Emerald_11 Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 I have posted about this earlier. I am still in a class twice a week with a guy I have been getting to know in class & have a little crush on. He seemed interested in me & asked for my number a few weeks after we first met. The semester is almost over. I don't sit by him anymore & another girl has been sitting in between us. I think he may have overheard me say something about having a husband to someone else in class but I can't be sure if he was eavesdropping or not. Lately there have been a few instances of us dressing similar/ matching- On Tuesday when I got to class I was wearing jeans ,a hoodie, a beanie & snowboarding/ winter coat---& so was he. No big deal it is getting colder other people were wearing similar attire. Yesterday I wore a plaid skirt that I think is cool -sort of resembles a kilt. & he was wearing a green sweatshirt & green beanie. He commented about how it looked like we were both dressed for St Patrick's day or Irish theme & we agreed it was funny & a coincidence. Again just a coincidence don't read too much into it...I know. I definitely like him & feel like we are on a similar wavelength. We still talk in class with our other classmates. Yesterday one of the girls in class that I get along with asked me if I would study with her before we take our final exam. & I accepted & gave her my phone number. I noticed the guy watching us talk about having a study date soon. He made eye contact & looked away. --like oh sure she gets to call you but you wont let me... Also this guy has a receding hairline....I have noticed he has been wearing hats for a few weeks straight now. Maybe its because its been colder out now. Or maybe he is self conscious about his hair line & thinks it may be lowering his chances with ladies or something or that is why I did not give him my # so he has been wearing hats...idk & I really shouldn't care I don't know why I even thought about this... I told my husband about the guy wanting to hang out & go snowboarding with me and he told me "well I really don't want you going snowboarding by yourself because I want you to be safe and my knee is pretty messed up. I honestly don't even want to go snowboarding this winter. I just have no time since I work so much.." This sucks for me because that means I might not get to go much unless I go with some of my girlfriends- but I have yet to go snowboarding with another female that can really ride with me...Sometimes I go with my cousins ex boyfriend/ baby's daddy since he is really good at snowboarding but it has been awkward since him & my cousin split up & we have drifted & I honestly don't even want to hang out with him much anymore. My husband said he would be ok with me going snowboarding with my "friend" from school..!!? I don't know if it is a good idea or not? What do all of you think? I know I will miss seeing this guy from my class when the semester is over. I am capable of having platonic friendships with men. As a matter of fact one of my good male platonic friends I have known longer than my husband is now good friends with my husband now also. & he is close with my family and is an adopted "uncle" of my children. Do you guys think it would be ok to go snowboarding with my friend from class even if I am married? And attracted to him? My husband seems to think it is fine...Is it fine? Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 I have posted about this earlier. I am still in a class twice a week with a guy I have been getting to know in class & have a little crush on. Do you guys think it would be ok to go snowboarding with my friend from class even if I am married? And attracted to him? My husband seems to think it is fine...Is it fine? Sounds like a bad idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 How about this? Show your husband this post and tell us what he says? If yes, go right ahead.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 It's really between you and your husband and if he's fine being a cuckold then you should go for it. You deserve someone who want's you, not someone who let's you go parading off to the mountain with other dudes you have the hots for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emerald_11 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 I have been honest with my husband about all this. He just wants to meet the guy before hand if I was to go. I was planning if I were to pursue a friendship to also invite some of my other friends to go so it is not just the two of us. Maybe a couple of my girlfriends who went snowboarding with me last winter. One of them is single at the moment..... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 Do you guys think it would be ok to go snowboarding with my friend from class even if I am married? And attracted to him? My husband seems to think it is fine...Is it fine? You can go snowboarding with anybody you want. The problems arise if the person you go snowboarding with thinks you also want to curl up naked on a bear / bare skin rug after your run down the mountain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emerald_11 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 Maybe You guys are right! Trying to hang out with him outside of school is a dumb idea. I think it is just really getting to be time for me to really take a serious look at my marriage & what is going on at home. It does concern me that my husband said he is totally fine with me going to hang out with another man so long as he meets him first. It is not the reaction I expected to hear. When I told my husband the guy in class asked me out I was more focused on the importance of getting my wedding ring fixed so that I can wear it and avoid future awkward situations. I told him the guy is cute also....I was honest with him because I am not a liar. My husband is really being way too permissive and seems rather unconcerned and uninterested in the whole thing. Gaius- You are right - I do need someone to make me feel like they want me and who wouldn't want me to go spend time with someone else. I knew it was not fine even after my husband said that it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 You better check yourself. You are ripe for an affair and looking. Better to get honest with your husband and tell him you're angry at him for treating you like his maid and disrespecting you and that's why you're interested in other men now. Get to counseling - you're about to cheat! If you're not happy then work on the issues or divorce him. Cheating is not the answer. Seeking male attention is just a symptom of what you lack at home. Link to post Share on other sites
NateGrey Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Just divorce your husband, I am beginning to think you have some real issues here. I am not saying that to sound mean, but you are indeed the same woman who posted another thread in the marriage section that was just "things I love about my husband" right? So um, you did that..all the while knowing you have a crush on some other dude. You did that, all the while knowing you will "miss" this guy once the semester is over. I don't get you, are you purposely messing with us? If not, just divorce your husband. You already talked about in another thread how you essentially plan to leave him once you graduate, and people advised you to just keep your mouth closed and not tell. I'd be super curious if those same people would give the same advice if they read this thread. I'd hope and pray they would not. Link to post Share on other sites
NateGrey Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Also, this guy is a piece of trash who knowingly invites a married woman to do this. So, why do you feel you have a crush on a piece of trash? See, a crush is more then a mere physical attraction. So why cheat on your H with a guy who is just as bad? Like I said, just divorce. Your H should of never said you could go, you should of never in a million years even thought it was a good idea to ask him for permission. Just divorce him. Your H is a douche, but he still deserves better then this. You have a crush on this other man, and you used to sit next to him in class? Utter disrespect. Just LEAVE. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) I can't even rhyme to this. What the hell? Let me get this straight. Maybe I missed something? 1) You're married. 2) Your husband doesn't know about your affectionate feelings to this guy. 3) In fact, all your husband knows is you met a new friend from class. 4) Friend invites you to snowboard for a day (alterior motives? we do not know.) I think he may have overheard me say something about having a husband to someone else in class but I can't be sure if he was eavesdropping or not. This sentence right here shows me that your affectionate feelings are real, and you are bothered that he may have distanced himself from you because he found out you were married....although I don't understand why he would invite you and only you to snowboard if he doesn't know about your husbands bum knee....unless you give off the vibe that you're willing to cheat. Carrying on, your husband, who can't snowboard (I know the feeling, I have a partially torn ACL and am unable to ski or snowboard currently as well!) feels bad that you want to snowboard but he's unable to do the activity with you. You tell him about a friend who wants to take you snowboarding, and because he doesn't want to limit you and your hobbies, he decided to meet the guy in order to make his assessment on taking his wife snowboarding for a day. I don't think your husband is aware of the fact that you have a crush on this guy. Seriously? And now you're trying to swing this into a light that shows your husband is willing to be cuckolded and how there must be problems between you too because he's willing to let you go snowboard, an activity he can't do with you without risk of injury, with a guy he DOESN'T know you have a crush on? Did I get that right? My opinion from what I understand thus far: You have an incredibly trusting husband who doesn't want to limit your ability to do things he can't. Instead of taking advantage of that, you're looking for a green light to go snowboarding with a crush you have and possibly put yourself in a position to cheat on your ...trusting husband. You're not Sean White. I'm sure out of the MILLIONS of people who ski/snowboard, you can find/make friends who can "keep up with you" down a mountain. Or ****ing slow down for your friends. Either way, I'm calling BS. Edited December 12, 2014 by DrReplyInRhymes Link to post Share on other sites
NateGrey Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) Also keep in mind the H apparently physically abused her in the past, so it could be the H said she could go because he feels guilty. But then it is even more bizarre, since literally just 5 days after posting this thread she posted another thread called "things I love about my husband". https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/505573-things-i-love-about-my-husband Apparently the one thing she left off the list of things she loves is "he is a doormat". Also notice in the same thread she more or less says she is afraid of him(but also says she feels safe with him) and is going to leave him once she gets her degree. It's almost as if there is a split personality or something at work here. So how does this work, you love your H but you are planning to leave him and not give him any forewarning about this, despite the fact you claim you feel safe. So you love your H so much you want to go on snowboarding trips with men you have crushes on, a man you go to school with, and actually used to sit next to during class. So the H can't be that scary, or else you'd of been utterly terrified to even mention a trip with another guy to him. It feels like we are being played here. Edited December 12, 2014 by NateGrey 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Or you go with this guy and it gives husband another excuse to beat you. Just don't. And consider getting away from your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Also keep in mind the H apparently physically abused her in the past, so it could be the H said she could go because he feels guilty. But then it is even more bizarre, since literally just 5 days after posting this thread she posted another thread called "things I love about my husband". https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/505573-things-i-love-about-my-husband Apparently the one thing she left off the list of things she loves is "he is a doormat". Also notice in the same thread she more or less says she is afraid of him(but also says she feels safe with him) and is going to leave him once she gets her degree. It's almost as if there is a split personality or something at work here. So how does this work, you love your H but you are planning to leave him and not give him any forewarning about this, despite the fact you claim you feel safe. So you love your H so much you want to go on snowboarding trips with men you have crushes on, a man you go to school with, and actually used to sit next to during class. So the H can't be that scary, or else you'd of been utterly terrified to even mention a trip with another guy to him. It feels like we are being played here. Based on this information, I will exit this thread and not return. Much like a toxic relationship. Bye. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Sounds to me your husband is hoping for the affair to happen so you won't do too well in the divorce courts while your husband claim being a victim in all this......what a crafty bugger he is. I bet money on it, he just wants to get an ID on the guy so he can fill in the PI he hires who to follow you. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 the answer is heck no....its not ok...you are attracted to him for whatever reason...dont play with fire......tell your husband you are attracted to him and be honest about how you feel i am sure you will find your husband would rather you mess you knee up or be the one to go snowboarding with you so you do dont mess your knee up..... than mess up the relationship and marriage that you have...emotional affairs.....lead to full blown affairs......quite often..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Silent_Shadow Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Y'know it's stories like this that convince most people nowadays that fidelity is a dying relic of the past and marriage just isn't for everyone. If you truly loved your husband, you wouldn't play these dangerous games and test him. Some people complain their spouse is too controlling, and some people complain their partner does not seem to get jealous enough. Such a double-edged sword these days. Is there a possibility that he's trusting you because he loves you and thinks you're smart enough not to mess things up? If you seriously don't love your husband, just hand him divorce papers instead of toying with the idea of emotional affairs. Edit: Wait, the husband physically abused her and she's planning on leaving him anyways after she acquires her degree? Essentially just using him for stability rather than divorcing him now and being the better person, despite him being a horrible wife beater?---I just... I don't know what to say anymore to that aside from my original statement about marriage. Oof. Selfishness-1 Genuine Love-0 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 You just keep coming back here looking for some sort of encouragement to get yourself involved with this other man. And like some one else said why don't you show this post to your husband instead of all the snowboarding crap. Either your husband does not care what you do or you are not telling him you really want to have sex with this guy. And stop the platonic crap You know Damm well a single guy in your class has no interest in doing anything butngetting in your pants , so you ought to either see a shrink, divorce your husband, or tell your husband you want to have an open marriage so you can pursue this other guy Right now you just keep looking for excuses to get involved with him . Link to post Share on other sites
NateGrey Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) There is no reason to stay with this man. He doesn't treat you well and you don't treat him well. I'm still curious as to how your H reacted to the knowledge you want to sleep with the guy you wanted to go on this trip with and that you all around have feelings for the other guy, to the point you are talking about how much you will miss the scum. I guess that is another question, why don't you feel this OM is scum? Overall, your H gave you permission to go. Unfortunately this is one thing that no self respecting H would agree to. It's just not appropriate, I don't care if you trust your wife completely, there is never a scenario where your wife gets to go on a trip with some other man. He either did it because he feels guilty he treated you bad in the past..or he agreed because he is cheating on you in the same way you are cheating on him(emotionally cheating, yup yup). If you do want to work on things then I would take the advice of others: show him this topic. Seriously, show him not only this topic, but all the topics you have made. Edited December 14, 2014 by NateGrey 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Man Mountain Makino Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Do you guys think it would be ok to go snowboarding with my friend from class even if I am married? And attracted to him? My husband seems to think it is fine...Is it fine? If you want to make love with him, I suppose it's ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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