Exes are impossible to understand - where did she come from?

[Dante311]

Thanks for reading this. Please give me insight, I'm confused. I KNOW I'm wrong that I should NOT be dating this girl... but I'm actually happy again. Forgive the stream of conscience.. I hope it flows. Thank you thank you thank you.

 

About 4 weeks ago I got out of a really toxic relationship. The ex was abusive. I know and understand that there is always two sides to every story, but good lord. She would hit me (not hard)... tell me "I hate you".. or "**** you".. "or you're ****ing weird, and I don't want to be seen with you..." and ALWAYS got jealous of my female friends, or when I spoke to her female roommates platonically. Fine. Relationship over. It's for the best. Do I miss her? Of course I do.. and most of all, the COMFORT level I had with her. Peeing with the door open. Farting. Staying in and being pigs while watching movies. That was perfect. Working out together.

 

Fine. That's over. I've done some dating.. working out. Doing my work (I'm in healthcare/science/research/medicine) which is a life of its own..

 

Rewind for a moment... 8-9 years ago, I dated a girl (who was more of a party, fun - but bright/intelligent/smart/sassy - and VERY VERY attractive girl for about 2 years or so. Oh college.

 

We were friends, we fooled around - (recently discussed how much fun we had together and how we didn't end poorly). Fine. That's great.

 

We've been on and off friends for about the last 6 years or so... reconnecting... she knows I've always cared about her. Her friends think I'm the best guy she ever dated.

 

We suddenly reconnected (4 weeks after my breakup - and my confidence is starting to come back - I don't miss the recent ex, I miss what I had with her. SO many reasons I don't miss her. Besides being mean, crazy, selfish, a liar, and probably cheated on me but won't admit it)... We grab dinner and drinks. My treat. We had SO MUCH FUN. SO MUCH FUN. We ended up sleeping together (we had a few too many drinks).

 

At first she was upset, but she loved it. And wanted to see me again, but go slowly. So we did. Hung out... sleep over. No sex. PERFECT.

 

And then again. Except we slept together again. She told me she felt amazing... the best she's ever had. The most perfect evening of evenings with me. Dinner... massage... cuddling... sex.. it was all the best she's ever experienced. But she wants to get the new me.. we haven't been this intimate on so many levels in so many ways. She confided in me that since me.. there have been so many guys interested in her (and trust me, she is THAT girl who can have any guy)... I mean a year ago, before this all happened we met up (she texted me when I was still with my now ex girlfriend - and when that girl dumped me for the 9th or 10th time.. I met up with the old ex from 8 years ago and the first words out of her mouth were, "I just turned >26... my biological clock is ticking"...) - I kind of got weirded out by that.

 

Back to present day she confided the following;

-That after me 8-9 years ago... the guys have been good, but have gone down from the bar I set with her.

-No one is as respectful of her, and caring, and loving, and has as much potential as me.

-All her friends are so happy her and I finally reconnected and told her, "Took her long enough to realize that"

 

And to be honest... I've always cared a lot for this girl... I really have. I just know a) BAD timing since my recent ex just left me for the 11th or 12th time 4 weeks ago, and b) to me, an ex is an ex... right??? I've cut out all my exes from the past... except this one. :/

 

Right now, we're seeing eachother exclusively... we're dating, I guess you could say.

 

And all I can think is how can this girl from 8 years ago who has more dating experience... more potential (I don't even know what this means)

 

And now I wonder how can this girl from 8 years ago tell me I'm the one who got away and then a girl I was with for twice as long, who I was in love with, who loved me (the ex from 8 years and I never were in love)... and the recent ex can walk away like I was nothing... and this ex from 8 years ago thinks I'm the best guy ever... :/

 

I'm confused.

 

 

I hate relationships.

[e4u]

This may not help you...but I do know of one case scenario where some exes reconnected after their college days many years later, got married, and now have three kids.

 

In your case and theirs, it was college, she wasn't sure (or just wanted to play the field cause she was hot too), now she knows better it seems

 

Go figure.

 

That is ONE case scenario. I know of plenty more where the chick came back, got whatever she wanted (sex, ego, pick-me up, jewelry etc) and left sooner than later.

 

If you were a betting man (use your upper head by the way), which one do you think this one is? I think you know the real answer but you'll probably ignore it because of that 0.01% chance like most people do.

[Dante311]

This may not help you...but I do know of one case scenario where some exes reconnected after their college days many years later, got married, and now have three kids.

 

In your case and theirs, it was college, she wasn't sure (or just wanted to play the field cause she was hot too), now she knows better it seems

 

Go figure.

 

That is ONE case scenario. I know of plenty more where the chick came back, got whatever she wanted (sex, ego, pick-me up, jewelry etc) and left sooner than later.

 

If you were a betting man (use your upper head by the way), which one do you think this one is? I think you know the real answer but you'll probably ignore it because of that 0.01% chance like most people do.

 

 

Thanks!

 

I don't know.

 

[Maggie4]

First of all, your recent ex didn't walk away from you like you're nothing. She walked away from a toxic relationship. That sounds like sanity. The crazy part is why you two keep getting back together.

Secondly, you said your recent ex got jealous of your female friends, and you were friends with your ex from 8 years ago on and off for the past 6 years. So in this case, there WAS reason to be jealous!

The violence was bad, though. That should be a deal breaker.

[travelbug1996]

She thinks you're the best guy ever because you WEREN'T in a real relationship. She doesn't know you well enough to say that you're the best ever. It takes time to get to know someone.

 

Now you can attempt a real relationship and let us know how goes after the honeymoon is over.

 

Good sex won't make it last. You have to learn each other and how you interact day to day. You also have to see how she handles conflict. Hopefully, not like the crazy girl you describe.

 

I think you should take a break from it all and focus on what you really want and how to go about making that happen. You just got out of a relationship where someone abused you. That tells me you have some boundary issues that you may want to address before jumping into something with a new lady. Just my .02

[Dante311]

First of all, your recent ex didn't walk away from you like you're nothing. She walked away from a toxic relationship. That sounds like sanity. The crazy part is why you two keep getting back together.

Secondly, you said your recent ex got jealous of your female friends, and you were friends with your ex from 8 years ago on and off for the past 6 years. So in this case, there WAS reason to be jealous!

The violence was bad, though. That should be a deal breaker.

 

 

I had 0 contact with my ex from 8 years ago while I was IN my relatonship.

 

There are two sides to every story, don't make assumptions. You don't know her side OR my side. So stop.

[todreaminblue]

I had 0 contact with my ex from 8 years ago while I was IN my relatonship.

 

There are two sides to every story, don't make assumptions. You don't know her side OR my side. So stop.

 

 

everyone on this board doesnt know the full story yours or hers......we find out by the info you give.....which of course often holds firm bias in your favor....as the recounting of a story by one person always does.....it is slanted your way......with advice take what works for you or resonates with you and make your own decisions.......dont be so quick to tell a poster to stop with advice...its disrespectful........explain the situation better so they understand it a bit better and can offer a different view based on the further info you give...........clarify your situation.......

 

now as far as the ex from college finding you the best guy ever......thats great you have found a connection that is positive and forward progressing...sex and even really good sex can actually hinder forward progression of a relationship and make it stale very quickly.....make it old ..... but that is my opinion.....just throwing it out there

 

 

dont worry about the relationship that was negative...learn from it ...dont repeat the same mistakes you made before..... go into the relationship you have with open eyes and an open heart be honest and understand that all relationships have an element or elements of risk and possible(scratch that.....put definite) trials to face....the honeymoon period ends.....and then you begin to work at keeping the relationship healthy and sparking...i actually love this part.....its wonderful to move forward working together......side by side.....awesome.......knowing someone really well and how they react or feel knowing what they say before they say it......feeling when they are down and need comfort o rknowing when they are angry and being able to say we will come back to this later when we can really talk about it..... so fighting is really minimal............

 

 

 

 

not one relationship is perfect it actually takes hard work and effort a lot of compromise when you assimilate intimately, two lives into one....theres going to be hurdles to face.....i wish you well....and hope this works out for you....good luck.......deb

Edited December 8, 2014 by todreaminblue

[Maggie4]

I had 0 contact with my ex from 8 years ago while I was IN my relatonship.

 

There are two sides to every story, don't make assumptions. You don't know her side OR my side. So stop.

 

Oops, foot in mouth. Sorry it sounded like an accusation or confrontation. Actually the original intention was to suggest some possible explanations for her actions, so that you feel better, less victimized. I really thought my comment would help you hurt just a little less. Sorry...