Women 30+ how do you meet guys to date?

[genuinelyloverly7]

Reading all these posts, I think that my main problem is that I have NO single women friends.

 

My friends are either married men or married women (or seriously coupled). These people are nice and I enjoy spending time with them but ultimately they have zero desire to hang out at places that attract single people. They never want to go to lounges or bars and they generally want to be in bed by 10pm.

 

I know that the answer is to force myself to be more outgoing (sigh) and go to places and make new friends etc. That's not what I want to do though. I don't understand why I have to go out of my way and force myself to go to meet-ups and invent hobbies that I don't even have just to meet guys. Shouldn't it just happen? I don't get why it's so hard for me and why I don't get even one coincidental meeting that leads to something. I know many other introverted people that didn't need to do all that to meet someone.

 

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

 

Being a mid-30's single person as well (with one friend, and she is long married and in the house!!!), I understand all of the complications that come with that, and the added complication to our social life when we are passionate about our goals. Buuuut….. I feel like if you don't have time to meet someone, how are you going to have time to work on building a relationship? How are you going to have the time and mental energy to create the bond we are all looking for? I have never been a joiner- I am pretty awesomely self-sufficient in my social needs. But I joined an over 30's soccer team to meet new people (and to get my butt out from behind the computer more; AND because I had gotten into the game from an ex, and really enjoy watching and playing it now, though I can't say how good I am yet.) My point is that you have to put time on the board if you want to get any goals...

[MsSmurf]

Reading all these posts, I think that my main problem is that I have NO single women friends.

 

My friends are either married men or married women (or seriously coupled). These people are nice and I enjoy spending time with them but ultimately they have zero desire to hang out at places that attract single people. They never want to go to lounges or bars and they generally want to be in bed by 10pm.

 

I'm also a single 30s woman and rarely meet age appropriate single men despite how outgoing I am. Like you I also have no decent single women friends and it isn't for lack of trying. I have no problem going out alone and to a variety of things, but men never approach. All my coupled friends say a gal alone is intimidating and it'd help to have a gal pal to play wingwoman or whatever.

 

So I've spent maybe the last 2 years seriously trying to meet women like myself.... 30something, outgoing, working professional, easy going, and fun. Clearly I'm in the minority because every chick I meet that I think might fit the bill turns out to be clingy, has baby daddy/ex drama, bitterly divorced, is painfully introverted, gets drunk and stupid, is broke, flaky, obnoxious, whiny, or refuses to try anything new. Considering how many of these awful women I meet I'm no longer surprised when I hear guys say they can't meet decent women. 5 minutes in and I'm seriously ready to throttle all of them.

 

I know that the answer is to force myself to be more outgoing (sigh) and go to places and make new friends etc. That's not what I want to do though. I don't understand why I have to go out of my way and force myself to go to meet-ups and invent hobbies that I don't even have just to meet guys. Shouldn't it just happen? I don't get why it's so hard for me and why I don't get even one coincidental meeting that leads to something. I know many other introverted people that didn't need to do all that to meet someone.

 

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

I relate to this as well, but I eventually had to accept that despite how passionate I am about my work and interests (not exactly hobbies) I wasn't meeting single men (or single women for that matter) so something had to change. If focusing on the things we love were enough, we'd be happily married already. I have found I enjoy trying new things and sometimes I have a blast at events I expected to bore me to tears.

 

 

If your interests ran more to the pedestrian, you'd have no trouble meeting any of my single car friends, also many being white collar professionals, at car shows, club runs and vintage/antique car auctions. Think guys like Jay Leno, except not married for decades. When my exW and I were dating, she commented on the sea of single testosterone flowing around the car shows I'd take her to. I'll bet if she'd have discovered that earlier, we'd never have met and she would have married someone else. Again, it's all about timing. Right place at right time.

 

Had to chuckle at this because I started mixing car shows into my social calendar maybe 2 years ago and you're right they are crawling with single men (not sure of their ages). The problem? I could be stark naked and they still wouldn't take their eyes off the cars or talk about anything other than cars. While I want a guy that has his own life, I don't want to come second to a hobby or find he's not willing to step outside his box.

[Shining One]

All my coupled friends say a gal alone is intimidating and it'd help to have a gal pal to play wingwoman or whatever.

What exactly is intimidating about a woman out by herself? Heck, the primary purpose of a wingman is to keep the other girl(s) busy.

[clia]

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

I think when people were suggesting things like ballroom dancing, running, etc. they were suggested with the idea that you either might be interested in some of these things (or trying a new thing), or merely as examples for you to fill in your own hobbies and interests. You really don't have any hobbies or interests other than work? If that's truly the case, then you will have to try to meet someone through work, so I second donnivan's suggestions that you go to conferences and other work related networking type events.

 

Meetup.com is also a great way to meet new single girl friends. Look for women's groups aimed at women in their 30s and go to a happy hour or for dinner.

[xxoo]

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

There must be work related networking opportunities. How about your coworkers? Do they find you friendly and charming and someone they'd want to invite to their bbq to meet their single brother?

[carhill]

Had to chuckle at this because I started mixing car shows into my social calendar maybe 2 years ago and you're right they are crawling with single men (not sure of their ages). The problem? I could be stark naked and they still wouldn't take their eyes off the cars or talk about anything other than cars. While I want a guy that has his own life, I don't want to come second to a hobby or find he's not willing to step outside his box.

 

Perhaps times have changed enough that younger men no longer can discern real beauty from metallic beauty; I do know, in my generation, we go to the shows as much to look at the ladies as we do the cars. In fact, promoters traditionally used such tactics to get us to come and see the cars. I still remember vividly the first Playboy playmate I actually talked to, at age 14, yep at a car show. I think I just mumbled And, trust me, when the young gal in the short shorts and plunging top was guiding the dragster back at the track, I wasn't watching the dragster. Sexist stereotypes, perhaps, but that was then. Now the goings on are more pedestrian but a lady leaning over a fender asking some (to us) dumb questions never has those questions go unanswered, especially if she's sporting a bit of cleavage canyon in the lean. It's car show entertainment. Never know where it'll go.

 

And, yes, I've been to races and car shows in Australia, which is where the OP is apparently located. If anything the males are more feral there than here in the US. Quite a randy crowd, IMO. Fun mates.

 

This brings me to another how; give off a 'I like men' vibe. Men like to be liked. When they feel that, their smile widens, their sense of humor ramps up and their feet start moving and all thoughts of carburetors and differential gears and tuneups vacate the premises.

[MsSmurf]

What exactly is intimidating about a woman out by herself? Heck, the primary purpose of a wingman is to keep the other girl(s) busy.

 

I don't get it either. In my younger years I was always surrounded by swarms of friends and I thought that was why guys didn't approach. So as I got older and more confident I just started going where I wanted solo. I'm having just as much fun solo as when with friends and am very approachable, yet its the guys hovering in their groups being antisocial or just not out period. I'm not fiddling on my phone or anything either. I'm smiling, talking to strangers, and having a good time and perhaps that is what is intimidating? The fact that I don't need a man (or friends) to enjoy myself? That doesn't mean I don't want one geez!

[JuneJulySeptember]

Reading all these posts, I think that my main problem is that I have NO single women friends.

 

My friends are either married men or married women (or seriously coupled). These people are nice and I enjoy spending time with them but ultimately they have zero desire to hang out at places that attract single people. They never want to go to lounges or bars and they generally want to be in bed by 10pm.

 

I know that the answer is to force myself to be more outgoing (sigh) and go to places and make new friends etc. That's not what I want to do though. I don't understand why I have to go out of my way and force myself to go to meet-ups and invent hobbies that I don't even have just to meet guys. Shouldn't it just happen? I don't get why it's so hard for me and why I don't get even one coincidental meeting that leads to something. I know many other introverted people that didn't need to do all that to meet someone.

 

I don't have random hobbies. I am extremly passionate and focused on my carrer in medical research. I don't care about running or ballroom dancing. Why can't being me just be enough, you know?

 

How old are you?

 

You are not asking "How do I meet men to date?" For you, looking at your pics, no matter your age, that is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

What you (and all other women who have the same question) are asking is, "How do I find men who are attractive enough to date?"

 

I really think that the older women get, the less attractive they become (not to me per se, but society). So your chances of snagging a man at a high level goes down with each year. Some of the men who wanted you when you were younger were probably your best options.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean. I have the same problem as you where meeting people through my friends is closed off because they are settled. So, I have to resort to OLD. The only difference is I have ZERO options, let alone ones who aren't attractive enough or incompatible.

 

Frustrating.

 

My advice to women in your situation would be to carefully consider your options and think about whether a man near the top of the list would make a good husband, is he a good man, etc? If not, then look for another guy to put at the top.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Good point. If you're living an area that's geographically undesirable...i.e.- small town/city.

 

I'm reminded of an earlier posts that ties into this one in a sense... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/504605-old-why-some-people-never-leave

 

They never leave because they aren't finding the men....they find attractive. Most women will leave that part off when declaring their dating situation publicly, even in an anonymous message board for the sake of sounding shallow.

 

But, as a man, I'm on the other end of the spectrum, I'm the kind of guy in the area most of the aforementioned women like the OP don't want to date or don't reply to. Most of these women are "new in town", some kid free, just got out of a divorce...moved from a big city to an area to be closer to family or after a big divorce or had a job opportunity and realized after a few months of living here everyone at the grocery store, watering hole, or just out in public have a ring on their finger or seriously co-habitating.

 

Thus they resort to online dating where there's likely a "speckle" of those in the same category...but not someone attractive enough for them to date.

 

Unfortunately, the kind of men they seek are already married off ...usually to the person that was their high school prom date. So they are stuck in limbo and become long time users of these online dating sites. Some may even have regretted moving away from the big city and winding up in a Green Acres kind of town. Yet they still stick to their unrealistic expectations. Granted, there are some Jerry Springer candidates on these dating sites where I live with at least some kind of "bar room brawl" on their jail record, so I can understand how some may be undesirable...its a given.

 

Even finding platonic friends may be difficult for them as well as most are in marriages with no time away from their families nor desire to be sociable beyond their next door neighbors.

 

 

 

 

How old are you?

 

You are not asking "How do I meet men to date?" For you, looking at your pics, no matter your age, that is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

What you (and all other women who have the same question) are asking is, "How do I find men who are attractive enough to date?"

 

I really think that the older women get, the less attractive they become (not to me per se, but society). So your chances of snagging a man at a high level goes down with each year. Some of the men who wanted you when you were younger were probably your best options.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean. I have the same problem as you where meeting people through my friends is closed off because they are settled. So, I have to resort to OLD. The only difference is I have ZERO options, let alone ones who aren't attractive enough or incompatible.

 

Frustrating.

 

My advice to women in your situation would be to carefully consider your options and think about whether a man near the top of the list would make a good husband, is he a good man, etc? If not, then look for another guy to put at the top.

Edited December 13, 2014 by LookAtThisPOst

[JuneJulySeptember]

One good thing about being older and out of the 20s/early 30s dating scene is that I'm not constantly reminded of how women want good looking guys and my better looking friends. Dealing with terrible women at bars. Getting blown off at parties.

 

It was rejection in quantity and on top of that women throwing themselves at better looking men (or at least saying they wanted them).

 

That is one good thing about being older. I rarely have to deal with that these days. Sure, the pool of available women my age has shrunk, but the brutal competitive dating scene of the 20s to mid 30s is gone.

 

It's almost like a boring, but serene calm. That is one thing I sometimes gloss over.

[skydiveaddict]

 

If I meet 2 single guys per year how the hell am I ever supposed to find anyone I click with?

 

Start skydiving. I promise you will meet more single dudes in one afternoon than you have in the past year.