She came back to him but no sex and seeing others

[StandingO]

Our friend (female) approx a year ago finally left her husband and struck out on her own. Basically he was a great guy but low sex drive and she was not satisfied going through life that way anymore. She meet this big muscle gym guy who happened to be not the greatest find and had a world of a time for a while but eventually she broke that off. Last month she moves in again with her husband of who she is still separated with she says. Thing is she tells us she is sleeping in his bed but no sex. I found out she is dating other men and she told me he knows about it. Man I feel like telling her a few words about this. Maybe she is not telling the whole story what goes on in their house and relationship? My GF thinks its weird to but does not want to rock the boat either. Wondering if I should say something in her husband defence. I wonder why he puts up with it. Any experience with something like this anyone? She works out at the gym and is pretty darn hot and since she starting going to the gym with my GF she has been flirting more then usual. She flirts with me all the time too.

[Jrdinvt]

There may not be a single reason for any of this. What ages are wa talking about here?

 

I doubt her seperated man really knows the whole story. Either that, or he really does not care for some reason.

 

How well do you know him? Or do you really only know her?

[StandingO]

We have known both of them for years. Pretty good friends. She is also my GF work out partner (again after a time with ex BF) Her and her still on paper husbandhave been over our place many times. We classify them as good friends.

 

She is certainly a woman the attracts attention and is approached by men all the time. She is late thirties and him early forties so no teenager.

She has high sex drive and its been a issue in their marriage for years. It is the main reason she left him.

 

Ya I agree, what she is telling us and what she is telling the husband are likely not the same. She likes his financial stability and security. She called it a open relationship and says he has been talking with women too. I know he is still wanting her back in his life.

[Mr. Lucky]

She called it a open relationship and says he has been talking with women too. I know he is still wanting her back in his life.

 

Sounds like they've found a (unusual) compromise that works for them.

 

You haven't posted that either of them have asked you for advice or commentary, so why would you get involved?

 

Mr. Lucky

[aMguilts]

Sounds like they've found a (unusual) compromise that works for them.

 

You haven't posted that either of them have asked you for advice or commentary, so why would you get involved?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

why do you have to be mr fixit

sometimes ppl need to vent

you think?unsual in what way . to you

hmmmmmm

 

aM

Edited December 9, 2014 by aMguilts

[DaisyLA]

Every relationship is different. Maybe he's into the cuckold thing.

[StandingO]

This is what I get out of it from the woman (her side of the story). True, no she has not asked for advice but maybe a part of her needs to get it out. We know the history of the relationship and she is much more open to these kind of conversations (especially after some drinks) then he is.

I have not chatted with him about it. I am wondering his version and considering bringing it up one on one. Maybe he is willing to allow her to have relationships on the side just to keep her. It would not totally surprise me. This is basically what she is saying.

[Jrdinvt]

Just asking - do you want a shot at her? Either with, or without your wife involved?

 

I am not trying to say you would - but I know few that would not have a thought cross their mind a few times if an attractive woman hung around talking about how much she loves sex - and can't get enough.

 

The second question would be - do you feel she's "hunting" you? You're involved with this situation - and I wonder what vibe she's throwing off.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Jrdinvt

[StandingO]

Hmm, She is a temp but I would not go there as long as I am with my GF. It would create a mess and not worth it. Yes I feel she would go for it if I created the opening or I was no longer with my GF. She goes for muscular guys it seems. Her husband is attractive facially but don't have the body type she likes. He is in shape from running and biking but don t have much upper body muscle and likes his beer so has a slight belly forming. He has muscular legs though. He just seems to lack a sexual drive which is hard to wrap ones head around since she is hot and so sexual. He was supposed to go for some hormone tests at one time. He works hard and makes good money so that part is attractive to her. He has provided a good life for her but it ain't enough.

 

I expect his story to be somewhat different from hers. One day she will leave him again. I feel the income security is what keeps her around and what brought her back.

 

Fortunately my GF loves sex too but is more of a one man woman thank goodness.

[StandingO]

Shes is telling my GF that he (her separated husband) has not come (sexually) to her but even if he did she would not have sex with him based on the history. He know she had a recent boyfriend and probably a few others since they separated. Still he wants her to sleep in his bed so she does. They came over this weekend just like a couple yet they are not in the true sense. He even stated he wants to try the weight room again and will join me tomorrow even though I know he is not gym guy (more of a runner and mountain bike guy). Cardio wise he is in good shape but has no upper body muscle (even a touch or a droopy chest starting. He sees his wife in tip top shape and maybe finally wants to do something. It will be interesting her reaction seeing him in the gym. I expect a smile. I don't think this in itself will change anything.

[Be_Strong]

I think it's a great idea that he goes to the gym with you. Maybe after he starts hitting the weights hard his sex drive will get a boost.

[StandingO]

According to him the night before new year eve she was out late. Then late arriving on her own for our get together last night. He, we expected her about 7 and she did not show till 10:30. Ya she is likely seeing someone. Normally she is very talkative after a few drinks but not so much last night. They did go home at the same time.

[preraph]

Except to tell her to stop flirting with you, which could affect your friendship with both of them, this is none of your business. I think you should tell her not to flirt with you.

 

One thing that remains a mystery is if he has a "low" sex drive or she has a "high" sex drive -- and the fact you tell me she flirts with you and other men around her tells me this may be more her problem as far as being oversexualized than his. Or it could be both. The other thing that tell me she is overly sexualized is her lack in boundaries in going around talking about she and her husband's sexual situation for this many years. Lack of boundaries in the sexual area indicates possible lack of sexual boundaries in her parents home growing up and she may simply have been overly sexualized as a child and think that's normal, but it's not.

 

But I reiterate: Tell her not to flirt with you because it's destructive, but then keep your opinions to yourself as far as getting any more mixed up in this than you already are.

[StandingO]

The problem is a bit of both. She is a bit over sexed while he is most definitely from all account under sexed.

 

I don't verbally stick my nose into their affairs except when she asks for my opinion or is speaking to me directly.

 

I may truly be non of my business but still her behavior is acceptable to most???

[kendahke]

Our friend (female) approx a year ago finally left her husband and struck out on her own. Basically he was a great guy but low sex drive and she was not satisfied going through life that way anymore. She meet this big muscle gym guy who happened to be not the greatest find and had a world of a time for a while but eventually she broke that off. Last month she moves in again with her husband of who she is still separated with she says. Thing is she tells us she is sleeping in his bed but no sex. I found out she is dating other men and she told me he knows about it. Man I feel like telling her a few words about this. Maybe she is not telling the whole story what goes on in their house and relationship? My GF thinks its weird to but does not want to rock the boat either. Wondering if I should say something in her husband defence. I wonder why he puts up with it. Any experience with something like this anyone? She works out at the gym and is pretty darn hot and since she starting going to the gym with my GF she has been flirting more then usual. She flirts with me all the time too.

 

No one knows what goes on between two married people. You are not privy to any conversations they've had with one another, nor should you be.

 

He allowed her to move back in with him. What you think about it has nothing to do with their agreement/arrangement. Keep your mouth shut and your thoughts to yourself. This is none of your business.

[central]

If they both know what's going on and have agreed to it, then they may have found a solution that works for them. I know a couple with a similar arrangement, only more-so. He is essentially asexual, she is far from. She found a boyfriend and moved him in, but stayed married. She loves them both - in different ways - and the men became friends.

[StandingO]

I guess it is all right then. Yup I have not said anything more to either party.

Interesting though (not not shocking) On Sunday we saw her (she did not see us) walking arm in arm in the park with another man. My GF wants to speak up more then I do but she has kept her mouth shut too. Its weird for her cause they been good friends for years.

[preraph]

It may be he knows she's seeking sex elsewhere and just wants to stay with her anyway. It's just a big mess, and not a healthy one, but it would be crazy to get involved in any way.