No contact or minimal contact and living together?

[checkoutat10]

Is this even possible or a good idea?

 

I found out my husband has been talking to other females, sharing pics, explicit, etc. This was AFTER a DDay earlier this year. One of the women he's texting is the same woman from DDay.

 

I'm completely and totally done. Ready to move on. I will be meeting with an atty tomorrow.

 

He blocked me from FB after I accessed his acct. and found the messages. We haven't spoken but a few words but his contact, not mine. He sent me a text this morning and I ignored it. I just can't even look at his face anymore, but I can't leave and unless his CO assigns him a barracks room, neither can he.

 

We have four kids. Is it unreasonable to go no contact with him with exception to the kids?

 

I'm reeling, floundering, and lost.

 

He also stole my Ipad (where I had screen shotted his convos with these women) and tried to break into my truck (or maybe he did, not sure if he got in or not) and popped the lock on my bedroom door while I was in there sleeping (that's when he stole my ipad).

 

Does NC even work in this situation?

[No Limit]

We have four kids. Is it unreasonable to go no contact with him with exception to the kids?

 

It's not unreasonable, it's what you definitely should do. Must do in fact if you want to keep your sanity.

 

The only thing that irks me is the thread title part saying "living together". Living with someone who steals and even attempts to break through doors offers far too much potential for dangers. Whatever happend with your husband's brain, it's dropping to criminal level and that for my liking would be far too dangerous.

 

What options do you have regarding a new home for you and your kids?

[checkoutat10]

It's not unreasonable, it's what you definitely should do. Must do in fact if you want to keep your sanity.

 

The only thing that irks me is the thread title part saying "living together". Living with someone who steals and even attempts to break through doors offers far too much potential for dangers. Whatever happend with your husband's brain, it's dropping to criminal level and that for my liking would be far too dangerous.

 

What options do you have regarding a new home for you and your kids?

 

I have none.

 

We have no savings, I can't afford to move out on my own until we sell the house. Both our incomes go to the mortgage and bills, with little left over.

[Yasuandio]

You can make a visit to his CO yourself. Report theft of your Ipad to the police asap. Get moving. What your husband is doing is not kosher with Milatary Services. That might bewhy he got all ballistic. If you sit around, and do nothing, nothing will happen. Forward march, if only for your kids. The Chaplian can be first stop - they will provide direction. Yas

[PegNosePete]

Ask your attorney what you can do to get him out of the house. Mention him popping the lock while you're asleep. If he represents a genuine danger to you or the kids then he can be removed from the house.

[Mr. Lucky]

Does NC even work in this situation?

 

Not with someone willing to do this:

 

He also stole my Ipad (where I had screen shotted his convos with these women) and tried to break into my truck (or maybe he did, not sure if he got in or not) and popped the lock on my bedroom door while I was in there sleeping (that's when he stole my ipad).

 

You can't have NC without boundaries. As Yasuandio suggested, you should contact the Military Police yourself...

 

Mr. Lucky

[checkoutat10]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

I have spoken with his XO. My STBXH has been given temporary quarters until his next PCS which is this summer. He is also on a mandatory no-contact order by the military until after this weekend. Which he already broke by texting me this afternoon but I am doing by best to not respond (I did have to respond once with regards as to who was picking up our daughter from daycare).

 

This is not how our life was supposed to go. My children are crushed... I don't know what to do to help them. I'm going to an atty tomorrow and then I believe I'll be making a family counseling appt. for us somewhere.

 

My son turns 15 tomorrow. It's his birthday. He is devastated and has been posting his devastation on social media. My heart is broken for him. For me. For all of us.

[Yasuandio]

but I am doing by best to not respond (I did have to respond once with regards as to who was picking up our daughter from daycare).

 

 

Don't "do your best." DO IT! NO CONTACT, PERIOD.

 

Get a third party to intervene, if necessary.

 

Today, you have done a magnificent work in protecting the little ones - this is how you must view your actions. Teach your son about the danger of VIOLENCE, and that it is not worth the risk (or maybe someone on LS has a better idea to assist the 15 year old boy in understanding, I go with the truth). That is the only thing you can do.

 

You deserve applause. I admire your strength. Forget counciling with husband at this time. See the Chaplian perhaps. Fantastic today, although sad, smart move. Do not back down.

 

Many women get authorities involved in Domestic Violence, then turn around and bail the guy out and get sall kissy-kissy. And the pattern repeats itself, they get their face bashed in again, and kiss and make up. I know, I've done that myself. It is a good way to get dead, with certain individuals.

 

Your husband's anger is going to really esculate after this event. You better watch it. He will pour on the charm big time, but will never forget that you pulled rank - as you should have and did. Be careful when that "longing" starts pulling at you. The Military has come to your rescue. Thank your lucky Stars and Stripes. Sleep peacfully tonight, love on your babies. Yas

Edited December 9, 2014 by Yasuandio

[whichwayisup]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

I have spoken with his XO. My STBXH has been given temporary quarters until his next PCS which is this summer. He is also on a mandatory no-contact order by the military until after this weekend. Which he already broke by texting me this afternoon but I am doing by best to not respond (I did have to respond once with regards as to who was picking up our daughter from daycare).

 

This is not how our life was supposed to go. My children are crushed... I don't know what to do to help them. I'm going to an atty tomorrow and then I believe I'll be making a family counseling appt. for us somewhere.

 

My son turns 15 tomorrow. It's his birthday. He is devastated and has been posting his devastation on social media. My heart is broken for him. For me. For all of us.

 

You and your kids will benefit from the family counseling. Hope that happens soon.

 

Your H is a real shi.t and some day he's gonna look back and regret his stupid selfishness. The thing is, your kids aren't stupid, they may not "know" what is going on in details, but they know who the stable and reliable parent is. You!

 

Just love your kids. Shower them with affection, make them feel safe as much as you can and reaffirm to them that even though the upcoming months are gonna be hard and everything has changed, you all will get through it together.

[checkoutat10]

Well I didn't get to the attorney yesterday, but I have an appt. for Saturday morning.

 

I have not heard from my H except through our son, who asked about childcare pickup arrangements.I haven't contacted him either.

 

I'm honestly not sure how to feel, here. I waffle between fury and feeling completely betrayed, to wondering if he's pining for me and sorry for what he's done to us (us, as in our FAMILY). I would like for him to suffer as much as the children and I have. I want him to be wishing he was home, instead of another soldier's home. I want him to feel embarrassed and shamed now that his XO knows, and now that he's been counseled on his behavior. I hope he feels just an ounce of pain that I'm feeling. I don't know why I even care.....

 

So many memories have been flooding my brain....good and bad....and I can't shut them off. I was up at 0230 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. The "WHY" is driving me insane. I suppose these thoughts and feelings diminish after a while?

 

Tomorrow I have to go back to work, which means he will have to pick up our daughter from preschool. It's stressful because I work until 1130pm at night but his escort won't let him stay beyond dropping off our daughter and assuring the kids have dinner. So my older two have to watch the younger two until I get home. I have no friends or family who can help with this, so we've just got to get through it until the no contact is over (Monday), and then he can stay until I get home. As far as I am concerned, however, he will stay where he is staying now. He is not welcome here any longer.

 

I did get my Ipad back. He left it on the kitchen counter on Monday. Oddly enough he didn't delete the screenshots of messages I had of him with one of the females. He either didn't see them or doesn't care .

 

Ugh....I know every single thought, feeling, emotion, etc. will have to be lived and experienced and dealt with until we heal...it just sucks that it has to happen at all.

[checkoutat10]

Waffling. I still love him. I miss him.

 

I am obsessing over who he's talking to, what he's doing, where he's going.

 

No contact order remains in effect until Monday. I will not initiate contact but if he comes to me wanting to try...counseling...whatever....I don't know if I'm strong enough to say no! I love the man, hate his behaviors.

 

I am hoping he will not want to continue trying to R....it will make it easy for me. My little ones are asking every day, "where's daddy?". My older ones are texting him I guess. I want my family back!! I want the laughing, playing, loving, touching, teasing, cuddling, amazing sexing, NORMALCY back!

 

Just typing my thoughts out so I don't have to keep them inside...leaving for work where I have to put on my happy face for my patients.

 

**** it all.