alwayswannanap Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 I've been good friends with this guys for a couple of months. We'd just hang out and talk all the time whenever we see each other. I've always thought that he's really cool and also cute; but I've always just wanted to keep him as a friend. fast forward - over the weekend, we were at a party together. We went to a club with a big group of friends. It was raining outside; he took care of me like a very good friend - aka gave me his jacket, made sure that I didn't fall etc. At the end of the night, we were both hammered. All I remember is that we were sitting next to each other and talking; and at some point, we started making out. I know long before that he was not ready for a relationship. He recently got out of a traumatizing long-term relationship and didn't want anything for a while. He told me once again when we were making out that he didn't think that he's ready for anything. I was too drunk to go home by myself; so he got a cab and sent me home. We made out again and laid on bed and talked for 2 hours. He opened up a lot and told me many things that none of his closest friends even know. I also did the same - told him about my families, my insecurities and a lot of deep feelings. I told him that I had a crush on him when I first met him (but I never showed any of my emotions because I didn't want to complicate things or make things awkward) and asked him what he thought of me - he said that he'd always thought that I was cute and he cared about me. I asked him if we could give it a try while we were both drunk - I don't remember what his answer was at all. Then we ended up having sex and he was just nice and caring as he always is. We cuddled and kissed all night. All of these happened when we were still drunk. The next day after we woke up, we talked and cuddled for another hour or so before he left. He texted me the same day (yesterday) to check to see how my day went and invited me to a meal with his friends (who I'm also friends with). I guess at this point I'm just really confused and distressed. at one hand, I know that I like him and would want to date him if he felt the same way. On the other hand, part of me knows that he's probably not ready for a relationship even though we are pretty well connected and have good chemistry. I don't know if it's even worth talking to him about it. or shall I just wait to see how he reacts and if he doesn't make a move, I will just let it go? I'm afraid of rejection and afraid of losing his precious friendship. He's a really good guy; I really admire his personality and values - I know he's a keeper as both a potential bf and a friend. anyways -I'd appreciate your input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayswannanap Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Anyone who can share your thoughts? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Yes- you have to talk to him to get it all on the table. Handle it maturely, though. Just ask him how he feels about it and be honest with him. I wouldn't jump to "What do you want?" because he may not have that figured out. Just tell him that you respect your friendship too much to not talk about it and you just want to know how he feels. Signs are good he isn't freaked out since he invited you out again sober. He may like you. Watch out for yourself, but let him decide if he's ready to date again or not. Don't make that decision for him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayswannanap Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Yes- you have to talk to him to get it all on the table. Handle it maturely, though. Just ask him how he feels about it and be honest with him. I wouldn't jump to "What do you want?" because he may not have that figured out. Just tell him that you respect your friendship too much to not talk about it and you just want to know how he feels. Signs are good he isn't freaked out since he invited you out again sober. He may like you. Watch out for yourself, but let him decide if he's ready to date again or not. Don't make that decision for him. Hey - thanks a lot for your response. He texted me again today just to say hi basically. We chatted for a while. He had never done that before the night happened- so I take it as a good sign: either he likes me or he is trying to save the friendship. I really appreciate your advice- I will make sure to talk to him and let him know how I feel about both the friendship and the potential outcomes of this hookup. Thanks again - it really helped clear my head. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Hey - thanks a lot for your response. He texted me again today just to say hi basically. We chatted for a while. He had never done that before the night happened- so I take it as a good sign: either he likes me or he is trying to save the friendship. I really appreciate your advice- I will make sure to talk to him and let him know how I feel about both the friendship and the potential outcomes of this hookup. Thanks again - it really helped clear my head. You're very welcome! I hope it works out! Keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Anyone who can share your thoughts? Thank you! I'm curious as to why you originally intended to keep this guy as "just a friend"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayswannanap Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 You're very welcome! I hope it works out! Keep us posted Will do Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayswannanap Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 I'm curious as to why you originally intended to keep this guy as "just a friend"? A mixture of different reasons- He said that he wasn't looking for a relationship when we were just hanging out with a group of people. Fear of rejection especially that he's gonna be in my life for a while because we go to the same school Didn't think that he'd like me He went on a date with a girlfriend of mine Most of it was just I didn't want to take the risk of making things awkward. I know it's silly and stupid.. But I guess it's a fear that a lot of us share. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Leave the guy alone, he doesn't want a relationship he just wanted to have sex with you...drunk sex isn't going to change that or whatever you want to call it or think it was. You pushing for more than what happened will make it "awkward". Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Don't put pressure on the situation. Just try to relax and see how things develop. Especially in situations where you're not completely hammered. Because that's just going to create a lot of false/inflated dynamics. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayswannanap Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Yea - I think you guys have a good point. I'm just gonna wait it out now. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayswannanap Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 (edited) Hey - so updates for those of you who might have similar confusions. He's been texting me every day since it happened - we are constantly updated on each other's life. We are much closer friends than we were before. I think we become both's closet friends. He shared a lot of information with me that no one in his life knows about. He made food for me and delivered it to me across the city when I was stressed for an exam. He would commute to hang out with me as long he's free. The point being - he goes the extra mileage for our friendship/relationship. I'd do the same for him because I love him - maybe as a friend, maybe as more than a friend. I don't know. Anyways, one day last week, I decided to bring up what happened the night we hooked up. Me " so I wanted to talk to you about what happened. I just think it will good if we can openly talk about it. It's a little hard for me to pretend that nothing happened. I think it'd only make things awkward if we pretended nothing happened. " Him "sure - what do you want to talk about" Me " ughh - so.. how do you feel about what happened?" Him " we were both hammered and we are such good friends now since we opened up to each other" Me " I guess - do you want anything or do you want to just stay friends?" Him " stay friends - at least for now" Me " cool - glad we can talk about it." Then we just went on to hang out in my room for a long time and talked like we normally would. Nothing changed afterwards and we hooked up again recently - it didn't feel weird at all. Surprisingly because we are so comfortable with each other, it was just comfortable and easy. We were honest with each other and didn't fee awkward at all. Unlike the first time when we were both just shocked more than anything, this time actually was chill and a good bonding experience. We cuddled all night, lots of kissing and lots of deep conversations until the next morning. Anyways - I think for now, I'm really happy with where we are at. It's like our friendship is in this grey zone that is not traditionally defined. But I've always thought relationships should be more fluid than the binary "friends vs lovers" categorization. We enjoy each other's company and I feel no pressure about the friendship. I just want to hug him all the time because he makes me so comfortable. haha. anyways - I'll be back if there's any update - good or bad. happy holidays. Edited December 19, 2014 by alwayswannanap Link to post Share on other sites
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