This hurts

[Sabrina]

Hi, I lost my 2 and a half yr relationship with a guy recently. We both were so perfect for each other and yes we did break up a few other times in that 2 yrs. But we always worked it out and he always came back to me with an open heart. Here is the Problem. I feel that there can possibly never be another match like him for me. He on the other hand says that he has no feeling for me anymore. Just like that out of nowhere. We have not talked for a month. I feel that he is pushing me away because he will not alow himself to care for me completely. When I know that he does love me. It hurts So Much to hear things from other people about him being fine without me and that he does not think about me. I do not believe it. I have This HUGE FEELING that he is making himself stay away when his heart is really happy with me.......Can people fall out of love just like that when they seem to be really happy with the person they are with? I just do not undersand it. My heart is forever broken from this..I miss him so much.

[Tony T]

1. "Can people fall out of love just like that when they seem to be really happy with the person they are with?"

 

No, it usually happens gradually. But this isn't even a question here. He more than likely is still in love with you. But that in no way means he must live with you the rest of his life. Timing is equally as important as love in relationships. Things are going on in his mind and in his life that preclude a relationship with you at this time.

 

It takes a lot more love to let someone go than it does to keep them around. It would be extremely selfish of him to keep you in his life and not be able to devote himself to you. He has done the right thing for his life and yours at this particular time.

 

If you really love him as you indicate, you will accord him the same consideration and respect by letting him go for the time being and moving on with your life. If in the future circumstances change, the timing improves, etc. and he wants to make things work, if you aren't with anybody at the time you might just give it a whirl.

 

And, yes, there are lots of guys out there with whom you can fall deeply in love...but not right now. You will need time to heal before you can get to that point. By waiting around for this guy, you are simply prolonging the time it will take you to get over him.

 

As a rule of thumb, if someone does not want you in their life in any way, you need to respect that. It's not really a good idea to try to read stuff into it...like he really wants you there and is scared or something. It's simply a waste of time and a process of denial to think about how much he is in love with you and how much happier he would be with you. He has made a decision to part...and a big part of love is accepting that decision that he made.

 

Again there is no doubt he loves you and I know you are in great pain. You haven't even faced the reality of this yet. But when you learn that true, pure love is shown as much in letting someone go as it is in being with that person, you will have grown tremendously. Love this man by letting him follow the path he has chosen...and you find yours.

 

If the two of you are meant to be together somewhere down the road, that will happen.

[*Stardust* ** *]

I understand your feeling. I was in the same situation before. I also lost my 2.5 years relationship. Now a year has passed, but I still do love him no less than before. And I know that he still does. But...it takes a lot more...more than just love for being together.

 

I know exactly how hurt you feel now. Take Tony's words. I wish I was given this such a great advice a year before. I didn't know this forum before. All the things I did was opposit to what he said. I tried every ways to bring him back, I tried and tried and tried, but it just made situation even worst.

 

Belive me, in time you will learn that love is not keeping, but letting someone go on the path he has chosen.

 

Sabrina...you are not alone.

[Miss Mojo]

hi sabrina,

 

i know how much you are hurting right now.

 

my boyfriend and i split up at the end of last year. we were very much in love and the break up devestated me. i think many of us out there have felt this kind of pain in our lives, and can totally understand how you feel.

 

it's not only the bad relationships that come to an end. sometimes the really wonderful relationships have reasons to come to an end. and i know that for me, it was 10 times harder accepting the loss of my wonderful relationship, than it was a few years before him accepting the loss of a bad one. i knew he loved me deeply. he'd do anything for me and vice versa, and we were each others best friends.

 

but i've tried to look at this experience as something i can grow from. i've found so much strength inside myself that i didn't know i had. one of the hardest things for me since the break up is not having any contact with him. but i *must* stick by my guns, otherwise i will never fully heal. i need to look out for myself now, no matter how much missing him hurts me. and believe me, it does.

 

give yourself plenty of time to mourn the loss of the relationship. be kind to yourself, and try as hard as you can to not analyse or read into things. that will send you nuts, it really will.

 

just because he left you doesn't mean he doesn't love you. i know my boyfriend still loved me when he split up with me. sometimes when you love someone, the fairest and kindest thing to do is to split up with them, especially when there are reasons that it may not work right now. it's never an easy task to split up with someone. it takes a lot of soul searching to do that, and it's painful for both parties. and how do other people know he's not thinking about you? do they live in his head? he may still love you and think about you, but right now is obviously not the right time in his life to continue the relationship. and he has to try and "be fine" with his life, because he has no other choice other than to get on with it.

 

please don't beat yourself up about things, sabrina. i really do know how painful it is. i spent many nights crying myself to sleep and mourning the loss of my relationship, which is a healthy thing to do.

 

you will love someone else like him oneday. but definitely not now. you need to deal with what has happened. trust me, if you can have such a connection with one person in this huge wide world of ours, you will meet another one oneday.

 

but as i have always believed, this could be fate's way of telling you that there is someone even more wonderful for you out there in the future.

 

but for now, it's best to let him go. if he wants to have you back oneday, he will come back, but whatever you do, don't wait for him, because there's every chance that may not happen.

 

if you want someone to talk to, email me at <e-mail address removed> and i will gladly lend a helping hand. i know how you feel.

 

*hugs*