CrazyCatLady79 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I met a guy online and we've been talking non-stop for about 6 weeks. He's really sweet and easy to talk to. We don't live in the same town which is a bummer, but we have plans to meet up and have our first date soon. He's currently back home in Sri Lanka visiting family for a month, hence the delay in our first date, and yesterday he messaged something that made me suspicious. He informed me that he was having family issues that day as his family want him to get married. He's not religious and they aren't arranging the marriage for him but he says its his culture and his family want him to marry. In a previous discussion he told me he has a work visa and in 18 months he will have residency in the UK, so he wasn't the type to find someone to marry just for a visa. But now that he's mentioned his family insisting on him marrying, I'm starting to wonder whether I'm being taken for a ride. At the end of the discussion he joked "I'll just have to get you pregnant" He can be very intense in his messages and as I've only ever dated white british guys, I'm used to the mixed messages & the chase. He's putting it all out there, telling me he's falling for me, he wants us to be together etc. I'm keeping my guard up as I'm worried there's something wrong here but another part of me wants to trust him?! Anyone else experienced this or have advice? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) I think you are being set up I would tread very lightly and if your intending on being intimate with this guy get yourself on birth control asap! I wouldn't trust any man who made that comment unless I already wanted kids. My honest advice is tell him you don't think things are going to work and move on its only been 6 weeks and your not overly invested in this man there are others. Next thing its going to be can you sponsor his family to come over and so on it could get complicated at best hes already hinting at this to you but thats up to you I would run and not look back.. Edit to add I love your screen name..haha Edited December 9, 2014 by TigerLilly78 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I'd be on high alert. You can still meet him but for right now it sounds like he's fishing for a solution to his immigration issues & will lie about loving you to get what he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Dating guys that were born and raised in the developing world is a VERY different cultural experience from dating Westerners. Especially if he has never dated a western/white woman himself. He won't know what to expect and you certainly won't. It's not even about the visa necessarily (though might be) but a lot of South Asians are very conservative by western standards and expect marriage to be on the cards pretty much straight away. Then there is the whole issue of conflict resolution (or, rather, lack of), saving face, not fully accepting female independence, etc. Speaking from experience, if you don't know the guy in person, tread carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I would suddenly be very busy. Families over there would be pushing him to marry within their culture. They would not be pushing to him to just marry anyone. If he is suddenly full bore romancing you and talking marriage and babies after 6 weeks (and you two haven't even really dated in person yet) ...there is a reason. And it is not that he is in love. You are an asset. And he will treat you like a queen till he gets what he needs. Then you will just be in the way. Block him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 He can be very intense in his messages and as I've only ever dated white british guys, I'm used to the mixed messages & the chase. He's putting it all out there, telling me he's falling for me, he wants us to be together etc. To me, that part alone is enough of a red flag to end this. I have never once known someone who professes intense feelings very early in a relationship, much less before meeting, to be stable. I've experienced it, that part. The last time I was on OLD, a guy with a solid family and career (verified) started talking about our marrying before we even talked on the phone, and then, not surprisingly, was royally ticked off when I said it made me uncomfortable. Not stable or realistic. Fairy tale land. Add in the foreign, family pressure, marriage, and visa bits and I can see no reason to continue this, and many reasons not to. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 He informed me that he was having family issues that day as his family want him to get married. He's not religious and they aren't arranging the marriage for him but he says its his culture and his family want him to marry. In a previous discussion he told me he has a work visa and in 18 months he will have residency in the UK, so he wasn't the type to find someone to marry just for a visa. But now that he's mentioned his family insisting on him marrying, I'm starting to wonder whether I'm being taken for a ride. At the end of the discussion he joked "I'll just have to get you pregnant" Take the advice from General Ackbar: Yes you are being taken for a ride, and it's a ride you don't want to be on. Especially if you get impregnated by this guy. This one is a loud blaring klaxon warning you about this guy, and to avoid him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Jokingly tell him you would never marry anyone unless they had indefinite leave to stay in the UK and that you wouldn't marry even if you became pregnant. You don't need to mean this but see how he reacts to your statements. There will be cultural differences too. There is a lot of risk in this relationship and you would be best to keep your independence and refuse to become too involved until you are certain of his status. You are not there to resolve his visa problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Do not even bother meeting this guy. He's full of crap. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Be sure you Skype. If he refuses to Skype, dump him. I hate to say it, but a lot of people out there are angling to get something from people. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Just be very careful and you have a right to be a bit suspicious now. How did you meet them online? Curious.... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Even if this was legit, he'd probably get a lot of resistance from his family if he married a white woman so you'd have inlaw problems immediately. He'd have a good excuse to divorce you as soon as he was there long enough to qualify for residence on his own. There are plenty of Sri Lankans legally working in the UK. Why not find one? Or tell him you can discuss dating when he's legally working in the UK. He's trying to scare you with the threat of marrying someone else. "This sale only lasts for 24 hours and quantities are limited so buy now!" Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Seriously...Sri Lanka Are you high? Link to post Share on other sites
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