jos1988 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 We had been together for five years. One of those years was long distance. New York and Chicago. I got fed up with it, wanted to change the situation but he was unsure. Broke up with him. At the time I was confused, feeling hurt. A few weeks after I broke up with him I got too intoxicated and slept with someone else. I felt disgusting and still do. Three months later we reconciled. Pretty quickly I realised how idiotic I'd been, how I was hurting myself. But what hurt me the most, and still hurts me is how badly I hurt him. It's now been three years of long distance wih great communication, experiences. I feel so close to him now, able to open up with my vulnerabilities. We don't reach the argument point when we are together, sit and talk through our difference in opinions. We have been talking about the future and what we want out of life together. Over the past three years I've had moments of absolute horror of what I've done, and how he does not know. I'm scared that if I do tell him I'm going to crush him. I'm worried that if I don't he may find out later down the track. I don't know what to do - I want to make him happy, always for the rest of my life but this is eating me. Link to post Share on other sites
I'mBatman Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 You were broken up you did nothing wrong in a sense of wronging him. Sure i would be hurt in his situation but you were not together. Do not kick yourself over it you did the right thing and broke it of with him when you were unhappy. You never cheated and you had a one night stand that you regret. Big deal. If he doesnt ask dont tell him again its your business as you didnt cheat or anything. If he does ask tell him the truth and he will probably be mad but if he actually cares for you he will get over it in no time Link to post Share on other sites
HurtGator Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 We had been together for five years. One of those years was long distance. New York and Chicago. I got fed up with it, wanted to change the situation but he was unsure. Broke up with him. At the time I was confused, feeling hurt. A few weeks after I broke up with him I got too intoxicated and slept with someone else. I felt disgusting and still do. Three months later we reconciled. Pretty quickly I realised how idiotic I'd been, how I was hurting myself. But what hurt me the most, and still hurts me is how badly I hurt him. It's now been three years of long distance wih great communication, experiences. I feel so close to him now, able to open up with my vulnerabilities. We don't reach the argument point when we are together, sit and talk through our difference in opinions. We have been talking about the future and what we want out of life together. Over the past three years I've had moments of absolute horror of what I've done, and how he does not know. I'm scared that if I do tell him I'm going to crush him. I'm worried that if I don't he may find out later down the track. I don't know what to do - I want to make him happy, always for the rest of my life but this is eating me. Does he know you slept with someone else while broken up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jos1988 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 No. thats what's eating me - have complete honesty and tell him, but hurt him. Or protect him and not say anything until he asks. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Does he know you slept with someone else while broken up? as long as she was safe about it,it's not for him to know..unless he asks. Then she could simply say "what happened/didn't while we were apart is in the past". He could have been out nightly doing his thing during the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtGator Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 No. thats what's eating me - have complete honesty and tell him, but hurt him. Or protect him and not say anything until he asks. He hasn't asked? I think that would be the first question I'd ask if my exgf came back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtGator Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 as long as she was safe about it,it's not for him to know..unless he asks. Then she could simply say "what happened/didn't while we were apart is in the past". He could have been out nightly doing his thing during the breakup. I think if he asked directly, can't really brush it under the carpet. Be honest and give him the info. Then its up to him to decide if its ok for him or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jos1988 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 That's the thing when we re kindled, i didn't ask nor did he. If he had been out I would have been absolutely okay with it - because I love him so much and was happy to be back with him. I think that's why he didn't ask. How do I stop toturing myself. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtGator Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 That's the thing when we re kindled, i didn't ask nor did he. If he had been out I would have been absolutely okay with it - because I love him so much and was happy to be back with him. I think that's why he didn't ask. How do I stop toturing myself. Torturing yourself regarding sleeping with the other guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jos1988 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Yes that I slept with someone when I clearly was still in love with him. And that I hurt him. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtGator Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) Yes that I slept with someone when I clearly was still in love with him. And that I hurt him. Did you emotionally cheat with this guy while you were together with your bf? You didn't physically cheat on your bf. So you shouldn't say anything unless he asks.. Which in that case I feel you should be honest. But that's just my opinion. If he asks, and you keep it from him, then you woukd have to find a way to get over this guilt you said you're feeling. Edited December 8, 2014 by HurtGator Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 so...he didnt ask. No worries. Are you worried that he slept around? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 By the way...its refreshing and you should be happy/proud to have this quality of concern about his feelings,as not to want to hurt him. Really good quality,thats all but gone these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jos1988 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) HurtGator - We were completely broken up at that point - I did not think I would get back with him. However I was still emotionally attached - I could not get him out of my head. Praying4Daylight - From memory I can not recall him asking me. Whatsoever. I wouldn't ask him, none of my business. If he did go out and slept with a few people I would not hold that against him. People cope in weird ways when hurt. I love him to much to be bothered by that - what we have now with work is special. I'm wondering if I am self sabotaging something good because I don't think I deserve it. I should mention that in a moment of weakness I told my mother, she is not the best with private information. Edited December 8, 2014 by jos1988 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 HurtGator - We were completely broken up at that point - I did not think I would get back with him. However I was still emotionally attached - I could not get him out of my head. Praying4Daylight - From memory I can not recall him asking me. Whatsoever. I wouldn't ask him, none of my business. If he did go out and slept with a few people I would not hold that against him. People cope in weird ways when hurt. I love him to much to be bothered by that - what we have now with work is special. I'm wondering if I am self sabotaging something good because I don't think I deserve it. I should mention that in a moment of weakness I told my mother, she is not the best with private information. That's my point..when me and my ex would split up in the past, I wasn't home writing sad songs on the guitar(don't play it)...I was and have been as of late...""doing my thing"..non of her concern . I'm sure shes doing the same. We are both attractive people..it happens,simple. Don't sweat it...unless he asks..then please,be honest. I know you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Aaaand relax! You got your man back, you 'busied' yourself once with someone whilst single, so what! Live for now, the past has gone and is irretrievable, you did nothing wrong, enjoy what you have and appreciate him, i can tell you do. Don't be so hard on yourself lady. Link to post Share on other sites
kp4633 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 No. thats what's eating me - have complete honesty and tell him, but hurt him. Or protect him and not say anything until he asks. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe that "mistake" helped you realize how much you loved him and made you more thankful! I understand where you are coming from, just because you are broken up doesn't mean that you no longer share a bond or attachment (especially a few weeks after BU). You need to forgive yourself and let that experience go. If he asks then be honest. I know I would want my ex to be... Link to post Share on other sites
toffeecream77 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Honestly, try to forget about it. He doesn't need to know. And he might not want to know. Leave the past, in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
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