Patna Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'd been in NC for slightly over 2 months now. The 1st 2 months was not easy but I wasn't depressed. I was actually proud of my progress. This is the 3rd attempt at NC over our past 1.5 years A, but the easiest to me thus far. I'm emotionally drained and no longer wants to engage in an unhealthy relationship any more. I still love him and missed him, but finally am more rational than emotional now to be firm on my decision on NC. I didn't even really cry much any more for the past 2 months. But last week, I suddenly felt overwhelmed by my emotions. It was my birthday last Tuesday. Last year he spend a very memorable and birthday with me where we watched fireworks in the sky together. So since last week, memories of the past kept appearing in my mind. He didn't contacted me to wish me happy birthday, and although it was good for me, my heart still ache at the finality of our past. I no longer want to go back to that toxic relationship, yet I felt sad at the loss. I know that I also will not contact him any more, yet I missed him. Doesn't that sounds contradicting? I was caught off guarded by my emotions because I thought I was doing pretty well, then bham, suddenly the past memories and him haunt me and doesn't seems to go away afterwards. I felt i'm moving backwards in my progress. In fact, I felt much worse in these 2 weeks than even at the start of the NC. I felt so disappointed and upset with myself. My mind has been obsessed with thoughts of the past, and feeling sad knowing the finality of the past happy times being lost forever. The only thing I can be proud of is that I no longer have any desires to contact him any more though, even though I miss him a lot. I hope I can keep with that. I'm losing control of my emotions, being impatient and losing my temper easily, and becoming very sensitive to remarks and opinions. I'm like on a roller coaster of emotions, one minute happy, the next crying inside my car. I'm looking forward to the day when he will no longer have any space in my head any more. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Ride this storm out. It's the only way. Keep your eyes on the prize, which is to no longer engage in an unhealthy relationship. Which is exactly what you are doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'd been in NC for slightly over 2 months now. The 1st 2 months was not easy but I wasn't depressed. I was actually proud of my progress. This is the 3rd attempt at NC over our past 1.5 years A, but the easiest to me thus far. I'm emotionally drained and no longer wants to engage in an unhealthy relationship any more. I still love him and missed him, but finally am more rational than emotional now to be firm on my decision on NC. I didn't even really cry much any more for the past 2 months. But last week, I suddenly felt overwhelmed by my emotions. It was my birthday last Tuesday. Last year he spend a very memorable and birthday with me where we watched fireworks in the sky together. So since last week, memories of the past kept appearing in my mind. He didn't contacted me to wish me happy birthday, and although it was good for me, my heart still ache at the finality of our past. I no longer want to go back to that toxic relationship, yet I felt sad at the loss. I know that I also will not contact him any more, yet I missed him. Doesn't that sounds contradicting? I was caught off guarded by my emotions because I thought I was doing pretty well, then bham, suddenly the past memories and him haunt me and doesn't seems to go away afterwards. I felt i'm moving backwards in my progress. In fact, I felt much worse in these 2 weeks than even at the start of the NC. I felt so disappointed and upset with myself. My mind has been obsessed with thoughts of the past, and feeling sad knowing the finality of the past happy times being lost forever. The only thing I can be proud of is that I no longer have any desires to contact him any more though, even though I miss him a lot. I hope I can keep with that. I'm losing control of my emotions, being impatient and losing my temper easily, and becoming very sensitive to remarks and opinions. I'm like on a roller coaster of emotions, one minute happy, the next crying inside my car. I'm looking forward to the day when he will no longer have any space in my head any more.[/quote] First of all, congratulations! You have two thirds of the most difficult hump behind you, IMO. But it is still early in the NC period and healing is not linear. My emotions were similar to what you described for a good four months. My birthday and a couple of holidays went by during that period. Sixteen months NC and the rat bastard still takes up space in my brain, but then again I have a lot of other useless information there as well. Though I can't seem to shake the experience entirely, I don't miss him or long for him. I have to assume I'm not meant to forget ... remember our mistakes or we are destined to repeat them. Something like that. Happy birthday, Patna. Stay the course, you've got this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 It was my birthday last week. Exactly the same thing happened to me. Lots of memories of years gone by with xMM, especially last year. I am still feeling wretched. One thing I do know... this will pass. You have to just go day by day and probably next week it will be better. Commiserations, Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Sunburned, I have never forgotten anybody I loved, so I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck with memories of xMM forever. I actually never want to forget how foolish I was. That's the nature of relationships. We don't forget them and they change us, for good or bad. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
shadow_stang Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Sunburned, I have never forgotten anybody I loved, so I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck with memories of xMM forever. I actually never want to forget how foolish I was. That's the nature of relationships. We don't forget them and they change us, for good or bad. Poppy Hey Poppy, just stopping in to tell you to stay strong. I know all about how memories come back, and make you remember the good times. Life moves on, and for whatever reason, certain people aren't meant to come along with us. We all have important memories. So stay strong. Same goes to everyone else reading this. Stay... strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Hey Poppy, just stopping in to tell you to stay strong. I know all about how memories come back, and make you remember the good times. Life moves on, and for whatever reason, certain people aren't meant to come along with us. We all have important memories. So stay strong. Same goes to everyone else reading this. Stay... strong! Thank you so much, Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
Sweett Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Hey Poppy, just stopping in to tell you to stay strong. I know all about how memories come back, and make you remember the good times. Life moves on, and for whatever reason, certain people aren't meant to come along with us. We all have important memories. So stay strong. Same goes to everyone else reading this. Stay... strong! I like this post and its true but hard to understand why some people we want aren't meant to come along with us...almost painful. I am also trying to let go of someone who is in love with his live in gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patna Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Ride this storm out. It's the only way. Keep your eyes on the prize, which is to no longer engage in an unhealthy relationship. Which is exactly what you are doing. Thanks FusionCutter. I'll remained focus on the reason and prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patna Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 It was my birthday last week. Exactly the same thing happened to me. Lots of memories of years gone by with xMM, especially last year. I am still feeling wretched. One thing I do know... this will pass. You have to just go day by day and probably next week it will be better. Commiserations, Poppy. Hey Poppy, saw your thread last week but was feeling too lousy about myself to be able to encourage you. Actually today is my 1 year Dday (his wife found out about us) anniversary too. He never left me, but things had never been the same since his Dday, and it always mark a sad period for me. At least this year for Christmas and New Year, we can start afresh with our own lives, living for ourselves. Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Patna, allow yourself to grieve today if you want. Even relive some of the memories if you want to. Get it out of your system and tomorrow you will start feeling better. It's a week since my bday today and I do feel back to normal... whatever that is.LOL Commiserations and Hugs to you too. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
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