How long do you give a guy to ask you out?

[Darren2013]

If you are a woman and you have genuine interest in a certain guy that you've known for a long time and it is obvious he likes you too and he is single but nevertheless hasn't made a move to ask you out then how long do you wait for him to move in?

 

Obviously if some other guy jumps in and asks you out he's lost his chance. That goes without saying and that's not what I'm referring to here. I mean assuming you are still single and he's still single and it has been like 6 months ever since you first found out that he liked you. At what point do you draw a line and close the window of opportunity and therefore no longer are interested in him even if he does finally muster up enough courage to ask you out on a date?

 

This could be a guy you have worked with for a long time. It could be a guy that you've gone to church with for awhile or participated in the same classes or hobbies together or live in the same neighborhood, etc. Both of you are single and both like each other but he's hesitant about asking you out and he lets it drag out for months.

[Danda]

For me personally it wouldn't be a decision I'd make. It wouldn't be within my control, how long I am interested in the guy. So therefore, it could also vary from one situation to the next.

 

For as long as I still felt attracted to him and was single, he would still be able to ask me out and I'd say yes.

 

I can say that a possible factor in how long that would be, would be how I am perceiving the situation itself, too.

 

I notice you put it as, "it is obvious he likes you too." While you can create this context for us when we answer you, there is still the question, if this isn't just a hypothetical and you are in this situation:

 

Are you absolutely sure your feelings are obvious to her? Has she verbally acknowledged that she knows you like her? Because you are not psychic. Just sayin.

 

If I was genuinely positive that he liked me but wasn't asking me out, then I'd assume he was extremely shy or insecure, and I'd try to give him the most blatantly obvious openings possible. If I really liked him, then it'd be worth it to me to initiate an official date, myself.

 

So it is also difficult to answer your hypothetical question, in a way, because the situation itself would be unlikely for me.

 

But, if I couldn't tell whether he was actually interested in me or not, then I'd probably lean towards assuming that he's not, and would move on faster as a result.

 

If I thought he wasn't asking me out for a reason such as considering other options on his plate, then I'd probably move on really fast because I wouldn't want to wind up being 'Option B' or something.

[newmoon]

he can wait as long as he wants because i won't do it. it's a very good "test" for me to see how aggressive/passive he is and how soon he goes after what he wants. although he might ask in month 3 he might not get a yes at that point, but i'm always willing to wait it out because i want to see how motivated (or not) a guy is. unless (as you mentioned) i'm seeing someone else, i'll wait and allow it to let me see more and more of his character.

[Darren2013]

Well when I like a certain woman I am more inclined and eager to do favors for her and on an unconscious level look for excuses to do favors for her. I would think to many women that's one strong sign that a guy likes her.

[Danda]

Well when I like a certain woman I am more inclined and eager to do favors for her and on an unconscious level look for excuses to do favors for her. I would think to many women that's one strong sign that a guy likes her.

 

The only way a woman knows that you like her is if you tell her and/or ask her out on a date.

 

Kind people do favors for others.

Friends do favors for each other.

Etc, etc.

 

You also don't want her to find out that you've only been doing nice things for her because you like her, and that you're not a nice person in general. That comes across like you putting "niceness coins" into a slot machine until sex falls out, which is not the impression you want to convey, trust me.

 

So best to make your move as soon as humanly possible.

[eye of the storm]

Doing favors for someone doesn't always mean they are interested in a romantic relationship.

 

I do favors for people all the time. People do favors for me all the time. I have one male friend that we are usually bound at the hip, and we do things for each other all the time. But, neither of us are interested in the other romantically. We just get along great.

 

And just because you think you are being obvious in your interest, doesn't mean the other person is reading it the same way. Different people can read the same actions way differently. For example, thumbs up in some cultures is a good-to-go symbol, in another culture it is offensive. I wouldn't even think someone opening a door or carrying boxes for me as romantic. Another woman might.

 

Also, if I am interested in a guy and I think he is open to it, I have no problem saying, lets hit the coffee shop. I personally don't have time for game play.

[Darren2013]

Honestly I get an erection whenever my crush asks me to help her with something. Even if I never get to go out with her I get my sexual fix for the day when I have opportunities to help her with something.

 

I guess that's why I was kind of disappointed when she didn't want me to reimburse her for spilling her drink.

 

Now this doesn't mean I'm going to look for ways to cause accidents. I'm secretly grateful for whatever attention she gives me even if it is asking me to do something for her.

 

I agree that people cannot read minds but they can suspect or sense what the other person is thinking and feeling inside. That's why I can't help but think I may have made my interest too obvious.

 

If my crush asked me to clean off her car when it snows or asked me to do chores for her at her house that would be exciting too as that would give me an excuse to be close to her for a few hours.

 

I'm normally not the kind of person who likes doing chores but I look forward to doing them if it is for someone I like. Heck I would do it for free. She doesn't realize that she has already paid me off by giving me attention.

Edited December 8, 2014 by Darren2013

[d0nnivain]

Usually when I became aware that some one liked me, if I liked him back, I made it clear that I'd be open to dating him & the invite came shortly thereafter.

 

There were guy in college that I liked & sort of pined for who never asked me out. I suppose even with a significant passage of time I still probably would have said yes but I have since grown up.

 

Life situation probably plays a huge factor. Again, if another person came along & I started dating them, I would not drop the guy who acted on his desire for the guy that didn't care about me until another guy wanted me.

[spiderowl]

I tend to find that if a guy likes me that way, he'll start dropping hints from perhaps the second time I see him socially. He might say something like, "there's a dance at ? next weekend if you fancy going and would like some company" or "I usually go to ? on Fridays, nice bunch there and you'd be most welcome". If at this point I were to seem keen, I think he might be encouraging and perhaps have the courage to be more positive himself. However, usually I'm uncertain and not sure how I feel about him so that's where it ends

 

If he was to wait 6 months before asking me out, I'd assume he wasn't interested or had been painfully shy. It would be fair to say it would be a surprise!

[Darren2013]

I think in some cases if a guy waits too long to ask her out then some women draw a line and will not accepts date with him even if she is still single at the time.

 

Why? Because the fact that he was willing to take a chance on missing out on an opportunity and take the chance that some other guy would move in and take her out is concerning to her. She might get turned off just at the fact that he was willing to take the risk of missing out even though she still happens to be available weeks or months later. That might raise a red flag to her and get her to question if she should accept a date with him after-all.

 

The thought that goes through her mind is "Dude you took 6 months to work up enough nerve to ask me out. I happen to still be single and available but that's beside the point. The fact you were willing to wait and take a risk that I would be dating someone else really concerns me because a guy who is a real go getter would strike immediately while he knows for sure the opportunity is still open. If you were really serious about going out with me you wouldn't wait even 1 minute and take the chance of losing the opportunity. So I'm not going out with you because you need to be taught a hard lesson for the next woman that you get an opportunity to go out with".

 

I am surprised no female posters have come forward yet to say that even if they were single after the guy waited weeks or months to ask them out they would decline just on the principal that he was willing to risk losing her. It says alot about his character. She can't help but wonder in what other areas of his life is he squandering away opportunities like at his job for a promotion or an opportunity to make more money, etc.

[carhill]

So best to make your move as soon as humanly possible.

 

Simple and direct. Like. Doubly like in a demographic where women are available only for a brief period, generally just prior to the ring coming off their finger. Dawdle and either get nothing or pull back a bloody stump.

 

TBH, most of my failures occurred due to taking harsh lessons of women lying about their marital status to the extreme where I'd investigate them (this long before the internet made things easy) prior to any expression of 'like' such as asking out on a date. Usually, by then, it was too late. Another guy who didn't care whether they were married, had a BF, etc, succeeded.

 

Generally, reflecting over many interactions, hundreds, I would opine the 'how long' was one or two discrete interactions. All my successful dating and relationship experiences in that demographic occurred as a result of showing immediate interest, even if I wasn't immediately interested. It was either that or fail, at dating and mating anyway.

 

One change I noted, though minor, was dating in demographics where men were in short supply. I had more opportunities there and women seemed to be less 'immediate' in their requirements for a man to express marked romantic interest.

[Got it]

A reasonable amount.

[Gloria25]

I think in some cases if a guy waits too long to ask her out then some women draw a line and will not accepts date with him even if she is still single at the time.

 

Why? Because the fact that he was willing to take a chance on missing out on an opportunity and take the chance that some other guy would move in and take her out is concerning to her. She might get turned off just at the fact that he was willing to take the risk of missing out even though she still happens to be available weeks or months later. That might raise a red flag to her and get her to question if she should accept a date with him after-all.

 

The thought that goes through her mind is "Dude you took 6 months to work up enough nerve to ask me out. I happen to still be single and available but that's beside the point. The fact you were willing to wait and take a risk that I would be dating someone else really concerns me because a guy who is a real go getter would strike immediately while he knows for sure the opportunity is still open. If you were really serious about going out with me you wouldn't wait even 1 minute and take the chance of losing the opportunity. So I'm not going out with you because you need to be taught a hard lesson for the next woman that you get an opportunity to go out with".

 

I am surprised no female posters have come forward yet to say that even if they were single after the guy waited weeks or months to ask them out they would decline just on the principal that he was willing to risk losing her. It says alot about his character. She can't help but wonder in what other areas of his life is he squandering away opportunities like at his job for a promotion or an opportunity to make more money, etc.

 

Some people just don't "get it".

 

I don't know about other females, but I've said the "He's Just Not that Into You" for more than a minute. Cuz, when a guy is INTERESTED/INTO YOU (not just ATTRACTED), he will not want to lose you. Even if he's in a situation that doesn't make him available, he'd let you know cuz again, he won't risk losing you.

 

My recent crush appeared to be "shy" towards me, but he sure isn't when it comes to pursuing other women. No, I'm only basing this notion from what I "see" - it's not like I've spent time enough to see him in action...But just trust me, from what I've seen, he comes out of his shell for women he's interested in. Shoot, he's even gone so far to frequent message boards I'm on so he can learn a thing or two to make the girl he really wants happy.

 

So, in sum, guys who are interested make a move. Period. Shyness or whatever won't stop them.

 

And, as for your notion that a woman rejecting a guy and/or "teaching him a lesson/punishing" him for not coming around sooner is not in my case. Did you see the tread in "dating" about guys who eventually come back? Most responses - even from men - show that when a guy rolls around after a hiatus it's probably cuz he's horny, doesn't have other options at the moment, and/or he doesn't wanna put the work into getting a new chick.

 

So, a woman would be right to wonder if she was Plan B, C, D, or even X if you come crawling back to her...hence, her need to "test" you and/or proceed with caution "if" she even decides to give you another chance. That's what I'd do, I'd have to know you're sincere and not horny, lonely, desperate.

[Phoe]

My first boyfriend took a year to ask me out. I'd actually asked him out after 6 months, he said no, then changed his mind the next day saying he was interested in another girl. Another 6 months later he asks me out, and within 6 months cheated on me with the girl he originally rejected me for in the first place.

 

I suppose, realistically, it doesn't matter how long it takes. A guy can like me for 10 years before asking me out, if I am single and interested when he asks me out, then I will say yes. There isn't some sort of expiration date on it.

[Gloria25]

My first boyfriend took a year to ask me out. I'd actually asked him out after 6 months, he said no, then changed his mind the next day saying he was interested in another girl. Another 6 months later he asks me out, and within 6 months cheated on me with the girl he originally rejected me for in the first place.

 

I suppose, realistically, it doesn't matter how long it takes. A guy can like me for 10 years before asking me out, if I am single and interested when he asks me out, then I will say yes. There isn't some sort of expiration date on it.

 

No offense, but your post proves my point....

 

When a guy isn't making a move - it's cuz he's Just Not That Into You...In your case he was scoping out another chick and obviously he rose to the occasion to pursue her because he wanted her - not you.

 

Why would I wanna be with a guy who chose me as Plan B? That means when Plan A rolls around, he'll be gone again cuz he settled for me.

 

Like jobs. Sometimes I apply for certain jobs that pay less than what I used to make. I know that I wanna take the pay cut cuz there's other benefits that come with the lower pay (Ie proximity to my home, a permanent position), but the employers (women analogy to this thread) know that since I made more money in the past, I'm probably gonna bounce, so they will not risk hiring me. Again, why should I risk taking in a guy who was so-so about me in the first place?

 

Oh, and the OP believes that a woman seeing a guy risking her being lost from him to another guy means she thinks he will pass up promotions, jobs, education? Ok, that makes no sense to me...one does not have to do with the other. To me, a guy who isn't that interested enough to make a move on me simply means he's not that into me - doesn't reflect his career choices/decisions/etc.

[Phoe]

No offense, but your post proves my point....

 

When a guy isn't making a move - it's cuz he's Just Not That Into You...In your case he was scoping out another chick and obviously he rose to the occasion to pursue her because he wanted her - not you.

 

Why would I wanna be with a guy who chose me as Plan B? That means when Plan A rolls around, he'll be gone again cuz he settled for me.

 

Like jobs. Sometimes I apply for certain jobs that pay less than what I used to make. I know that I wanna take the pay cut cuz there's other benefits that come with the lower pay (Ie proximity to my home, a permanent position), but the employers (women analogy to this thread) know that since I made more money in the past, I'm probably gonna bounce, so they will not risk hiring me. Again, why should I risk taking in a guy who was so-so about me in the first place?

 

Oh, and the OP believes that a woman seeing a guy risking her being lost from him to another guy means she thinks he will pass up promotions, jobs, education? Ok, that makes no sense to me...one does not have to do with the other. To me, a guy who isn't that interested enough to make a move on me simply means he's not that into me - doesn't reflect his career choices/decisions/etc.

 

Well, being my first boyfriend I had no clue what I was doing, and had no concept of "Plan B" and just felt really happy that he was interested in me after all.

 

I wouldn't accept that now, knowing what I do.

 

I think my story is a bad example. The problem there wasn't how long he took, but that there was another girl he was more interested.

 

When it's just simply a guy taking a long time, nothing else, then it's not an issue if I am interested when he does ask me out.