Why am I so afraid of rejection?

[Chris715]

I think this is probably the biggest thing holding me, and a lot of other people back in dating. Not having a great day today and just thinking about life and realizing that I am sometimes TERRIFIED of rejection. And here's the kicker: I've never even been rejected (dating wise) now that I think about it. That's not saying much though, I'm 23 and I'm 2/2 in asking girls out, even if neither turned into a long term thing. The rejection I faced with both losing interest in me after dating for periods of time has cut me deep, and definitely says something about me as a person with how I dealt with them.

 

Both cases I became self destructive, giving in to mental illness, begging, pleading with them, it was embarrassing really. The first girl lasted 9 months and it took me over a year to get over her and the rejection I faced with her breaking up with me. The second girl lasted 3 MONTHS, ended back in June, and has taken me up until about November to get over it. I never understand how some people out there will be broken up with after say, a 3 year relationship, and then turn around and put themselves out there after a month.

 

I realize now that I put way too much of my self worth into what other people think of me and I need to change this But how do you build up self esteem when no one believes in you? My friends no longer respect me, my dating prospects right now are essentially zero after becoming a borderline recluse when things went south in June, my family feels sorry for me which makes me feel awkward around them.

 

I can't imagine asking a girl out and having her laugh in my face about it or even subtly telling me no, the after the fact rejection of break ups has been bad enough. Some people seem to have it so easy. My brother has gone years without having a prolonged period of being single, my best friend has only dated two girls in his life and this second one has become a long term thing where they will probably get engaged. If I said I wasn't jealous I would be lying.

 

How do you guys deal with rejection? How do you put yourselves out there even when your self esteem is low and you feel like you're bound to fail?

[JuneJulySeptember]

One of my friends from college had never gotten rejected either.

 

I mean, he'd gotten rejected hitting on girls at bars and clubs a couple of times, but never a woman he really liked.

 

He was a very handsome guy and women made it VERY obvious that they liked him. I'm talking sexual and overt. So, he would just go for that.

 

I have no such luxuries. I have to go through probably 100+ women to find one that will date me, and it's not really an exaggeration.

 

So, it's different for every guy.

 

Obviously, in my case, I need to learn to deal with rejection.

[travelbug1996]

You might as well get used to it and not take it personal. It happens to every human being and there's nothing you can do to avoid it. Its a part of living.

 

Just work on your esteem and you wont be so sensitive to rejection.

[Destined2B]

Maybe dating isn't for you right now. Sounds like you want another person to make you happy.

What do you have to offer right now to someone else? If not much, then spend some time being single and work on getting those things.