thummper Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I can't check her phone because she has a code and I don't know it, and she never had one before. That right there is a HUGE red flag, Mike. Why does she need the secrecy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 We have been married for 15 years! I have been going over in my mind for weeks now, trying to remember anything. Typical things I know they have all gone out for different things, dinners, birthdays, I did notice that she has been wearing different underwear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Thummper, I asked her about it and she told me that Sean that is the guys name, told her some BS that if it got lost or stolen they wouldn't be able to get into it Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 We have been married for 15 years! I have been going over in my mind for weeks now, trying to remember anything. Typical things I know they have all gone out for different things, dinners, birthdays, I did notice that she has been wearing different underwear. What?! She's been going out with him to dinners & birthdays? Or maybe I'm taking that part of what you wrote the wrong way. And from this forum, it seems whenever the woman changes her underwear or starts to dress a bit different, than something is usually going on. It doesn't look too good man, I hate to say it to you. WAY too many red flags. But definitely get the voice recorder, that'll 100% tell you for sure if something is going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 We have been married for 15 years! I have been going over in my mind for weeks now, trying to remember anything. Typical things I know they have all gone out for different things, dinners, birthdays, I did notice that she has been wearing different underwear.[/QUOTE] Big red flag specially if she doesn't wear them for you. Does she groom herself with more care(private areas)? The flags just keep getting bigger and bigger. I hope we are all wrong but prepare yourself. Have you outright asked her "Are you having an affair?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 We have been married for 15 years! I have been going over in my mind for weeks now, trying to remember anything. Typical things I know they have all gone out for different things, dinners, birthdays, I did notice that she has been wearing different underwear.[/QUOTE] Big red flag specially if she doesn't wear them for you. Does she groom herself with more care(private areas)? The flags just keep getting bigger and bigger. I hope we are all wrong but prepare yourself. Have you outright asked her "Are you having an affair?" I don't think he should yet. He should get the voice recorder first & get evidence. That'll 100% for sure tell him if something is going on. And than if there's incriminating stuff on there, he can flat out ask if she's having one. And if she lies, he can play the recorder right in front of her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 What I mean about her going out is with everyone from her department at work, but im sure he was there. About her grooming herself and changing, during late summer she suprised me one night she had trimmed her public hair really short. I noticed that as time went on it kept getting shorter, three weeks ago there was no hair left on it Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 We have been married for 15 years! I have been going over in my mind for weeks now, trying to remember anything. Typical things I know they have all gone out for different things, dinners, birthdays, I did notice that she has been wearing different underwear. Holy crap!!!!! You haven't hit the roof with YOUR wife dating another man! Why are you permitting this semi-infidelity to go on right under your nose. I'd DEMAND to know why it takes her so long to drive this guy what appears to be a relatively short distance home. Three hours!!!!!!!!!!!! Why haven't you initiated world war III at your house. She's rubbing your nose in this. And she's wearing different underwear?!! Man, if this is a real thread, I can't believe you've let this go on for this long without a major come to Jesus meeting!! She's cheating with this guy and you're just letting it happen. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN TONIGHT and say in NO uncertain terms, NO MORE! This stops NOW! And don't take no for an answer. If she gets her back up and refuses to cease the unnecessary after-work contact, then you'll know for sure where she stands with him (if "standing" is what she's been doing.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Holy crap!!!!! You haven't hit the roof with YOUR wife dating another man! Why are you permitting this semi-infidelity to go on right under your nose. I'd DEMAND to know why it takes her so long to drive this guy what appears to be a relatively short distance home. Three hours!!!!!!!!!!!! Why haven't you initiated world war III at your house. She's rubbing your nose in this. And she's wearing different underwear?!! Man, if this is a real thread, I can't believe you've let this go on for this long without a major come to Jesus meeting!! She's cheating with this guy and you're just letting it happen. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN TONIGHT and say in NO uncertain terms, NO MORE! This stops NOW! And don't take no for an answer. If she gets her back up and refuses to cease the unnecessary after-work contact, then you'll know for sure where she stands with him (if "standing" is what she's been doing.) He already stated it was for job related things with other co-workers. At least that's what she likely told him anyways...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 She told me she did everything for me Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Yeah.....that's what she told him. Along with the three-hour drives, it just makes things look even worse. Plenty of time there to stop off for a private dinner somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Mike Each post you make reveals another major red flag. You wife is having an affair with this guy and you need to stop asking questions and act to find out what is going on. Put the VAR in the car and you better start to figure out what you are going to do when you confirm what everyone posting here already knows. Locking her phone, disappearing with OM in car, being secretive, new underwear that I bet she wears only to work, and I'll bet if you check she is probably "grooming" her vagina differently. Now if you feel guilty about snooping then you are destined to remain in the open marriage she has now created for you. And see an attorney 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 I will look into it tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
DbleBetrayal Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Digital Voice Recorders - Best Buy Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 When I brought up that it's been going on for almost four weeks and he should have been able to find another car by now she got all defensive. I had to listen to her go on about how he is trying but he doesn't have a lot of money because he is paying support for four kids She has always talked about him, telling me about all of his downfalls in his personal life I believe you also made a reference to this guy have four children by multiple partners. The quotes make it very obvious that she cares about this guy, and wants to come to his aid. Not good signs at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Yes he does have four children, and I do believe they are from all different women. What makes you think that this would make a married woman want him? Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Yes he does have four children, and I do believe they are from all different women. What makes you think that this would make a married woman want him? You're looking at this all wrong man. First off, I want to say sorry you have to go through this especially around the holidays. It is no fun and you are going to bounce back and forth on this until you have concrete evidence to solidify your wife is having an affair. I've read this thread and you've got red flags all over the place. Most of us have been in your same shoes and initially overlooked these same things because it is our spouse who we love and they would never cheat right? To answer your question of why your wife may want this guy is simple. She's probably not looking to be with him. She's probably only looking to have sex with him to make herself feel better. She's 40 and he's 30. The 10 year age gap probably makes her feel younger and better. Also, I'm not sure how your sex life is going but those are typical red flags as well. There may have been a certain time where the sex with your wife decreased significantly or even stopped. She could be using him for the hot affair sex that makes her feel better then comes home to you for the financial support. Like the others have said, place a VAR in the car. Don't look to your wife to answer any questions because you will not get the truth. You will be lied to over and over again because your wife wants to protect herself. IF she's having an affair she will go out of her way to lie to you and gaslight you. Also, check your phone records. See if you can find a pattern with a number you don't know. This will help make your case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Wife has been acting strange ever since giving rides to a coworker. She gets out at 3 pm, I get home between 6:30 - 7 pm. Last week three times she called me and told me to pick something up for dinner on the way home because she didn't have time to make something. How long should it take to drive from work, drop off the co worker and then come home? Does she actually leave work at 3pm, or does she also have to wait for him finishing his shift perhaps, as she is giving him a lift? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 I am getting a VAR today then will have to figure a way to get it in when she is not going to see me. I just talked to Sprint and the account is in my name so I have access to the bills. I was told if I write a letter and ask for copies of any text they will email them to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 He is 15 minutes from work Link to post Share on other sites
betrayedandhurting Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Whatever you do NOT mention a single concern to her at this point until you know for sure what is going on. Don't talk about her phone being locked or your concerns over her driving him. Put the VAR in the car and I sadly feel you will have 100% proof in just a day or two. Then hit her with the knowledge you know 100%. Don't ever tell her it is the VAR, let her wonder how you got the info or if you were tipped off by a colleague etc. That way the VAR will continue to be a source for you to see how she is behaving AFTER the truth comes out. I'm so very sorry. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Wife has been acting strange ever since giving rides to a coworker. She gets out at 3 pm, I get home between 6:30 - 7 pm. Last week three times she called me and told me to pick something up for dinner on the way home because she didn't have time to make something. I'm probably old school in my thinking, however I never put myself in a situation where either a)there is temptation or b)there could suspicion Ie. I would never get into a vehicle, alone with another man other than my husband. This is also for my safety/protection. Something I have always implemented my whole marriage. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I'm sorry but is this thread a wind up, or is a shockingly blase OP with his head in the sand? His wife takes three hours to do a 20 minute drop off. Goes for dinner and out with a man 10 years her junior. OP can't understand why a man would want to see a married woman. Wife is trimming herself like a porn star but not for her husband. Wife is buying new underwear and dresses sexier. and the OP does nothing!!!??? Duh! If this isn't a wind up, she is having an affair! Wake up! Get a VAR in the car and 24 hours from now you'll have your answer. For Gods sake man she's doing everything bar tongue him in front of you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Realist3, Not trying to be vague about anything! I'm 49 my wife is 40, the man she works with is 30. She has been giving him rides for four weeks. They have worked together for 8 years. She has always talked about him, telling me about all of his downfalls in his personal life Mike, Look at what you posted first and what you have detailed since I asked you to give more information. Each post reveals a new and larger red flag. Wife has been acting strange ever since giving rides to a coworker. She gets out at 3 pm, I get home between 6:30 - 7 pm. Last week three times she called me and told me to pick something up for dinner on the way home because she didn't have time to make something. This is a very common situation on these boards. It is almost like the person asking for advice 'trickle -truths' the board in a sense. As everyone has advised the VAR is a must. I agree with others, it is not looking very good for the home team. Everything you have stated points in one direction. I'm not sure if it has been stated yet, but you should start thinking now about what you will do IF what we suspect ends up being true. Once you get that information your mind and emotions will be scattered, and perhaps a bit irrational. Good luck. I hope we are wrong. + 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike212 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Wow Jack that was kind of harsh! Maybe right now I don't know what to feel or how to react. Like I said I am going today and pick one up. A big part of me is hoping she is just being a good person and trying to help someone who is in need. Link to post Share on other sites
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