It is possible to heal after an affair - my story

[Dog Woman]

I have posted periodically on LS after getting involved with a MM nearly 3 years ago. I ended the affair last year but my exMM still tried to maintain contact, which I didn’t encourage and tried to block attempts by him. My exMM had other ideas and did not respect my wishes. He even told me he was separated from his wife, he was starting formal proceedings to end his marriage (showed me correspondence from his solicitor) and wanted a future with me, but then decided to patch things up with her. He still wanted to see me from time to time. In September this I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him but it has taken a threat of me telling his wife for him to finally give up contacting me.

 

Since then I have carried on the healing process I started last year by throwing myself into work, family, hobbies and it has helped, and so has posting on LS. It also appears that I have a male colleague at work that is showing an interest in me. I’ve worked with him for over 14 years and he is someone I like but not had that much to do with as we work in different departments but he has always been friendly and obliging if I’ve needed help with anything work related. He has worked his way up to a respected employee who is committed to his job and works long hours. Often he is still in the office when I have left for home. He has come up with some very good ideas for marketing our firm, which I have put forward to our marketing committee that I am a member of. I think our bosses are impressed with his initiative as well.

 

Recently we were both involved in a conference that our company hosted with another company. I assisting in the organisation of the event and my colleague came to support it and speak to clients as part of his career development. I overheard him complimenting me on my administrative skills to one of the other organisers. After the conference he hinted we should go for a drink at the venue, but I couldn’t, I had to be back in the office and so did he.

 

I have noticed him making more of a presence in our general office, where all staff come and go. He is very casual and discrete and never singles me out as such. If he talks to me it is work related, however, if he and I happen to be in the kitchen on our own, then he chats to me more and opens up more. He seems to be confiding in me about various things too and I have found myself opening up as well.

 

My colleague is 10 years younger than me and is single. He did have a girlfriend but she broke up with him at the end of last year. He tends to keep his private life private but he did tell me and some of the girls in the office about the break up as he was so gutted at the time. I don’t know if anything further will develop between us (secretly I hope he asks me out for a drink) but it is so nice to be shown some respect from a man without any hidden agendas. We are now friends on facebook but I’ve not messaged him or anything. He is just a nice guy that I could make a friend of even if nothing else transpires.

 

My reason for posting is to say that it is possible to heal after an affair, put it behind you and move on.

Edited December 6, 2014 by Dog Woman

[Poppy47]

I remember your story and am very pleased for you.

 

It is possible to extricate oneself from an A and move on. It takes dedication and determination.

 

I am 6 months NC now and moving along well. Some occasions and memories can get to me, but I have never been tempted to contact xMM. The A drained me and took away my life for 5 It was not how I envisaged my future.

 

I used to be Gentle Girl. There are not many on here now who would remember me.

 

Well done.

 

Poppy.

[Leegh]

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I remember your story and am very pleased for you.

 

It is possible to extricate oneself from an A and move on. It takes dedication and determination.

 

I am 6 months NC now and moving along well. Some occasions and memories can get to me, but I have never been tempted to contact xMM. The A drained me and took away my life for 5 It was not how I envisaged my future.

 

I used to be Gentle Girl. There are not many on here now who would remember me.

 

Well done.

 

 

 

Poppy.

Affairs or bad relationships can be very draining (both emotionally and physically (fatigue). Also, with an A, it's always three people in the relationship, not two.

[jellybean89]

My reason for posting is to say that it is possible to heal after an affair, put it behind you and move on.

 

Good for you!

 

Life does go on. You survived prior to him, you (and others) will survive after him. Its like a tornado came into your life, turned it upside down, exposed weak areas and then left, leaving destruction and heart ache where there wasn't before.

 

Keep focused on healing yourself..one step at a time. Best of luck.