She tells me to give her time to think about it

[bro]

M26 F26

 

We met almost 2 years ago and kicked it off really fast. I invited her to a party/club on NYE and kissed her at midnight. She was really taken back and fell for me... HARD. I flew back the next day as I was based in CA at the time while she was in NY. We contacted each other and met up through the months where I visited her in NY almost every month. During this time she was really in love with me because of the NYE midnight incident. At one point she told me she loved me and never felt this towards any guy before. Being the moron I was.. I just smiled at her because it had only been a few months and I wasn't sure love was the right word to use.

 

She was obviously hurt by this and over time said she told me she liked me less and less. By last June I moved to move to NYC but right before I move she decides to break it off with me over a text, saying her feelings towards me weren't reciprocated. I thought that was pretty sudden but didn't beg for her back or anything. I contact her 3 months (NC) after the breakup (last Aug/September) and we talk. We expressed that we both missed each other and met up for dinner. Things progressed and we ended up being back together.

 

Once we got back together I asked her if she wanted to put a label on our relationship. She said she didn't, and only wanted to date. I was really bothered by this but went along with it anyway. I expressed my desire to see her more than just once a week but she told me she wanted her free space. Okay, I said.

 

Over the next few months it was not much of what I would call a relationship... We'd meet up for dinner or whatever, eat then head back to my place to do the deed. While we enjoyed each others company, I can tell something was off and she wasn't fully invested into it like I was. I held my tongue and just went on without saying much. Being bothered by all this, I didn't try to make an attempt to make last Christmas, NYE, or even Valentines day special at all. It's entirely my fault and I regret taking her for granted and not doing something "special" but at the time I was not happy.

 

By last Jan, when I came back from a business trip, she called me and was really insistent on meeting up. I said I was tired, but she gave me this kind of attitude that I could sense something was wrong with her. I find her and she's bawling her eyes out. I try to ask what happening and she says shes not happy and doesn't know what shes doing with her life (or something like this). I brought her back to my place to stay over while I cuddled her. At this point I really liked the girl, but something was definitely off with our relationship. She'd try to argue with me, saying I won't go skiiing with her the next day I got back from my business trip. I tried to explain that I was tired but I knew she wouldn't accept it. Looking back, it was a sign of distress from her, thinking I wasn't committed to the relationship.

 

The discussion of marriage/long term serious relationship came up and she told me that all her co workers are either married or have kids. At this point I didnt know what to say but said the wrong things (ie not ready for marriage etc). She was really bothered by my words and figured we'd have no long term goal. I wanted something serious first before we even talked about marriage. Again, we end up in disagreement. By late Feb she breaks up with me again, citing that she was really bothered by my stance towards marriage and assumed I didnt want anything serious. I try to argue with her but ended up just letting it go.

 

Now, in June (NC) (almost 3/4 months after she broke up with me) I asked if she wanted to get dinner to catch up. She said sure, but that she was dating someone ATM if I was okay with it. I told her I was kind of too and said sure, we make plans, and at the last minute she bails and tells me that she's not ready to see me yet. I try to ask why but she wouldn't tell me.

 

About a month ago I texted her again asking whats up and if she wanted to catch up as friends. She STILL says shes not ready to see me yet. Now I'm just confused. Cant help think that shes not completely over me. I ask if shes still dating the guy. She replies yeah, that it's still on-going. I asked if she was happy and got a straight "no". I figure something must be wrong.

 

Over the last few months I've had time to think about our relationship and what went wrong. I felt it was worth another shot because we barely talked about our problems near the end since it ended abruptly. I missed her, and felt it could work again because I realized she treated me really well while I just sorta half-assed everything in the beginning. I can understand why her emotions died down.

 

So after she tells me she's not happy, I tell her I had chance to think things over and am ready for something serious this time. Basically asked if she'd give us a second shot. She tells me that "she needs sometime to think about it". I say okay, didn't ask how long. I tried to make plans to see her but they were rejected. Shes says that she's dating someone ATM and can't see me. That it's really not me (lol?), but just really bad timing. I tried harder but she still wouldn't bulge so I let it go.

 

Now I'm kind of confused by what she meant byt the things she said. I do want us to have another shot but I feel she feels guilty since she's currently in a relationship. When she replied "no" when I asked if she was happy, I thought it was a cry for help. I want her back, but it's difficult since shes dating someone and won't agree to meet up. How should I proceed with this? A friend of mine said that I've done my part, now it's her turn.

 

Should I believe her words that she "needs sometime to think about it" and that it's just "bad timing" or is she letting me down easy? I know I hurt her in the past and she might be defensive/skeptical, but I dont want her to not be happy. I think my head is on straight this time to put in the work and effort needed to have a successful relationship.

Edited December 6, 2014 by bro

[NopeNah]

Leave her alone. She's dating someone else,whether she's happy or not is of no concern to you. Look at her actions: She doesn't want to see you. Don't listen to her words. Let her contact you, but don't expect it.

[broken77]

Women are so complicated. Sorry. If so much time has passed and she's dating someone, she's not interested as she is rejecting chances to see you. It's a terrible spot we've all been through. Im pretty sure the consensus from this site would be to completely move on with your life and not contact her first. There are some really good threads here on No Contact, and its worked for me in the past, and I was far more distraught than you seem to be. Cheer up bro, especially if you're still in NYC. Make sure you're working out regularly, and keep meeting new women. When you least expect it, you'll find one that makes you so happy that you'll laugh off this situation.

[dumbass2]

Actions not words. It is so hard to sometimes hear certain things and we take them as we want to believe them or same thing about stuff that is written. You have to go solely on actions because that does tell the TRUE story.

 

I've been there. I know better now.