find interesting.

 

 

I'd like to get feedback on what everyone thinks about this. Should we look at specifications as ironclad rules or just soft guidelines? I've refrained from messaging women for being one inch short of their requirements (I'm 5'11").

You could probably post your height as 6' and unless the woman is 5' 7"+ and wearing 3-4in heels, she won't know the difference. Any woman under 5'5", will never know unless you tell her. MOST women, can't eyeball men's measurments.(Of any sort:cool:)

[d0nnivain]

Off topic, but why would women bother to say they like 'tall, dark, and handsome."

 

 

I never wrote that in my profile. It is however my preference. So when I was on OLD & IRL when I look across a room that is where my eye lands

[TouchedByViolet]

I struggle with this too. I am 5'8" and middle eastern. I meet very few women's criteria, I just message and hope for good luck lol

[Danda]

It's pretty shocking to me exactly how many people screen for race.

 

It's easily the vast majority.

 

I mean, I knew people cared about race, but I didn't think THAT many people cared. Kind of sad if you think about it. But, it is what it is.

 

Well please keep in mind that race is part of a person's appearance (a rather significant part). It doesn't mean that the person is some hateful racist or something, anymore than someone who won't date obese partners is hateful or judging. They just can't help it if they are not attracted to obese partners. And generally people are chill about that, especially because we know there are plenty of people who prefer obese partners, let alone are cool with it. So we know that nobody is getting like, ostracized from intimacy or anything.

 

I have only ever been attracted to guys of my own race, and I can't help that. It just is what it is. It doesn't mean I hate other races or consider them lesser in any way. It is purely a matter of raw attraction that I have no control over.

 

However I think it is tacky to specify it in a profile. I never did when I used an online dating site. Racism is still a very touchy, sensitive topic for many, and even though I have every right to my preferences and shouldn't be shamed or demonized for them, I am also still.. I guess empathetic? Enough to just not respond to messages from other races rather than letting it be known why I didn't respond. It's not a thing where it's in any way necessary to risk hurting someone's feelings.

 

But then I feel that way about a lot of stuff. I never put physical requirements in my profile. If I couldn't find someone attractive, I just kept it to myself entirely.

 

I think including race in requirements is not an evil or hateful thing or whatever. If you understand that race doesn't determined personality, intelligence, etc then you understand that it's simply a matter of raw attraction and nothing more. But a list of requirements in itself rubs me the wrong way - which frankly someone else could argue that there's nothing 'wrong' with that, either.

 

Sorry for the ramble, anyway. I've just never accepted people trying to tell me (not you personally here, just generally speaking) that it's somehow wrong of me to only be attracted to my own race. It's not. But again, given where we are at with racism and history, I wouldn't specify it in a profile. Narrowing down my inbox is just not worth accidentally triggering someone.

[EngnimaticResponse]

I didn't say you screened for race, and you didn't imply that you did.

 

And it doesn't matter if you did, because EVERYBODY does.

 

Off topic, but why would women bother to say they like 'tall, dark, and handsome."

 

It's like me saying I like pretty, fit, fair skinned women.

 

I don't screen for race though certain races have certain features that I am not into. Black and Asian, the majority anyway, I am not that into, but there have been exceptions where I say Wow. Native American are the same way. Spanish/Latino are a mixed bag, but so are caucatians.

[D.Mc.]

MOST women, can't eyeball men's measurments.(Of any sort:cool:)

 

Oh yes we can! Esp. when your OLD profile has you standing next to a car or up against a waist high fence LOL! (in NY where I am, I've seen a few photos of men standing next to that statue of a bull on Wall Street - very telling in terms of height, since I've been next to it too). As to any other measurements, why, we use the same system you do when you assess us in our bikini photos except instead of zooming on the top portion we focus on the lower half (that should send a bunch of men running to delete those beach photos in their speedos from their profiles) LOL!

 

 

To the OP: some stated reqs. in a profile are there for a reason so...on the other hand - message away, it could work.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Simply not true! I don't screen for race. I'm open to all races and ethnicities.

 

Funny thing. I have seen a few white women on dating sites that have even put in their headlines, "Black men only!!"

Kind of weird that they have an aversion to dating their own race.