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wife is driving coworker to work and home

mike212

By mike212,
in Infidelity

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autumnnight

autumnnight

Posted
Posted

I can't imagine ever giving a ride to someone of the opposite sex every day for weeks if one of us was married. Maybe once if they couldn't find another ride. Aren't there any men who work there? This sounds very suspicious. I'm not saying she is having a physical relationship but she should not know all his personal business because that is too close for opposite sex people to be when married.

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jm2013

jm2013

Posted
Posted (edited)

Mike, go back in your memory. How many times per week does she go out for "girls night" or out with her "co-workers" to grab a drink? How long has that been going on? The no car thing is probably a stunt pulled for them to be together in plain sight without worrying about hiding it. Now they have an excuse to be together with you "not" knowing about what is really going on. Maybe they're getting a hotel. Check your CC statements and see if your wife is using your money for this. On an outward appearance to you they think they've sold you on this.

Edited by jm2013
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Buckeye2

Buckeye2

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About the VAR:

 

Some people suggest that you stop listening if it sounds like your wife is about to have sex. Then have someone you trust listen and tell you about it.

 

Calm down and think before you confront.

 

NEVER tell your wife about the VAR. Let her assume that you hired a PI or some friends of your saw her. Then she will wonder if you know about things they didn’t talk about in the car. If you tell her about the VAR then she knows that’s all she has to worry about. Also, the VAR may be a great source of information even after you confront.

 

Don’t get mad and confront telling everything you know. If you do all you’re doing is giving your wife information. You want information from her. Hold some stuff back.

 

Accuse her of something you know is true and see if she lies. If you know she did something twice tell her that you know she did it once and see if she comes clean. If she doesn't tell you that you know for a fact that she has done it more. When you’re on a role accuse her of something you strongly suspect but have no proof of.

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elaine567

elaine567

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Calm down and think before you confront.

 

NEVER tell your wife about the VAR. Let her assume that you hired a PI or some friends of your saw her. Then she will wonder if you know about things they didn’t talk about in the car. If you tell her about the VAR then she knows that’s all she has to worry about. Also, the VAR may be a great source of information even after you confront.

 

Don’t get mad and confront telling everything you know. If you do all you’re doing is giving your wife information. You want information from her. Hold some stuff back.

 

mike212, you have to think very carefully here, because if you confront without real evidence, then not only will you allow her some wiggle room, you also have no clear cut evidence for your own peace of mind.

Did she cheat?

"I am not sure.", "I think she did, but maybe she didn't"

It will haunt you for a long time.

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Buckeye2

Buckeye2

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VAR installation advice from weightlifter:

 

Buy heavy duty velcro. Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side heavy duty velcro to back. USE BIG PIECE.

 

Attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.

 

Some people buy two VARs so they can switch them out and there is always one in the car.

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Silveron

Silveron

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Does she have an iPhone? If she does, make sure her 'backup' is sent to the icloud. You can then purchase a program called Wondershare Dr. Fone. Install the program and run it, choose to restore from icloud (you don't have to restore) but it will then pull down ALL the text messages she has sent (and even deleted). You can also pull down all photos, contacts and basically anything else on the iPhone.

 

 

Also if she has an iPhone, enable location services, turn on 'find my iphone' and you can then goto icloud.com and login and click on Find my IPhone (or you can use the app on your iPhone) to see where she is at.

 

 

Something is going on and she is showing all the red flags. Don't believe her words, go by her actions and always trust your instinct. I know the knot in your stomache right now, a lot of us experienced it. You don't want to believe it and feel guilty about going to these measures but you have to put your mind at ease. In the meantime don't even question her about this guy, don't put her on the defensive otherwise she will just hide it more and try to turn the argument around on you. She's going to try to justify her bad decisions.

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HereNorThere

HereNorThere

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Posted
Does she have an iPhone? If she does, make sure her 'backup' is sent to the icloud. You can then purchase a program called Wondershare Dr. Fone. Install the program and run it, choose to restore from icloud (you don't have to restore) but it will then pull down ALL the text messages she has sent (and even deleted). You can also pull down all photos, contacts and basically anything else on the iPhone.

 

 

Also if she has an iPhone, enable location services, turn on 'find my iphone' and you can then goto icloud.com and login and click on Find my IPhone (or you can use the app on your iPhone) to see where she is at.

 

 

Something is going on and she is showing all the red flags. Don't believe her words, go by her actions and always trust your instinct. I know the knot in your stomache right now, a lot of us experienced it. You don't want to believe it and feel guilty about going to these measures but you have to put your mind at ease. In the meantime don't even question her about this guy, don't put her on the defensive otherwise she will just hide it more and try to turn the argument around on you. She's going to try to justify her bad decisions.

 

 

Be careful with iCloud/Find my iPhone because it will send an email to the AppleID associated mailbox when you install it.

 

Also, definitely check the local laws about recording someone and what not. You wouldn't want to tell her you recorded her without her permission and later end in trouble with law enforcement.

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Buckeye2

Buckeye2

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Also, definitely check the local laws about recording someone and what not.

 

Yet another reason to NEVER admit that you used a VAR.

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Realist3

Realist3

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Posted

California, Connecticut, Florida, and Hawaii are the only two party consent states. All of the other states are one party consent(meaning YOU). If you place a recording device on her phone then you will run into some serious problems everywhere if used as evidence.

 

The VAR though, does not constitute wire tapping. If it is common property you have the right to record or GPS, or whatever anything you so wish.

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Realist3

Realist3

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I will go a step further. Let's say a laptop or a phone that is strictly used by that person, even email, is hacked/recorded. That is a violation of the law everywhere. You can get information from those sources if you so choose, but using them as evidence would be at your own peril. Remember, you aren't in front of a court. You only have to convince yourself. Do not divulge that information if you went against the law.

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jm2013

jm2013

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Most states are no fault divorce states. So even if he tried to present a case of her infidelity they wouldn't care anyways in a divorce. All the court cares about is the money flow through it.

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Realist3

Realist3

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Most states are no fault divorce states. So even if he tried to present a case of her infidelity they wouldn't care anyways in a divorce. All the court cares about is the money flow through it.

 

 

True. He won't have to present a case of infidelity in court most likely, but what I am saying is that he can't reveal to his spouse, out of court, how he found out through a "wiretap". He could use the information gained illegally he found to confront her, but only in the spoken word.

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sidney2718

sidney2718

Posted
Posted
He is 15 minutes from work

 

BINGO.

 

At best they are stopping for a drink. At worst, a couple of hours is more than enough for a roll in the hay.

 

VAR that car! And don't let on that you know. As many others have said, now is the time to gather information. Keep that info in a safe place.

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sidney2718

sidney2718

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The OP must be very careful here. He has to figure out what he wants to do if he gets his proof.

 

If he wants to save his marriage, then he should confront with SOME of his evidence, saving the rest to use as test questions, and so forth. But he should also remember that it takes two to reconcile, not one.

 

If he wants to divorce, then I'd not confront at all. He does NOT need a reason to divorce. What he does need is a lawyer.

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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It's really simple to keep the VAR information safe. Never reveal that you found out through a VAR because then you lose that source. She'll always be looking for one and she will be quite as a mouse in her car from that point on.

 

 

Funny thing about cheaters, once you confront, the FIRST thing they're interested in is finding out how you found out and what exactly do you know. They're very interested in figuring out where they screwed up when they thought they were being extremely careful.

 

 

All you would have to say is, "I got a phonecall from someone at your work. Apparently, your new boyfriend likes to talk." You just redirected her focus away from you and have her wondering who knows what at her work? Who dimed her out to you. Hence, you can still use the VAR. Because, now you KNOW she'll be talking. She's going to grill him on who's he talked to, and what they're gameplan is. See, if they're going to work together to try and create a viable and believable story.

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spanz1

spanz1

Posted
Posted
Wow Jack that was kind of harsh! Maybe right now I don't know what to feel or how to react. Like I said I am going today and pick one up. A big part of me is hoping she is just being a good person and trying to help someone who is in need.

 

please answer this simple question: did you by a VAR yet?

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