Women 30+ how do you meet guys to date?

[writergal]

ES, I'm 43 and although I'm doing OLD (ugh), I really have tried to be more social than normal. I think the best way to meet people to date is to go offline and socialize as much as possible, in whatever way you can.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Where do you live that you aren't able to meet any men that aren't unattached? Ever try Meetup.com, they have scheduled gatherings of all kinds depending on your interests. If you're a movie buff, there's "Dinner and a Movie Meetup", if you're an outdoor enthusiasts, there may likely be events scheduled for kayaking, hiking, camping, etc.

 

The list goes on. Just something to consider, but yeah, it sucks...my parents met at the beach. My dad parked next to her and her sister, and the rest is history. :-)

 

Thing is though, a lot of women aren't open to being approached stranger vs. stranger due to the anxiety of being approached by someone you don't know can be off-putting and a chance is never given.

 

 

And I must stress that I don't mean OLD/tinder or similar.

 

I just don't meet any single guys. I have friends from work that are married/seriously coupled and I socialize with them but they hang out at each other's houses. I kept hoping they will eventually bring a single friend or something but it hasn't happened.

 

In the last 8 months, I met a total of 2 single guys. One from work that I went on a few dates with and then it went nowhere. The other guy was his friend who I wasn't attracted to.

 

If I meet 2 single guys per year how the hell am I ever supposed to find anyone I click with? This seems to be about consistent with pretty much every year since I turned 30. This is across 2 different cities too. It just depresses me that I never catch a break of meeting someone naturally.

 

I meet plenty of guys I click with that are not single and I feel really depressed at how easier my life would be if they were.

 

I can't help but think that time has passed me by and in mid-20s when there were still plenty of options, I focused on school and career.

 

Singles 30-40, especially women: how many age appropriate single men do you meet in a given year? (without OLD).

[LookAtThisPOst]

I do marathons, ultramarathons, triathlons, and adventure races.

There are a lot of 30s, 40's, and older single men participating in those.

 

I still have pretty good luck meeting about life and through friends, though I am just in my 30's.

 

You know what's strange? I know a mid-40's hardcore marathon runner that's on POF. She's very pretty, and I find it hard to believe she doesn't meet men at all these runs.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Same city as you, plus FL in the winter and I find the same thing.

 

I think demographics play quite a role as well. There are simply far fewer people in the 30-40 age range than there are in the boomer or Millennial age range. We are the skipped, oddball generation. Not many of us to begin with and it does seem like they are all married or LTR, as I had also been.

 

Same here...sure, I can hit on the cute 21 year old cashiers and Borders Bookstore clerks and have my fun with them, as they are either unwed mothers to redneck on-and-off ex/boyfriends, lol or people old enough to be AARP card carrying members.

[FitChick]

How about charities where they need volunteers? This is Christmas season and you'd meet a man who is less selfish and interested in helping others. I'd suggest animal rescue places but I've noticed they attractf mainly women and lesbians.

 

Comic Kathy Griffin found her much younger boyfriend at a wine tasting. Maybe take a cooking class geared toward singles or a specific specialty food, like sushi making or baking.

 

Shop in the men's department of an upmarket store, pretending you are looking to buy something for your brother or father for Christmas and solicit opinions and advice regarding quality or sizing. "I don't have a boyfriend who I could ask..."

Edited December 11, 2014 by FitChick

[LookAtThisPOst]

How about charities where they need volunteers? This is Christmas season and you'd meet a man who is less selfish and interested in helping others. I'd suggest animal rescue places but I've noticed they attractf mainly women and lesbians.

 

Ditto, though it's a great cause, you rarely see single men doing much volunteer work with animals.

[GravityMan]

Your "resting face" matters quite a bit; it goes a long way towards determining how approachable you are. (That's true for both women and men.) You want to come across as warm, open and friendly in a way that doesn't feel forced. Keep your spine, though.

 

I think if someone's in a good mood and happy with her life, it naturally shows through her facial expression and how she (or he) carries herself. The person exudes a positive energy and that draws in others like bees to honey. Especially if she enjoys socializing and being around other people. She or he may not even be thinking about dating or meeting people...yet she happens to naturally meet new people all the time and with little effort.

 

I've noticed that those who have a pleasant and positive demeanor are less likely to be single for long periods of time...both men and women.

 

And yeah, put yourself out there and do activities you enjoy or find interesting with other people. The idea is to increase your "visibility" as much as you feel comfortable doing. Expand your social circle. Avoid singles groups.

[JuneJulySeptember]

For me, big, HUGE difference between early and late 30s.

 

When you get to your late 30s and early 40s, yes most of what women consider the better options will be taken and married.

 

Do you want kids?

 

If you do, then you might pick the best available option. If not, then you can hold out forever.

Edited December 11, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[FitChick]

Take ballroom dancing lessons.

[d0nnivain]

Here's a strategy I read in a book. I think it was Why Men Love Bitches but I could be wrong about the title.

 

Anyway, to meet good guys, get together with several GF's & have a party. At least 3-5 women should be invited but there si no real maximum # other than what is dictated by the space of the host's home.

 

Every woman has to bring a great single man to the party but he has to be a guy she already knows, isn't interested in & doesn't want to date but is otherwise a fantastic guy. She needs to bring the guy she friend-zoned for whatever reason. Woman can also bring their brothers, cousins, etc. EXs are to be avoided.

 

Then you have a party. With a small group it could be a dinner party. For more than 10--12 you have a cocktail party.

 

As a woman you are helping your good buddy meet new women & you know that every man in the room has been vouched for by at least one woman there. It's low pressure. Worse comes to worse, you spend some time talking to your buddy (the guy you brought).

[LookAtThisPOst]

Every woman has to bring a great single man to the party but he has to be a guy she already knows, isn't interested in & doesn't want to date but is otherwise a fantastic guy. She needs to bring the guy she friend-zoned for whatever reason.

 

Great theory, but I hardly ever see women willing to be a "wing woman" to a man. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've seen it happen, but it's not common.

It's like if a woman isn't willing to date you herself (she friendzoned you), she has pretty much surmised that she won't think you're suitable for her friends either.

She lumps her own social circle of female single friends into her category.

[clia]

Great theory, but I hardly ever see women willing to be a "wing woman" to a man. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've seen it happen, but it's not common.

It's like if a woman isn't willing to date you herself (she friendzoned you), she has pretty much surmised that she won't think you're suitable for her friends either.

She lumps her own social circle of female single friends into her category.

 

This isn't true at all. In fact, I set up one of my good friends from graduate school with one of my good friends from undergraduate school, and they are now happily married with kids. I thought he was a great guy, but he just wasn't the one for me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This isn't true at all. In fact, I set up one of my good friends from graduate school with one of my good friends from undergraduate school, and they are now happily married with kids. I thought he was a great guy, but he just wasn't the one for me.

 

I said it does happen, but I don't see it happen often. I've at most had friends introduce me to their other female single friends, but it was only coincidence that they had been there anyway. Women who friendzoned men aren't really into even being a friend to the guy since she was aware he had a romantic interest in her initially.

[angel.eyes]

This isn't true at all. In fact, I set up one of my good friends from graduate school with one of my good friends from undergraduate school, and they are now happily married with kids. I thought he was a great guy, but he just wasn't the one for me.

 

Exactly. If he's a great guy, but I'm just not interested, I'll introduce him to others. My best friend is married to a guy I met shortly after I finished grad school. I wasn't interested when he tried to progress things from friends to dating, but I thought they would be perfect together. They were! Of course, if some random guy cold approaches me and I'm not interested, I'm not about to introduce him to my friends. If I suggest someone, my friends know they can trust my judgement.

 

My friends have done the same for me after breakups...they swoop in immediately and drag me to group dinners with their male friends.

[LookAtThisPOst]

if some random guy cold approaches me and I'm not interested, I'm not about to introduce him to my friends.

 

Why not? Strangers are friends you haven't met yet. ;-) Most friends I know of course are all married or coupled up and don't know anyone that's single. So it's moot in my situation.

[angel.eyes]

So your own friends and relatives refuse to set you up, but you expect perfect strangers who know nothing about you to roll out the red carpet and give you the grand tour of all their friends?

 

Alrighty. Run with that!

[Imported]

So your own friends and relatives refuse to set you up, but you expect perfect strangers who know nothing about you to roll out the red carpet and give you the grand tour of all their friends?

 

Alrighty. Run with that!

 

Cause they dont know better yet.....

[LookAtThisPOst]

So your own friends and relatives refuse to set you up, but you expect perfect strangers who know nothing about you to roll out the red carpet and give you the grand tour of all their friends?

 

Alrighty. Run with that!

 

No, they don't "refuse" as you so exaggeratedly put it, they just don't know many that are single. Also, strangers are friends you haven't met yet...have to start somewhere, right?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Reading all these posts, I think that my main problem is that I have NO single women friends.

 

My friends are either married men or married women (or seriously coupled). These people are nice and I enjoy spending time with them but ultimately they have zero desire to hang out at places that attract single people. They never want to go to lounges or bars and they generally want to be in bed by 10pm.

 

I know that the answer is to force myself to be more outgoing (sigh) and go to places and make new friends etc. That's not what I want to do though. I don't understand why I have to go out of my way and force myself to go to meet-ups and invent hobbies that I don't even have just to meet guys. Shouldn't it just happen? I don't get why it's so hard for me and why I don't get even one coincidental meeting that leads to something. I know many other introverted people that didn't need to do all that to meet someone.

 

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Reading all these posts, I think that my main problem is that I have NO single women friends.

 

My friends are either married men or married women (or seriously coupled). These people are nice and I enjoy spending time with them but ultimately they have zero desire to hang out at places that attract single people. They never want to go to lounges or bars and they generally want to be in bed by 10pm.

 

I know that the answer is to force myself to be more outgoing (sigh) and go to places and make new friends etc. That's not what I want to do though. I don't understand why I have to go out of my way and force myself to go to meet-ups and invent hobbies that I don't even have just to meet guys. Shouldn't it just happen? I don't get why it's so hard for me and why I don't get even one coincidental meeting that leads to something. I know many other introverted people that didn't need to do all that to meet someone.

 

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

Hate to tell you this, Eternal Sunshine, there'll likely be a defining moment when you'll wind up having to go to organized/scheduled events to meet others.

 

I was just like you, the very last of my single friends were no longer single anymore and that was that....my social life wound up lacking so I had to Google "Things to do in <name of city>" and that's where I came across Meetup. Why devoid yourself the opportunity by sitting at home on a Sat. night when you could be out having fun?

 

I'm guessing you're doing online dating , Eternal Sunshine?

[d0nnivain]

. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

It can be.

 

Try going to industry related events. Attend a medical conference. Go to something another department in your hospital or university is having.

 

Do you eat in your lab every day? Stop. At least 1-2x per week make the effort to eat in the cafeteria, outside on a bench or at the local deli. These are small steps you can take to not isolate yourself while remaining true to your core purpose.

 

Depending on your area of medical research volunteer for the charity most connected to the disease / condition you are trying to cure. Serving on aboard like that will expose you to more people & expand your circle.

[veggirl]

Happy Hour. Go to a classy / nice bar for happy hour by yourself. I see professional and presumably single men (at least plenty w/o a ring!!) at happy hour ALL THE TIME.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It can be.

 

Try going to industry related events. Attend a medical conference. Go to something another department in your hospital or university is having.

 

Do you eat in your lab every day? Stop. At least 1-2x per week make the effort to eat in the cafeteria, outside on a bench or at the local deli. These are small steps you can take to not isolate yourself while remaining true to your core purpose.

 

Depending on your area of medical research volunteer for the charity most connected to the disease / condition you are trying to cure. Serving on aboard like that will expose you to more people & expand your circle.

 

Doctor Without Borders?

[nofeelings22]

Reading all these posts, I think that my main problem is that I have NO single women friends.

 

My friends are either married men or married women (or seriously coupled). These people are nice and I enjoy spending time with them but ultimately they have zero desire to hang out at places that attract single people. They never want to go to lounges or bars and they generally want to be in bed by 10pm.

 

I know that the answer is to force myself to be more outgoing (sigh) and go to places and make new friends etc. That's not what I want to do though. I don't understand why I have to go out of my way and force myself to go to meet-ups and invent hobbies that I don't even have just to meet guys. Shouldn't it just happen? I don't get why it's so hard for me and why I don't get even one coincidental meeting that leads to something. I know many other introverted people that didn't need to do all that to meet someone.

 

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

OMG.... THIS!!!!!!!

 

Exactly!

 

I am so busy running 2 businesses right now I don't have enough free time to pretend I like really lame hobbies.

 

I like sailing. I like snowboarding. I like traveling. Kite surfing looks pretty fun.

 

The other stuff seems super boring. I also ENJOY staying in on Saturday nights in many ways. It's one of the few times I can get any peace in life. I just got back from a straight week of partying and not sleeping at Art Basel with early 20's girls in South Beach. Shared my room with 3 of them, a 4th was my actual love interest that got a little sketchy as I tried to ramp it up in seriousness. Did have a fantastic 48 hour date with her though and thankfully the other girls stayed out well past dawn (thank you Space Miami after hours) allowing my love interest and I the bed all night. After all that, this old man can't wait to stay in this weekend.

 

But these meetup are bound to be filled with social types. I prefer focused partners who pair bond. Plus,have you seen the pictures of the attendees at these meet up things???? Yikes

Edited December 12, 2014 by nofeelings22

[carhill]

OP, it's probably pretty normal to have mostly married/LTR'd friends at your age, as most people are in such familial situations in their 30's. Depending on your demographic, you may start to see the first round of divorces coming through, ramping up the single men a bit; however, it is pretty typical for divorcing people to jump into, at minimum, short-term relationships, so timing is important.

 

Being so focused on an intellectual and relatively esoteric life work as medical research, generally to the exclusion of all else, if you are a live to work person, will make things more difficult than they might be for a work to live person, meaning you work a job to make money to do other things in life. In your case, the focus is on your job and other matters in life are apparently secondary. IMO, in order to find a successful LTR at your age, you'll want to widen your scope of life pursuits into a more socially-focused milieu.

 

One 'how' is, since you can do medical research anywhere in the world, relocating to a demographic with a surplus of men, as a surplus of single men is bound to follow. Where I live, you'd have been in a LTR or married long ago. There simply aren't any childless, unmarried women in their 30's around. The only example I have out of my social circle of a woman who isn't married is one your age, recently divorced, who has three kids and currently is not interested in any LTR's. There is a lineup of men waiting for her to change her mind and she's not a medical scientist like you are, rather simply a parts clerk at a blue collar business. Great lady, stable, and reliable. One of those head-turners, ya know. When she's ready, there will be plenty of eligible bachelors, divorced guys and a few married guys vying for her attention. That's what a surplus of men does.

 

You could meet men like the perennial never-married guy in our social circle, a white collar professional like yourself, at court where he volunteers as a special advocate for children, or at church, or on the golf course, or at any number of destinations relevant to the telecommunications industry. If your interests ran more to the pedestrian, you'd have no trouble meeting any of my single car friends, also many being white collar professionals, at car shows, club runs and vintage/antique car auctions. Think guys like Jay Leno, except not married for decades. When my exW and I were dating, she commented on the sea of single testosterone flowing around the car shows I'd take her to. I'll bet if she'd have discovered that earlier, we'd never have met and she would have married someone else. Again, it's all about timing. Right place at right time.

 

Lastly, you have choices. You can let it happen. The main reason my male friend has never married is because he's picky and can apparently never relax enough and choose to let it happen. As a woman, in most social circles, you are in an enviable position; as long as you appear to be approachable and men can determine you are single, they will approach you. Of course, very few will be compatible but that's OK. All you have to do is let the 'get to know' process happen. Say 'yes' instead of finding reasons to say 'no'. Either is a choice.

 

Merry Christmas and remember gifts come in all sorts of packages.