trying to figure out what's what

[trying2findmyway0112]

So me and my wife have been married for 14 years and have two children together, 11 and 13yrs old. We've had a rough past and had our fair share of issues. Two years ago I actually moved out for about a 8 months but ended up back together again.

 

A note about myself, I was raised in a very controlling regions organization (cult) that I left around the same time I moved out, or shortly there after. My wife was also affiliated with the same organization and also is no longer affiliated. The thing is is it has been pretty difficult for me since leaving the religion but it has also been an eye opening experience. Since the religion no longer has any control/influence over my choices and life's decisions, I've been trying to find myself and figure out who I am and what I want. I know that I want things to be better and I want to find happiness and personal accomplishment in life.

 

The religion had strict laws, which made it difficult to date without the sole purpose of marriage, along with the fact you're only allowed to marry within the religion, , so I'm left kinda feeling that I settled with my wife. I've never really had any relationships before my wife, so I don't have anything else to compare my relationship with her to.

 

She is a good person and has a good heart, , but there's something missing, I don't know what or if the problem is something that lies within me.

 

So about 6 months ago, I messed up. I fell for a girl I met online (first time I've ever done anything like this). I had these rush of feelings with this girl online, feelings I've never felt for my wife. I instantly felt that I had never loved my wife and that there was no future with my wife because some of the more important element needed (love, passion and desire) were missing with my wife. Basically I told my wife as such and we basically became separated but living together. Well eventually things ended with the girl online. I missed the relationship and the feelings. As time passed after it ended (about 2 months) things were great at home! We never argued. Both of us were pretty carefree but were respectful of eachother, things were very amicable. We hung out, played videogames together and watched movies almost every night. We also were intimate during this time, in the past 3 weeks very intimate, like everyday.

 

I'm so confused as to my feelings and my actions. I don't know why it seems that I am doing a 180. I now feel like maybe I want to stay with my wife and want to work things out. I don't want to live at separate residence and not get to be able to see my kids everyday or whenever I want. I also don't want some stranger raising my children.

 

Things were starting to go so well, but now that we're talking about working things out things have been stressful and there's been a little drama. I just don't know what I want or what I want to do.

 

One thing is we both currently work but are somewhat reliant on eachothers income. I was thinking and have discussed it with the wife about the idea of staying together for at least another year or two even if not romantically involved so that we can each save up and get in to our careers more, possibly get a degree. I want to be happy and I want her to be happy.

 

Thank you anyone who read all of this, in ended up longer than I anticipated. I'm trying to find myself and see things for what they are. You're honesty would be much appreciated. I take criticism well, so if I need to grow up or if I'm being an *******, please say so. Thank you.

[Mr. Lucky]

I want to find happiness and personal accomplishment in life.

 

You have a wife that loves you and two kids. Aren't these some of the building blocks of happiness?

 

Mr. Lucky

[PegNosePete]

You have a wife that loves you and two kids. Aren't these some of the building blocks of happiness?

Not when his wife is going off to have sex with another guy. See the OP's other thread.

[oldshirt]

 

 

 

 

 

. As time passed after it ended (about 2 months) things were great at home! We never argued. Both of us were pretty carefree but were respectful of eachother, things were very amicable. We hung out, played videogames together and watched movies almost every night. We also were intimate during this time, in the past 3 weeks very intimate, like everyday.

 

I'm so confused as to my feelings and my actions. I don't know why it seems that I am doing a 180. I now feel like maybe I want to stay with my wife and want to work things out. I don't want to live at separate residence and not get to be able to see my kids everyday or whenever I want. I also don't want some stranger raising my children.

 

 

 

 

 

The things you write above are valid things for basing a home and marriage.

 

I'd be willing to bet if you devoted yourself to having a happy and healthy home life and relationship with her and drew strong boundaries against either of you flirting and carrying on with others, she would go along with it and be good with it and she would cease and desist her own dealings with other men.

 

This is really an all-in or all-out scenario. This is a simple sht or get off the pot type situation. As she seems to be following your lead and doing what you are doing I believe If you devote yourself to having a fun, happy and healthy relationship, she will likely follow in kind.

[tobrieornottobrie]

It sounds like the two of you have some things to work through but every married couple does. Marriage isn't something that just comes to us naturally, it requires a lot of work, nurturing, and patience. Have you thought about finding a marital counselor who can help you and your wife work through some of the issues that you've had? Have the two of you worked through any resources together regarding your marriage? Finding and utilizing the correct tools will probably prove helpful. Best of luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees