dating at 50 with young child

[tippydog90]

I am recently divorced and not ready to date for a while, but I hope there is hope! I am very active, love hiking and nature, am attractive and fit and have a great career. However, I have a 3 year old daughter who is the light of my life. Is there any hope for me when it comes to dating? I have always tended to be more attracted to younger men, because their interests and energy levels are more in tune with my own. I am not talking 20s or early 30s younger! I am just afraid i will never find someone to share life with again.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I am recently divorced and not ready to date for a while, but I hope there is hope! I am very active, love hiking and nature, am attractive and fit and have a great career. However, I have a 3 year old daughter who is the light of my life. Is there any hope for me when it comes to dating? I have always tended to be more attracted to younger men, because their interests and energy levels are more in tune with my own. I am not talking 20s or early 30s younger! I am just afraid i will never find someone to share life with again.

 

I can't imagine how many women there are in their 50s who DON'T have kids. The only disadvantage that you might have is that other singles that age are empty nesters and might not want to deal with such a young child.

 

Go online. If you are attractive at all, it will be a field day for you.

Edited December 6, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[FitChick]

I avoid men your age with small kids. I'd expect their kids to be away at college and not underfoot.

[salparadise]

I am recently divorced and not ready to date for a while, but I hope there is hope! I am very active, love hiking and nature, am attractive and fit and have a great career. However, I have a 3 year old daughter who is the light of my life. Is there any hope for me when it comes to dating? I have always tended to be more attracted to younger men, because their interests and energy levels are more in tune with my own. I am not talking 20s or early 30s younger! I am just afraid i will never find someone to share life with again.

 

Please realize that all you need is one good guy. One exception can nullify all generalities.

 

I dated several years as a man in his 50s with one child. The key is for the other parent to be local and sharing custody. If you have alternating weeks open then you're effectively childless half of the time and that's enough to have a relationship. I dated a woman who also had kids alternating weeks and it worked pretty well. We were constantly on guard to not allow the schedule to reverse following a holiday or vacation. If it had then it would've been nearly impossible. My ex was always willing to take extra time or swap days so that helped too.

 

I'm not going to say that having a young child won't narrow the prospects. Some people in your age range just won't be willing start over after 20+ years of parenting and finally getting their own kids off to college. I am one of those now.

 

Younger men... well, you might find a forty-something divorced man with young children who is up for it. But a forty-something with no kids is likely to not want children at all, or he'll be looking for a woman to have his kids.

 

But never say never. There absolutely are really good men who will accept your child and help raise it as if it were their own. What's the formula... be very attractive, and not high maintenance or psycho. Physical attraction combined with a strong emotional connection will balance the scales. A good career will help too.

 

The younger man, older woman subject... there is no right/wrong; only individual preference and statistics indicating the bias. Marriages in which the woman is five years older number only 5.4 percent. Ten years older reduces it to 1.3 percent. When the woman is five years older than the man, the divorce rate is 3X the overall average. These stats are from huffington post.

 

Men are more likely, by a large margin, to be attracted to younger women, not older (it's biological), so that's where you're going to find overwhelmingly better odds. I would also suggest that you not hesitate to be the initiator as opposed to playing the role of demure, coy debutante.

 

Conclusion- be realistic, proactive, and very attractive.

[tippydog90]

Well perhaps someday I will meet that one good man who is the exception! If not, well I guess that is life. I am pretty, fit, well educated and look much younger than I am, so maybe that will help. I hate the thought of spending my life alone, but that is the way life goes. As far as my daughter, I pretty much have her all the time, with perhaps one weekend a month where she visits her father. He decided he wanted his freedom... Anyway, i appreciate the encouraging words.

[gaius]

There are legions of younger men who like older women, and if you're in good shape I'm pretty sure you'll end up ok tippy. The kid thing isn't as big a deal as a lot of guys make it out to be.

[salparadise]

There are legions of younger men who like older women, and if you're in good shape I'm pretty sure you'll end up ok tippy. The kid thing isn't as big a deal as a lot of guys make it out to be.

 

True. But you also have to accept that it's considerably more difficult to date with a young child who isn't spending much time with the other parent.

 

Responsible parents are not willing to have a parade of men floating in and out of the child's life, which I agree with completely. They won't have sexcapades going on in the bedroom next to their child's room. They realize how important it is to keep things separate until a relationship becomes serious with long-term potential. So you can't be very spontaneous, and every date is dependent upon finding (and paying for) a baby-sitter, and even then sleepovers will be rare.

 

This kind of formal dating may be ok at first, but it's hard to progress when you can't get weekends away, morning sex, all-nighters, intimate breakfasts, etc. There are people who will do anything and everything in front of a child, but I don't think Tippy is one of them. Men aren't ok with it either.

 

So Tippy, is it out of the question for the father to do two weekends a month? I can't imagine seeing my young child only once a month! I would think this would be good for the child as well.

 

None of this precludes falling in love and having a wonderful life, it's all just the logistics of the situation. Love conquers all though, so if you find the right guy and if you are the right gal...

[tippydog90]

Salparadise - Thank you for your comments! My ex works on the road and is gone at least 4-5 weeks at a time. He then is off for about 7 days total. So he will have our daughter perhaps 4 days during his time off. At least that is how it stands now. Right now it has been almost two months since he has seen her.

 

 

I am in the process of trying to find another job right now in a much larger, less isolated town than I currently live in to give my daughter more opportunities. That said, I am sure my ex will relocate to be somewhat closer to her wherever we end up. However, I do not anticipate that he will have a job that will allow him to have her every other weekend, nor that he would choose to live close enough to have her every other weekend (even if he gets a different job). I suppose it is possible that he will surprise me, but I just do not see that happening. He seems to be too interested in his freedom at this point. He did not really care about the visitation aspect of our divorce settlement, he was more focused on money...

 

 

And I am absolutely not the type of person that would have a parade of men floating in and out of her life - you are correct there! So I think whenever I am finally ready to date, I will just be very honest and upfront about my situation and let things fall where they may. Here is hoping that somewhere out there, there is a man that will understand and accept my situation.

[BluEyeL]

I have a 12 y.o. (almost 13) son who is 100% with me. I know many men don't like that, but I haven't had a lot of trouble dating. I manage finding sitters and situations that will allow me time away. At some point I had a live in sitter, when my son was younger (I wasn't dating back then though, but needed help nevertheless).

 

I'm almost 6 months into a relationship now though and it just starts to get difficult for us because we can't spend weekends/do overnights. We've recently been on two back to back trips over almost 2 weeks and we got to enjoy waking up next to each other and having morning sex, so not being able to continue started to hurt.

 

I'm currently looking for solutions to this. I don't know at what point we could do weekends overnight at my house, I'll go to my therapist for advice.

 

However, for you, what I meant to say is that there are indeed men out there who will not want to date you, but there are men who will be willing to. If you go out there with the attitude that you're fabulous and there is someone for you, it will absolutely happen. You just need one man! One! Expect to take a while, but if you have faith in yourself and what's in store for you, no circumstance will stand in your way!

[FitChick]

I have a 12 y.o. (almost 13) son who is 100% with me.

 

I'm currently looking for solutions to this. I don't know at what point we could do weekends overnight at my house

Why not encourage your son to do sleepovers at his friends' houses? Send him away to camp in the summer. Maybe boarding school.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I got a female friend, she's 50 and has a 19 year old son and a married, 23 year old daughter. She tends to not date men her age that have young kids and I've known quite a few people around that age bracket, single and out of synch when it comes to that kind of thing and I've mostly discovered that older people with adult kids won't typically date people their age with young children. But that's just my experience.

[central]

You may not have any trouble dating, but it will take a special man to accept you and a young child for anything more. Most men your age no longer want to deal with kids - can't blame them really! However, it only takes one - as long as he's compatible.

[BluEyeL]

Why not encourage your son to do sleepovers at his friends' houses? Send him away to camp in the summer. Maybe boarding school.

He doesn't have friends that are so close to have sleepovers. I'm also not looking to get rid of my son by sending him to boarding school. We'll slowly integrate my boyfriend into our family. Children can definitely put pressure on a relationship but it is what it is.

 

My sister started to date her bf when her son was 3 and they all live together and are fine.

[tippydog90]

Well I guess I will just see what happens when the time comes. Many people are becoming parents much later in life, so perhaps someday I will meet a man in a similar situation. Blueye I am with you, sending children off to boarding school isn't exactly an option a good parent would ever consider! Hopefully, I will be relocating to the toen where my best friend lives, and I am sure she will love to trade off occasional child care with me if I ever decide to date. I am sure it will be very difficult for me, but I am a good person with a lot to offer, so perhaps it won't be impossible. And the teal bonus is I have an absolutely precious daughter!

[tippydog90]

Dang i hate typing on my tablet!

[sm2281]

If it's any consolation, I just had a friend tell me that he would date an older woman and he is 26. As a matter of fact, he is 26 and I am 31 and he initially wanted to date me as well, but I like men my age+ Then we were talking and he was throwing out women in their 50's and even said christi brinkley is hot and shes 64. So you should be great!

 

And don't worry! You will find someone who is right for you, no matter what mold he fits into!

[BluEyeL]

Well I guess I will just see what happens when the time comes. Many people are becoming parents much later in life, so perhaps someday I will meet a man in a similar situation. Blueye I am with you, sending children off to boarding school isn't exactly an option a good parent would ever consider! Hopefully, I will be relocating to the toen where my best friend lives, and I am sure she will love to trade off occasional child care with me if I ever decide to date. I am sure it will be very difficult for me, but I am a good person with a lot to offer, so perhaps it won't be impossible. And the teal bonus is I have an absolutely precious daughter!

if you start dating, feel free to pm me. It's not an easy road and I believe I have the experience in a similar circumstance that I can help you avoid waste of time and hopefully find him faster. Good luck!

Edited December 9, 2014 by BluEyeL

[tippydog90]

Well my ex was 7 years younger than me and one of my two best friends is a man who is 34. We met rescuing dogs and have been close ever since. So I know friendships and relationships can happen, regardless of age, it is how well you connect. Not that I am thinking of dating anyone much younger seriously! Who knows though? Life is an adventure. I will definetely wait until we are settled in our new home before

i even think about dating, just not ready. Blueye I will message you, any advice is much appreciated. I honestly get nervous even thinking about trying to meet someone.

[salparadise]

My sister started to date her bf when her son was 3 and they all live together and are fine.

 

In many ways, integrating a man into the situation would be easier with a 3 year old than with a 12 year old... but moving him in? Uh, wow- glad my ex didn't try to pull one of those numbers (regardless of the child's age).

 

A three year old doesn't understand much of anything beyond whether their mother is there or not, and getting their needs met. A three year old will roll with whatever as long as it feels good.

 

A 12 year old has ideas about the way things should be. They're judgmental but they're not mature enough to view a situation from an adult perspective, or any perspective other than their own. They know what sex is but they don't understand. They know what a slut is, and they're pretty damn sure their mother is as pure as the driven snow. Especially if they love their father, it's going to be hard to accept some other dude, who probably smells funny, all of a sudden moving in and banging their mother every night in the next room.

 

Kids attach meaning to things that we don't imagine. Just be careful that you're not rationalizing with regard to what the kids can deal with, or the impact it may have on them.

 

Uh, live-in boyfriends are a bit too similar to the storylines in some of those old westerns where the kid is raised upstairs above the saloon and dreams about which of the regular patrons might be his daddy and someday claim him as their own. Yea, I know that's just my notion... no need to attack.

[BluEyeL]

I know you're right, I read on the topic and I know younger kids are easier than older ones. My son is at the worst possible age.

 

We will not move in anytime soon. At this point, I am looking into whether or not is appropriate at all to have overnights at our house anytime soon if ever. If yes, how to best do it. If not, we know it's off limits. In five years my son will be 18 and it'll still be time. Hope this relationship lasts in the together living separately situation for that long, if not this is life. My bf and i are pretty financially comfortable and we can afford to take trips often, that's helpful. It's also good that he doesn't have kids of his own, that is a big relief. Blending kids together brings another layer of complication. My son is used to me going to conferences often and we always have regular caretakers for him when I'm away, and bf can come on those trips too. In fact he's been with me to one last week. My son also goes to Europe one month a year in the summer and that will help.

 

I'll also look for a good family counselor to learn from someone with experience how to best handle these things so I protect both my son and the relationship. I'll go alone first, and probably will later bring my son in, possibly my boyfriend if needed. It's definitely very challenging. I know that if this doesn't work out, I will not date again until he's 18. It's enough that he met one man, I won't be able to afford to bring another one soon. I'll be 48 then. Maybe I'd be able to start dating a year earlier because it does take some time to find someone serious.

Edited December 9, 2014 by BluEyeL

[scatterd]

I am 53 I have no doubt that you can date. Many men love children and some are lonely also. You are lucky you are in good shape. I know other woman your age that date and even older. Some of us end up raising our grandchildren.When I dress up and go places I am always hit on but have not done anything with it.I am going to be getting divorced soon.Good Luck

and have fun