I guess it wasn't truelove afterall....

[creyente7]

Funny how just less than 2 months ago my ex dumps me because she fell out of love. Aww boy the first month was painful to think about, looking back at it, I really thought she was the one. As in I had no reason to believe she wasnt the one. I cried, and cried, and bawled for days. Not a single single minute of that month passed where she didn't cross my mind.

 

The fcked up part about that first month was whenever I would call her, she would ridicule me, she would belittle and make me feel so inferior. She said things like "It's okay, you will get over me, I promise." Then she would go on and give me "TIPS" to get over her....in my head im like "Wtf, I'm here talking to you, pouring me heart out and all you can do is give me tips on how to get over you?"

 

Aww man, I mean i have no problem surrendering to a girl, Im not afraid to show vulnerability, but when a girl makes me feel that way, my ego kicks in and im like "Haha, get over yourself...I love you but dont talk to me like that". I asked her if I still cross her mind and she said only when I call. So literally that was my hint that she has moved on.

 

Since then I fully let go, I'll admit she crosses my mind from time to time but it's not associated with feelings. More like a curiosity, afterall we dated for 2 years. On the bright side, I get excited with the toughts of meeting new girls.

 

Is it really possible that I moved on that fast after a 2 year relationship? Lol or maybe its cuz of finals week and I'm more preoccupied with my own success rather than pinning for a girl who makes fun of me and not cross her mind.

 

Was it true love? Was it infatuation? Was it the security or comfort? Not sure, but all I know is i feel good! That roller coaster of emotions sure was fascinating and quite the experience! She was my first love, hardcore inlove to the max no doubt but not enough I guess ?

[tikay00]

What did you do to make her fall out of love with her? Needy, clingy, being a jerk, not listening, became predictable and boring?

 

Or was it some other guy?

[creyente7]

What did you do to make her fall out of love with her? Needy, clingy, being a jerk, not listening, became predictable and boring?

 

Or was it some other guy?

 

All of the above! Although im 50/50 with the guy part. I kept asking her if she left me for another guy and she said no. I just gave her the benefit of the doubt although in the end the reason she left me doesnt really matter. The end result, whatever the reason maybe, is that she left me. Im not going to justify it just to feel better.

 

Im sure she left cuz of all the reasons you mentioned above except the guy part.

[CurlyTraveller]

OP, I'm in a similar situation to you. A little over 2 months out from a breakup. 1.5 year relationship, she fell out of love because I became a needy, self-centred jerk. Only major differences are I went total NC about 2 weeks after the breakup, and she wasn't a bitch towards me or anything.

 

One thing I would say is: don't get too ahead of yourself. Although you feel invincible right now, that doesn't necessarily mean you are over it. I went through exactly the same thing after about 6 weeks of NC. I felt so over it that I even imagined sitting down for a drink with her and her new BF.

 

Well, I met up with her for coffee the other day and I can tell you I am most assuredly NOT over it. I've regressed to the point where I've actually gone back to fantasising about winning her over. And this is AFTER clearly seeing (and writing down) everything that was wrong with us and the relationship.

 

Not saying that you will definitely regress in the same way I did, but tread carefully my friend.

[creyente7]

OP, I'm in a similar situation to you. A little over 2 months out from a breakup. 1.5 year relationship, she fell out of love because I became a needy, self-centred jerk. Only major differences are I went total NC about 2 weeks after the breakup, and she wasn't a bitch towards me or anything.

 

One thing I would say is: don't get too ahead of yourself. Although you feel invincible right now, that doesn't necessarily mean you are over it. I went through exactly the same thing after about 6 weeks of NC. I felt so over it that I even imagined sitting down for a drink with her and her new BF.

 

Well, I met up with her for coffee the other day and I can tell you I am most assuredly NOT over it. I've regressed to the point where I've actually gone back to fantasising about winning her over. And this is AFTER clearly seeing (and writing down) everything that was wrong with us and the relationship.

 

Not saying that you will definitely regress in the same way I did, but tread carefully my friend.

 

Well i guess this is an update on my current feelings/situation.

 

I can definitely say I'm not over her. Yes, the pain is gone. Not entirely though, I still catch myself going through her facebook. She finally changed her profile picture of us to herself and her friends. It did affect me, made me a little sad but got over it and accepted it after a few hours.

 

There has been a pattern though lately, its during times where Im lone that I think of her most. I mean theres no one else to replace my memories of her yet. But I'm glad to finally get excited to meet other girls. I can finally picture myself being with other girls and know theres other girls out there for me thats better and more compatible.

 

At times I will drift off and miss her, only for split moments but I have more control over it now. The fact Im here writing this is because I was just thinking of her. Things are getting better though. Im definitely more stable now and more clear with my emotions. Time is going by faster, i cant believe it's been half a month since I lost spoke with her. It just proves that I'm moving on but has not fully let go or moved on, otherwise she wouldn't even cross my mind.

 

I guess I miss the feeling of being loved and the last girl to ever give me that feeling was her, so at times of loneliness, she crosses my mind almost everytime.

[coolheadal]

Sounds like you where the one in love and she was just not feeling it with you. Now your hurting. Looks like your not over her. Can't control her nor can you control the way you wanted it too be.

 

Getting over the hurt part is the major hurdler that everyone has to deal with. Sounds like you don't want to be on your on own. Well one thing she did was right is to tell you now then let you go in your own world thinking everything is okay. Because when that happens and she doesn't drop the bomb on your head it could go on forever. Until you catch her cheating on you.

 

Just have to wake up one day and say "it's time to move on!" She's not the one one for me! I will find the right one this time! True love means so much today and so hard to find it. But you'll know when you do, Next time listen to the next one more and give her space, but be there for her more.

 

Everyone is so different today.

[creyente7]

Sounds like you where the one in love and she was just not feeling it with you. Now your hurting. Looks like your not over her. Can't control her nor can you control the way you wanted it too be.

 

Getting over the hurt part is the major hurdler that everyone has to deal with. Sounds like you don't want to be on your on own. Well one thing she did was right is to tell you now then let you go in your own world thinking everything is okay. Because when that happens and she doesn't drop the bomb on your head it could go on forever. Until you catch her cheating on you.

 

Just have to wake up one day and say "it's time to move on!" She's not the one one for me! I will find the right one this time! True love means so much today and so hard to find it. But you'll know when you do, Next time listen to the next one more and give her space, but be there for her more.

 

Everyone is so different today.

 

Not sure if you read my last post but I was implying that I am infact moving on. Im not saying she's stopping me from enjoying life, or that she still has control over my happiness. Thats not the case anymore, the first month of the break up it was, it definitely had a huge negative impact on me. I am moving on, i don't have a desire to be with her although I do miss the old days. But those are just memories. Just like how everybody misses the old days with their former loved ones.

 

Afterall, I shared two years of my life with her so a part of me will always belong to her and a part of her will always be mine.

 

As for what you said about waking up one day. Well I did wake up already, after a month of pain and suffering. I don't get sad anymore wishing things were back, but rather smiling at the good times and being thankful of the good times and experience.

 

And yes she did the right thing by breaking up with me. Because it made me realize sooner that I wasn't completely happy nor was she in the relationship. She did both of us a favor and im glad she did. No regrets, no hate. I do believe she wouldve cheated had the relationship continued longer, I didn't see the signs then but I do now. So im glad I got out of it

[creyente7]

Okay my ex and I broke up October 17th. We spoke to each other maybe 3 times, all initated by me. She never once initiated contact with me. Anyways I live in Cali, She lives across the country. Im going back to Cali for good and will never see her again. We dated for 2 years. Still a bit of feelings left but I dont know, I'm scared to talk to her cuz I don't wanna catch old feelings again. But then again I dont want to regret it later on wishing I did contact and see her for the last time.

 

We met in college, but due to financial reasons I will not return to school. This college is in Alabama, I will be going back there for maybe 4 days just to pack my things from my dorm and head back home to Cali. So I have about 3 days to try and see her if that is even a wise choice. The only thing that really scares me is finding out she is with somebody else. But sometimes you have to take the risk.

 

So long story short, after I head back to Cali from Alabama. That will be the last time I visit the place and leave all memories in the past, for good. Which means last chance to see her as well.

 

I'm not asking people to make the choice for me, I'm only asking what is the best advice or others opinion on this.

 

EDIT: ohh also, my purpose to want to see her is not to get back. I dont even know why I want to see her, I guess I miss the friendship. Now that I think about it I'm a bit confused. lol but I still want peoples advice

[Satu]

If she hasn't reached out to you since the breakup, you have to bear in mind that the meeting might not go as you wish.

 

There's an element of risk, as you say

 

Personally, I wouldn't do it, but thats just me.

[Simon Phoenix]

No corny, crappy, goofy closure meeting. Get your stuff and head back to Cali. Stop perpetuating the drama and dragging out the breakup.

[creyente7]

hmm okay, I wasn't looking for drama or dragging out anything. We havent spoken to each other, it wasnt a bad breakup. She simply fell out of love and thats understandable. I guess im just looking for a good conversation, share our last laughs and memory together? I dont know. Anyways everyones advice is appreciated and will be used in consideration

[erklat]

Everything closure like closure talks, texts, meetups, letters etc is all fail lvl over 9000.

 

Living happy and fulfilled life is all closure that you need.

[Simon Phoenix]

hmm okay, I wasn't looking for drama or dragging out anything. We havent spoken to each other, it wasnt a bad breakup. She simply fell out of love and thats understandable. I guess im just looking for a good conversation, share our last laughs and memory together? I dont know. Anyways everyones advice is appreciated and will be used in consideration

 

If she wanted to do that, she'd be in contact with you. She's not going to see it as one last good memory -- she's going to see it as you not taking a hint and trying to push yourself on her emotionally. It's a dreadfully awful idea.

[creyente7]

If she wanted to do that, she'd be in contact with you. She's not going to see it as one last good memory -- she's going to see it as you not taking a hint and trying to push yourself on her emotionally. It's a dreadfully awful idea.

 

She has no clue Im not coming back anymore, i forgot to include that information as well. I guess it doesnt even matter whether she knows or not. She probably still thinks im staying in AL for the last 2 years of college. Whether that makes a difference or not. I feel like the only reason she's not reaching out is because she, too, is trying to move on according to what her best friend said. Im not trying to justify myself just to get an answer. Im just putting details.

[blackcat777]

Am I correctly recalling that you had a phone call with her some time after the breakup... that came across to me like a bit of a kick in the teeth?

 

If she doesn't want to see you... why would you want to meet her?

 

I understand it's painful. In some ways, it could be a blessing that you're heading back to Cali for a change of scenery, change of pace.

 

If someone who dumped you doesn't contact you... the truth hurts, but purposefully running head first into that truth will hurt even more. I don't mean any of this to sound harsh, I'm saying it because I'm concerned the end result will be more pain for you, and you've definitely hurt enough over this already.

 

It is true that closure comes from within.

 

Over time, I became happier and happier to stay NC, because I realized that it was a choice that was 100% about my well-being. As tempting as picking the scab was at times... staying true to myself felt infinitely better.

[Satu]

hmm okay, I wasn't looking for drama or dragging out anything. We havent spoken to each other, it wasnt a bad breakup. She simply fell out of love and thats understandable. I guess im just looking for a good conversation, share our last laughs and memory together? I dont know. Anyways everyones advice is appreciated and will be used in consideration

 

How will you feel if it doesn't turn out that way?

[Simon Phoenix]

She has no clue Im not coming back anymore, i forgot to include that information as well. I guess it doesnt even matter whether she knows or not. She probably still thinks im staying in AL for the last 2 years of college. Whether that makes a difference or not. I feel like the only reason she's not reaching out is because she, too, is trying to move on according to what her best friend said. Im not trying to justify myself just to get an answer. Im just putting details.

 

It doesn't matter if she knows you are coming back or not. She's not exactly going out of her way to find out what you are doing. And yes, she wants to move on, which is why this forced meeting is a horrible idea. You need to accept that things are over and move forward. Stop trying to move back.

[creyente7]

It doesn't matter if she knows you are coming back or not. She's not exactly going out of her way to find out what you are doing. And yes, she wants to move on, which is why this forced meeting is a horrible idea. You need to accept that things are over and move forward. Stop trying to move back.

 

what an eye opener. I guess im still delusional. I might have just been holding to some false hope. It make sense though and you're completely right, she has not once went out of her way to reach out to me. Thank you for that.

[blackcat777]

I'm really sorry that you've been hurt so deeply by the experience.

 

In the long run, not chasing after someone who doesn't value you or appreciate you will be the greatest gift to yourself.

[creyente7]

I'm really sorry that you've been hurt so deeply by the experience.

 

In the long run, not chasing after someone who doesn't value you or appreciate you will be the greatest gift to yourself.

 

Thank you kind sir for your input

[creyente7]

Hello guys, i need help. So like i said about a few days ago that I was going back to alabama to get my things. I was packing my stuff and always ran into things that she either gave me or made for me, it was getting me emotional all over again but i got over it quick. I guess what really is affecting me more is the fact that I'm permanently leaving everything behind. I know it was only college romance but I invested so much emotion and energy for this girl.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hello guys, i need help. So like i said about a few days ago that I was going back to alabama to get my things. I was packing my stuff and always ran into things that she either gave me or made for me, it was getting me emotional all over again but i got over it quick. I guess what really is affecting me more is the fact that I'm permanently leaving everything behind. I know it was only college romance but I invested so much emotion and energy for this girl.

 

Get rid of the stuff if it's causing you that much stress.

[creyente7]

Sorry i left some details on my previous post

 

I still havent made the decision to reach out to her or not but I know its pointless. Im starting to feel a bit of pain again because I feel so worthless, like I never mattered to her.

 

When i arrived to my uni I started to remember all the pain I suffered through right after the break up, and I lay in bed picturing the last time she was beside me. To be honest, had I not come here, id probably be okay. Non of this emotional stuff. Its feels like its hitting me all once again

 

 

Oh and I really dont want to get rid of it. I put it all on one box and taped them. They're still memories arent they? I dont wanna regret throwing them away somedah

[Satu]

It's likely that one or both of you were/are Limerent.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry i left some details on my previous post

 

I still havent made the decision to reach out to her or not but I know its pointless. Im starting to feel a bit of pain again because I feel so worthless, like I never mattered to her.

 

When i arrived to my uni I started to remember all the pain I suffered through right after the break up, and I lay in bed picturing the last time she was beside me. To be honest, had I not come here, id probably be okay. Non of this emotional stuff. Its feels like its hitting me all once again

 

 

Oh and I really dont want to get rid of it. I put it all on one box and taped them. They're still memories arent they? I dont wanna regret throwing them away somedah

 

You weren't worthless, you had plenty of worth in that time. She just moved on with her life, which is something which you don't seem to want to do. Just pack your stuff and move -- it's understandable that you are getting an emotional tug, but as soon as you leave to go back home, it will dissipate if you let it. But don't try for a meetup in a hamhanded attempt to snort another emotional crack rock. Get your stuff done and get out of dodge quietly.