I waited for him... and now I'm alone again

[Inaa]

I have the need to tell my story. It came out too long but I just couldn't stop the words. Excuse me if i have mistakes since english is not my language. So...

 

 

 

This guy started texting me in facebook 10 months ago. We study at the same university but I didn’t know him. A friend of mine knew him and told me he had a girlfriend. That didn’t bother me because I didn’t like him and he didn’t show any special interest in me. But during the time, our conversations became more serious, sometimes we were even flirting. I caught myself that I couldn’t wait to turn on my computer and start texting him… And it also turned out we had the same hometown… Then he started insisting on meeting me and I refused many times. I thought it was fun chatting but didn’t have any interest to meet him in person.

 

 

Then one day I came back to my hometown, he knew that because at that time we were texting constantly and he also came. At first I refused again to meet him but then decided that there’s nothing wrong in that and we were just friends… We met at the beach and I didn’t like the way he looked at all but still when I went back home, he texted me again and I found out I was still really interested in him (but still as a friend). We went out that night with some of his friends, had fun, then he walked me home and that was it. There wasn’t any sign of flirting… and I thought that was great, we could be friends.

 

 

One week later we met again. At my place (we were back to the town where we study). We drank a lot and he told he had seen me in the university and had watched me even before he started dating his girlfriend, which means more than 3 years ago… and I had never noticed him. And then I told him “No offence, but I wouldn’t be with you even if you didn’t have a girlfriend. I will start a relationship only with the man who buys me a Cayen, a car.” That’s a stupid excuse I use when I want to put off a guy… Anyway, later that night when we were really drunk, he suddenly hugged me and started kissing me and I didn’t know what was happening but I liked it. Then he took me in his arms and took me to the bedroom and started undressing me. I was thinking “I like it but I’ll make him stop, just a little bit more”… but I didn’t stop him. We had sex which sucked by the way because I hadn’t had sex in 2 years and I was drunk and it hurt so I didn’t even let him finish. But he asked me to spend the night with me and I allowed him. He hugged me the whole night, in the morning it wasn’t even weird.

 

 

Half an hour later after he left my home, he texted me how much he liked the night and he would like to do it again. And I found myself answering “I would like that too”. I was shocked of what I had done because I had never had sex with a guy who’s not just my boyfriend but he is somebody else’s boyfriend. But then I thought maybe I’m in a period of my life where I can be a little bad… a few days later we met again and had sex and this time it was great.

 

 

Then we had a month free of university so I went to my hometown, he went too and his girlfriend was in other town (they wouldn’t meet for a month). We saw each other every day. I asked him why he’s cheating on her, he just told he has no idea why but he can’t keep his hands of me. That girlfriend wasn’t a problem for me since I wanted nothing more from him… But just for a week. Then one night he just mentioned her and I got really jealous and told him I want him to leave her because I want to be with him. He was shocked but told me that we should wait till the summer is over and when we go back to university, if I still want him, he will be with me.

 

 

So the summer passed, we had a great time. Every day we went together to the beach, at night went out, I met all of his friends. I was totally crazy about him. When we weren’t together, we were texting or talking on the phone, and when we weren’t doing this, I was thinking about him. I was absolutely out of my head. I had never been so in love with someone till that moment… Everything was great except the times we argued about his girlfriend. I insisted he should tell her immediately but he wanted to wait…

 

 

Then we went back to university. Soon he told me she had also came back and he would go and meet her… that he didn’t know how he would look at her, what he would tell her. He went to her home and I just waited him to text me when he comes back. But he didn’t. At 1 am he texted me “I just wanted to tell you good night”. I said “are you still at her place?”. He “Yes but I couldn’t fall asleep without telling you good night”. At that moment I was totally heartbroken. I couldn’t believe he had erased so easily the last month, me, and got back to his old life, lying next to her and sleeping with her.

 

 

The next few day I was so sad and angry with him, didn’t answer him but he came to me. He said he wanted me but things don’t happen that easily. I gave him 2 weeks to decide. The 2 weeks passed and he told me. “I’m in love with you but I can’t leave her. I owe her RESPECT. I’m sure you want me just because I’m with her. If I leave her, you will get rid of me in a month” I was so pissed off and told him to go to hell with his ****ing respect.

 

A week later he reached me again. Again he said he missed me, he was in love with me, he couldn’t go to her, he didn’t like being with her. That at this point they have problems and rarely see each other but he is not sure if he doesn’t want to fix things up with her. We started seeing each other again and having sex but it wasn’t the same. He was still nice with me but we met once or twice a week, we never went out, he just came to me at night, spent the night with me and left in the morning. Then didn’t call or text in a few days… I started feeling used. It was just sex now, nothing more. Even sometimes when I called him to meet me, he refused saying he was tired. I stopped calling him. We talked and met only when he called me. I started realizing that he is a totally different person.

 

 

And then suddenly things changed. He started calling me and texting me every day. We saw each other more often. He even asked me if I wanted to spend 8th December with him (here we have this custom every year at 8th December to celebrate student’s day or I don’t know how to say it in English. We usually go to the mountain with colleagues from the university and spend there day or two). I was so happy.

 

 

One night we had to meet but he suddenly said he was really tired and he will stay at home with some friends. That sounded strange to me so I finally decided to ask somebody about him. I called a guy I know who accidentally is a friend with my guy’s girlfriend. Till now I hadn’t mentioned him anything about this because it was a secret and I had promised to keep it. I told him directly what’s going on and why I want to know more. He said “They have separated 2 months ago. She wasn’t happy with him and she left him.” And I was WTF. They are separated but he still doesn’t want to be with me because he wants her back?! Anyway the same night about midnight he called me and wanted to see me. I agreed so he came and stayed with me. The next day, while he was still sleeping in my bed, the other guy called me and told me “she said he calls her constantly trying to make things up but she is not sure if she wants to. Even last night he called her to meet her…” And then it was all clear. He refused to meet me last night at first because he was waiting for her and after she refused, he decided to come to me and **** me.

 

 

I made him a huge scandal. He denied everything. Said they didn’t see each other because he doesn’t want to see her. He didn’t call her last night, she called him, she wanted to meet him. And I said “so if you don’t want her, you want me and it is okay if we say everybody we are together?” He said “Don’t be kidding. You don’t really want me”. And I got crazy like I don’t want you?? You mother****ing bastard. You are right! I don’t want you because you are a liar and you are not a man. You couldn’t take a simple decision for 5 months! Now I’m going to find myself a real man!

 

 

And so passed 2 weeks. He didn’t call me. I didn’t call him. I thought it was all over and almost had accepted it. But 3 days ago I went to this birthday party and saw there the guy who’s a friend with the girlfriend. I told him that everything with us is over and he told me they were back together. I asked “How could they be back together since she didn’t want him?” and he said “Well… the moment you told him you didn’t want him, he started treating her well again and she is going with him for the 8th December.” I just didn’t know what to say. I felt cheated. If she didn’t want him back, how does she start wanting him the moment I told him to **** off?” I was so pissed that I decided to call him not even knowing what to tell him. The moment I grabbed my phone, his name came on the screen… he was calling me. I picked up and waited to hear what he will say. He said. “Last night I was at this bar and I heard our song. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to see you.” I was drunk and wanted to see him so much, to make him reconsider being with her. So we met. He said they are not back together. He hugged me the whole time saying how much he missed me… we had sex, he was saying my name while we were doing it… he asked me “do you want us to be together?” I just didn’t reply because it was so strange to ask me this during sex. The next morning when he walked up, he looked nervous, he said he should go, kissed me on the forehead and left.

 

 

And in that moment I was in love with him again. Really crazy in love. A few hours later I called him, because I was devastated and couldn’t let him go with her tomorrow. I told him “why would you go with her after last night? Do you know how much this hurts me?” and he asked “Do I really hurt you that much?”. I said “Of course you do. Don’t pretend you don’t know how much I care”. He said “Yeah, I know. I just thought that you didn’t really want to see me again since the last time…” I asked “So that’s it? That’s the end?” … He said “Since the first time I slept with you, I haven’t been with anybody else. I can’t. And I don’t want to. I can’t sleep with her because I imagine you. BUT YOU AND ME JUST DON’T BELONG TOGETHER”. I asked “Why you think we don’t belong together”. He said “As a starter, I can’t buy you the Cayen you want.” That ****ing cayen… I have never really wanted it. My family is rich but I’m not that kind of girl… but I still asked “If I want you, and you can’t be with anybody else, why would you go there with her? Last night you asked me if I wanted us to be together”. He said “Last night I felt you really close. Probably that’s why I have said it. But I want to try to fix things up with her. I’ll talk these days with her and when I come back, I will tell you what’s going on. Just don’t suffer for me. I don’t deserve you.”

 

 

And that was it. They left yesterday. I cried the whole day. I have no idea what’s going on but I could guess. She wants him. She wouldn’t go with him if she didn’t want him. And If he wants to fix things up with her, nothing could stop him. Today is the 8th December and they are there together. I’m home alone. I just needed to write this. Thanks to everybody, who read this to the end.

 

 

Should I forget about him? If he really cared about me, he would try to fix things up with me, not with her… he’s a bastard and right now I really hate him. We are both 24 years old, as is she. And she has no idea that he has cheated on her.

[Ruffian1]

Aaahh, first you don't like him, then you do, then you LOVE him, and now you hate him.

 

 

You are both very immature. SEX does not =love.

 

 

It seems you two girls are in competition with each other and he ping-pongs between beds.

 

 

What do you want?

[anika99]

This guy has fed you nothing but a pile of crap from the start. Read your post again and see if anything he has said to you makes the least bit of sense. He is full of lies. He wants the other girl to be his official girlfriend and he wants to have sex with you on the side. That's all there is to it. If you want better than that, then cut him off and find someone better

[jellybean89]

He has used you, repeatedly...and you have allowed it.

 

I sure hope you two used protection because he has been with her (and maybe others).

 

Your first clue was he had a girlfriend. You shouldn't have had sex with him and you shouldn't have become infatuated with him. I don't believe you love him. You just don't want to be alone.

 

Go on with your life. Stop having sex with him. It makes you look easy and needy.

 

Stop answering his calls and stop 'getting drunk' and having sex with him / calling him.

 

You were fine to have fun with; but he doesn't want a relationship with you.

 

Don't be mad at her -- she was with him first. Be mad at yourself because you allowed this to happen.

[Ruffian1]

You were fine to have fun with; but he doesn't want a relationship with you.

 

 

 

 

That is what she said she wanted too at first. The whole relationship is founded on selfish intentions on both sides.

 

 

 

 

That girlfriend wasn’t a problem for me since I wanted nothing more from him… But just for a week. Then one night he just mentioned her and I got really jealous and told him I want him to leave her because I want to be with him.

 

 

Again, OP . . . .what do you want? Do you want him to commit to you forever?? Think long and hard about that if you do.

[stillafool]

Bascially he has reduced you to the other woman status. Are you okay being the side chick?

[elaine567]

You fell in love with a cheater and you hoped he would leave his gf and you would be in bliss together.

He strung you along knowing you were besotted, he had his cake and ate it too. You were dragged along in a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes you felt you almost had him, sometimes you were unsure, but he kept on coming to see you and that gave you hope.

Your hope even at times was completely unrealistic, if we are honest, but you hung on in there.

 

He obviously loves his girlfriend and has a connection with her, she is the person he sees himself with, you, unfortunately for you, are not gf material in his eyes.

 

Forget him, he was merely using you for sex, I am afraid to say.

Go find someone who will value you, and who will want you to be their gf.

[GirlStillStrong]

Him being gone has NOTHING to do with him, and everything to do with you. He is only gone because you were done with him, you have better things to do with your time. You did not want to marry him, you just wanted to have some fun. So you had the fun but you got caught up in your feelings. The ONE thing he is right about in all of this is when he said if he leaves her, you will dump him in a month. You know this is true; he is not your caliber, you were just using him to have some fun. It's okay, and it's okay not to be heartbroken. Let him go; there are bigger fish for you to fry.

[Inaa]

You are right I'm immature. I hadn't had a relationship for the last 2 years... it was all studying, I rarely went out of home except when i went to university, and I put off every guy who has asked me out, i had this sort of light depression... But then he came and for some reason I couldn't say no to him. I finally felt something and i liked to have some emotions in my life. I didn't want this to end.

 

And I don't want to marry him. He is not the guy I imagine my life with but still I have feelings for him and I'm not ok him sleeping with others, while he's doing it with me. I miss the time when we were just hanging out because the whole summer we were just going out, we didn't even had sex (at my hometown i live with my mother and i couldn't tell her about him so he never came to my house nor i spent the night at his place. I was ok with this and he was ok).

 

Probably I'm wrong too... now when I write this down, i realize how absurd it sounds. I guess i'm just lonely...

 

I don't hate his girlfriend. I felt bad we were doing this behind her back and that's one of the reasons i insisted on him telling her. I feel sorry for her, i think she deserves to know everything if she's going to be with this guy but i'm not the one who's going to tell her.. or should I?

[Ruffian1]

i think she deserves to know everything if she's going to be with this guy but i'm not the one who's going to tell her.. or should I?

 

 

If not you, someone should. If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you want to know. No one wants to be lied to and deceived.

[cif]

Yes, tell his GF but only after you're done with him.. and you should be as you don't see a future with him anyway. He was just a fling to cure your boredom. Be prepared for him to hate you and them to get back together after you confess.

[elaine567]

I know that his gf needs to know of his cheating ways, but perhaps she does know already. They did separate and seem to have an on and off relationship.

 

Looking at it from the OPs perspective and looking to protect herself from further grief, perhaps she just shouldn't get involved between him and his gf now.

It will just look like revenge anyway and will not do the gf any good, if they HAVE already discussed his cheating and ARE trying to reconcile.

 

I would go NC with the AP and leave them to it.