innerconflict Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 The past couple of days I have been feeling a lot of jealousy and anger. Especially towards my boyfriend. Previously, he was in a five year relationship and they share a son. Him and I both were recovering from our respective relationships when we first met. So nothing really happened, just mainly chatted as friends and went on the occasional date. However, this past fall, we both knew that the time was right for us to get serious. Things have progressed quickly and now we are officially living together. Mainy times, he has stated that there was no way he would reconcile with his ex. They just had too many differences to make it work. Plus, he said that he didn't think he would find someone who would totally complement him. And he found it in me. My problem is that I easily get jealous, especially when it comes to his ex. My two previous relationships were with men who broke up with their common-laws and shared children. Both times, they went back to their exes and I was left with a broken heart. Just the thought of that possibility of happening again scares me to death. I have expressed my fears and reasons to my bf and assured that there was no way he would reconcile with her. The only reason he talks to her is because of their son. My jealous feelings have heightened when my bf would make snide remarks about his ex and her new bf. Her bf has a criminal background and basically a loser. I understand his concern over this guy's background, but I grew tired of his petty remarks. I was starting to wonder if his remarks are also of jealousy. The fact that she is with someone else. The other night, I told him to stop making such remarks. His ex made the decision to get involved with someone with that background and there really isn't much he can do. Just have to pray that nothing happens to his son while visiting his mother and her bf. Yesterday, his ex called very upset. Apparently her bf took off with her car and she found cocaine. She told my bf that the relationship is history. What bothers me is that my bf said he is going to have someone warn this guy to stay away. He spoke of the implications it would have had on his son if the police arrested her bf while he was present. But he didn't tell his ex this. I replied that he should of told her what would have happened. She should be made aware of the consequences of getting involved with someone like that. He didn't say anything. I feel he shouldn't get involved in her personal matter. I am pissed that he is letting her off easily, but is willing to have someone warn her boyfriend. It's his exes fault that this guy was even around. I am just plain mad about it. I am also jealous that he mayl carries feelings for her. I am trying not to let it rule over me but at times, it gets hard. I don't know......am I just being crazy?? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by innerconflict I feel he shouldn't get involved in her personal matter. Well since his son is involved, it's his personal matter too. If they didn't have a child together then your position would definitely be founded. I think it is to a certain degree in this case, but his actions and comments are probably largely attributed to not wanting a less than stand-up guy around his son. I don't think you should automatically assume that he has feelings for his ex still. It's possible, but it may just be him not wanting to be replaced as the father figure for his son, especially by someone like his ex's new man. One thing is for certain, though, he's always going to have his ex in his life. You need to at least be able to accept that part. Compromises like asking him to keep the snide remarks to a minimum will probably help but I think you also have to be honest with yourself about if you're capable of being okay with him always being in contact with his ex due to their child together. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I agree with Tan.. This guy is always going to be tied to his EX because of the child they share.. and although I don't feel he needs to be getting involved in her personal life.. again because this guy his EX was/is dating is (or had been) spending time around thier son.. and he isn't exactly Mr. Responsible.. yeah I think your BF's concern is justified. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innerconflict Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 I understand where you two are coming from. Thanks, there are times when I get myself worked up that I can't see straight. I guess this is where this forum comes into play. Link to post Share on other sites
ollydolly Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Men are competitive on many levels and your bf's instinct could be aroused by a few things in this case that have nothing to do with feelings for ex. The fatherhood thing would be a biggy. And also, when an ex ends up with a man who is a loser - your boyfriend will be thinking how can she go from me to that!! And since a partner is (or has been) a reflection of our own self esteem - it's bound to bring negative feelings to the surface that aren't necessarily jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
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