Why Do We Judge People?

[Under The Radar]

On here and in real life.

 

Is it because of narcissism, insecurity, self preservation?

 

I don't know.

 

When I was younger I judged others more than myself.

 

As I've grown older, matured, and gained more experience I tend to judge *MY* flaws and weaknesses more than other people.

 

I see more grays than straight black and whites.

 

I have much more of an appreciation for people's imperfections, differences, and varying tastes.

 

When I find myself judging other people it bothers me ...... Even though I believe I am less judgmental than most individuals I interact with.

 

I know I'm not better than anyone else.

 

I strongly dislike people who are consistently judgmental of others, yet I know we all do it.

 

It's why most people are discreet in their judgements of others ...... and don't openly fly that flag ...... because it's generally considered to be an incredibly unattractive trait.

 

You might even say it's objectively wrong depending on the intent.

 

I've pondered this topic for quite sometime and would be curious to hear what other people think.

 

Any thoughts?

[xxoo]

Self preservation is a significant reason for me, especially as a parent. Or rather, protectionism. I'm still a bleeding heart, but I give people less benefit of the doubt when it comes to my kids than I did when it was just me.

[Danda]

Well how do you define judgement?

 

As analyzing whether something is right or wrong?

As a matter of inferior vs superior?

As calculating the value of a person based on X, Y and Z?

As determining what you think a person deserves (in any context, punishment or reward)?

 

I think different people could have different ideas in their minds when they consider the terms "judgement" or "judging".

 

Once you know the specific definition you're working with, then it becomes a matter of what you value / prioritize and such.

 

But the ways in which people prioritize can make the same topic seem superficial or not, depending.

 

Like for example a woman who wants a man who makes at least X amount of money and admits it openly, could trigger responses from others calling her shallow or a gold digger. But what if her reasoning is that she's looking for marriage material and wants to raise children? Suddenly she's not being shallow; she's being practical and responsible. This is very different than if she will only accept men of X salary or higher because she wants him to buy her lots of nice things, for example.

 

In other words, to judge people for judging, can be a bit ironic at times, heh.

 

Then you have the more classic type of example that can come to mind, like thinking someone is lesser than you or less of a romantic catch, because they don't have brand name clothing (or something). But even for people who are like that, again judging them for judging feels kind of silly. So the way their brain operates is that they put an emphasis on material things. They can't help the fact that they're like, and they'll go well with someone who thinks the same way.

 

Truly is someone for everyone, I believe, but "judging" seems to be the process by which people exercise their knowledge of what matters to them, which is a good thing, because the more people understand what they want and actually go for it, the less misunderstandings and bad endings we'll have.

 

Maybe it often boils down to entitlement? Like I don't expect the vast majority of people to like me, or care about me, and if someone doesn't 'approve' of me in some way, I don't really care. But what a person who feels upset if someone doesn't like/want them? So they form this bizarre thought loop where they're like, "You're a bad/stupid person for judging me!" I mean it's just super ironic lol.

 

But I guess I just see people as sort of free-floating through life together, some will like each other, some won't. Just an is-what-it-is sort of thing.

[me85]

Because we're egotistical @$$holes.

[amaysngrace]

Everybody passes judgment but it's not the nicest thing we do as humans, that's for sure.

 

It helps if you can try to see the good rather than the bad in others. You never really know what a person has gone through or is going through because we aren't them so being mindful of that can go a long way to make the judgments stop.

 

But it's always easier to look outward than inward. Looking inward takes a lot more strength of character. So I tend to pity people who sit in constant judgment of others.

 

I think they must have a very sad existence.

[dichotomy]

I judge less and less these days.

 

Perhaps I am left with judging abuse or dishonesty for the sake of harm or disadvantage of others.

[Under The Radar]

Well how do you define judgement?

 

As analyzing whether something is right or wrong?

As a matter of inferior vs superior?

As calculating the value of a person based on X, Y and Z?

As determining what you think a person deserves (in any context, punishment or reward)?

 

I think different people could have different ideas in their minds when they consider the terms "judgement" or "judging".

 

Once you know the specific definition you're working with, then it becomes a matter of what you value / prioritize and such.

 

But the ways in which people prioritize can make the same topic seem superficial or not, depending.

 

Like for example a woman who wants a man who makes at least X amount of money and admits it openly, could trigger responses from others calling her shallow or a gold digger. But what if her reasoning is that she's looking for marriage material and wants to raise children? Suddenly she's not being shallow; she's being practical and responsible. This is very different than if she will only accept men of X salary or higher because she wants him to buy her lots of nice things, for example.

 

In other words, to judge people for judging, can be a bit ironic at times, heh.

 

Then you have the more classic type of example that can come to mind, like thinking someone is lesser than you or less of a romantic catch, because they don't have brand name clothing (or something). But even for people who are like that, again judging them for judging feels kind of silly. So the way their brain operates is that they put an emphasis on material things. They can't help the fact that they're like, and they'll go well with someone who thinks the same way.

 

Truly is someone for everyone, I believe, but "judging" seems to be the process by which people exercise their knowledge of what matters to them, which is a good thing, because the more people understand what they want and actually go for it, the less misunderstandings and bad endings we'll have.

 

Maybe it often boils down to entitlement? Like I don't expect the vast majority of people to like me, or care about me, and if someone doesn't 'approve' of me in some way, I don't really care. But what a person who feels upset if someone doesn't like/want them? So they form this bizarre thought loop where they're like, "You're a bad/stupid person for judging me!" I mean it's just super ironic lol.

 

But I guess I just see people as sort of free-floating through life together, some will like each other, some won't. Just an is-what-it-is sort of thing.

 

I agree that it can be ironic ...... hypocritical ...... for judging people for judging people ...... which IS kinda silly

 

Yet, we see it all of the time and there seems to be no end to it.

 

You make some interesting and valid points.

 

Some judgments are certainly more harmless than others; having tough skin will be enough for most people to carry on.

 

However, judgments can be taken to much higher levels ...... such as racial profiling or religious differences.

 

No doubt some of it is learned ...... sometimes by family/peers ...... sometimes through the media ...... sometimes because of our personal experiences.

 

BTW, I'm not purporting anyone (including me) sit on their moral high horse and judge others ...... especially for other people's judgments.

 

I believe it's something we can all work on ...... because we all do it ...... even people who claim not to.

[Under The Radar]

Everybody passes judgment but it's not the nicest thing we do as humans, that's for sure.

 

It helps if you can try to see the good rather than the bad in others. You never really know what a person has gone through or is going through because we aren't them so being mindful of that can go a long way to make the judgments stop.

 

But it's always easier to look outward than inward. Looking inward takes a lot more strength of character. So I tend to pity people who sit in constant judgment of others.

 

I think they must have a very sad existence.

 

Well said.

[Danda]

I agree that it can be ironic ...... hypocritical ...... for judging people for judging people ...... which IS kinda silly

 

Yet, we see it all of the time and there seems to be no end to it.

 

You make some interesting and valid points.

 

Some judgments are certainly more harmless than others; having tough skin will be enough for most people to carry on.

 

However, judgments can be taken to much higher levels ...... such as racial profiling or religious differences.

 

No doubt some of it is learned ...... sometimes by family/peers ...... sometimes through the media ...... sometimes because of our personal experiences.

 

BTW, I'm not purporting anyone (including me) sit on their moral high horse and judge others ...... especially for other people's judgments.

 

I believe it's something we can all work on ...... because we all do it ...... even people who claim not to.

 

Yeah but even those who judge someone based on religion/race/income and so on, have their reasons for the ways in which they perceive, analyze and measure value. We can totally disagree with their reasoning, but they still have their feelings one way or another, can't help it, and their feelings will affect them, guaranteed.

 

So if we shame people for their feelings that they can't help, the only thing that will happen is that they try to hide those feelings. The feelings don't change or go away, they simply go incognito, which is what leads to serious problems.

 

I will always demand respectful behavior from others and from myself. But when it comes to people's thoughts and feelings, I think it's extremely unhealthy to judge others' methods of judging, because you're basically judging their feelings and perceptions, which people can't help.

 

However in my opinion it is absolutely healthy to not tolerate disrespectful behavior / language from someone else. Nobody as the right to subject you to their behaviors or tangents or whatever. You have the right to be left alone from them.

 

I think one of the biggest mistakes in the modern push for more love/acceptance/tolerance/etc is trying to shame people into changing/erasing their feelings. This never, ever works. And when people go around pretending to feel things they don't, or to not have feelings they do, to constantly try to 'prove' that they are someone they're not, people wind up bat**** crazy.

 

I think it's far more effective to give people the chance to explain why they feel / perceive certain things in certain ways and to encourage people to do introspection and gain as much life experience as they can. Keep it positive and empathetic, while maintaining healthy levels of respect for others and yourself (not tolerating bad behavior), instead of trying to judge/shame people into thinking the way you do. (Not you personally, just generally speaking.)

[TigerLilly78]

Im going to work off of LS here I think there is a difference between expressing an opinion on a situation and flat out passing judgement it can get to be a fine line at times so one needs to try and be careful im prob guilty of this at times if the topic gets heated.

 

Now that said I have also seen flat out judgement passed in were one group of people are belittled and put down simpley because they are diffrent to others or maybe do not fit their ideals in one way or another..that is the kind of judgement I have issues with..We can debate topics all day long about a subject but once you start disrespecting me simply for the person I am then we will have problems..

[sillyanswer]

Because they are beneath us.

[Under The Radar]

Yeah but even those who judge someone based on religion/race/income and so on, have their reasons for the ways in which they perceive, analyze and measure value. We can totally disagree with their reasoning, but they still have their feelings one way or another, can't help it, and their feelings will affect them, guaranteed.

 

So if we shame people for their feelings that they can't help, the only thing that will happen is that they try to hide those feelings. The feelings don't change or go away, they simply go incognito, which is what leads to serious problems.

 

I will always demand respectful behavior from others and from myself. But when it comes to people's thoughts and feelings, I think it's extremely unhealthy to judge others' methods of judging, because you're basically judging their feelings and perceptions, which people can't help.

 

However in my opinion it is absolutely healthy to not tolerate disrespectful behavior / language from someone else. Nobody as the right to subject you to their behaviors or tangents or whatever. You have the right to be left alone from them.

 

I think one of the biggest mistakes in the modern push for more love/acceptance/tolerance/etc is trying to shame people into changing/erasing their feelings. This never, ever works. And when people go around pretending to feel things they don't, or to not have feelings they do, to constantly try to 'prove' that they are someone they're not, people wind up bat**** crazy.

 

I think it's far more effective to give people the chance to explain why they feel / perceive certain things in certain ways and to encourage people to do introspection and gain as much life experience as they can. Keep it positive and empathetic, while maintaining healthy levels of respect for others and yourself (not tolerating bad behavior), instead of trying to judge/shame people into thinking the way you do. (Not you personally, just generally speaking.)

 

Well, shaming ...... to me ...... is a form of abuse.

 

So, I'm in agreement with you there ...... not a fan of shaming.

 

However:

 

Sometimes bad ideas, actions, and even people will not allow empathy or compassion to enter their thought process.

 

In those cases the live and let live philosophy can do more harm than good.

 

Most people will judge terrorists very differently than the overweight woman in yoga pants waiting in line at the grocery store ...... No?

 

Nevertheless, I do understand your perspective ...... I don't disagree with many of your points ...... But the world we live in won't stand for a live and let live idealism.

 

My thoughts were more along the lines of superficial judgments people tend to make based on individual appearances and verbiage.

[Gloria25]

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."

 

Albert Einstein

[Under The Radar]

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."

 

Albert Einstein

 

Well, compared to Albert Einstein, I'm dumb as a sack of bricks ...... That's a fact ...... Not a judgment.

 

LOL

[Danda]

Well, shaming ...... to me ...... is a form of abuse.

 

So, I'm in agreement with you there ...... not a fan of shaming.

 

However:

 

Sometimes bad ideas, actions, and even people will not allow empathy or compassion to enter their thought process.

 

In those cases the live and let live philosophy can do more harm than good.

 

Most people will judge terrorists very differently than the overweight woman in yoga pants waiting in line at the grocery store ...... No?

 

Nevertheless, I do understand your perspective ...... I don't disagree with many of your points ...... But the world we live in won't stand for a live and let live idealism.

 

My thoughts were more along the lines of superficial judgments people tend to make based on individual appearances and verbiage.

 

But all we do is judge without trying to empathize and understand first, conflicts will never go away, and more often than not only get worse.

 

Terrorists are a great example, actually.

 

When a far larger and more powerful military power invades and subjugates a much weaker country, the natives of that country naturally feel afraid, resentful, angry, humiliated, etc. Because they don't have a strong/large military of their own, they start resorting to calculated psychological warfare with casualties (terrorism) to retaliate. They typically target civilians in order to inflict as much psychological/emotional pain as possible, because they are unable to inflict much military damage on their enemy. However, no matter how many civilians in the more powerful country are killed, and how much fear and pain is caused, the government and military of the stronger nation continues to subjugate the weaker nation, regardless.

 

The result is a lot of pain and loss on both sides, and it never stops, because both sides get so wrapped up in judging and demonizing the other. Both sides want to have their experiences, perceptions and pain acknowledged and empathized with, but neither is willing to go first for the other.

 

The situation of the obese woman in yoga pants is actually extremely similar.

 

You get very bitter men who feel like obese women have affected the supply-and-demand setting of slender women, and therefore they tend to blame obese women for their own inability to get the slender women they want. The look for a culprit to blame in an attempt to take feelings like self-doubt and fear and turn them into a more empowering feeling like anger.

 

You get slender women who have a boatload of other insecurities who desperately need validation that they are valuable as women/people, and so they draw comparison to the obese woman and themselves, cast themselves in a superior light by placing an emphasis on weight, and try to use it as a source of self-esteem.

 

The obese woman is sick of feeling undesirable and shamed, and so she pulls a 180* and wears yoga pants to make a statement that she doesn't really care what anyone thinks.

 

You know what I see? I **** ton of people in pain. And that's pretty much it.

[autumnnight]

It's easier to judge than look in the mirror.

[Under The Radar]

Danda,

 

I see a **** ton of people in pain, too ......

 

...... And I think that is one explanation, of many, why people judge.

[Tayla]

Sorry, I judge every day! More a keen sense of environment and those who are safe verses those who are not.

Haven't gotten my application from Sainthood approved so until then, I walk this earth with a sense of being alert to the environment and the people in it. And if they are carrying a gun or have ill intent, I will judge them. Its called Human survival.

 

webster defines judge as : to form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration

[Under The Radar]

Sorry, I judge every day! More a keen sense of environment and those who are safe verses those who are not.

Haven't gotten my application from Sainthood approved so until then, I walk this earth with a sense of being alert to the environment and the people in it. And if they are carrying a gun or have ill intent, I will judge them. Its called Human survival.

 

webster defines judge as : to form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration

 

Understood ...... we are all going to judge.

 

However, my OP was more along the lines of people judging others without careful consideration.

[Danda]

Danda,

 

I see a **** ton of people in pain, too ......

 

...... And I think that is one explanation, of many, why people judge.

 

Yes, agreed. Sorry if I flew several steps ahead of the actual topic of your thread lol. Just how my brain works.

[Under The Radar]

Yes, agreed. Sorry if I flew several steps ahead of the actual topic of your thread lol. Just how my brain works.

 

No worries

[GravityMan]

Because it's easy. It's far easier for humans to just quickly classify someone into some neat bucket due to his dress, car, weight, political affiliation, etc. "Oh look at him in his BMW 7-Series...he's obviously a douche that is compensating for something." Plenty of people would much rather do that instead of being open-minded, giving others a chance, thinking critically or looking in the mirror. It's essentially stereotyping.

 

It's also human nature to judge.

 

Judgment in of itself is not good or bad...you have to look deeper than that. Depending on the situation, it may be necessary to rapidly size someone up and arrive at a judgment about that person. Perhaps for self-preservation and the preservation of those dear to you. Perhaps for the safety, benefit or best interest of an entity (such as a company) that you are an agent or representative of.

 

How we express our judgment and how we arrive at it is what really matters in terms of good versus bad. Belittling, shaming or objectifying someone or a group are examples of bad expression of judgment. People who do that tend to be pretty unhappy and unlikable. Those who frequently point fingers are usually weak in character.

 

It's impossible for someone to completely eradicate judging from his or her life (and we shouldn't, anyway). Heck we do it subconsciously sometimes, without realizing it. But we can do more to mitigate the urges to hastily judge others in unnecessary situations, and we can do better in not letting petty superficial things influence our judgment.

[Gloria25]

I hate to disappoint anyone, but when someone agrees with you and/or what you're doing - they are also "judging" you.

 

I mean, look at court rulings, sometimes they are approvals, sometimes denials, sometimes dismissals - in the end, they are ALL judgments.

 

I only see people bringing up the "Don't judge me bro" when you don't agree with them and/or what they're doing.

[Danda]

I hate to disappoint anyone, but when someone agrees with you and/or what you're doing - they are also "judging" you.

 

I mean, look at court rulings, sometimes they are approvals, sometimes denials, sometimes dismissals - in the end, they are ALL judgments.

 

I only see people bringing up the "Don't judge me bro" when you don't agree with them and/or what they're doing.

 

That's a very good point. Part of why I don't think condemning people for judging makes much sense. It's just a psychological tool that nobody can really escape (hence judging people for judging lol). I'm way more interested in understanding why a person reaches the 'verdict' that they do, and where their priority/value system came from.

[truncated]

I try not to judge peole based solely upon things like appearnce or other superficial traits. I don't always succeed in stopping myself though.

 

When it comes to someone's actions, I have gotten more judgemental as I got older. I have very little tolerance for someone who knowing engages in hurtful actions, and feels entitled to do so. I hav also bcome very sick and tired of those who knowingly hurt others and have every excuse in the world as to why that is not their fault.

 

When I was younger, I had more of a live and let live atitude when it comes to people's actions, and I was more willing to accept "explainations". I think this is because I hadn't had a lot of experince in life and hadn't seen for myself the damage people can cause when they are cruel, selfish, entitled, etc. As I got older and saw it for myself, I realized that there are some people for are evil, and "bad".

 

 

I suppose some could say that my judging is, in and of itself, a hurtful action, but the truth of the matter is that my opinions don't amount to a hill of beans to the type of person I am talking about.