Lied about her age - what would you do?

[salparadise]

I met a nice woman online about a month ago and we exchanged a bunch of messages. All seemed great so we met in person recently and spent four hours together. We had good chemistry, about as good as it gets for a first meeting. So we talked on the phone some since then and I suggested that we visit soon, which means that one of us would have to drive a couple of hours, and I assumed it would be me (but we left it open as to who would travel).

 

She agreed and sent an email saying she had cleared her calendar for a couple of days. She also said that whoever traveled would need to book a room as we don't know each other well enough to stay in the same house. I thought we'd probably built enough rapport and trust to be ok sleeping in separate rooms, but if that's her preference... so I asked her on the phone if she didn't feel comfortable [with me or her] staying in a guest room. So she goes on about how it will take some time to build that level of trust. It felt kind of weird to be told that the trust is close to zero after such a great first meeting, and some good kissing, etc. But it's different for women so I try not to second guess her.

 

Now, since I assume that I'd be the one traveling I wanted to find her address so I could book a room close by. In the process of looking up her address online I find a few places with her name and age listed, and it's not what she said it was on her profile. Four years difference. I confirmed it by accessing the voter registration records for her locality. Instead of being a year younger she's three years older.

 

She easily passes for younger, and the number is not the issue anyway. But the fact that she's deceiving me is a problem, and the more I think about it the more aggravated I get. I haven't called her on it but she's had plenty of opportunity to come clean and she hasn't.

 

Would you consider this a minor thing or a big issue? Would you give her an opening to set the record straight? Or would you just call it quits without a second thought... and if so would you call her out or just cancel without explanation? I know what I'm thinking but I'd like to hear how others think about it.

[Danda]

I would calmly ask her straight out and take it from there. I am kind of an oddball in that regard, though, or so it seems. I've just had a lot of experiences in my life where things were not what they seemed, and I wished I had done more asking and listening. So now I am kind of on the total other end of the spectrum. Your feelings make total sense, though. The age isn't a big deal. The lie is. But at the very least I'd be curious to know one would lie over such a thing. And if you don't ask calmly, you're way less likely to get the truth instead of a panicked, defensive reaction.

 

It very well could be something as silly as her feeling insecure and hoping that if she fibbed her age it would help her get dates, and she wasn't expecting anything more than a casual dating episode anyway. Maybe very insecure and cynical. Now it's working out surprisingly great and she's spaced the fact that she fibbed, since it's not like her age gets brought up in conversation.

 

It could also be for some way more screwed up reason. Maybe see if she respects you enough to calmly explain and apologize?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I once met a woman online on OK Cupid, VERY attractive former model (Now nurse), mentions on her profile shes' 43....which was only couple years older than me.

 

Get to talking to her on the phone and she reveals to me that wasn't her stated age. I asked her how old she was and she throws out the over generalized and rather old-school, "A Lady never reveals her age." line at me.

 

But, she was attractive, nice, so I agreed to meet up with her anyways. Very attractive woman in person, engaging, had a few laughs, a good time, etc.

 

We went out 2 times, so I figure that she may be comfortable NOW revealing me to her age. Because I was guessing her to be in her early 50s (she looked great for her age).

 

I get to texting her and I ask. Still...she wouldn't tell me and was actually offended I was pushing for it again. She said ever since she turned 21 and became a model, she NEVER told her age.

 

I said to her, that I feel it is my business since we are dating and well, I feel if you're hiding something like this, who knows what the future holds with other things you may be with holding.

 

That ended that.

 

I was cool with it until I felt like I was the appropriate time to ask her age, but something was way off about having that kind of policy. Show's she's vein (or is it vanity)?

 

 

 

I met a nice woman online about a month ago and we exchanged a bunch of messages. All seemed great so we met in person recently and spent four hours together. We had good chemistry, about as good as it gets for a first meeting. So we talked on the phone some since then and I suggested that we visit soon, which means that one of us would have to drive a couple of hours, and I assumed it would be me (but we left it open as to who would travel).

 

She agreed and sent an email saying she had cleared her calendar for a couple of days. She also said that whoever traveled would need to book a room as we don't know each other well enough to stay in the same house. I thought we'd probably built enough rapport and trust to be ok sleeping in separate rooms, but if that's her preference... so I asked her on the phone if she didn't feel comfortable [with me or her] staying in a guest room. So she goes on about how it will take some time to build that level of trust. It felt kind of weird to be told that the trust is close to zero after such a great first meeting, and some good kissing, etc. But it's different for women so I try not to second guess her.

 

Now, since I assume that I'd be the one traveling I wanted to find her address so I could book a room close by. In the process of looking up her address online I find a few places with her name and age listed, and it's not what she said it was on her profile. Four years difference. I confirmed it by accessing the voter registration records for her locality. Instead of being a year younger she's three years older.

 

She easily passes for younger, and the number is not the issue anyway. But the fact that she's deceiving me is a problem, and the more I think about it the more aggravated I get. I haven't called her on it but she's had plenty of opportunity to come clean and she hasn't.

 

Would you consider this a minor thing or a big issue? Would you give her an opening to set the record straight? Or would you just call it quits without a second thought... and if so would you call her out or just cancel without explanation? I know what I'm thinking but I'd like to hear how others think about it.

[serial muse]

Ugh, that's too bad. She sounds like a decent person otherwise (BTW I think it's reasonable for a woman not to want someone she's really only just met to stay in the same house with her overnight - absolutely a reasonable level of caution).

 

I have a friend who did this - lied about her age for OLD. She was 37 at the time, but young-looking and could easily pass for 33, which is what she claimed. We talked about it a lot, because I think it's ultimately counter-productive, as the truth will come out at some point and then you have to explain the lie. But from an OLD standpoint, I can kind of understand the impulse, even if it's a poor long-term strategy for meeting someone. In OLD, the age issue for women is kind of the equivalent to the height issue for men - meaning that men tend to have an arbitrary maximum age input into their searches and that means they'll never even see these women. I don't know what your upper age cutoff is, but I do know that when I was doing OLD at 33 and then 36, there was a BIG difference in the men who responded - 35 is some magical cutoff point. At 36, I was getting guys in their 50s, who seemed to think we were basically of an age. Er, no.

 

That's not to excuse her, but to offer some alternate perspective. I guess it depends on what you think is a forgivable type of lie. If you think it's forgivable for a guy to lie about a couple of inches of height (and maybe you don't) in order to widen his pool of candidates then consider whether this is forgivable too. Of course, a lot depends on whether she doubles-down on the lie or not. If she comes clean (and really, you've only had one date so far) then that's one thing. If she won't tell you the truth, that's another.

 

I'd give her another date or two, though, before confronting her. But you shouldn't let it go too long.

 

Sigh. And maybe, if this goes sideways for her, she'll rethink her online strategy.

Edited December 6, 2014 by serial muse

[Art_Critic]

I've known women who never told the truth IRL about their age let alone on OLD, so while it sucks that she did lie it might NOT mean the death of any further relationship.

 

Was she changing her age into a child bearing age making herself available for men who want children ?

 

Do you have a problem dating someone her real age ?

 

It sounds to me that she was trying to hedge her bets and improve the type of men that responded to her. you responded so she thinks you are of a better quality man.. but she lied to do it..

 

If it were me I would go on the meeting, go from there and if or when the opportunity presents itself bring up age and dating age, it would be a toughie to tell her you researched her online before the first date and busted her on her age, she might think that was inappropriate (even though I don't think it was)..

 

so.. in other words I think if you like the girl, at this point you should go with the flow and see if she is the type of person it might go further and then cross the age bridge later to see if it a deal breaker or it fades away

Edited December 6, 2014 by Art_Critic

[thefooloftheyear]

Seems pretty common from what I am hearing ...I dont understand it...I am happy to give my age when asked, as I easily pass for much younger and its something I am proud of because I work hard at taking care of myself..

 

I guess for women its different, but I dunno..It would unnerve me, but its not the end of the world..

 

I guess its up to you to decide if its worth bailing at this point...

 

TFY

[Frank2thepoint]

She agreed and sent an email saying she had cleared her calendar for a couple of days. She also said that whoever traveled would need to book a room as we don't know each other well enough to stay in the same house. I thought we'd probably built enough rapport and trust to be ok sleeping in separate rooms, but if that's her preference... so I asked her on the phone if she didn't feel comfortable [with me or her] staying in a guest room. So she goes on about how it will take some time to build that level of trust. It felt kind of weird to be told that the trust is close to zero after such a great first meeting, and some good kissing, etc. But it's different for women so I try not to second guess her.

 

Personally, I would never assume a woman would be comfortable with me sleeping in another room in her home, even a few good exchanges of emails and some kissing. In fact, I feel uncomfortable myself for placing a woman in such a position. I would though just ask the woman if there are any hotels she would recommend, that are nearby her home to reduce travel for meeting up at public venues. At that point, if the woman is comfortable, she can say she'll accept you in her home.

 

 

Would you consider this a minor thing or a big issue? Would you give her an opening to set the record straight? Or would you just call it quits without a second thought... and if so would you call her out or just cancel without explanation? I know what I'm thinking but I'd like to hear how others think about it.

 

I consider it a minor thing concerning the age. I don't care much about the age of a woman. But I would have a concern over her choice to deceive something so innocuous in my opinion, and I'd wonder what else would she be deceiving me about.

 

 

If you think it's forgivable for a guy to lie about a couple of inches of height (and maybe you don't) in order to widen his pool of candidates then consider whether this is forgivable too.

 

I'm 5' 10", but I tell the ladies I'm 178 cm. I do it to impress them with a bigger looking number, but have them figure out that both are the same height.

[serial muse]

 

 

I'm 5' 10", but I tell the ladies I'm 178 cm. I do it to impress them with a bigger looking number, but have them figure out that both are the same height.

 

Ah, but then they might think you're misleading them that you're European.

[mikethemechanic]

I met a nice woman online about a month ago and we exchanged a bunch of messages. All seemed great so we met in person recently and spent four hours together. We had good chemistry, about as good as it gets for a first meeting. So we talked on the phone some since then and I suggested that we visit soon, which means that one of us would have to drive a couple of hours, and I assumed it would be me (but we left it open as to who would travel).

 

She agreed and sent an email saying she had cleared her calendar for a couple of days. She also said that whoever traveled would need to book a room as we don't know each other well enough to stay in the same house. I thought we'd probably built enough rapport and trust to be ok sleeping in separate rooms, but if that's her preference... so I asked her on the phone if she didn't feel comfortable [with me or her] staying in a guest room. So she goes on about how it will take some time to build that level of trust. It felt kind of weird to be told that the trust is close to zero after such a great first meeting, and some good kissing, etc. But it's different for women so I try not to second guess her.

 

Now, since I assume that I'd be the one traveling I wanted to find her address so I could book a room close by. In the process of looking up her address online I find a few places with her name and age listed, and it's not what she said it was on her profile. Four years difference. I confirmed it by accessing the voter registration records for her locality. Instead of being a year younger she's three years older.

 

She easily passes for younger, and the number is not the issue anyway. But the fact that she's deceiving me is a problem, and the more I think about it the more aggravated I get. I haven't called her on it but she's had plenty of opportunity to come clean and she hasn't.

 

Would you consider this a minor thing or a big issue? Would you give her an opening to set the record straight? Or would you just call it quits without a second thought... and if so would you call her out or just cancel without explanation? I know what I'm thinking but I'd like to hear how others think about it.

Has it ever occur to you that she may not be attracted to you physically?

[GemmaUK]

Interesting post.

 

 

Turning it round a bit here but I would be more wary of a guy who wasn't straight up taking consideration of my (and his actually) personal safety.

Also, someone looking up my address would send alarm bells.

 

 

No matter what, if I were meeting a guy I would ask him for his address or for a nearby hotel and not look it up (whether he was to ever know that or not) purely out of respect for that human being. I don't give a hoot that some of this info can be online but I still value the fact that I just would not go looking someone up.

 

 

All of the above would matter to me more than if he had lied about his age by 4 years yet looked the age he had told me he was.

 

 

If I had found out some way that they had lied then my alerts would be up but I would just ask and then see how things panned out.

For the record I have discovered worse lies/omissions than a lie about a person's age.

[MidwestUSA]

Has it ever occur to you that she may not be attracted to you physically?

 

You've obviously never met Sal.

[salparadise]

Thank you all for so many well-reasoned responses. I'm going to ponder this awhile longer since many of you seem to think that I should give a bit of latitude. I was ready to call it off.

 

For those focusing on her preference to rent a room rather than stay in the same house, that's not the issue. I am not questioning that at all. I included that part because of the irony of her being so wary of trust issues, and yet perpetuating this deception at the same time.

 

@ Danda: Not only was I planning to not be confrontational, I was thinking that I'd merely give her an opening and not tip her off that I was onto her... maybe talk about the year of high school graduation and saying, "you graduated a year after me, right?"

 

@ serial muse: The reason I included the part about her having trust issues is that I think it ironic, if not hypocritical, for her to be talking about trust when she's the one perpetuating a deception.

 

I don't lie about height (I'm 6'2") or anything else on my profile. So the question now seems to be gravitating toward whether a woman is entitled, gets a pass, to lie about her age... and whether a man doesn't have a right to accurate information as long as she looks acceptable, at least until the relationship progresses. But this isn't really the same as declining to answer, now is it?

 

@ art_critic: We are both past child bearing age. I'm sure she is trying to "hedge her bets and improve the type of men that respond." That's exactly what's going on... and it feels disingenuous. Not an ethical issue, but I have a hard time taking a woman seriously when she's trolling for much younger men. In this case, since she's lying about her age, and has her acceptable range set to a maximum of the stated age, she's actually trying for men from 4 to 14 years younger.

 

@ gemmauk: That just doesn't make any sense at all. I had to laugh. Anything on the internet is fair game. I wouldn't break into her phone or computer or dig through her purse. Calling BS on this one.

 

@ enigma32: That's exactly were I was with this before I ask the question. I'm not feeling the connection and attraction for her now that I did before we even met and esp. after that nice afternoon. It creates a huge credibility gap... more like a chasm. I guess honesty is an issue that I won't compromise on. I remember every damn time one of my previous partners wasn't straight with me, and I'm not talking about little white lies. Everybody tells little white ones... like the correct answer to "does the make my ass look fat?" And I remember everyone who never gave me the slightest reason to doubt their integrity. This is no way to start off a relationship. It has turned my positive regard for her negative.

 

@ midwestusa: such awsomeness!

[GemmaUK]

@ gemmauk: That just doesn't make any sense at all. I had to laugh. Anything on the internet is fair game. I wouldn't break into her phone or computer or dig through her purse. Calling BS on this one.

 

 

We have different sets of values clearly.

No need to swear though.

I was stating my own opinion.

 

 

ETA: I wasn't suggesting you were digging into her phone etc.. I just find googling a location a bit weird is all. I would just ask a person.

Edited December 6, 2014 by GemmaUK

[Anela]

Seems pretty common from what I am hearing ...I dont understand it...I am happy to give my age when asked, as I easily pass for much younger and its something I am proud of because I work hard at taking care of myself..

 

I guess for women its different, but I dunno..It would unnerve me, but its not the end of the world..

 

I guess its up to you to decide if its worth bailing at this point...

 

TFY

 

There are quite a few men on dating sites, who alter their age in order to attract younger women.

[travelbug1996]

I think its kinda weird to be asking her to let you stay at her house since you're a stranger. That would creep me out.

 

One time I was emailing a guy back and forth and told him my short name. We decided to exchange numbers and when he texted he called me by my real name. Now I knew I hadn't shared it with him so it was really creepy. I asked him how he knew and he went round about the answer. Come to find out he googled my phone number and since he worked in real estate lord knows what he was able to find out about me.

 

That really creeped me out now I'm afraid to even give a guy my phone number since I don't want him to know where I live, how much I paid for my house, my family members names, etc.

 

I lie about my age on OLD. I'm 114. Personally, age is a state of mind and if someone doesn't want to share that info I can respect that. I am extremely honest about anything else.

[FitChick]

I'd like to know what a man would do if he met a woman who turned out to be her stated age but looked older. "Fellas, I got a live one! She may look 40 but she's only 28!"

 

Pick your priorities. Perhaps men should be worried about them saying they are financially comfortable and they turn out to be unemployed. Might have more of an affect on a relationship, don't you think?

 

I've dated men who gave me their real age but lied about being married. Guess that doesn't matter though.

[salparadise]

Wow! Can't believe we're suddenly at the front line of the gender wars Ladies, I don't have any expectations or complaints regarding the accommodations. That was only included to explain how I inadvertently stumbled upon the age discrepancy.

 

And this whole notion that I am creepy for having googled the address is just ridiculous. If you all are bothered by this kind of stuff you'd better get completely off the grid asap. One of the things she told me was that she had run a background check on someone she dated previously and found stuff that scared her. I think if you reverse the genders you will not find it at all creepy that a woman would check into a man's background, but if a man googles a woman's address it's all of a sudden out of bounds. BS.

 

I don't care that some men lie about their height or age; I don't care that some consider a woman lying about her age to be par for the course; I don't much care what her numerical age is... that's not the point.

 

What I care about is that she is being intentionally disingenuous, and it's already feeling like trust, that essential ingredient, is nonexistent. At the least it indicates short sightedness and poor judgement. Now if this were just a fun little fling it might be easier to overlook, but she is setting it up as a situation where I am supposed to endeavor to earn HER trust as the foundation of a potential long-term relationship! Ironic, eh?

[serial muse]

Wow! Can't believe we're suddenly at the front line of the gender wars Ladies, I don't have any expectations or complaints regarding the accommodations. That was only included to explain how I inadvertently stumbled upon the age discrepancy.

 

And this whole notion that I am creepy for having googled the address is just ridiculous. If you all are bothered by this kind of stuff you'd better get completely off the grid asap. One of the things she told me was that she had run a background check on someone she dated previously and found stuff that scared her. I think if you reverse the genders you will not find it at all creepy that a woman would check into a man's background, but if a man googles a woman's address it's all of a sudden out of bounds. BS.

 

I don't care that some men lie about their height or age; I don't care that some consider a woman lying about her age to be par for the course; I don't much care what her numerical age is... that's not the point.

 

What I care about is that she is being intentionally disingenuous, and it's already feeling like trust, that essential ingredient, is nonexistent. At the least it indicates short sightedness and poor judgement. Now if this were just a fun little fling it might be easier to overlook, but she is setting it up as a situation where I am supposed to endeavor to earn HER trust as the foundation of a potential long-term relationship! Ironic, eh?

 

Hm, I get the feeling that you misunderstood my point. I wasn't excusing lying about anything on one's profile - I certainly never lied about anything on mine, and I thought I had made it clear that I didn't think it was good or wise for my friend to do so either. So please note that.

 

That said, I sense a bit of hysteria over this issue, and frankly, I don't think that lying about one's age is necessarily on a par with other kinds of lies told in dating. Relationship status, plans for the future, kids - those are top-tier lies. Height, age, weight - those are, IMO, still not good, but not necessarily dealbreakers either. I certainly met plenty of guys during my OLD stint who had clearly lied about their height. As I said, I think it's directly related to the specific weirdness of OLD - that those hard-line criteria have very direct consequences as far as someone even seeing your profile. In my opinion, avoiding those consequences isn't worth the potential awkwardness of explaining a lie. But I at least had some empathy for the guys who felt frustrated enough to do it. I certainly didn't just up and assume that they were all lying liars who tell lies because lies.

 

Now, I don't know anything about this woman, obviously, except what you've said. Up until this point, you really liked her. Trusting your instincts, I'm suggesting giving her a chance. But this business about her only wanting to date guys 4-14 years younger than her is a bit odd and arbitrary, and I wonder that you didn't red-flag it yourself (even if you thought it was 0-10 years younger). Still, you seemed quite taken with her, so I was offering a way to AVOID the stupid gender-war nonsense that is always looming in these threads. Empathy is the higher path and the way around this nonsense.

 

And you might consider just trusting your own instincts on this one. If you think that she's worth giving the benefit of the doubt to, then ignore the haters and do so. If not, then don't. Your call.

Edited December 7, 2014 by serial muse

[Under The Radar]

On the one hand my thought is:

 

How can you trust her ...... She lied about something so basic ...... this early on ...... it begs the question to what else she may be untruthful about?

 

However, the other part of me thinks:

 

If that is the only thing she has lied about ...... and all other signs point towards more green flags than red ...... well, maybe it's worth exploring.

 

I'd definitely broach the subject (dishonesty about it) with her sooner than later ...... It would be interesting to hear her reaction and subsequent actions.

[thefooloftheyear]

Any type of lying is inherently wrong and no way to try to establish any type of relationship....To say its less impactful than lying about other things is the dumbest argument one can make...

 

Quite honestly anyone who would do that(lie about age) reeks of insecurity and low self worth...I mean, think about it....Its something that someone would have to 100% come clean about at some point early in the R...So why lie about something that you will NEVER be able to sustain..??

 

This also goes for the people that post pictures of themselves from 20 years ago and 50 lbs ago...What is the point there? Are you just hoping to hook someone with poor vision? Just be yourself and own what /who you are...

 

TFY

[guest569]

The age thing: not sure why someone would bother adjusting their age by 4 years on the profile. What's the point? It is a bit of a worry that she has lied about it and makes you wonder what else is a lie, but maybe she has a reason behind it. I don't think there is a way you can bring it up without revealing that you were stalking her though.

 

The travel and accommodation: I don't think it is unreasonable of her to suggest booking a room as I would definitely NOT trust someone I have met only once to visit from out of town and stay in my house for a couple of days.

[Under The Radar]

I CAN see her perspective regarding trust issues, and having a separate hotel room, because they are not familiar with one another.

 

It's just ironic ...... to speak about building "Trust" ...... when she was dishonest about her age by 4 years.

 

LOL

[Snaggletooth]

I met a nice woman online about a month ago and we exchanged a bunch of messages. All seemed great so we met in person recently and spent four hours together. We had good chemistry, about as good as it gets for a first meeting. So we talked on the phone some since then and I suggested that we visit soon, which means that one of us would have to drive a couple of hours, and I assumed it would be me (but we left it open as to who would travel).

 

She agreed and sent an email saying she had cleared her calendar for a couple of days. She also said that whoever traveled would need to book a room as we don't know each other well enough to stay in the same house. I thought we'd probably built enough rapport and trust to be ok sleeping in separate rooms, but if that's her preference... so I asked her on the phone if she didn't feel comfortable [with me or her] staying in a guest room. So she goes on about how it will take some time to build that level of trust. It felt kind of weird to be told that the trust is close to zero after such a great first meeting, and some good kissing, etc. But it's different for women so I try not to second guess her.

 

Now, since I assume that I'd be the one traveling I wanted to find her address so I could book a room close by. In the process of looking up her address online I find a few places with her name and age listed, and it's not what she said it was on her profile. Four years difference. I confirmed it by accessing the voter registration records for her locality. Instead of being a year younger she's three years older.

 

She easily passes for younger, and the number is not the issue anyway. But the fact that she's deceiving me is a problem, and the more I think about it the more aggravated I get. I haven't called her on it but she's had plenty of opportunity to come clean and she hasn't.

 

Would you consider this a minor thing or a big issue? Would you give her an opening to set the record straight? Or would you just call it quits without a second thought... and if so would you call her out or just cancel without explanation? I know what I'm thinking but I'd like to hear how others think about it.

 

 

I'm normally pretty hot on honesty but a woman being not entirely honest about her age on the internet is not something that would bother me. In fact, I would half expect to later discover her age was different than stated and I wouldn't take any discrepancy personally.

 

 

Also (and I'm not saying this is the case with your date but maybe something to consider) people don't always misrepresent themselves to gain or profit, they also do it to protect themselves. When it comes to leaving anything online I will often change small details or leave red herrings. Reasons being are to maintain some anonymity, help prevent anyone who knows me in real life from recognising me and to ensure there is nothing that could lead to anyone guessing vital information that they could use against me. The internet is a very different beast to real life, you're not just telling one person something, you're telling the world, so I consider it wise to be careful and often gain respect for someone if they are smart enough to do similar.

 

For example, I once made an OLD profile (never used it, just something I did when bored one night) but no way my real age was going on there as I do not want anyone with sinister motives to know my date of birth and year I was born. If that profile had ever led to meeting someone and trusting them I would have immediately put the record straight, though.

Edited December 7, 2014 by Snaggletooth

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm normally pretty hot on honesty but a woman being not entirely honest about her age on the internet is not something that would bother me. In fact, I would half expect to later discover her age was different than stated and I wouldn't take any discrepancy personally.

 

What if you had been MARRIED to a woman for years only to find out she lied about her age? Happened with a friend of mine when he saw her birth date on her drivers license. Their marriage didn't last of course.

I knew of this one woman that stated she had NO children on POF. Come to talk to her on the phone, turns out she does have kids. Said, "Sorry, but the reason I had contacted you was the fact you didn't have kids"

 

She said she lied about not having kids in order to protect her children. I call BS.

[salparadise]

@ serial muse: No I didn't misunderstand. Your earlier post was well articulated. I accept that adjusting her age a few years is not an egregious offense to the same degree as someone lying about marital status. But if you think about it, the motivation is probably the same––to appear to meet certain qualifications that you don't meet in order to attract a category of people who may not otherwise be interested.

 

@ smiley1: I don't care if she knows that I googled... stalking as you put it. I can't believe that anyone would believe that the words googling and stalking are even remotely interchangeable in this context. I think this is a female issue, and I think the same ones who view it as stalking would feel justified in paying for a detailed background check on a man they were considering a relationship with. Interesting revelation.

 

So, after a couple of days and a bunch of insightful posts, here is what it feels like... she's not exactly who she says she is; her desire to manipulate an impression (vanity?) overrides her propensity toward authenticity; she's a person who will work the edges; probably feels some entitlement; may see conspiracies in the air, suspicious of men ; probably has rigid defense mechanisms; superstitious; not very rational; not so firmly grounded.

 

Much of this feeling is instinctual as opposed to the objective information I posted in this thread. In short, something just feels a little off. The age thing is merely a data point, but it is what caused me to reevaluate the overly optimistic feeling I had previously.

 

Here's the crux... authenticity is an either-or concept. It's like the word unique; we don't modify the word unique because a thing either is or it isn't. Well, to me there is no such thing as somewhat authentic.

Edited December 7, 2014 by salparadise