MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 In short, rebound relationship after separation has ended. I agree with my best friend and a few other people, that I need to take some time to myself to get to that place where I can be happy without someone (ie. a guy). How do I do this? I keep myself busy, work full time, work out at the gym, kids half time, taking courses and not much time for anything else, and no money to do the really fun stuff like travel the world!!! And there's a huge difference between keeping busy and being happy, isn't there? I think I am happy though, just bored and wanting attention. I try not to think about the marriage, because I don't want to go back, nor do I think the rebound relationship was meant to be. I make future plans, but I don't want to be alone in them because that's boring. I love to meet people but I'm also shy. I relate to men I don't know alot better than women I don't know. Sometimes I end up flirting without meaning to. I seem boring otherwise, in my own opinion. It seems I never have anything to talk about. I've learned to find out what interests the other person, and I ask questions to make conversation, but it's not always easy. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, and my best friends were there, but they were talking to their friends they hadn't seen in a while. I was bored and sat by myself most of the evening. Once the crowd grew smaller, I opened up a bit with people I didn't know. I've been online and talking to someone who I am meeting tomorrow for a short dinner. Then we have plans to meet on Saturday as he has offered to help me with some home renovations. But our conversations have grown very kissy huggy and I'm again afraid I'm moving too fast, and as much as I'd really like to meet my prince charming, I know I need to be patient and take things very slowly - I don't like hurting people, and he knows the whole situation with me. I feel comfortable telling him this, so that's a step to keeping things casual right? So why would I feel really bad if I went on a date with someone other than him, afraid he'd be hurt? Am I just too nice or too stupid. by the way, I'm going to do my very bestest to avoid internet dating from now on!!!! It's just too damn convenient. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Wow you sound like me..hee hee I know exactly what you are saying and I too am trying to take things slow but being alone stinks. I have a friend that I met on a motorcycle forum that I have been on for years flying out to meet me in a couple weeks we have been growing very close for a while. I am excited but at the same time I little nervous about meeting someone that lives 2000 miles away... I would love to find my Prince Charming sometimes I think he doesn't exist and I'm goin to be alone forever. So I try to be happy with being me, raising my daughter and lookin at my future alone, if that's the way it is supposed to be. I don't think you are silly at all for wanting to date someone other than just the one guy that you met online. More power to ya..dating doesn't mean lifelong commitment so you shouldn't feel bad at all. Date and get to know people and find someone with similar interests and goals and I think that is truly how we will find that Prince among the frogs...good luck to you... Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 read this book - In the meantime! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 I don't read books. I have no time. Can you point me to an article? Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 It's hard to be alone and happy, but I was there at one point. It's hard trying to find my spot again after my heart was broken twice. I think the key thing is to avoid physical contact. I never do anything more than handshakes or high fives physically. So this means no hugs and "other" playful things. Sure you'll long for them but you have to be strong. Eventually you'll get used to being alone. I don't know if this'll help you any, but I tell myself that girls don't want me. Sure it sounds depressing, but it keeps my mind off of them - and won't let me fall into their traps to seduce men. At least that's how I do it... Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 you start doing things you like... Link to post Share on other sites
snoop_dawg22 Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 *This book is actually on tape*. I'm adjusting to be single. It's been a month since the break up. I've been doing things for me now. At first I didn't know how I was going to manage. But that was my problem. I depened on someone to make me happy. I have to make myself happy first. I'm enjoying doing things and not having to "report" to anyone. I'm not saying that I don't want a relationship. But now I'm living for me and it's a great feeling. As long as you have friends and family... you'll forget about wanting someone b/c you're happy and all of that doesn't matter. And when you feel like that, that's when he'll show up. When you least expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 I'll look for that book or tape - I just fall asleep everytime I try to read LOL and I am taking a college course, so if Im going to read anything, I would feel guilty if it wasn't my course book! I've decided to not pursue any kind of relationship right now. If I want to go to a movie, I'll ask a girlfriend or take my kids. If I want to go to the park, or go golfing, I'll take my kids (I'll have to be patient with them!) If I want to go out for a fancy dinner, hell I will go by myself! (or ask a girlfriend or family member). If I meet a guy, I will tell him exactly where things stand with me. That I'm only looking for friendship and avoid intimacy of any kind. When my bf (that I just broke up with) comes back in 4 months, we will see if there is something to pick up from where we left off. At that time I will have nothing to feel guilty about and will have a much clearer view of what I want and need. Whew this feels good finally! Thanks everyone! Oh, one more tidbit. I'll be having a heart to heart talk with the bf later this week. There is the possibility that we will keep our relationship going strong, but I have several conditions - one being that no matter what, he has to make time for me when he returns every couple of weeks. I know that NC is best, but still need to sort it all out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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