Head'sminced Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Hello, I'm new here and a little surprised that Iv come to this, but as my username suggests my heads a bit all over the place just now. Was with my gf for coming up to three years when we broke up because neither of us we're happy. We had had a lot good times and were very much in love / compatible but there were issues from the start; she was very controlling, paranoid and very jealous (very pretty girls tend to be overly jealous Iv found). She was also out of my league and I struggled with the attention she got when we were out so tended to try and end nights out early etc. Anyway we both agreed it wasn't working and had run it's corse but I think both secretly thought of it was a break. A month or two later and we are both amicable and getting on with things when I get a facebook message from a guy from the gym at work (always the guy with a six pack) saying that they were in a relationship And that she cheated on me day before we went on holiday (we broke up the day after getting home). It was amazing how much it affected me a crushed me even although I was content breaking up was best but now she is begging for me back, like literally begging! She is texting me constantly and emotionaly blackmailing me (or trying to) to get me to give her the time of day. I atill love her and feel she is being genuine but can't see how I can see trust her again not only fort cheating but also for keeping it from me. Some clear impartial thoughts are welcome as my head is all over the place. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Has she admitted the cheating? What does she say about it? What will she do to ensure it doesn't happen again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Head'sminced Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 She admitted it after he told me about it ( so no she never I suppose). She then started seeing him when we broke up all while lying that she wasn't in a place for moving on. She is saying she is gutted and realises what she had and lost etx etx and says she didn't feel wanted or loved. Which I get to be fair. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I would move on. She has shown you what kind of person she is. She is a liar and a cheat. I would not give her the time of day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 She admitted it after he told me about it ( so no she never I suppose). She then started seeing him when we broke up all while lying that she wasn't in a place for moving on. She is saying she is gutted and realises what she had and lost etx etx and says she didn't feel wanted or loved. Which I get to be fair. They're always gutted when the truth surfaces and comes back to haunt them. Chances are nothing developed between the two of them and she's reverting back to you because...you're there. And controlling and jealous sometimes is projection. My ex used to be incredibly jealous and paranoid...turns out he was the one cheating. He was projecting his behavior on me. It would be a different story if she strayed and came to you and confessed, with remorse. She didn't and that in itself is very telling. Move on. Going back to a cheater is no way to live. You'll just end up constantly looking over your shoulder and living your life with mistrust. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 says she didn't feel wanted or loved. Which I get to be fair. There is NEVER a reason to cheat. You communicate with your partner if you feel there are issues in the relationship. If it is not working, you leave. Cheater behavior -- gaslighting. Your fault that I cheated. Tell her to stick that up her arse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Head'sminced Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Cheers for the advice. That was what I was thinking but she almost had me convinced with "it was one time at the end of our relationship and was the result of our relationship being stale for months and me not showing her any affection or attention. How do I get her off my case ? I have asked her time and time again to leave me alone but she keeps messaging me. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 How do I get her off my case ? I have asked her time and time again to leave me alone but she keeps messaging me. First, you tell her once and firmly that you are not interested in anything she has to say and you do not want to hear from her ever again. Then you defriend and block her on all social media sites. You ignore any message she sends. You hang up on her phone calls. You set up an email filter to divert to SPAM. You do not answer the door to her. Do not contact her in any way whatsoever. She will get bored eventually and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Move on. He probably used her then dumped her (don't expect her to admit it) and now she's coming back with her bruised ego. Save your time and sanity.. delete, block, NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Cheers for the advice. That was what I was thinking but she almost had me convinced with "it was one time at the end of our relationship and was the result of our relationship being stale for months and me not showing her any affection or attention. How do I get her off my case ? I have asked her time and time again to leave me alone but she keeps messaging me. Block her on your phone. Block her on your email or divert it to trash. If she manages to email from a different address, just delete it. Do not engage in any sort of communication because that's feeding the monster. Ignore and in time she will go away. She's doing this because she believes her persistence will make you break because she knows you are still emotional for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Move on. He probably used her then dumped her (don't expect her to admit it) and now she's coming back with her bruised ego. Save your time and sanity.. delete, block, NC. Nah, don't see it that way. If he used her and dumped her, then he could care less about her after he let her go. Therefore, there would be no need to contact this guy and let him know what happened. Chances are she tried to make a go with it with this dude. But, he was ALWAYS in competition with Head. She probably always compared the gym dude to head. Then, she probably ended it with him. So, he contacted Head out of revenge. Like, "If I can't have her then neither should he." Regardless, she still lied and cheated. Nothing is going to take that pain away. And because she's good looking and because she's always going to be hit on, Head will ALWAYS wonder if he's getting played again. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 And controlling and jealous sometimes is projection. My ex used to be incredibly jealous and paranoid...turns out he was the one cheating. He was projecting his behavior on me. 100% agree. I find those that are the most jealous are the ones who cheat themselves. I now see this as a big red flag when a partner is overly jealous or paranoid. I find most people will generally expect that other people think the same way they do and will treat them the same way they treat others. Cheaters expect to be cheated on .... because its what they do. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Cheers for the advice. That was what I was thinking but she almost had me convinced with "it was one time at the end of our relationship and was the result of our relationship being stale for months and me not showing her any affection or attention. How do I get her off my case ? I have asked her time and time again to leave me alone but she keeps messaging me. This is the easiest part of the whole thing: don't respond to her. Absolutely no contact. Don't give in and this will all be over in a week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 This is the easiest part of the whole thing: don't respond to her. Absolutely no contact. Don't give in and this will all be over in a week or so. The above works very well! I did the no contact thing, and I was rid of my controlling cheating ex in about 6 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts